The Best 55 Razor Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Razor jokes. There are some razor barber jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these razor sharpener puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Razor Jokes and Puns

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor

She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got

My first Confucius Say joke was this:

>Confucius Says...Crowded Elevator Smell Different to Midget

Today while shaving in the shower I came up with this one

>Confucius Says...Man who shave nut sack with straight razor will not have a ball

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Razor joke, How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Shopping back then

My pop was telling me about how back in the fifties you could get so much more from the shops.

Het tells me "we used to be able to go into grace brothers with ten dollars and come out with two pairs of socks, some new undies, a razor or two and a small bottle of aftershave."

But unfortunately as he tells me, "you can't get that much for ten dollars anymore...there's too many security cameras"

A smooth close shave with a brand new razor blade is the best feeling in the world!

... was not the best thing to say to my wife shortly after sex.

"Boys who can pull off facial hair are hot!"

Dad: I think you are supposed to use a razor.

I commented on a ELI5 about occam's razor.

My answer wasn't long enough and was flagged by the moderator-bot.

Razor joke, I commented on a ELI5 about occam's razor.

What's the best thing to have in a hairy situation?

A razor.

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

Why does Bob Ross hide his wife's razor?

So she always has a happy little bush!

My razor broke and I don't have another one

Looks like I'm in stubble

You can explore razor knives reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean razor stylist dad jokes. There are also razor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

What is the hardest part of cutting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My erection.

How do depressed people play the violin?

With a razor and their wrist.

Occam's Disposable Razor

When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.

Back in high school, I had this very bad beard and everyone would make fun of for it...

So I had to start using a razor to *shave* face

Razor joke, Back in high school, I had this very bad beard and everyone would make fun of for it...

What does a sharp razor taste like?


Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud

You just said "Razor Blades" in an Australian accent

I found the simplest, best way to shave

You have to use Occam's Razor

Whats the difference between a razor and an iron?

You don't know? Geez, you must have trouble shaving.

Driving along the freeway I overtook a female driver doing her make up in the mirror..

I was so shocked I dropped my razor in my coffee.

Gillette have developed a new razor, just for dyslexics

It's the best thing since sliced beard!

Why are there so many furry flat earthers?

Because they don't have Occam's Razor.

My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.

They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."

Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.

Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.

Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.

Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.

There's a new razor designed for dyslexics.

It's the best thing since sliced beard.

Ever hear the story of the woman who swallowed a razor?

She got a tonsillectomy, histerectomy, circumsized her husband, and cut off the neighbor's finger.

You know the razor blade works...

when there are no reviews for it on Amazon.

I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today

I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.

Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?

Razor thin margins.

I almost cut myself with a razor today

It was a close shave

How does Nova shave her legs?

She uses Archon's razor.

What did the razor say to the cocaine?

Get in line.

A man walks into a barbershop

He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"

The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."

The man retorts, "But that's what you did last time!"

Me and my old friend, Razor used to hang out a lot

Until things started getting a little dull, even after his last change

I'm sick of these complicated Gillette 3 and 4 blade razors with vibrating heads, "cooling" technology, and pivoting heads etc...

...But I've always been a firm believer in Occam's razor.

What's silver and tastes like blood?

Razor Blades!

I don't even like using a straight razor.

I just use it to shave face.

How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one?

If there are no reviews for it on Amazon

An old Russian anecdote

I was driving to work one morning when I saw a woman in a neighboring car doing her makeup at the wheel. I was so surprised that I nearly dropped my razor into my coffee!

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

On my way to work this morning someone on their phone pulled out infront of me

I almost dropped my razor into my cornflakes

"A shave so good it feels like magic!"

The new Penn Gillette razor.

Why did the emo have two rulers and a razor blade?

So he could measure twice and cut once.

I keep hearing about Occam's razor, but i don't know what it is.

Most likely, it's a razor owned by someone named Occam.

What's the epitome of cruelty?

Giving monkey a straight razor and saying it's a banana.

What does your mom and a Razor Scooter have in common?

Everybody rode her, but won't admit it.

I very nearly cut myself with a razor this morning...

It was a close shave

So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity.

I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.

Has anyone tried burning their Gillette razors yet?

I'm having trouble getting mine to catch on fire. Total bullshit. Razor burn must be a myth.

How to master Australian accent in seconds

Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*

Don't stop there.

Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*


I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.

Occam's Razor?

Is that a weapon you'd find in that one Batman game?

I tried growing a beard over lockdown but couldn't pull it off.

Then I tried using a razor instead and that was much more effective.

I used to shave my testicles with a straight razor.

Nowadays I lack the balls to do so

My Wife is always cutting herself shaving...

I guess her mum didn't razor right

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the razor cutter jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working razor stache piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes