The doctor says, "well you'll have to stop masturbating". Man says "why?"
Doctor says, "because it's making it really hard to examine you"
I need to quit making rash decisions.
He kept making rash decisions.
After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $55 bill
Find the nearest skyscraper.
Jim goes to the Doctors about a rash. "Doc, I've had this rash on my chin for 2 weeks now. I've tried everything; aloe vera, tea tree oil, vaseline. Nothing works."
The Doctor says "Oh I've seen this before"
"You have?"
"Yes. I had the exact same thing last week. I was going down on my wife once a night for a week and one morning, it was gone. You should try it"
"Ok Doc!"
So he goes off and comes back 2 days later.
"Wow, Doc, You were right. It does work. And I must say, what a beautiful house you have"
They make rash decisions
Oink-ment!
"Woah, woah, woah, doc," I replied. "Let's not make any rash decisions."
A woman walks into the dermatologists office complaining about a rash on her chest. The doctor asks to take a look, so she removes her shirt, revealing a large, red 'H' on her skin. Believing this to be a case of contact dermatitis, the doctor asks her what could have caused this. "Well", she said, "when my boyfriend and I get it on, he likes to wear his Harvard sweatshirt." He notices that she is obviously allergic to the paint on her boyfriend's sweatshirt; she is treated with a steroid and sent her way.
A few days later another girl comes in with the same symptoms. This time she has a large 'M' on her chest. The doctor decides to act like a hot-shot and show off in front of the girl. "Let me guess" the doctor says, "Your boyfriend went to Michigan?" "No", the girl says, "but my girlfriend went to Wellesley."
When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.
I refuse to make rash decisions.
He just said "I don't wanna make any rash decisions ."
Doctor: What toiletries are you using?
Me: Steven's soap, Steven's shampoo, Steven's toothpaste and Steven's toothbrush.
Doctor: Huh, so is Steven's a foreign brand?
Me: No, Steven is my roommate.
*Rash*
There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.
My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.
I didn't want to make a rash decision.
He made too many rash decisions.
It was a rash decision.
They make a lot of rash decisions.
he told me to make it topical.
Don't make any rash decisions.
He was making too many rash decisions.
I can't believe he was acneing so stupid.
The pennies make my hands come out in a rash.
Which makes it easier for me, as I'm terrible at making rash decisions.
He has shingles.
A rash of good luck
He says "Son, I'm dying. So listen closely." He sneezes on the boy's face. "I have a skin rash, dry cough, pink eye, diarrhea, headache, koplik's spots, sensitivity to light, sore throat, and/or swollen lymph nodes." Then he coughs on the boy's mouth. "So I want you to make sure that your brother gets m'brushes." As he says this he spits in the boy's eye. "Make sure your sister gets m'paintings." He convulses, spilling his bed pan over the boy's chest, before speaking his last words, "I want you to get m'easels."
'Why do you break out in a rash every time I give you your pay check?'
Me: 'I'm allergic to peanuts!'
The doctor thought it was a little rash.
It was a real rash decision.
Pseudocrem
My roommate had a terrible rash that didn't seem to want to go away.
He decided to go see the doctor about it.
I came home that day to see him crying on the couch.
"Oh no... bad news?"
"Nope! The doctor said I'll be fine. He told me to 'Just go home and moist your eyes.'"
Turns out it's pachydermatitis.
He had an Al orgy.
Choose your doctor and medication carefully, you don't want to make any rash decisions.
But it's starting to grow on me.
I asked if it would get better, but he said he didn't want to make any rash promises.
a HULK RASH!!!!
It turned out to be a rash decision.
The doc looks into his throat, makes his diagnosis;
doc: " Looks like you have strep. Have you taken penicillin before?"
man: " Yes I have".
doc: " Alright."
The doctor's nurse gives the man penicillin and within minutes, he starts convulsing, having a full body rash and trouble breathing. The doctor runs back into the room and yells at the man
doc: " I ASKED YOU IF YOU'D TAKEN PENICILLIN BEFORE?"
The man replies in a muffled voice: "Yea, and the same thing happened last time too"
They are both by Constable
(really bad, so sorry)
I caught a Bulb-a-sore.
Irrational
Excsma.
I accidently mixed up some poison ivy with a 4 leafed clover and ever since I've had a rash of good luck...
We have collected gags and puns about Rash to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Rash? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Rash pick up lines to share with friends.