The Best 84 Reach Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Reach jokes. There are some reach overtake jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these reach tug puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Reach Jokes and Puns
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
I haven't worked out since...
I haven't worked out since that one time I tried to reach for a bag of chips at the foot of the bed and did a sit-up by mistake.
That wasn't the joke. The joke is my life.
Little Jewish boy that can't understand math
Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.
The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!
They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"
3 Old Women and a Flasher
Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man
comes by and flashes them.
Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't
reach.
I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.
He said "No, the steaks are too high".
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To reach the bottom.
As told by my 5 y/o cousin.
Three old ladies
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher runs up and opens his trench coat in front of them.
The first old lady has a stroke.
The second old lady has a stroke.
The third old lady can't reach that far.
So the Pope joined twitter so he can "Reach out to a younger generation."
He is certainly not the first Catholic to have done that.
So three old ladies are sitting on a park bench....
When all of the sudden a flasher comes by and, before they can reach for their canes, opens his trench coat and flashes them. The first old lady has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke, but the third old lady couldn't reach that far.
How will we truly reach gender equality?
By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.
Three old ladies are sitting on a bench in the park...
When a wild flasher appears and opens up his trench coat to reveal his nakedness, the first old last has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke, the third old lady couldn't reach.
You can explore reach get reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean reach climb dad jokes. There are also reach puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber....
As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it.
"Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked.
"You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?"
"No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches."
Three old women were sitting on a park bench...
...all of a sudden, a man ran in front of them wearing a long overcoat. He opened up his coat, and he was wearing nothing underneath. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third one couldn't reach.
You've got to hand it to midgets
Because they cant reach it themselves
Legs in the Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
A man walks into a butchers...
The man says to the butcher "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher replies "Yes, you could say that." The man says "Okay then, I bet you $100 you can't reach that meat you've got hanging from the ceiling up there." The Butcher looks up and says "No sorry" The man says "I thought you said you were a gambling man, why not?" The butcher answers. "The steaks are too high."
A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...
As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.
"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"
Moments later, another car speeds ahead.
"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"
Then once more, another car rushes ahead.
"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"
Then they reach their destination.
"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"
Two nuns
Two nuns are sitting on a bench. A guy in a trench coat comes up and flashes them. One of the nuns has a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
Three Little Old Ladies
Three little old ladies were at the bus stop in front of their church when a young man ran up to them and exposed himself. The oldest one had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach.
Ol' Russian joke
Comrade Stalin approaches a farmer and asks :
"Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"
"Enough to reach God, comrade!" Replied the farmer.
"But there is no God" said Stalin
"Ah, said the farmer, as there are no potatoes."
The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies
Chairman: How does our potato supply look?
Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.
Chairman: But God does not exist.
Party member: Neither do the potatoes.
How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?
Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high.
Two old nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man runs up to them in a trench coat, opens it wide and flashes them. One of the nuns immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
You gotta hand it to short people
because they can't reach it
Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench
A man walks up in a trenchcoat and flashes them. The first lady has a stroke, the second lady couldn't quite reach.
Three little old ladies are sitting at a bus stop...
...when suddenly a man in a trench coat runs up to them and tears open the coat, flashing them his manly parts.
Two of the little old ladies immediately have a stroke.
The third couldn't quite reach.
Three nuns are sitting on a bench when
a flasher revealed himself to them. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, and the third nun couldn't reach.
When women reach a certain age they start accumulating cats
This is known as many paws
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench...
A man wearing a long raincoat approaches, opens it and flashes them.
Two of the ladies immediately have a stroke. The third couldn't reach.
Welcome back to /u/JokeExplainBot
I banned on a rule that we had enforced in the past. However, we talked the issue over and were able to reach common ground. Sorry for any trouble this caused.
/u/ElderCunningham
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a long coat walks up to them and exposes himself...
The first old lady says, "My goodness!" and immediately has a stroke. The second lady, seeing the first lady, also has a stroke. The third lady couldn't reach.
Brexit's Worst-Case Scenario:
Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovlong. Latervia. Byegium.. until EU reach the state of Germlonely.
Gotta hand it to babies...
...because their short, stupid little arms can't reach anything
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "sex" both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical sex.'
A male student's composition:
'I love sex.'
How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up?
The rest of your life.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all on their way to heaven
One day, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were on their way to heaven.
God told them that there were 1,000 stairs to reach heaven, and on every stair he would tell them a joke. If they laughed, or even just smiled, they would not make it into heaven.
The redhead managed to make it to the 45th step before laughing.
The brunette reached 200 and cracked a smile.
The blonde made it all the way to the 999th step and burst out in laughter before God had even told his joke.
"Why are you laughing when I haven't even told my joke yet?" God asked the Blonde.
"I just got the first one!" she answered.
I really have to hand it to short people
Because they usually can't reach it anyways.
I suck telling jokes..
Because I start laughing even before I reach the punchline. The doctor says I have a premature hehejaculation.
Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"
Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]
Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.
The policeman asked me why I keep beating my wife...
I told him I have a longer reach and superior footwork.
In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg...
That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
Two old ladies were sitting on a bench...
Two old ladies were sitting on a bench having a quiet chat, when a flasher approached from across the park. He stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat, exposing himself.
One of the ladies immediately had a stroke.
The other lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes?
Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils.
3 nuns are sitting on a bench.
