The Best 73 Rape Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rape jokes. There are some rape rapier jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rape fraud puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rape Jokes and Puns

What's white on top and black on bottom?

Society.

Whats black on top and white on bottom?

rape.

I said to my girlfriend, "Do you want to experiment with a role-play rape fantasy?"

She said, "**NO!**"

I said, "*That's the spirit!*" —Jimmy Carr

What do 9 out of 10 people call a good time?

Gang rape.

Rape joke, What do 9 out of 10 people call a good time?

Today I called the rape help line...

But apparently it's just meant for the victims.

A woman stopped me in the street today and told me a joke.

After hearing it, I thought it had all the ingredients of a great joke: child abuse; incestual rape, tears, poverty and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline.

Something about $10 a month...


Maybe not a joke as much as a cute misunderstanding but...

I cracked open a rape kit last weekend. I had never seen one before.

Anyway, I obviously have been operating under a huge misconception. I laughed so hard, she got away.

A man is asked to give a speech on rape...

He stands up and says "Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..."

Then sat down.

Rape joke, A man is asked to give a speech on rape...

So I tried using one of those date rape drugs the other night...

It turns out its really hard to rape a girl when you're drooling on the floor the room is spinning.

You know how dolphins rape a lot?

They do it on porpoise.

Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.

* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.

* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.

* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.

* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.

* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today.

Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

You can explore rape accuse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rape gangrape dad jokes. There are also rape puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A German woman was walking down a dark alley when she got accosted by eleven men...

...who tear her clothes apart and start to rape and molest her. The woman shouts 'Nien! Nien!', so two of them left.

A man comes home to his wife...

Upon entering their home he promtly asks her, "hey honey, do you want to play the rape game tonight?", a flat and unenthusiastic "no" is her response, to which he replies excitedly "good sport"

What do nine out of ten people agree on?

Gang rape.

Raped by a canadian

A woman called the police saying she was raped by a canadian, the policeman asked how she knew he was canadian. She said he said sorry after.

Next time somebody tries to argue using statistics....

Remind them that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Rape joke, Next time somebody tries to argue using statistics....

A greedy man, a rapist, and an alcoholic...

A greedy man, a rapist, and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, rape, and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the rapist disappears.

Latvian Joke

Man sits in broken cottage with daughter. Man is cold and hungry. Man not have potato for days.
"Knock, knock" is heard at door.
"Who there is" man say.
"Politburo"
"Politburo who" say man.
Politburo burst in cottage rape daughter. Man now cold, hungry and sad.

Which one is the odd one out; monopoly, rape, incest?

Rape. It's not a family game.


I got accused of date rape once in college, but that's ridiculous.

It wasn't a date.

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh so you're still on the first episode then?"

How many MRAs does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't see what that has to do with false rape accusations.

I got raped by a troupe of mimes last night

They performed unspeakable acts.

I called the rape support hotline last night.

Apparently it is only for victims.

The rape advice hotline hung up on me today...

Apparently "How do I stop them from blowing a rape whistle?" wasn't a valid question

I asked a group of women if they found rape jokes funny. They all said "no!"

But deep down I knew they really meant "yes."

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

I almost got raped in jail ...

My family takes monopoly way too seriously.

Statistically...

9 out of 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.

Rape fantasy

Guy: "Wanna do a rape fantasy?"

Woman: "No!"

Guy: "That's the spirit"

I was raped by a group of mimes

They did unspeakable things to me

What's the simplest way to prevent rape?

Consent.

What has four letters, but a long sentence?

Rape.

Did blacks invent rape?

Or did they steal that too?

I wanted to upload the Mexico-Chile game to PornHub...

... but PornHub said they don't accept rape.

What stops rape every single time?

Consent

I asked my wife if she was up for a game of rape

She said no

I said that's the spirit

Making jokes about rape is hard...

because it's such a touchy subject and you always have to force it

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to take part in a rape fantasy

She screamed NO!!

I said thats the spirit

Rape in an elevator is wrong....

on so many levels

What do you call an obese woman with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

Two guys in a communal shower...

Guy1: You wanna play the rape game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!

What's a pirate's favourite...

What's a pirate's favourite architectural feature?

An *arrr*ch.

What's a pirate's favourite place to play?

A p*arrr*k.

What's a pirate's favourite thing to do to women?

Rape.

I never understood why society romanticises pirates.

Guy: "Ever had a rape fantasy?"

Girl: "No"

Guy: "That's the spirit"

A nun was out for a walk...

...when a black van pulls up beside her. A man jumps out and drags her into the van were he proceeds to rape her. When he's done he stands up beside her and asks:
- So what are you gonna tell your sisters when you get back?
- I will tell them the truth. That a horrible man attacked me and raped me twice.
- Twice? the man asks.
- Yes. the nun replies. If your not in a rush of course?

I prevented a rape today.

I convinced her.

Rape...

Short word.
Long sentence.

My friend told me I cant joke about rape.

So, your honor, I had to follow through with it.

How do you properly tell a joke about rape?

You ask for permission first, then you tell it anyway

I don't understand why society is so against gang rape.

I mean statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy it.

I called the rape advice hotline the other day...

Turns out, it was meant for victims

I'm not proud of it but I used the date rape drug last night...

All it did was make me tired. I wasn't able to get any of my raping done.

I called the rape advice hotline today

Apparently it's only for victims

Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?

There will be Moore children to rape.

When someone says "Rape jokes aren't funny," I don't care.

It's not like I asked for their consent anyway.

Two nuns are walking down a dark alley one night.

Two men suddenly jump out of the shadows and start to rape them. The first nun looks up toward heaven and says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are doing."

The second nun looks up and says,
"This one does!"

I asked my girlfriend to play a rape fantasy role-play.

She said "No!" So, I said "That's the spirit!"

I asked my wife if she wanted to play the rape game.

"No. Never." she squealed.

I grinned at her and replied, "That's the spirit!"

Last night I asked my wife if she would like to roleplay rape

"No", she replied.
"That's the spirit"

When I went to the hospital I saw a sign that said "rape victims".

So I did.

I was getting raped last night and I kept calling for help.

Unfortunately, the only person the came was the rapist.

I was raped within the first five minutes of being in jail

That's the last time I play Monopoly with my dad

Rape

small word, long sentence.

What does c in rape stands for?

Consent.

As for a non-Dad joke....not for sensitive types

A woman runs into a police station yelling "Grape! Grape! Grape!"

The policeman says "Don't you mean rape?"

"No" she replied, "There were a bunch of them".

Me: I was raped in jail mom

... Dad's taking Monopoly too seriously

I'm voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with rape allegations this year for president.

But I'm still not sure which one to pick.

Rape jokes aren't funny

Unless told without consent

I hate rape jokes

They always feel forced.

In light of the rising number of rape cases, the police is advising women to carry a Tide pod in their purses at all times.

It's supposed to deter gents.



>!Had to change up the premise a bit, since in my language detergente - > deter gente, literally "to detain/arrest people". Glad it works out almost the same!<

A woman goes fishing...

Just as she's about to get on the boat, the park ranger comes to her and says: "Ma'am, fishing is prohibited here. I'm gonna have to fine you."

And she responds: "But I haven't even started fishing yet."

To which he responds: "But you have the tools, right?"

So she says: "Ok then. If you fine me, then I will accuse you of rape."

Suddenly bewildered, the ranger says: "But I didn't even touch you."

To which she responds: "But you have the tools, right?"

I had sex with Michelangelo's David

and now they're trying to charge me with with statutory rape

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rape robberies jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rape statistically piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes