raw Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious raw puns

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

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I wish my penis felt the same way my nose currently does.

Because then it too would be raw from having been blown all day.

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Why does Gordon Ramsay hate unprotected sex?

It's fucking raw

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Why does Gordon Ramsey like to have sex with a condom?

Because he hates it raw.

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Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....

... and they're at death's door....

They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with strip after strip of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.

"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.

His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"

With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......

"ees... a.... Hambush"

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A man walks into a bar

Guy walks into a bar and sits at a table. Tells the waitress, "I'll have a Bloody Mary and a menu." When she returns with his drink, he asks "Still servin' breakfast?" When she says Yes, he replies, "Then I'll have two eggs-runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon-well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee." Indignantly the waitress says, "We don't serve that kinda stuff in here!" Guy says, "Funny... that's what I had in here yesterday..."

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What image format does Gordon Ramsay hates the most?

.raw

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Sex is like steak

you may enjoy it raw but that's how you get diseases

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Why doesn't Gordon Ramsay like having sex without a condom?

IT'S FUCKING RAW!

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These Seniors Couldn't Get The $2.99 Special Without Eggs, So They Did Something Genius

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'Senior Special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said, "but I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay more for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

"Yes," said the waitress.

"I'll take the special, then," my wife said.

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

Don't mess with Seniors!

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how can you drop a raw egg onto concrete floor without cracking it?

Anyway you want, a concrete floor is very hard to Crack!

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Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day

And all this time I've just been eating them raw...

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I ate 15 raw oysters last night at the restaurant. I paid for it with exploding diarrhea.

I think they would have preferred cash.

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Why Gordon Ramsey hates WWE

Because it's f*cking RAW

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Why does Gordon Ramsey always use a condom?

Because he hates when it's fucking raw.

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If you woke up in the woods?

Guy: "If you woke up in the middle of the woods bound and gagged bent over a tree stump with your trousers round your ankles and your arse red raw would you tell anyone?"

Girl: "No I don't think I would"

Guy: "Do you want to go camping?"

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How does Lady Gaga like her steaks?

Raw Raw RaAaAw

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What did Gordon Ramsay say when he went wrestling?

"This is fucking RAW!"

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How does Big Shaq compile his software?

From raw source.

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My girlfriend told me that if I took her to get sushi, I didn't have to use a condom after.

She's getting the raw end of that deal!

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Whats the worst part of eating 11 raw oysters out of your grandmothers vagina?

Realizing you only put 10 in

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The only reason why Gordon Ramsay watches Smackdown...

Is because it's not Raw.

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A man walks into a bar and sits at a table.

He tells the waitress, "I'll have a Bloody Mary and a menu." When she returns with his drink, he asks "Still serving breakfast?" She says yes. "Then I'll have two eggs-runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon ON END-well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee." Indignantly the waitress says, "We don't serve that kind of stuff in here!" The man responds, "Funny... that's what I had in here yesterday."

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A woman is very afraid of the size of her opening [NSFW]

So she goes to her mother, she says what am I going to do I'm so big down there when I marry Harry he's going to divorce me.

Her mother says don't worry sweetheart it runs in the family, do what I did when I married your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver, put it in there he'll never know the difference.

So she does.

They have eight hours of sex after their marriage. She wakes up at 10 o'clock, he's gone but there's a note on her pillow.
It says -:
My darling Harriet.
To think that I waited a year to consummate our loving relationship makes my heart beat so loudly I'm surprised it didn't wake you up.
The only reason I'm not here now darling is that I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we'll have dogs and children.

When the 5 o'clock dinner bell rings I will be home like the winged Gossamer of love in your arms.

Your loving husband, Harry.

PS. Your cunt is in the sink.

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A student wants to know how he did on a test

Student: I know my curved score was a 90, but how was my raw score?

Teacher: Medium rare

Student: What does that mean?

Teacher: Not well done.

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How does raw chicken taste?

Fowl

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TIL Gordon Ramsay had accidentally conceived a child while he was in high school.

He was fucking raw.

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What's Lady Gaga's favorite kind of meat?

Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw, Raw

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A girl's ass is like an onion...

...It'll give you really bad breath if you eat it raw!

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What file format does Gordon Ramsay take photos in?

FUCKING RAW!

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What's worse than sucking 12 raw oysters out of your grandma's vagina?

Realizing you only put in 11

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There are over 100,000 battered women in America

And all this time I've been eating them raw.

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I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

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I have a feeling Gordon Ramsay likes to wear condoms when he has sex

Because he doesn't like it raw.

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What's Lady Gaga's favorite food?

Sushi because they serve it raw, raw, raw\-raw\-raw!

(sorry I just saw the guy get to the front page with his stoned asparagus joke, so I wanted to try mine).

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What are the most funny Raw jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Raw? Well, here are the best Raw dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Raw pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes