Reached Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Reached jokes. There are some reached ended jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these reached moved puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Laughable Reached Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

Men's Helpline

Men's Helpline

"Hello, you have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"

"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

Bad News

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

The First Night of the Honeymoon

The groom and bride had finally reached their honeymoon suite and both were eager to consummate the marriage as quickly as possible. The groom was a huge man, over 6'6" tall and 250 solid pounds of muscle. The bride a beautiful and diminutive woman.

The groom looked at his beautiful bride, took off his pants and threw them at her feet. "Put those on." He ordered.

She gave him a bewildered expression, but attempted to do as he asked. "They're too big, they won't stay on." She exclaimed.

"That's right, just remember who wears the pants in this family."

She gave him a narrow look and removed her pants and threw them at his feet. "Put those on." She ordered.

The groom could not even get his big toe into his wife's pants. "I.. I can't get into them." He stated struggling.

She declared back: "That's right and until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to be."

Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The Paddy replied, "These are Carols".

My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.

Just this morning she said "is that the best you can do?".

Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!

Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back

Reached joke, Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!

A preacher is reaching....

...the end of his sermon. He tells the congregation "Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It ties into my sermon" A week passes. The preacher reached the pulpit and asked "How many of you read Leviticus chapter 28?" Everyone raised their hands. The preacher looked and said "Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 28th chapter to Leviticus. Now let me start my sermon on lying."

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'

The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

So a blonde died and went to Heaven.

God was at the gate and said to her, "Before entering, you will see 10 angels, and each one of them will tell you a joke. If you manage to not laugh at all, you may enter."

The blonde walked up to the first angel, listened to the joke and did not laugh.

She then went to the second and again did not laugh.

This happened every time and she finally reached to the last angel.

When the last angel was at the middle of the joke, the blonde started laughing REALLY HARD.

The angel then asked, "Woah, is my joke really that funny?"

The Blonde, laughing non-stop, said, "No... I JUST GOT THE FIRST JOKE!"

You can explore reached leapt reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean reached achieve dad jokes. There are also reached puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What did Cinderella say when she reached the ball?

Nothing, she just made gagging noises

It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow.

Monday.

Two men arguing

I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.

One guy pushed the other and said, "Four, nine."

The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five."

A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."

A man was walking down the street when he heard a distant voice say, "Climb the ladder to success."

The man then noticed a ladder leaning up against the building to his right. Again, he heard the voice: "Climb the ladder to success." The man shrugged and began to climb. The voice kept repeating itself and grew louder as the man approached the top. "Climb the ladder to success." Finally, the man reached the top of the building, where he found a fully naked man. "Hi, I'm Sess."

I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said:

"You have reached the end of you free trial membership at BenjaminFranklinQuotes.com."

Reached joke, I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said:

An old lady shot her husband on the foot ...

An old lady shot her husband in the foot for stepping on the floor right after she mopped.
An officer reached on the scene and radioed into the station.
Station: "Has the women been arrested ? "
Officer: "No, the floor is still wet ...."

"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"

A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.


'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'

And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

The Dying Man and the Cookies

An old man was on his death bed and had less than a day to live. As he lay there reflecting on his life, he smelled his favorite cookies in the kitchen. So using his last bit of will and effort, he dragged himself out of bed and crawled to the kitchen for a cookie. He sat down at the table and reached for one when his wife popped his hand with a wooden spoon: "Don't touch it! Those are for your funeral!"

I was at the doctors office the other day...

So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some asshole's got my pen."

Did you hear about the woman who ordered a double entendre at the bar?

The bartender reached under the bar whipped it out and gave it to her

My daughter reached that age where they start asking embarrassing questions about sex

The last one was "is that all you got?"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all on their way to heaven

One day, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were on their way to heaven.

God told them that there were 1,000 stairs to reach heaven, and on every stair he would tell them a joke. If they laughed, or even just smiled, they would not make it into heaven.

The redhead managed to make it to the 45th step before laughing.

The brunette reached 200 and cracked a smile.

The blonde made it all the way to the 999th step and burst out in laughter before God had even told his joke.

"Why are you laughing when I haven't even told my joke yet?" God asked the Blonde.

"I just got the first one!" she answered.

A man was invited to a wedding

When he reached the hotel, he found two doors with two signs written

1. Bride Relatives

2. Groom Relatives

He entered the groom's door and and found another two doors

1. Ladies

2. Men

He entered the Men's door and found two more doors

1. People with gifts

2. People without gifts

He entered the second door (people without gifts) and found himself outside of the hotel premises

Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"

Reached joke, Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity

Ma and Pa were rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for?

Ma said for knowing the difference.

There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God

and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."

God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"

The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."

A Man named McMurphy is accused of robbing a bank...

On the last day of his trial, the foreman of the jury stands up.

"Have you reached a verdict?" asked the judge.

"We have your honor..." replied the foreman. "Not guilty!"

"Excellent!" shouted McMurphy "Does that mean i get to keep the money?"

What do you call a rat that has reached enlightenment?

A Buddha-Pest

When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".

When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.

"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.

"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".

A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.

The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.

"Why would you want to get cyanide?"

The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."

The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."

Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"

A German was going to a trip in France...

He reached passport control and the officer asked:

"Name?"

"Hans Kleiner"

"Age?"

"31"

"Occupation?"

"No no, just visiting"

I was at dinner with my girlfriends family

She said "Pass the salt, daddy".

It got really awkward when her father and I both reached for it...

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"

"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.

90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Three drunk guys enter a Taxi

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "we have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him the money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was very shocked thinking the 3rd drunkard knew what he did. But then he asked "what was that for?" The 3rd guy replied, " Control yourspeed next time, you nearly killed us!

Hugh Hefner Peacefully Passed Away From Natural Causes Today.

Playmate Natural Causes could not be reached for comment.

Jewish Judge

Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, HONEST Jewish Judge faced the opposing lawyers.

"So, the Judge said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers became uncomfortable.

" You, attorney John, gave me $ 50,000 and you, attorney Sam, gave me $ 60,000."

The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $ 10,000, He handed it to attorney Sam and said...

"Now that I'm returning $ 10,000, we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.

A lawyer died at 40 and reached pearly gates

He complained to St. Peter "It is unfair! Why I had to die at young age. I was just 40".

St. Peter Replied "We decided to count billable hours. According to that you are 90."

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

With a very seductive voice, a wife asked her husband, Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?

No said her husband. She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons, reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $20 note.

She then asked Have you ever seen $50 all crumpled up? No, I haven't he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She seductively unzipped her skirt and pulled out a crumpled $50 note.

Now she said. Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up? No way! he panted, becoming even more excited,

She said Look in the garage.

Did you hear about the guy who reached absolute zero?

Don't worry, he's 0K!

I was by my friends side when he died on a trail in the woods. With his last ounce of strength he reached out and put the necklace he wore everywhere in my hands. The look on his face was desperate and serious, he really wanted me to have it...

And that's why I wear this epipen around my neck.

Really drunk people?

3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third guy suddenly slapped the driver. The driver was shocked; he was wondering if the third guy could see through his dishonesty. He then asked What was that for? The third guy, with a furious face yelled Control your speed next time you almost killed us!

A man was invited to a wedding...

A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:

1. Bride's relatives
2. Groom's relatives

He entered the groom's door and found two doors again:

1. Ladies
2. Men

He entered the men's door and found two doors again:

1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts

He entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.

How many seconds in a year joke

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in

Drunk taxi.

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The
taxi driver knew that they were
drunk so he started the engine
& turned it off again. Then
said,"We have reached your
destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said
"Thank you". The 3rd guy
slapped the driver. The driver
was shocked thinking the 3rd
drunk knew what he did. But
then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied,
"Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us

An off duty soldier took a train.

When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'

The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.

When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.

' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'

A little boy was in a relative's wedding.

As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"

A guy comes home with two black eyes.

A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her butt crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.

He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.

He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.

Jesus crucified on the cross yelled out Peter's name

Peter! Peter! Peter!

Peter wasn't allowed to go near the cross by the soldiers, so with great difficulty he fought them all off.

With tears in his eyes eventually he reached the cross and joined both his hands,
"What is it my lord?"

"Peter, i can see the roof of your house."

3 drunk guys entered a taxi.

The driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine, turn it off again and said "We reached your
destination."

The first guy gave him money.

The second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too, while the third guy slapped the taxi driver.

The driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did, the driver asked "What was that for?"

The third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us."

An off-duty soldier is riding the train.

When the train reaches its first stop a general walks in and the soldier stood up.

"At ease soldier, sit down.", said the general.

The train reached its second stop and again the soldier stood up.

The general once again said, "At ease soldier, sit down."

The train reached its third stop and again the soldier stood up.

The general said, "You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop."

• ⁠


The soldier said, "I'm trying to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago."

A man went to the doctor for a routine checkup

He was generally well, just thought it was a good idea to check in. The doctor, however, immediately reached for the covid swab.

"I'm going to test you for Covid19" the Doctor said.

"But I'm well, no complaints, why would you do that?" Replied the man.

"Well..." The doctor started, his gaze narrowing. "Loss of taste is a known symptom of the virus, and you're wearing Crocs."

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed

At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong honey?"

"Daddy, where's my booger?"

Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop

Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each one being worked on by a different barber, not one word was spoken. When the barbers finished shaving, the barber that had Trump reached for the aftershave. Trump quickly stopped him saying: No thanks, Melania will smell that and think I've been in a brothel. The second barber turned to Biden and said, How about you, Mr. Biden? Joe replied, Go ahead, Jill doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.

Once an American, a French and an Indian were travelling in an airplane.

To find out where they have reached, the American stretched his hand out of the plane and said, "We have reached America".

The other two asked how for which he replied,"Well my hand hit the Statue of Liberty".

Next the French stretches his hand out and said,"We have reached France".

The other two asks how for which he replied,"Well my hand hit the Eiffel Tower".

Then the Indian puts his hand out of the plane and said, "We have reached India".

The other two asks how and he replied, "Well someone stole my watch".

A blind man was walking down the street

A blind man was walking down the street with his dog.
They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic.

The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog.

A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed.

The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."

Ray has just reached his 110th birthday. A reporter comes to his birthday party and says, Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to be so old? Ray replies, It's easy. The secret is never to argue with anyone.

The reporter is not impressed. That's insane! he says. It has to be something else – diet, meditation, or 'something.' Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 110 years! Ray looks at the reporter and says, Y'know, maybe you're right.

I was on a date with this girl I found on tinder

I reached the cafe early. She came a little later. Like a gentleman, I helped her sit by pulling her stool. When she seemed comfortable I asked, "Can I push your stool in ?"

She : "Let's see how this date goes first"

A friend of mine went to take the vaccine for covid yesterday

After getting vaccinated, his vision was blurred and when he reached home, he called the hospital that gave him the vaccine for advice asking if he should be hospitalized.

The hospital told him to come back and collect his glasses

My friend Jack …

… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.


Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!


Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!

An american comes back to the old country and is trying to explain his childhood friend what america is all about. "I jump in my truck in the morning and drive all day, and by night I still have not reached the other side of my farm"

"I know, I got a car just like that"

I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.

Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.

"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."

"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or from anywhere else as well?"

"Well," she dimpled, "there's only one way to find out."

"Of course!" I said, and took out my phone. "Hey, Google..."

My wife and I have given a lot of thought on this...

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Daddy's gonna eat your fingers.

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

Freaked out when I got to the cemetery

and the GPS said you have reached your final destination.

A Doctor, a Lawyer, and a Meteorologist are at a bar.

At some point later that night they reached a 2nd bar. The meteorologist turned and looked at the doctor and lawyer saying; this is too much pressure for me right now.

Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens

They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.

A verdict has been reached in the Jussie Smollett trial.

I hope he doesn't beat himself up over this, again.

A man comes home from church with two black eyes.

His wife takes one look at him and exclaims, "how in the world did you get two black eyes at church!?"

"Well" the man answers, "When we stood up to pray, i noticed that the woman in front of me had the back of her dress tucked in to her pantyhoes. I didn't want to embarrass her by telling her, so i reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"

"that explains one black eye" said his wife, " so how did you get the other one?"

"I thought she must have wanted it there so i put it back!"

A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years

One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground

"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner

"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers

A farmer and his new bride

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, "That's once."

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer said, "That's twice."

After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."

The farmer said, "That's once." ( had to repost,missed the first half the first time.)

Two coworkers chat in the dining room

A: "Hey, you know what I did the other day? I found the courage to finally walk into the bosses office and assertively ask for a raise."

B:"Wow, really? How did it go?"

A:"We've reached a compromise. My pay doesn't change and in return I can keep my job."

I accidentally dropped my dog's poo bag down a hole in the ground.

I heard some water splash when it reached the bottom. It was so far down now! Well, crap!

We were changing shifts at the fish sticks factory at the grinder station....

I was at the end of my shift, spattered with oily fish gore, and had my hand in the corkscrew feeder trying to pull a stick bit of bone out. My coworker, in his fresh beginning of shift uniform, reached in to help and his dry cotton sleeve caught and he was pulled in to a gruesome death. As I stood there watching in horror I thought to myself...

There but for the grease of Cod go I…

Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return….

…..and returned.

When the young husband reached home from the office he found his wife in tears.

"Oh, John," she sobbed on his shoulder. "I had baked a lovely cake and put it out on the back porch for the frosting to dry and the dog ate it!"

"Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart," he consoled, patting the pretty flushed cheek. "I know a man who will give us another dog."

​

Source: 1913 newspaper

I failed Calculus when we reached differentials...

I guess I should have known my limits. I could barely derive anything from what the teacher taught us.

A blonde was visiting the zoo and reached the big cat exhibit.

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"I wonder what these tigers would say if they could talk," she said to the man next to her.

He replied, "I'm pretty sure they'd say 'We are leopards.'".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the reached began puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working reached stood piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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