Rats Jokes
58 rats jokes and hilarious rats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Rats Short Jokes
Short rats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rats humour may include short pets jokes also.
- A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.
- What did Pablo Escobar say when he was ratted out by members of his own cartel? "I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
- My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero... At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.
- Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD. Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.
Suddenly, one says:
- You know Stefan, the book was better. (͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡ °) - 15 dollars for a rat trap, 3 dollars for cheese Coming home to find a house not full of droppings?. Miceless.
- Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner
- I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician... ...when I pulled a habit out of a rat.
- Arnold Schwarzeneggar never has mice, rats or cockroaches in his house He is an ex Terminator
- What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist? A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.
- A joke from my 10-year-old - what kind of car would a mouse or rat drive? A Mouse-or-ratty
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Rats One Liners
Which rats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rats? I can suggest the ones about rabbit and cats.
- What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant? Who cares? It's a relephant.
- What do you call a scientist that snitches on you ? A lab rat
- What did the mouse say when his cheese was stolen? Rats!
- I'm in a band called Arrogant Rat We're like Modest Mouse but way better
- What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake!
C'mon, you know the rules!! - What do you call 6.022x10^23 rodents? A Mol Rat
- What do you call four rats on a mathematical equation? A quadratic equation :)
- What do you call a rat that has reached enlightenment? A Buddha-Pest
- What do you call a tattoo'd rat? [OC] Tattatouille
(My first post here, hope I did okay) - Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese? Because he's not a rat.
- I have two pet rats in love with each other They just got encaged.
- At the laboratory, what did they name their first experimental subject? Lab rat Tory
- What do you call someone who rats out the Yakuza? An Akuza.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- What do rich folks and rats have in common? They're leaving New York City
Howlingly Hilarious Rats Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about rats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hamster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rats pranks.
Pest Control
There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them and they will only be back on Christmas and Easter.
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats.
An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
I hear scientists have recently started using lawyers as opposed to rats for scientific experiments...
They do this for two reasons;
One, The scientists become less attached to the lawyers.
And two, there are certain things that even *rats* won't do.
(This is a joke from the film, **Hook**. I never realized how funny it was)
How many rats does it take to screw in a light bulb...
Two, but you have to wonder how they got in the light bulb.
Lawyers Vs Lab Rats
3 reasons lawyers should be used instead of lab rats.
1. They multiply more quickly than rats.
2. Lab staff don't become so emotionally involved, and;
3. there are just some things you can't persuade rats to do.
If you asked everyone in the world whether they preferred bunnies or rats
The results would be a little lop-sided.
The guy I hired to kill my rats is amazing
I think he's an ex-terminator
What's a shredder?
A person who doesn't like rats
A church has a rat problem
The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back.
Next they try ask them politely to leave, still they won't budge.
Finally the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.
Now they only come at Christmas and Easter.
Today, i will be calling all the cockroaches and rats
Today, i will be calling all the cockroaches
and rats in my house for a meeting so we can discuss how we will be sharing the rent because i don't know who owns the house anymore.
I hear they're using lawyers in laboratory testing instead of rats..
apparently you don't get that attached to them as you do with the rats.
Yo Mama So Ugly
When she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
Pixar movies over the years
What if toys had feelings?
What if bugs had feelings?
What if monsters had feelings?
What if fish had feelings?
What if superheroes had feelings?
What if cars had feelings?
What if rats had feelings?
What if robots hadd feelings?
What if boy scouts had feelings?
What if gingers had feelings?
What if feelings had feelings?
What if dinosaurs had feelings?
What if Mexicans had feelings?
What do ghetto rats and suburban soccer moms have in common?
They both enjoy the BBC.
What's the difference between a scientist and a magician?
One pulls rabbits out of hats and the other polls habits out of rats
Rat Dreams
David goes to a doctor.
David : Doctor, I see weird dreams.... Rats play soccer in my dreams.
Doctor : I see... I'll write you some tablets. Start taking them from tonight.
David : Can I please start taking them from tomorrow?
Doctor : Why from tomorrow? Why not before going to bed tonight?
David : Because it's the finals tonight
I told my friend i couldn't hang out because i have the bubonic plague
He just said "aw rats" and walked off
Where do mice and rats go to get drinks?
At a Squeakeasy!
A weird order at the pet shop
A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."
An scotsman went to norway for vacation
He was going in a taxi , when suddenly a moose crossed in front of them
Scotsman: What was that?
Driver: It was a moose
Scotsman(in heavy accent): Take me back to the airport right now. If the mouse are this big then I don't wanna even see the rats.
I tell my dates I have a PhD in s**... talk.
They are not as impressed when learning my dissertation was on the "effects of female ultrasonic vocalization on male impotence in rats"
WANTED: Large amount of rats, mice and bed bugs
… as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.
Why do rats run into a trap for a little bit of cheese? They are so s**....
Oh, honey, I'm home!
Everyone thinks lawyers are a bunch of sharks, rats and pit-bulls!
But really, they're all liti-gators
Legal Humor
A recent news headline indicated that lawyers were now being used as experimental test subjects in place of laboratory rats. I read further because this just didn't seem right, but the story gave several very solid reasons for the substitution of lawyers for rats.
First: There are more of them.
Second: The researchers had a tendency to become attached to the laboratory rats.
Third: There are just some things you can't get a rat to do.
Two lab rats are talking…
One says Are you going to get that vaccine? The other says Are you crazy? They haven't even finished the human trials yet!
After 20 years, I finally managed to teach rodents how to dance.
When I asked my colleagues what they thought, all they had to say to me was, "Conga rats."
What's the difference between a magician and a psychology researcher?
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, a psychology researcher pulls habits out of rats.
A Scotsman goes to visit his Canadian cousin
They're out walking in the wilderness, when suddenly this huge moose walks past them. The Scotsman, having never seen one before, is astounded.
"What the b**... h**... was that?" he asks.
"Oh, that?" the Canadian replies. "That's just one of our Canadian moose."
"Good God," the Scotsman cries, "if that's a moose, how big are your rats?!"
Research
Guy in a bar reading the newspaper: Wow. Listen to this! A 'highly regarded research laboratory' was just found to be using lawyers instead of rats.
Barman: Why would they do that? Aren't lawyers a lot more expensive?
Guy: Sure, but there are some things even a rat won't do.
A man goes to see a psychologist...
The man tells the doctor that he has a recurring nightmare in which two teams of rats play football.
The doctor said: 'Take this pill, and tonight the nightmare is gone.'
'I can't do that.' The other one said.
'Why not?' The doctor asked, puzzled.
With a grin on his face, he said: 'The final game of the season is tonight.'
A man goes to see a psychologist..
'Doctor, I keep dreaming about two teams of rats dressed like humans that play football.'
'I see. Take this pill tonight, and the dream will be gone.'
'No, no. I can't do it tonight.'
'Why not?' Asked the puzzled doctor.
With a grin, the man said. 'Tonight's the final game of the season.'
