Rated Jokes

123 rated jokes and hilarious rated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover top rated jokes for all ages, from G rated to PG rated. Check out our collections of Transformers, Creed and the lowest rated jokes.

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Funniest Rated Short Jokes

Short rated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rated humour may include short rating jokes also.

  1. In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50. These are the pie rates of the caribbean.
  2. I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
    I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
  3. 1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados. And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
  4. The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
  5. Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00? Those are the pie rates of the carribean.
  6. There Once Was A Poet Named Bates, His poems weren't always first rate,
    His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
    Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
  7. Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate? They don't like Fat Man and Little Boy
  8. TIL Texas is called the lone star state because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system
  9. A slice of pie costs $3.50 in Barbados, $3.00 in Saint Lucia, $2.50 in Belize, and $2 in Cuba.
    Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  10. Movie Ratings Explained G: Nobody gets the girl.
    PG: The good guy gets the girl.
    R: The bad guy gets the girl.
    X: Everybody gets the girl!

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Rated One Liners

Which rated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rated? I can suggest the ones about ranked and rates.

  1. Why did elon musk go broke? Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.
  2. Why don't alien visit our solar system? Terrible ratings. One star.
  3. Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? How I bought your mother
  4. 3.14% of sailors are... π-rates.
  5. Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10 Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.
  6. String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
  7. 3.14% of all sailors are Pi-rates! (Have a great pi-day)
  8. I'm so dumb and out of shape My resting heart rate is higher than my IQ
  9. I went online and rated our Solar System Gave it one star.
  10. Why don't aliens visit Earth Bc we have 1 star rating...
  11. Why were birth rates low in 1970? You can't get pregnant during '69.
  12. Vladimir Putin's approval rate is 80%... The other 20% are missing.
  13. If I had to rate the solar system I'd give it one star.
  14. I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5 It was a pi rated DVD
  15. How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship? 9/11

A Rated Jokes

Here is a list of funny a rated jokes and even better a rated puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A slice of pie is $2.50 in the Bahamas. A slice of pie is $ 3.00 in Jamaica.
    Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  • Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA? The Make-A-Wish foundation.
  • Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.
  • The Avengers are over rated. The Baltimore rioters destroyed half a city without any superpowers at all.
  • I asked my wife.. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
    "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
    I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton..
  • Meanwhile in business news... ...balloon prices are plummeting. Experts are putting it down to a poor inflation rate
  • Overheard in line for a movie... Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
    Teenage boy: "October 12th."
    Employee: "What year?"
    Boy: "Every year."
  • My sister is an expert pastry-maker. She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.
  • Why does japan have such a Low birth rate? Because the last time they saw a little boy, 90000 people died
  • The line "Do you come here often?" Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.

Rated R Jokes

Here is a list of funny rated r jokes and even better rated r puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why are band and orchestra rated R? All the sax and violins
  • A documentary about the history of the computer desktop was recently given an R rating... Turns out every icon was a little graphic.
  • I heard the new Calculus movie was rated R It contains graphic content
  • Star Wars was originally supposed to be an R-rated movie on account of one characters dialogue, But luckily they bleeped all R2-D2's lines out.
  • Why was the musical R-rated? Because there was lots of Sax and Violins.
  • I just watched a pirate movie It was rated "R"
  • Who can watch an R rated movie but not a PG? Batman
  • The Violin Ensemble playing in Carnegie Hall somehow got an R-18 rating... The censors say it contains explicit scenes of violins encore.
  • Why is the movie about the early Germanic people rated r It contains Saxon violence.
  • Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history... Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it....
    [credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]
Rated joke, Fifty Shades of Grey beat the record for fastest selling R-rated movie in history...

R Rated Jokes

Here is a list of funny r rated jokes and even better r rated puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale? Urinate
  • 50 shades of grey broke a lot of box office records for R-rated movies… Well first it tied them, then it beat them.
  • I saw a movie once with a lot of racist profanity Obviously, it got rated a hard R.
  • I asked my friend if he wanted to seesaw. He told me he can't because his mom doesn't let him watch R-Rated movies.
  • There is another Pirate movie coming out. Its going to be rated "R".
  • Why are pirates not allowed to work at the MPAA? They rated every movie R
  • I'm surprised An Inconvenient Sequel didn't get an R rating. It had so much Gore
  • 51 R-Rated Ho GIFs |
  • Any golf jokes? Was hoping you guys would have a few golf jokes for when I play my first game tomorrow. From PG to R rated is fine with me ;)
  • If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.

Highest Rated Jokes

Here is a list of funny highest rated jokes and even better highest rated puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL people who are color blind have the highest rates of divorce. They can't see the red flags.
  • Why is Texas called the Lone Star State? Because that's the highest rating it could get
  • Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating? 1.1 million stars
  • Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners. What a sad state of affairs.
  • A recent study found that California has the highest rate of Depression and Infidelity in America. It's a sad state of affairs.
  • Courtesy of my 8yo son What's the highest rating that cheese can get?
  • Rick and morty recently surpassed Big Bang Theory as the highest rated comedy on television... In other news, apparently Big Bang Theory is supposed to be funny.
  • After reading that Afghanistan had the highest infant mortality rate, this occurred to me. What do you call Afghan triplets?
    I am so sorry....
  • What part of Italy has the highest crime rate, The spaghetto
  • Did you know that Germany has one of the highest renewable energy use ratings in the world? They most certainly use less gas now.

