Rattlesnake Jokes
20 rattlesnake jokes and hilarious rattlesnake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rattlesnake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Rattlesnake Short Jokes
Short rattlesnake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rattlesnake humour may include short venomous snake jokes also.
- My wife Not many of you know that my wife was bitten by a rattlesnake over the summer, while we were camping. After two days of horrible, writhing agony, the snake died.
- How did possums learn to play dead? When scientists learned that possums can survive up to 80 rattlesnake bites
- Most people think rattlesnakes and cobras are very dangerous... but really, they're completely armless.
- I couldn't decide whether to get my nephew a toy or a pet for his first birthday. Ended up buying him a rattlesnake.
- What do you call it when you are bitten by a rattlesnake, and your uncle is the sheriff, and his sidekick hand delivers you the antidote? Serumdeputy
- I was bit by a rattlesnake last summer. After three days of excruciating pain the snake died
- A sheep, a percussion instrument, and a rattlesnake walk into a bar... Baaa-Drum-Thhsssssss!
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Rattlesnake One Liners
Which rattlesnake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rattlesnake? I can suggest the ones about solid snake and alligator.
- How do you turn a cobra into a rattlesnake? Give it to Michael J Fox
- I can't believe rattlesnake warnings are called rattles and not cautionary tails
- What Snakes are best at dancing? Rattlesnakes, they like a Rhumba.
- What do baby pythons play with? Rattle-snakes.
- "Time heals all wounds ;)" - Rattlesnakes
Happy Rattlesnake Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about rattlesnake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lizard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rattlesnake pranks.
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
An insurance agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy.
The agent inquires, "Have you ever had an accident?"
"Never," the cowboy responds. "However, just recently a horse kicked in two of my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle."
"Wouldn't you call these accidents?" says the puzzled agent.
"Nah," the cowboy replies. "They both did it on purpose!"
A man finds a rhumba of rattlesnakes inside a suitcase
So he calls 911 and tells the operator about the matter at hand. The operator is shocked to hear this and asks whether the snakes are moving. The man says "I don't know, but that might explain the suitcase."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba and Jeff are walking through the brush
Bubba and Jeff are taking a walk through the brush sipping their Lone Stars. Jeff says "Hey Bubba, I got a take a leak", and he does. A rattlesnake pops up and bites Jeff on his member .... OUCH!
Jeff is rolling on the ground, and Bubba in a panic calls 911.
"911 What is your emergency?"
"My friend, He got bit by a rattlesnake, what do I do?"
"Stay calm sir .... It's necessary for you to s**... on the wound to draw the poison out"
"What if I can't do that?:" asks Bubba
"Then your friend will die."
"BUBBA", moans Jeff, "what are they telling you on the phone?"
"Jeff", says Bubba, "you're going to die"
