Razor Jokes

90 razor jokes and hilarious razor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about razor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Love a good laugh? Check out this collection of hilarious razor jokes! From jokes about shaving with a razor blade to jokes about a razor scooter, you're sure to get your fill of sharp humor. Don't worry - knives are not included! Enjoy these funny razor jokes today!

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Funniest Razor Short Jokes

Short razor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The razor humour may include short shave jokes also.

  1. When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it. That's Arkham's Razor.
  2. I was looking for some razor blades on amazon today I assume the ones with no reviews are the best.
  3. Thank god for dollar shave club Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
  4. I keep hearing about Occam's razor, but i don't know what it is. Most likely, it's a razor owned by someone named Occam.
  5. An old Russian anecdote I was driving to work one morning when I saw a woman in a neighboring car doing her makeup at the wheel. I was so surprised that I nearly dropped my razor into my coffee!
  6. I tried growing a beard over lockdown but couldn't pull it off. Then I tried using a razor instead and that was much more effective.
  7. Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed razor
    She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
  8. Driving along the freeway I overtook a female driver doing her make up in the mirror.. I was so shocked I dropped my razor in my coffee.
  9. So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity. I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.
  10. Occam's Disposable Razor When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.

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Razor One Liners

Which razor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with razor? I can suggest the ones about rapier and barber.

  1. You know the razor blade works... when there are no reviews for it on amazon.
  2. My Wife is always cutting herself shaving... I guess her mum didn't razor right
  3. My friend never learned to shave properly I guess her mom didnt razor right
  4. There's a new razor designed for dyslexics. It's the best thing since sliced beard.
  5. I almost cut myself with a razor today It was a close shave
  6. What's silver and tastes like blood? Razor Blades!
  7. Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud You just said "Razor Blades" in an Australian accent
  8. Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult? Razor thin margins.
  9. Why are there so many furry flat earthers? Because they don't have Occam's Razor.
  10. Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
    A: A baby with a razor!
  11. Occam's Razor? Is that a weapon you'd find in that one Batman game?
  12. Why does Bob Ross hide his wife's razor? So she always has a happy little bush!
  13. How do philosophers shave off their beards? Occam's razor
  14. What does a sharp razor taste like? Blood.
  15. What do logicians use to shave? Occam's razor

Shaving Razor Jokes

Here is a list of funny shaving razor jokes and even better shaving razor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris' beard can shave a razor.
  • I found the simplest, best way to shave You have to use Occam's Razor
  • "A shave so good it feels like magic!" The new Penn Gillette razor.
  • Whats the difference between a razor and an iron? You don't know? Geez, you must have trouble shaving.
  • Back in high school, I had this very bad beard and everyone would make fun of for it... So I had to start using a razor to *shave* face
  • I very nearly cut myself with a razor this morning... It was a close shave
  • LPT: You are over 100x more likely to cut your face with your razor while shaving than you are with a carrot.
  • I don't even like using a straight razor. I just use it to shave face.
  • How does Nova shave her legs? She uses Archon's razor.
  • TIFU by trying to shave my sausage with a straight razor. I just broke my last straight razor.

Razor Blade Jokes

Here is a list of funny razor blade jokes and even better razor blade puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the emo have two rulers and a razor blade? So he could measure twice and cut once.
  • I'm sick of these complicated Gillette 3 and 4 blade razors with vibrating heads, "cooling" technology, and pivoting heads etc... ...But I've always been a firm believer in Occam's razor.
  • What's red and sits in a corner?
    A baby playing with a razor blade.
  • How can tell know if the razor blade you are planning on buying is a good one? If there are no reviews for it on Amazon
  • My friend likes goth chicks... I call him razor blade.
  • What's pink and slowly turns red? A baby chewing on a razor blade.
  • A smooth close shave with a brand new razor blade is the best feeling in the world! ... was not the best thing to say to my wife shortly after s**....
  • "Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."
    "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"
    "Yea, I s**... with the electric razor."
Razor joke

Occam Razor Jokes

Here is a list of funny occam razor jokes and even better occam razor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I commented on a ELI5 about occam's razor. My answer wasn't long enough and was flagged by the moderator-bot.
  • Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards? Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

Razor Scooter Jokes

Here is a list of funny razor scooter jokes and even better razor scooter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does your mom and a Razor scooter have in common? Everybody rode her, but won't admit it.
Razor joke, What does your mom and a Razor <a href="/scooter-jokes.html" title="Scooter jokes">scooter</a> have

Hilarious Fun Razor Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about razor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sharpener jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make razor pranks.

Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got

My first Confucius Say joke was this:
>Confucius Says...Crowded Elevator Smell Different to Midget
Today while shaving in the shower I came up with this one
>Confucius Says...Man who shave n**... with straight razor will not have a ball

Shopping back then

My pop was telling me about how back in the fifties you could get so much more from the shops.

Het tells me "we used to be able to go into grace brothers with ten dollars and come out with two pairs of socks, some new u**..., a razor or two and a small bottle of aftershave."

But unfortunately as he tells me, "you can't get that much for ten dollars anymore...there's too many security cameras"

What's the best thing to have in a hairy situation?

A razor.

What is the hardest part of cutting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My e**....

How do depressed people play the violin?

With a razor and their wrist.

Gillette have developed a new razor, just for dyslexics

It's the best thing since sliced beard!

My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.

They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."
Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.
Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.
Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.
Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.

Ever hear the story of the woman who swallowed a razor?

She got a tonsillectomy, histerectomy, circumsized her husband, and cut off the neighbor's finger.

What did the razor say to the c**...?

Get in line.

A man walks into a barbershop

He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"
The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."
The man retorts, "But that's what you did last time!"

On my way to work this morning someone on their phone pulled out infront of me

I almost dropped my razor into my cornflakes

Has anyone tried burning their Gillette razors yet?

I'm having trouble getting mine to catch on fire. Total b**.... Razor burn must be a myth.

How to master Australian accent in seconds

Say "Rise Up Lights" out loud. *You just said razor blades in Australian accent.*
Don't stop there.
Say "Beer Can" with an English accent. *You just said Bacon in Jamaican accent.*

I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his n**... with a straight razor

He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the b**... to try it again.

I used to shave my t**... with a straight razor.

Nowadays I lack the b**... to do so

When I was younger, I used to shave my privates with a cut t**... razor.

I don't have the b**... to do it anymore

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.
That's Arkham's Razor.

Razor joke, When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

jokes about razor