G Rated Jokes

Here is a list of funny g rated jokes and even better g rated puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A joke my 8 year old brother told me. G rating Why dont you take a pokemon to the bathroom.
    Because it might pi-ka-chu
  • I watched a film about cheese. It was G-Rated.
  • Taking my 4 year old to see Straight Outta Compton. I can't remember ever being this excited for a movie that's rated G.
  • Group hugs are like.... Group hugs are like a G rated o**...
Rated joke, Group hugs are like....

Gather Around for Fun Rated Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about rated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rated pranks.

Wanna know why China has 5 stars in their country flag?

It's how much they rated themselves for the human rights violations

Need a good PG rated joke for a class...anybody have one?

I've been scouring the posts on here but a lot of them are highly s**.../not appropriate.
Have to give a joke for my Toastmasters class. Ideas?

Supposedly this joke was rated the funniest joke in a survey of British people...

Patient: Doctor, last night, I made Freudian slip. I was sitting at the dinner table next to my mother-in-law. I turned to her and I meant to say,"Please pass the salt", but instead I said "You fat cow, you've ruined my life".

More Pirate Jokes

Me and my one legged pirate friend went out to dinner last night. You know where we went?
Afterwards we went to go see a movie, guess what it's rated.
you know why its rated R?
Because of all the b**...!

Why couldn't Batman go to the movie?

Because it was rated "PG"

City Life

At first I was Ern(e)st and Young, but then became Standard and Poor: yet when I got broody I was rated as Moody, loosing my triple A score

Arrgh! These be some pirate jokes.

Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrgggghhhh
What is a pirates favorite letter?
Most think it's Arrrrgh but, it is really the Sea(c).

I think they need to come out with an R rated Toy Story where the mom's s**... toys all come to life too.

The theme song should still be "You got a friend in me".

What's the highest rated hotel in the world?

Aushwitz, 6 million stars.

I rated that girl a 10

on the pH scale because she looked pretty basic.

Why was the p**...'s movie rated PG-13?

It only had minor n**....

I've come to the realisation that tofu is over rated-

It's just a curd to me.

Jews rated their trip to auschwitz

It was one star

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature??

I guess it's too grue-some.

Why wasn't the boy allowed into the pirate movie?

Because it was rated "Rrrrrrr".

How do you get a billionaire to donate their fortune to Planned Parenthood?

Take them to a PG rated movie.

I talked to a guy named Youssef today from customer service

I rated him 5 stars for being yousseful

Why did the movie about a String orchestra get rated R16?

It contained violins

Have you heard of the new pirate movie?


Why don't we have any alien visitors in our solar system?

I googled it and found the reason...
It's rated only '1 star' out there.

What kind of movies do pirates like?

Aaaarrrrrrrr rated movies

If my ex were to be rated by ESRB

She would be Rated E for Everyone.

Did you hear about the cruise that was rated 3.14 out of 10?

It was a pi-rate ship


This is underRated

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not m**... you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

A guy was meeting his friend in the bar

As he walked in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his friend, "but when I walked in they were speaking German"

Dropped a dad joke bomb on an unsuspecting game stop employee

In Game Stop yesterday with my teenaged son, the the cashier asked me if I was ok buying a game that was rated T for teen, I replied "Of course, he is Four Teen!"

I'm making a movie about meiosis

It's going to be rated R
Because s**... cells.

Why couldnt the 11 year old enter the pirate movie?

....Because it was rated Argggh

Why are pirates so v**...?

The only movies they watch are rated "R".

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?

It was rated AARRR

If your mother was a video game she would be rated E

Because she has a great personality and I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be friends with her.

Today I was rated a 2 in binary!

Because I am 1 0

Arsenal are playing Vorskla in the UEFA cup tonight.

They aren't that highly rated and no one really knows much about them, but apparently they're a small club from North London. 😁

They're making a x rated version of Alice in wonderland where Alice is played by a dominiatrix

It's called Alice in chains

Somalian women were rated the hottest out of any country...

They're all pirates, of course they have the most b**....

My mom wont let me go see the new pirate movie...

Because its rated NC-17 for all of the b**... it shows the pirates fighting over.

A man and his daughter get into an intense arguement.

Finally the daughter can take it anymore and storms off to her room shouting "Jim Morrison is over rated" before angrily shutting her bedroom door.
Her father equally as angry yelled back "How many times do I have to tell you? In this house we dont slam The Doors."

o**... bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

Why are most solar systems bad business partners?

Most are rated one star and even the best only have three.

Why havent aliens visited us

They looked at the reviews, we were rated 1 star

When I grow up and have kids in a couple of decades. I won't be worried when the day comes they ask for for the newest released M rated game. I'm confident I won't even need to play its unsuitable.

I mean I've played GTA 5 before.

What's the worst rated US State on yelp?

The Lone Star State.

What do you call a music game rated for everyone?

E minor.

My friends asked me where they could get a decent coffee table and I said I could make one for them for $500. They were delighted and agreed to it. But when I eventually got it to them, they seemed really ungrateful.

I have no idea why, it was fantastic. It rated 100 different types of coffee from 1 -10 and was one of the best spreadsheets I've ever made.

If I rated my love for you from 1-10 it'd be pi

Because it is both infinite, and not that much.

Why do pirates not enjoy watching children's movies?

They're not rated arrr

Movie ratings are an indication of who gets the girl

* Rated G - the prince gets the girl.
* Rated PG - the hero gets the girl.
* Rated R - the villain gets the girl.
* Rated X - everyone gets the girl!

leather quality ratings

Leather is rated based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides, rated A . But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically D Hide-Rated.

Why can't you tell pirate jokes to kids?

Because they're all ARRRRR rated!

Rated joke, Why can't you tell pirate jokes to kids?

jokes about rated