Reach Jokes
104 reach jokes and hilarious reach puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reach that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with the funniest reach jokes! From jokes about arriving fashionably late to jokes about touching and overtaking, these clever jokes will have you in stitches. Read on to see our collection of the best reach jokes!
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Funniest Reach Short Jokes
Short reach jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reach humour may include short peak jokes also.
- A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"Name?"
"Hans Kleiner"
"Age?"
"31"
"Occupation?"
"No no, just visiting" - George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity Just like one of his characters.
(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying) - Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario: Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.
- A verdict has been reached in the Jussie Smollett trial. I hope he doesn't beat himself up over this, again.
- I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder. He said the steaks were too high.
- Two men are discussing how they'll reach a lightbulb that needs to be changed. Man 1: would you like the ladder or the step stool?
Man 2: I prefer the ladder.
Man 1: ok, step stool it is. - fasting isn't expected of Muslims until they reach puberty. This means that absolutely all Muslim children... ...grow up to fast
- I shook hands with my Congressman yesterday... I didn't mean to, I was just reaching for my wallet.
- I think my friend is lying when he claimed he reached the top of Mount Everest last year. I'm not sure if…he made it up.
- i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it's destination? projectile dysfunction
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Reach One Liners
Which reach one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reach? I can suggest the ones about scope and arrival.
- Once, chuck norris reached a point of no return…. …..and returned.
- Why should you always post jokes in American English? They can reach a wider audience.
- What do you call a girl who's preventing you from reaching your goal? A keeper
- How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up? The rest of your life.
- When women reach a certain age they start accumulating cats This is known as many paws
- Why did the winter solstice bring a ladder to the party? To "reach" new heights of fun.
- Escalator Literature. a step by step guide to reaching new levels
- What do you call a rat that has reached enlightenment? A Buddha-Pest
- My wife can't reach the towels. I set the bar pretty high.
- If two alligators have reach an agreement... ... do they have a crocodeal?
- If you take highways to reach places, what do you use to leave places? A byeway.
- Why do people cheer when they reach the Finland border? It's the Finnish line.
- How do you reach OJ Simpson's website? Slash / slash / backslash \ ESCape
- What's the speed limit in bed? It's 68. Once you reach 69 you gotta turn around.
- How did the dwarf reach the cookies on top of the fridge? He Imp-provised.
Reach Around Jokes
Here is a list of funny reach around jokes and even better reach around puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many sopranos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Six - one to try and reach the socket, and the other five to stand around saying that its too high for her.
- British scientists have created a new high-tech material that reaches peak performance around 5pm They called it Tea-timeium.
Reach Speeds Jokes
Here is a list of funny reach speeds jokes and even better reach speeds puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight... Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight. Lady asked which would be faster. I said the swordfish can reach speeds up to 60mph, shark 42mph...
Heartwarming Reach Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about reach you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean achieve jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reach pranks.
I haven't worked out since...
I haven't worked out since that one time I tried to reach for a bag of chips at the foot of the bed and did a sit-up by mistake.
That wasn't the joke. The joke is my life.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jewish boy that can't understand math
Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.
The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!
They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To reach the bottom.
As told by my 5 y/o cousin.
Drunk homecoming
A man stumbles up the driveway to his house at 6 in the morning, barely able to stand on his feet. He manages to reach the door but finds it locked and then proceeds to knock.
knock, knock, knock....
After a while his wife comes and opens the door, in a less than a pleased mood.
"What possible reason could you have for coming home at this hour!?"
Slurring and struggling to form words, but managing it in the end the man replies.
"Breakfast!"
So the Pope joined twitter so he can "Reach out to a younger generation."
He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that.
How will we truly reach gender equality?
By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scottish Sargent knocks on a w**...-house door.
When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."
Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company h**...!"
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber....
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it.
"Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked.
"You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?"
"No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches."
Legs in the Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
A man walks into a butchers...
The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."
A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...
As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.
"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"
Moments later, another car speeds ahead.
"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"
Then once more, another car rushes ahead.
"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"
Then they reach their destination.
"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friends favorite
3 nuns are sitting on a bench when a man runs up and flashes them.
The first nun had a s**....
The second nun had a s**....
The third nun couldn't reach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two nuns
Two nuns are sitting on a bench. A guy in a trench coat comes up and flashes them. One of the nuns has a s**.... The other couldn't quite reach.
The lawyer called his client overseas...
..."Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep and I can't reach any other relatives. Shall we order burial or cremation?"
Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both."
Ol' Russian joke
Comrade Stalin approaches a farmer and asks :
"Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"
"Enough to reach God, comrade!" Replied the farmer.
"But there is no God" said Stalin
"Ah, said the farmer, as there are no potatoes."
A commissar goes to a collective farm...
... And hails a farmer to ask about how his village's farms are doing.
The farmer says "Oh Comrade Commissar, if we stacked all the potatoes in a pile, it would reach the foot of God!"
The commissar raises an eyebrow and says "Comrade farmer, we live in the USSR. There is no god."
The farmer replied: "That's okay, there are no potatoes either."
The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies
Chairman: How does our potato supply look?
Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.
Chairman: But God does not exist.
Party member: Neither do the potatoes.
How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dead w**... does it take to change a light bulb?
More than three, I still can't reach it.
Welcome back to /u/JokeExplainBot
I banned on a rule that we had enforced in the past. However, we talked the issue over and were able to reach common ground. Sorry for any trouble this caused.
/u/ElderCunningham
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gotta hand it to babies...
...because their short, s**... little arms can't reach anything
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
A man walks into a butcher shop...
... one day and while he is browsing the meat selection the butcher approaches him and says, "I have an offer for you. If you can jump up and slap one of these peices of meat I have hanging here, I'll give you what you want for free. However if you can't reach them then you have to pay triple the amount." The man takes a moment to think it through and replies to the butcher, "Sorry, but the steaks are too high."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all on their way to heaven
One day, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were on their way to heaven.
God told them that there were 1,000 stairs to reach heaven, and on every stair he would tell them a joke. If they laughed, or even just smiled, they would not make it into heaven.
The redhead managed to make it to the 45th step before laughing.
The brunette reached 200 and cracked a smile.
The blonde made it all the way to the 999th step and burst out in laughter before God had even told his joke.
"Why are you laughing when I haven't even told my joke yet?" God asked the Blonde.
"I just got the first one!" she answered.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I s**... telling jokes..
Because I start laughing even before I reach the punchline. The doctor says I have a p**... hehejaculation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do cats and dogs lick their own g**...?
Because they can reach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get 4 old ladies to yell "s**...!"?
Get a 5th old lady to yell "Bingo!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The policeman asked me why I keep beating my wife...
I told him I have a longer reach and superior footwork.
I can't wait for an AI to reach 10% of the capabilities of the average human.
Then we can replace all of Congress with a single AI.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am hosting a charity event for people who fail to reach c**... during s**...
If you can't come, let me know
A place got lit on fire
But the firefighters were too late to reach and put it out. Media arrived as well to which one of the firefighter giving report said, "I've got a good news and a bad news, the bad news is, 41 children died in that fire. But the good news is it was an orphanage, so I have no parents to notify"
Potatoes For Everyone!
A party official asks a farmer how things are going, and the farmer replies that the harvest is so bountiful that the potatoes would reach the ''foot of God'' if piled on top of one another.
''But this is the Soviet Union,'' says the commissar, ''there is no God here.'' The farmer replies, ''That's all right, there are no potatoes, either.''
My wife called me when I was out of town and told be about the 13 inches she got from Harvey last night.
I didn't know hurricanes could reach North Dakota...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary.
If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
Reaching 3rd base in the back of a car, she stops me and tells me she wants to be safe
I put her seatbelt on.
A stairway builder was retiring
On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"
The retiring builder, a bit red from embaresment, responded quietly:
"Oh, thank you for your kind words, but I have mostly been building basement-stairs..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an e**....
When he came back he handed her some diet pills.
Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?
A priest notices a little boy down the street
Trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
You're running a race in Norway. How do you know if you've passed the last Lap?
When you reach the Finnish line...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
How do you make your wife scream after s**...?
Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
When I reach home, my 1.5 year old son rushes out to the gate..
..to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrrrmmm brrrrmmm sound. His cute antics always me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease ...It's called Parking son's disease.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man lost in the desert with his camel
Every day he gets lonelier and lonelier, when it gets to the point he decides he is going to have s**... with his camel, but he couldn't reach, so every day he would try and try again to have s**... with his camel standing on hills and on rocks but the camel would just try to run away. until one day, he comes across a beautiful woman, she asks for some water and will give anything in return so he says, can you hold my camel?
One of my favorite Reagan jokes:
A Soviet Diplomat goes to one of the farms in Russia, and approaches the farmer.
How are the carrots doing? Said the Diplomat.
Oh, the carrots are as big and orange as ever! Replies the farmer.
I see, and how are the beets?
Oh, sir, if Gorbachev saw these beets, he would cry with joy!
And what about the potatoes?
Sir, if we stacked the potatoes, they would be high enough to reach God!
The diplomat stares for a minute. But comrade, we don't believe in god.
Oh, good. Says the farmer. Because there are no potatoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are short people always sad?
They cant reach happiness
An off duty soldier took a train.
When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.
When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.
' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'
Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules.
Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming numbers...
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
A drunk walks into a church...
...during mass and sits down. The priest is bothered by his presence and says to everybody:
\-The drink is a terrible vice, so much so that a drunk man will never reach salvation. If any of you is inebriated, I ask you to stand up.
The drunk man does, looks around to everybody sitted and says:
\-Whelp, I guess it's just the two of us, father.
An off-duty soldier is riding the train.
When the train reaches its first stop a general walks in and the soldier stood up.
"At ease soldier, sit down.", said the general.
The train reached its second stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general once again said, "At ease soldier, sit down."
The train reached its third stop and again the soldier stood up.
The general said, "You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop."
•
The soldier said, "I'm trying to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
You've reached the answering machine for the tinnitus association
Please leave your message after the beep.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Does anyone know where I can get a longer d**... from?
Mine doesn't reach the oil anymore..
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A b**... is eating an ice cream
He has a sour look on his face. 'I wish I'd reach the stick already' he mumbles to himself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know joking about Tom Cruise's height is low-hanging fruit...
but that's all he can reach.
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana, who?
WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CARS EXTENDED WARRANTY.
Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?
Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...
Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?
An engineer and a machinist are tasked with drilling a hole into a the deck of a ship.
They arrive on site, the engineer confirms the position of the hole, the machinist starts drilling. Before they reach the required depth, oil starts spewing out the flutes of the drill bit -- they've drilled into the oil tank.
"How're we gonna explain this to the boss?" -- asks the machinist.
"Look, buddy, I have no idea what *we* are gonna do, but what *I'm* gonna do is move that hole 5 inches to the left on the blueprint."
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ivan!
Ivan who?
I'van trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.
Gesundheit
What are you called when you reach the highest power level sneeze ever?
You're a Peak-Achoo.
I'll see myself out...
Two blonde builders were working on a house.
One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde explained, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
Why are climbers always depressed when they reach the top of the mountain?
'Cause it's all downhill from there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A physicist and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment.
They are shown into a room where a n**... woman is lying on a bed on the other side of the room and told they can cross half the distance between them and the woman every minute.
The physicist throws up his hands and turns away.
The engineer walks halfway across the room.
"You fool!" says the physicist. "Don't you realise you will never actually reach her?"
"That's okay," says the engineer. "Pretty soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"
Stalin goes to a local wheat farm to see how things are going.
"Mr. Stalin, we have so many wheat bags, that, if piled on top of each other, could reach god himself!" The farmer told Stalin gleefully.
"But god doesn't exist", Stalin Replied.
"Exactly", said the farmer. "neither does the wheat."
TIL about the Downing-Keurig Effect in which poor performers greatly overestimate their abilities. It shows that underperforming individuals reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize."
I feel so smart knowing about this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today at the zoo I was let into the Lion enclosure
I said to the lion handler Why do I do if the lion tries to attack me?
He replied Don't be afraid it's very simple, if the lion charges you, reach behind your back, grab a pile of s**... off the ground and throw it in the lions face
I said to him But what if I reach behind me and there is no pile of s**... on the ground?
To which the lion handler said Don't worry it'll be there
Two turtles walk into a bar.
As soon as they enter inside, it starts to rain. The big turtle turns to the smaller one and says - Go home and get the umbrella.
Small Turtle - I will, if you promise not to touch my soda.
Two hours pass.......
Big Turtle - Well. I guess he's not coming back. May as well drink his soda.
As he's about to reach for it, a voice from outside the bar says - If you touch the soda, I won't go home and get the umbrella.
Why do you have to use email to communicate with a flat earther?
You can't reach them with fax.
Why was the little boy too scared to reach into his Happy Meal for the Ninja Turtles toy?
Last time he did it, he got a Splinter.
My friend who's father is a multi-billionaire
My friend whose father is a multi-billionaire loves to talk about his extravagant lifestyle. One day, I asked him just exactly how large is the land owned by his father.
He answered I'll give you an idea, I can start driving at one end of the land in the morning at full speed, in one direction, and still not reach the other side of the land at night.
I could totally relate to that , I said
Really?
Yeah, I drive a Hyundai
I spoke to the doctor this morning.
He told me he had some bad news and some terrible news for me.
I asked him what the bad news was and he told me I had a day left to live.
I said there couldn't possibly be any news worse than that so what was the terrible news?
He told me he'd been trying to reach me since yesterday.
A Confucianist, a Daoist and a Legalist walk into a bar...
and order a beer each. The Confucisanist smiles pleasantly at the beer and waits for it to reach his mouth of its own accord, the Daoist ignores his beer and the Legalist drinks all three beers shoots the Confusicanist.
This one was told to me by my Chinese History Prof years ago.
