Razor Jokes
81 razor jokes and hilarious razor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about razor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Love a good laugh? Check out this collection of hilarious razor jokes! From jokes about shaving with a razor blade to jokes about a razor scooter, you're sure to get your fill of sharp humor. Don't worry - knives are not included! Enjoy these funny razor jokes today!
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Funniest Razor Short Jokes
Short razor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The razor humour may include short shave jokes also.
- When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it. That's Arkham's Razor.
- I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.
- Thank god for dollar shave club Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
- I keep hearing about Occam's razor, but i don't know what it is. Most likely, it's a razor owned by someone named Occam.
- An old Russian anecdote I was driving to work one morning when I saw a woman in a neighboring car doing her makeup at the wheel. I was so surprised that I nearly dropped my razor into my coffee!
- I tried growing a beard over lockdown but couldn't pull it off. Then I tried using a razor instead and that was much more effective.
- Driving along the freeway I overtook a female driver doing her make up in the mirror.. I was so shocked I dropped my razor in my coffee.
- So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity. I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.
- Occam's Disposable Razor When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.
- Why did the emo have two rulers and a razor blade? So he could measure twice and cut once.
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Razor One Liners
Which razor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with razor? I can suggest the ones about barber and sharpener.
- You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on amazon.
- My friend never learned to shave properly I guess her mom didnt razor right
- There's a new razor designed for dyslexics. It's the best thing since sliced beard.
- What's silver and tastes like blood? Razor Blades!
- Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud You just said "Razor Blades" in an Australian accent
- Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult? Razor thin margins.
- Why are there so many furry flat earthers? Because they don't have Occam's Razor.
- Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor! - Occam's Razor? Is that a weapon you'd find in that one Batman game?
- Why does Bob Ross hide his wife's razor? So she always has a happy little bush!
- How do philosophers shave off their beards? Occam's razor
- What does a sharp razor taste like? Blood.
- Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
- Women are like razors guys use them to look more manly
- I found the simplest, best way to shave You have to use Occam's Razor
Shaving Razor Jokes
Here is a list of funny shaving razor jokes and even better shaving razor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "A shave so good it feels like magic!" The new Penn Gillette razor.
- Whats the difference between a razor and an iron? You don't know? Geez, you must have trouble shaving.
- Back in high school, I had this very bad beard and everyone would make fun of for it... So I had to start using a razor to *shave* face
- LPT: You are over 100x more likely to cut your face with your razor while shaving than you are with a carrot.
- How does Nova shave her legs? She uses Archon's razor.
- TIFU by trying to shave my sausage with a straight razor. I just broke my last straight razor.
Razor Blade Jokes
Here is a list of funny razor blade jokes and even better razor blade puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm sick of these complicated Gillette 3 and 4 blade razors with vibrating heads, "cooling" technology, and pivoting heads etc... ...But I've always been a firm believer in Occam's razor.
- How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one? If there are no reviews for it on Amazon
- My friend likes goth chicks... I call him razor blade.
- What's pink and slowly turns red? A baby chewing on a razor blade.
Occam Razor Jokes
Here is a list of funny occam razor jokes and even better occam razor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I commented on a ELI5 about occam's razor. My answer wasn't long enough and was flagged by the moderator-bot.
Razor Scooter Jokes
Here is a list of funny razor scooter jokes and even better razor scooter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does your mom and a Razor scooter have in common? Everybody rode her, but won't admit it.
Hilarious Fun Razor Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about razor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shave haircut jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make razor pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am looking for other military jokes.
**What's The Difference?**
Do you want to know the difference between the branches of the U.S. military? If you say to them "Secure that building!"
* THE ARMY will go in k**... down doors, lay down suppressive fire, neutralize all hostiles and safely recover any civilians.
* THE MARINES will set up a razor wire perimiter, establish patrols, and deny access to unauthorized personnel.
* THE NAVY will unplug the coffee maker and turn off the computers and lights before leaving for the day.
* THE AIR FORCE will lease it for six years, with an option to buy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor
blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got
My first Confucius Say joke was this:
>Confucius Says...Crowded Elevator Smell Different to Midget
Today while shaving in the shower I came up with this one
>Confucius Says...Man who shave n**... with straight razor will not have a ball
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shopping back then
My pop was telling me about how back in the fifties you could get so much more from the shops.
Het tells me "we used to be able to go into grace brothers with ten dollars and come out with two pairs of socks, some new u**..., a razor or two and a small bottle of aftershave."
But unfortunately as he tells me, "you can't get that much for ten dollars anymore...there's too many security cameras"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Flynn's Corollary to Hanlon's Razor
Never attribute to stupidity that which is adequately explained by re-election.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A smooth close shave with a brand new razor blade is the best feeling in the world!
... was not the best thing to say to my wife shortly after s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Boys who can pull off f**... hair are hot!"
Dad: I think you are supposed to use a razor.
What's the best thing to have in a hairy situation?
A razor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what's sharper than this joke?
The razor your mother needs for her moustache.
My razor broke and I don't have another one
Looks like I'm in stubble
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what did the emo say to the dull razor?
Sorry old friend... You just won't cut it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the hardest part of cutting a baby in half with a straight razor?
My e**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am straight edge
Just like the razor I use to chop my c**...
My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.
They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the razor say to the c**...?
Get in line.
Me and my old friend, Razor used to hang out a lot
Until things started getting a little dull, even after his last change
There are many ways to skin a cat...
But you should just use Ockham's razor
On my way to work this morning someone on their phone pulled out infront of me
I almost dropped my razor into my cornflakes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the epitome of cruelty?
Giving monkey a straight razor and saying it's a banana.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Has anyone tried burning their Gillette razors yet?
I'm having trouble getting mine to catch on fire. Total b**.... Razor burn must be a myth.
How to master Australian accent in seconds
Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*
Don't stop there.
Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*
Mastered.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his n**... with a straight razor
He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the b**... to try it again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Wife is always cutting herself shaving...
I guess her mum didn't razor right
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was younger, I used to shave my privates with a cut t**... razor.
I don't have the b**... to do it anymore
