Ransom Jokes

Make your friends and family laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes based on classic ransom notes. From clever jokes about tax-payers to puns involving a douse, these funny stories told by a kidnapper guarantee a few giggles.

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Best Short Ransom Jokes

These are our top ransom puns. Have fun with a good ransom joke in English with simple ransom humour.

  1. Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom... ...but we could only come up with half.
    Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US
  2. Chuck Norris got ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom If the money wasn't paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded
  3. I just received an email titled $50 TO SEE justin bieber LIVE I'm really the wrong person to email for these kind of ransoms.
  4. Got a call that my Grandma only has 1 day left to live... But I'm still not paying the ransom.
  5. After she decided to dump me, my rich ex-girlfriend has been begging me to take her back. I explained that when her family pays the ransom she will be safely returned.
  6. I just got an email with the subject Just $50 to see Justin Bieber Live! I thought, Why am I supposed to pay the ransom?
  7. Throughout my career, I have delivered many babies. I have always enjoyed parents's look when they see their kids returned to them safely and unharmed after they pay me the ransom I asked.
  8. I just found out my grandmother only has one day left to live. And I know this might sound cruel... ...but I'm not paying the ransom. -Anthony Jeselnik
  9. Chuck Norris' plane was hijacked by terrorists and landed at a foreign country for ransom The demand was to pay $5,000,000 within 24 hours, otherwise Chuck Norris would behead the terrorists.
  10. Just received an e.mail stating $50 dollars to see Cardi B. live. I'm probably not the right person to spam for these types of ransoms.
Ransom joke, Just received an e.mail stating $50 dollars to see Cardi B. live.

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these ransom jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ransom puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Ransom One Liners

Which ransom dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ransom?

  1. What type of writing makes the most money? Ransom notes.
  2. What has one finger and is very demanding? A ransom note.
  3. What type of writing is the most profitable? A ransom note.
  4. What has 1 thumb and is very important? A ransom note.
  5. EA kidnapped my friend! So I paid the ransom and got him back. well, most of him anyway.
  6. Why Do Elephants Have Big Ears? Because Noddy won't pay the ransom!
  7. Why does the Elephant have Big Ears? Because Noddy refuses to pay the ransom money.
  8. Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
    Squidnappers.
  9. Why does Spock have big ears? Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
  10. What do you call an o**... on the move? A Ransome.

Ransom joke, What do you call an o**... on the move?

Related Topics for more fun

Cheeky Ransom Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about ransom to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ransom prank.

A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago

A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.

The traffic jam in Russia.

There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.
Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"
The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"
The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

My Aunt Ruth went missing

It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to t**... some of them. You could say he was.....
Ruthless

A wife asked her husband,If you got a million dollars as lottery and kidnappers kidnapped me and asked a ransom of million dollars, what would you do?

The husband said, I don't think I could get 2 jackpots on the same day.

If I find out who stole my copy of MS Office, I'll kill you...

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give my MS Office back now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.
You have my Word!

Married man goes out w**.... Time gets away from him and at 2 am, he realizes his wife will be angry, so

he calls her on the phone and when she answers he yells: Darling, don't pay the ransom, I got away!

The GOP gets kidnapped

The kidnappers demand the ransom of 500M USD or they will douse them in gas and light them on fire.
So there were people in the streets collecting donations, and they asked me at an intersection
"You must have heard the news recently. Could you spare a little to help us out in this initiative?"
"How much is everyone giving on average?"
"About a gallon, give or take"

The prosthetic maker has been kidnapped by a group of thugs

We managed to get him back, but the ransom was an arm and a leg!

I got a call telling me my grandma only has a few hours left to live....

but I refuse to pay the ransom.

My dryer kidnapped my socks and held them for ransom

But I refused to comply, and the poor little b**... were forced to reproduce for months. I now have a lifetime supply.

How was Shirley Temple's kidnapper able to get so much ransom money from her father?

He had him by the short and curlies.

Ransom joke, How was Shirley Temple's kidnapper able to get so much ransom money from her father?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these ransom jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.

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