Ranking Jokes
39 ranking jokes and hilarious ranking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ranking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article provides a comprehensive overview of the funniest jokes ever! Learn how to rank the best jokes from a list of personnel, university rankings and more. Get ready to laugh by discovering which jokes are most hilarious!
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Funniest Ranking Short Jokes
Short ranking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ranking humour may include short rating jokes also.
- Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the military is? Every time I ask someone they say it's private.
- Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
- I asked the Colonel what the lowest rank in the army was. He said, "It's Private."
I said, "Come on, you can tell me." - I asked my veteran friend what the first ranking is in the military, but I couldn't get a straight answer. He just kept telling me it's private.
- At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second. Coincidently, that's how the Catholic Church ranks it's priorities.
- The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say? Mom: It's a private caller.
Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher. - Our local fish market ranks their catches on how rare they are I noticed today that they had rare salmon. It definitely isn't common plaice!
- My home state of Nevada is ranked #50 in education Not the best but at least we're in the top 3
- What's up with the american military? I keep asking them what's the lowest rank and they keep telling me it's private.
- Top 10 most important sciences 10. It is
9. impossible
8. to rank
7. the importance
6. of science
5. because
4. all of them
3. are equally
2. important.
1. Physics
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Ranking One Liners
Which ranking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ranking? I can suggest the ones about score and ranked.
- How can you spot the rank of a Russian? By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit.
- My friend asked why I wouldn't tell him my military rank. I told him it's Private.
- What military rank do you hold while using a pay toilet? Lieutenant
- Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces? Submarines.
- What is the lowest and youngest rank of child-soldiers? Infantry
- What's the highest rank in the popcorn army? Colonel
- Who Has The Highest Rank in the Linux Military? The kernel.
- How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is? Count the stripes on his track pants.
- Two low ranking soldiers were talking It was a private conversation
- What do you call a man who invents "PageRank"? Larry Page ..go figure? (True Story)
- What do you call a low rank crusader (or European idc)? A euroPEON
Kill me pls - After the high ranking potato official was killed All flags were flown at half-mashed.
- What rank are you in the bathroom? A loo-tenant
- What's a low ranking south American country? Sargentina
- I'm ranked 2nd in the world at coin flipping... It was a real toss up for 1st place 😉
High Ranking Jokes
Here is a list of funny high ranking jokes and even better high ranking puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Arkansas ranks highly among other states in terms of depression and adultery It's a sad state of affairs.
- Which high-ranking Cardassian did Sisko find easiest to fool? It wasn't Gul Dukat... it was Gul Ebahl!
- People ranked their favorite meats...but the survey was flawed and inconsequential. The steaks weren't very high
- Did you hear about the high-ranking military father who cloned himself? The result was a Major faux Pa
- What do you call a high ranking cat An Aristocat.
- What famous American funk/soul band was composed entirely of high ranking naval officers? The Commodores.
- I'm not really impressed with high ranking military officials, in General.
- What is considered a high ranking promotion in the Corn army? To be promoted to Popcorn Colonel
- Did you know back in the New Kingdom era, high ranking Egyptians were known for f**...? They all had a toot-in-common
Ranking Best Jokes
Here is a list of funny ranking best jokes and even better ranking best puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The best-performing companies are ranked on the Fortune 500 list. So the ranking of the worst-performing startups should be called:
Misfortune 500. - I was going to rank Green Day's albums from best to worst. Then I realized they already made them in order.


Cheerful Ranking Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about ranking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ranking pranks.
Kennedy's USSR joke
A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.
The Soviet chairman asks a high ranking party member about potato supplies
Chairman: How does our potato supply look?
Party member: We have so many potatoes that, if they were piled one on top of another, they could reach God.
Chairman: But God does not exist.
Party member: Neither do the potatoes.
Did you hear about the swear word ranking ceremony?
s**... went down
A concerned person is sick of all the corruption and injustice in the world and decides they want to expose it by becoming a journalist.
Only 3 weeks later they were caught trying to reveal corruption by some high ranking officials and were put to death.
You could say, they chose the wrong Korea.
During the communist rule
in the USSR a big assembly was held and members of the communist party were giving speeches to the general public. The highest ranking official was making his speech and he proclaimed "soon we will live even better!". This was followed by a voice from the audience "and what about us?!"
Shaggy dog story…
Rudolf, the high ranking communist and his wife are asleep in their dacha outside Moscow. A noise on roof wakes her up. Wife says 'there's something moving around on our roof. I heard a plop then a clink'.
Rudolf says 'don't worry dear, it's just the first large raindrops'. Wife mumbles unconvinced, but sure enough, a few minutes later the obvious sounds of a drenching hit the roof.
Wife says 'I'm sorry I doubted you my love. You were right'
He says 'Yes. Never forget: Rudolf the Red knows rain dear'.
A great tragedy befalls the USSR
At a Central Committee meeting dozens of high ranking officials were accidentally killed, poisoned with toxic mushrooms in their soup.
The investigation team arrives at the scene. It was horrific, some had scratched their throats deeply, other lay with foam at they mouth or bloodshot eyes.
But the investigation teams discovers something interesting, three of the dead had gun shot wound to their heads.
"What happened here, we thought this was a poisoning?"
"It was, but these three refused to eat their soup."
