Rate Jokes

Funniest Rate Short Jokes

Short rate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rate humour may include short rank jokes also.

1. In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50. These are the pie rates of the caribbean.
2. I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
   I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
3. The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
4. Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate? They don't like Fat Man and Little Boy
5. Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA? The Make-A-Wish foundation.
6. Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. ... i can find the door out.
7. I asked my wife.. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said,
   "You're an 8 on a scale of 10."
   I still don't get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton..
8. Meanwhile in business news... ...balloon prices are plummeting. Experts are putting it down to a poor inflation rate
9. Overheard in line for a movie... Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
   Teenage boy: "October 12th."
   Employee: "What year?"
   Boy: "Every year."
10. My sister is an expert pastry-maker. She has to be to stay employed, her job has a high turnover rate.

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Rate One Liners

Which rate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rate? I can suggest the ones about price and score.

1. Why did elon musk go broke? Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.
2. Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? How I bought your mother
3. 3.14% of sailors are... π-rates.
4. Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10 Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.
5. String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
6. I'm so dumb and out of shape My resting heart rate is higher than my IQ
7. I went online and rated our Solar System Gave it one star.
8. Why were birth rates low in 1970? You can't get pregnant during '69.
9. Vladimir Putin's approval rate is 80%... The other 20% are missing.
10. I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5 It was a pi rated DVD
11. How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship? 9/11
12. Why is it hard to work at an apple pie factory? They have such a high turnover rate.
13. I gave that movie 3.14 stars! Cause I pi-rated it.
14. Why are band and orchestra rated R? All the sax and violins
15. I heard the new Calculus movie was rated R It contains graphic content

Heart Rate Jokes

Here is a list of funny heart rate jokes and even better heart rate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I was sending letters to a kid with cancer I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.
• Sleep patterns are fascinating. There's light sleep, where your heart rate slows; deep sleep, where you can't easily be wakened; and REM sleep, where you lose your religion.
• This elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.
• A man with manic depression buys a heart rate monitor It was made by Polar
• What did the sheep with a high heart rate say to himself? Be still my _bleat_-ing heart!
• Jack & Jill Went In To Town..... To buy some chips and sweeties.
  Now Jack can't keep his heart rate down
  and Jill has Diabetes
• I just plugged in my phone to charge... and now my grans heart rate monitor wont shut up with this long beep and its driving me nuts!
• Joke dad did with doc and got a brief confused look before a chuckle After saying the heart rate out loud (in beats per minute) dad asked if that was metric or imperial values.
• Hey, what's that straight line on my heart rate monitttttttttttttttt
• My doctor says I have the resting heart rate of an Olympic athlete, after they won the 100m.

Exchange Rate Jokes

Here is a list of funny exchange rate jokes and even better exchange rate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Just went to the supermarket and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas I can't believe the currant exchange rate.
• An Iranian goes to exchange some currency He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.
  "Now, or... now?"
• 5 Brazilian dollars sounds like a lot of money... However, with the current exchange rate its only about $1.35 USD
• I went to the supermarket the other day and traded 100 raisins for a handful of grapes. Can't believe the currant exchange rates
• What's the exchange rate for pigs and trees? A porcupine.

Rate Of Change Jokes

Here is a list of funny rate of change jokes and even better rate of change puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I needed an emergency tire change. I asked what the hourly rate was. I was relieved when they said it's a... ...Flat Fee.
• Haven't you heard? Some pirates are going for a career change to bankers, and they've got good rates. Pi-rates.
• in the wake of the pandemic and failing ratings, AMC's The Walking Dead has changed it's format. it will now be a reality show shot solely inside America's nursing homes.
• What's the instantaneous rate of change of an Italian farewell? Derivederci!
• The divorce rate in Virginia is so high... ..... ... that they are changing the official state slogan to "Virginia is for ex-lovers".
• Fun fact: Gauge Theory is the instantaneous rate of change calculated off a pre established baseline. A 12 gauge is how Kurt Cobain died.
• Fastest way to be rich, 100% success rate! Change your name to Rich.
• You must be 1/x, Because you are the rate of change of my natural log.
• S&P just changed Russia's credit rating from AAA to AHAHAHA

Divorce Rate Jokes

Here is a list of funny divorce rate jokes and even better divorce rate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why do horses have such a low divorce rate? Because they're all in *stable* relationships!
• After I got divorced, my former wife told me about a movie she gave 2 thumbs up that I should definitely take the kids to see. I told her, "That wouldn't be appropriate. That movie is ex-rated"
• Why are divorce rates so high in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
• I always wondered why there is such a high rate of divorce among tennis players Then I realized love means nothing to them.
• The divorce rate has now reached 50%. That means statistically speaking, either you or your spouse are going to end up divorced.
• Red Dead Redemption 2 releases on October 26 Experts predict that both unemployment and divorce rates will rise very soon.
• Why do melons have such a low divorce rate? ...because they Cantaloupe...

Interest Rate Jokes

Here is a list of funny interest rate jokes and even better interest rate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Most people want to be bankers when they grow up But at this rate they are gonna lose interest
• There's been some interesting science news today. Apparently materials with a half life of 3 pass through valves at a extremely slow rate.
  -plauge inc
• If they raise the interest rates one more time... ...You're going to see Janet Yellen.
• The interest rates for a loan in the carribean are... 3.14.
• What do you call a shark that sells dirt at high interest rates? A loam shark.
• My banker friend keeps talking about how attractive he is... He keeps talking about his high interest rates.
  This made my fiancee try to smother me with a pillow.
• Why can't economist get laid? Cause they can't get global growth 3% and interest rates are low

Comedy Rate Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about rate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean percentage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rate pranks.