The Best 44 Rats Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rats jokes. There are some rats dustbin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rats lizards puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rats Jokes and Puns

Pest Control

There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them and they will only be back on Christmas and Easter.

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats.

An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

Rats joke, What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...

They do this for two reasons;

One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.

And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.

(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)

How many rats does it take to screw in a light bulb...

Two, but you have to wonder how they got in the light bulb.

Lawyers Vs Lab Rats

3 reasons lawyers should be used instead of lab rats.

1. They multiply more quickly than rats.

2. Lab staff don't become so emotionally involved, and;

3. there are just some things you can't persuade rats to do.

If you asked everyone in the world whether they preferred bunnies or rats

The results would be a little lop-sided.

Rats joke, If you asked everyone in the world whether they preferred bunnies or rats

What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen?


What do you call four rats on a mathematical equation?

A quadratic equation :)

The guy I hired to kill my rats is amazing

I think he's an ex-terminator

Elephants weigh more than rats.

weigh more.

You can explore rats octopussy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rats cockroaches dad jokes. There are also rats puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What's a shredder?

A person who doesn't like rats

Dogs are Great; I Have a Lab...

...and the results are much more reliable than when using rats.

A church has a rat problem

The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.

Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.

Today, i will be calling all the cockroaches and rats

Today, i will be calling all the cockroaches
and rats in my house for a meeting so we can discuss how we will be sharing the rent because i don't know who owns the house anymore.

I hear they're using lawyers in laboratory testing instead of rats..

apparently you don't get that attached to them as you do with the rats.

Rats joke, I hear they're using lawyers in laboratory testing instead of rats..

A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse.

That's the last time we're going to Disney.

What is the similarity between men and rats?

Both keep searching for new HOLES............

Yo Mama So Ugly

When she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.

What do rats call narcs?

This has been bothering me for a while..

What do rats call narcs?

Does anyone else feel sad that

Rats get all the latest medicines,vaccines and even experimental drugs where as million of humans are left to die? HUMAN LIVES MATTER TOO!!!!!

Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.

Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.
Suddenly, one says:
- You know Stefan, the book was better. (Ν‘ Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘ Β°)

Pixar movies over the years

What if toys had feelings?

What if bugs had feelings?

What if monsters had feelings?

What if fish had feelings?

What if superheroes had feelings?

What if cars had feelings?

What if rats had feelings?

What if robots hadd feelings?

What if boy scouts had feelings?

What if gingers had feelings?

What if feelings had feelings?

What if dinosaurs had feelings?

What if Mexicans had feelings?

What do ghetto rats and suburban soccer moms have in common?

They both enjoy the BBC.

In my job, I'm surrounded by faeces, rats and vomit all day long.

I hate working in a modern art gallery.

What's the difference between a scientist and a magician?

One pulls rabbits out of hats and the other polls habits out of rats

Rat Dreams

David goes to a doctor.
David : Doctor, I see weird dreams.... Rats play soccer in my dreams.
Doctor : I see... I'll write you some tablets. Start taking them from tonight.
David : Can I please start taking them from tomorrow?
Doctor : Why from tomorrow? Why not before going to bed tonight?
David : Because it's the finals tonight

I told my friend i couldn't hang out because i have the bubonic plague

He just said "aw rats" and walked off

Sleeping without cloth in my country

Sleeping UNCLAD in my country is very risky if you are a man, Rats may circumcise you.

What did the guy say to his friend with the Bubonic Plague?

Aw rats!

Where do mice and rats go to get drinks?

At a Squeakeasy!

A weird order at the pet shop

A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."

An scotsman went to norway for vacation

He was going in a taxi , when suddenly a moose crossed in front of them
Scotsman: What was that?
Driver: It was a moose
Scotsman(in heavy accent): Take me back to the airport right now. If the mouse are this big then I don't wanna even see the rats.

I tell my dates I have a PhD in sex talk.

They are not as impressed when learning my dissertation was on the "effects of female ultrasonic vocalization on male impotence in rats"

Finally revealed: the leading cause of death for rats and mice

Research scientists

WANTED: Large amount of rats, mice and bed bugs

… as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.

Why do rats run into a trap for a little bit of cheese? They are so stupid.

Oh, honey, I'm home!

What do rats like on their birthday?

Mice cream and cake!

C'mon, you know the rules!!

Arnold Schwarzeneggar never has mice, rats or cockroaches in his house

He is an ex Terminator

Everyone thinks lawyers are a bunch of sharks, rats and pit-bulls!

But really, they're all liti-gators

What do rich folks and rats have in common?

They're leaving New York City

Legal Humor

A recent news headline indicated that lawyers were now being used as experimental test subjects in place of laboratory rats. I read further because this just didn't seem right, but the story gave several very solid reasons for the substitution of lawyers for rats.

First: There are more of them.

Second: The researchers had a tendency to become attached to the laboratory rats.

Third: There are just some things you can't get a rat to do.

Two lab rats are talking…

One says Are you going to get that vaccine? The other says Are you crazy? They haven't even finished the human trials yet!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rats moths jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rats vermin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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