Ranting Jokes

A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.

A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.
"My beautiful BMW! The g**... door was torn right off!"
The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the c**...."
The man looks down at the b**... stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "*My Rolex!*"

I met a conspiracy theorist in Israel the other day.

He kept ranting about Jews secretly not controlling the government.

A recently divorced couple were in court

battling over the custody of their child.
The mother spoke first, ranting and raving about what a terrible father her ex husband had been.
The judge asks the father if he had any comments.
The father simply replied:
"If I place a quarter in a gum-ball machine, who get to keep the candy? Me or the gum-ball machine?"

Two Southern Baptist ministers are having lunch

And as they often do, they start ranting about the immorality found in society. One of them starts ranting about pre-marital s**.... "It's a sin, I tell you, all of these young kids having relations outside the holy covenant of marriage. Well, I can tell you one thing, I didn't have s**... with my wife before we were married - how about you?"
The other minister thinks for a second and says "I don't think so - what was her maiden name?"

My friend wouldn't stop ranting about his idea for a countertop factory...

Honestly, I thought it was all counter-productive.

ranting about internet is like puberty

except in puberty you see change.

A suspected criminal with a history of threatening violence is under investigation is ranting and raving about a law officer in public is the President of the United States.