Raw Jokes

What are some Raw jokes?

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it's rare.

Why does Gordon Ramsey like to have sex with a condom?

Because he hates it raw.

What do cannibals eat when they're broke?

Raw men

Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....

... and they're at death's door....

They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with strip after strip of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.

"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"

With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......

"ees... a.... Hambush"

What image format does Gordon Ramsay hates the most?

.raw

Sex is like steak

you may enjoy it raw but that's how you get diseases

These Seniors Couldn't Get The $2.99 Special Without Eggs, So They Did Something Genius

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'Senior Special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said, "but I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay more for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

"Yes," said the waitress.

"I'll take the special, then," my wife said.

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

Don't mess with Seniors!

Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day

And all this time I've just been eating them raw...

I ate 15 raw oysters last night at the restaurant. I paid for it with exploding diarrhea.

I think they would have preferred cash.

Why Gordon Ramsey hates WWE

Because it's f*cking RAW

How does Lady Gaga like her steaks?

Raw Raw RaAaAw

How does Big Shaq compile his software?

From raw source.

My girlfriend told me that if I took her to get sushi, I didn't have to use a condom after.

She's getting the raw end of that deal!

What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

The only reason why Gordon Ramsay watches Smackdown...

Is because it's not Raw.

If you ever wanna have raw sex, have it with an anti-vax believer

Worst case scenario, you pay child support for 5 years instead of 18

A student wants to know how he did on a test

Student: I know my curved score was a 90, but how was my raw score?

Teacher: Medium rare

Student: What does that mean?

Teacher: Not well done.

What's Lady Gaga's favorite kind of meat?

Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw

How does raw chicken taste?

Fowl

There are over 100,000 battered women in America

And all this time I've been eating them raw.

I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

I have a feeling Gordon Ramsay likes to wear condoms when he has sex

Because he doesn't like it raw.

What's Lady Gaga's favorite food?

Sushi because they serve it raw, raw, raw\-raw\-raw!

(sorry I just saw the guy get to the front page with his stoned asparagus joke, so I wanted to try mine).

A miner is selling raw ore...

He's approached by a blacksmith who says, "I'll take it."
The miner questions, "Which one?"
Blacksmith replies," Either ore."

BADUMTISSSS

The new boyfriend.

Mary and Nancy were having coffee at Mary's house when Mary said "Nancy, I don't know what I am going to do about my new boyfriend."

"What seems to be the trouble, Mary?" Nancy replied. "Well, it's a sexual problem, I'm a little embarrassed."

"What, is he too small, does he not last long enough?"

"No, no, nothing like that. It's just that all he wants to do is go down on me." "That's your problem?" Nancy said, "Most women would kill for that problem!"

"I know, but that's ALL he wants to do! A women needs some variety now and then, I need the D once in a while, you know what I mean?"

"Ok," Nancy replied, "Here's what you do, the next time you two are together, before you get intimate, take some raw garlic and rub it down there."

"Are you sure, Nancy?" "Yes, it will sting a little at first, but he won't put his face near there again." "Ok, Nancy, I'll try it."

A week later, the two friends are chatting again.
"So, Mary." Nancy said. "How goes it with your new boyfriend, did you do what I told you?"

"Yeah, Nancy, I did."

"Well, did it work?"

"No, it didn't, in fact, it's worse than before!"

"How can it be worse? did you use enough?"

"Yeah, I used plenty. that's not the problem."

"Then, what is?"

Well.......My boyfriends Italian,..........



and now he brings bread!"

The English language is bizzare

There was a young girl from Slough

Who choked on a piece of raw dough

But the time she was through

With hiccup and cough

She woke everyone in the borough

Have you heard of Murphy's Law?

Yes it's if something can go wrong it will go wrong.

Have you heard of Coles Law?

No. What's that?

It's finely shredded raw cabbage in a dressing.

Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.

Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processes it is intended to monitor.

Cole's law: A salad dish of shredded raw cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables mixed with mayonnaise.

I spent three days in the jungle with nothing to eat apart from raw caterpillars I remember the moment I walked back into civilization....

They were a few butterflies in my stomach I could tell you.

I bought a toilet brush a few days ago.

My arsehole's red raw, I'm going back to toilet paper.

You should know much bacteria is on raw meat.

Lives are at steak.

Gordon Ramsay rejected all the photos taken to showcase his latest menu ...

... they were formatted RAW

A feminist website claimed that 34% of women in a relationship are battered.

Here I am, eating mine raw.

I'm creating a new dating app for chefs!

It's called Tender! Swipe right to keep cooking or swipe left to leave raw

Why are raw meats expensive?

Because they're so rare.

Why do they bother saying raw sewage ?

Do some people actually cook that stuff?

Raw eggs are good for a fitness diet.

If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.

What do Freddie Mercury and a Chinese Outlaw have in common?

Raw men took 'em both out.

Did you hear about the blonde woman who has three hours of footage of raw chicken on her iPhone?

The cooking instructions said remove sleeve and film.

What do you call it when you have sex with Chinese food

Raw dog

Babies are like new tattoos

They are yours forever, but you should probably hold off posting pictures for a bit until they aren't raw and weird looking anymore.

My local butcher's shop is so clean

You could eat a raw sausage directly out of the butcher's trouser pocket. I know this because I spotted my wife doing it in the back of his shop the other day and she seems to have suffered no ill-effects.

How does Gordon Ramsay like his sex?

Not sure, but definitely not RAW

One does not know true happiness until he gets married

But then it's too late...

Source: I heard it in a PS2 Raw vs Smackdown game...

A couple I know only eat raw meat.

Their names are Sam and Ella.

What did Caesar say when he found out someone laced his raw vegetable appetizer with E. coli?

Et tu crudite'?

A saint drank through an uncooked piece of meat

St. Raw

I've decided to become a raw carnivore...

I guess you can say I'm going cold turkey

What do you call gungan served raw?

Tartare Binks...

TIL that excessive consumption of raw egg white can cause brittle hair, rashes, fungal infection, and anemia...

I then imagined the hairless, hideous, and weak beast Gaston should have looked like.

Why does Gordon Ramsay always wear a condom?

Because he never likes it raw

I like my steak so raw

That it tries to take a bite of my salad when they bring it to the table

What day of the week does Gordon Ramsey like best?

Monday night Raw

Peanuts

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway.

A little old lady tapped on his shoulder and offers a handful of raw **peanuts**, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, *"Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?"*

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth" she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

What smells better raw meat or a baby?

Depends on how cooked the baby is.

[NSFW] How did the vegetarian find out his veggies were a little too raw?

When he picked it up it said arti-choke me, daddy

Sex is like a cookie

It's usually good, but most people like it better raw

How did Gordan Ramsey like the steak John Cena served him

It was fuckin' RAW

What is this strange root?

Found in my dorm's common room fridge. Friend got drunk and took a bite, says it tasted like raw jicama but more bland

Did you hear about the Asian guy eating uncooked food?

One could say he was...

Raw doggin' it

I have to admit that my wife's cooking has really increased my fondness for her.

She didn't taste that well raw

I've never eaten a baby

Raw

Did you know that 18% of women in the united states are battered everyday?

Wish someone would have told me.... I've been eating then raw all these years

Kid: Dad, these potatoes taste raw

Dad: not my fault, it's how they came

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a lawyer a fish...

And he'll sue you for giving out raw, uncooked food, and doing so without a license.

Why doesn't Gordon Ramsay like the WWE?

Because part of it is RAW

How does Lady Gaga like her meat?

raw raw raw raw raw

Do you like to draw?

Because I put the D in raw

Don't eat raw fish

You'll get salmonella

There's now way ramsay has children

He never does it raw.

How to make Raw jokes?

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