A man in a trench coat walks by and flashes them. 2 of the nuns had a stroke. The third couldn't reach.
There were two old ladies sitting on a park bench
when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
The first old lady had a stroke,
but the second old lady couldn't reach it.
I am hosting a charity event for people who fail to reach climax during sex
If you can't come, let me know
A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm
Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.
But God does not exist, replies Stalin.
Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.
North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary.
If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
Three old ladies
Three old ladies were sitting on a bench seat when a Flasher ran up & Flashed them.
The first old lady had a stroke..
The second old lady had a stroke too...
The third old lady couldn't reach.....
3 little old nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher flashes them
the first nun has a stroke,
the second nun has a stroke,
the third nun couldn't reach
Three Old Ladies Sitting on a park bench.
Three old ladies are sitting in the park. Just chatting it up on a park bench like old ladies will do.
Suddenly, a man in a trench coat walks up to them and opens his coat and flashes them with all that god had given him to offer.
Well, the first old lady immediately has a stroke.
The second old lady has a stroke soon after.
The third old lady, being more old and feeble, couldn't reach that far.
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench...
Suddenly, a streaker runs past them! One of the nuns had a stroke! The other tried but she couldn't reach.
I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.
When he came back he handed her some diet pills.
Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Can you help him?
A priest notices a little boy down the street
Trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
Three old ladies are sitting on a bench...
... when a man came up and flashed them. Two of the ladies immediately had a stroke, but the other couldn't quite reach.
A man in a trench coat aproaches 3 elderly women on a park bench. He flashes the women.
The first lady had a stroke
The second one also had a stroke
The third lady couldn't reach
There are 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench..
A man in a trench-coat walks by and flashes them.
2 of the old ladies have a stroke.
The other one couldn't reach that far.
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench.
All of a sudden, a man jumps out of the nearby bushes and flashes them.
One old lady had a stroke, the other couldn't reach.
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane crash?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
To see a peeping tom at my window while I'm changing is frightening....
But it still hurts when they reach in and pull the curtains shut
Three old ladies are sitting on a bench
A flasher runs up and opens his coat.
The first woman immediately had a stroke.
The second had one only a moment later.
The third didn't because she couldn't reach.
One of my favorite Reagan jokes:
A Soviet Diplomat goes to one of the farms in Russia, and approaches the farmer.
How are the carrots doing? Said the Diplomat.
Oh, the carrots are as big and orange as ever! Replies the farmer.
I see, and how are the beets?
Oh, sir, if Gorbachev saw these beets, he would cry with joy!
And what about the potatoes?
Sir, if we stacked the potatoes, they would be high enough to reach God!
The diplomat stares for a minute. But comrade, we don't believe in god.
Oh, good. Says the farmer. Because there are no potatoes.
Three little old ladies were on a bench when a naked man walked by
The first little old lady... Had a stroke
The second little old lady... Had a stroke
But the third little old lady's arms weren't long enough to reach.
Two men are discussing how they'll reach a lightbulb that needs to be changed.
Man 1: would you like the ladder or the step stool?
Man 2: I prefer the ladder.
Man 1: ok, step stool it is.
An off duty soldier took a train.
When the train reach its first stop, a general walk in, and the soldier stood up, the general said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.'
The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, the general once again said. 'At ease soldier, sit down.
When the train reach its third stop, again the soldier stood up, the general said.' You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop.' The soldier reply.
' I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago.'
3 old ladies
3 old ladies were sitting on a park bench. A flasher comes over and rips open his raincoat. The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady couldn't reach it.
I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.
He said the steaks were too high.
The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming numbers...
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it's destination?
projectile dysfunction
Does anyone know where I can get a longer dipstick from?
Mine doesn't reach the oil anymore..
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
Wife: I'm going shopping, do you need anything?
Husband: I'm looking for inner-peace and happiness, an answer to my doubts, a sense of fulfilment, a medium through which I can transcend consciousness and reach true spirituality, calmness and...
Wife: Be specific; Smirnoff or Absolut?
earlier today I dropped an ice cube
It slipped under the refrigerator and I couldn't reach it. I was really upset about it at first but now I'm over it. water under the fridge.
Why should you always post jokes in American English?
They can reach a wider audience.
You gotta hand it to the short people out there
They can't reach it by themselves
Three old ladies are sitting on a bench
When a man in a trench coat walks by and flashes them.
Two of the old ladies have a stroke. The third one couldn't reach that far.
Whats the best way to reach your meth dealer?
Speed dial
Gesundheit
What are you called when you reach the highest power level sneeze ever?
You're a Peak-Achoo.
I'll see myself out...
Two blonde builders were working on a house.
One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde explained, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
3 old ladies on a park bench.
A dude in a trenchcoat walks up and flashes 3 old ladies on a park bench.
First had a stroke...
Second had a stroke....
Third couldn't reach :)
Why are climbers always depressed when they reach the top of the mountain?
'Cause it's all downhill from there.
A physicist and an engineer agree to take part in an experiment.
They are shown into a room where a naked woman is lying on a bed on the other side of the room and told they can cross half the distance between them and the woman every minute.
The physicist throws up his hands and turns away.
The engineer walks halfway across the room.
"You fool!" says the physicist. "Don't you realise you will never actually reach her?"
"That's okay," says the engineer. "Pretty soon I will be close enough for all practical purposes!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the reach achieve jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working reach accomplish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.