randy Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious randy puns

My great Grandpa Randy was a brick layer...

He said, "I was a brick layer for 20 years and no one called me 'Randy the brick layer.'

Then I farmed for 25 year and no one called me 'Randy the farmer.'

But you fuck just one goat.

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock with a mouth full of cock.

Because Jill's real name is Randy.

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy.

Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

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Jack and Jill ran up a hill.

So Jack could lick her candy. But Jack was in shock from a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name was Randy.

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So a man is a little drunk at the bar

And he has decided that he's feeling a little randy, and there is a prostitute at the same bar that he wants to approach. So he asks his buddy for 20$, then goes and approaches the girl. He asks her how much to get laid, and she says "100$". He frowns, knowing that he doesn't have that much and inquires about a BJ, to which he's informed that it would be 50$. Exasperated at this point, he inquires if he can get a handjob for 20$. The prostitute thinks for a few minutes, then agrees, and they go outside into the parking lot.

45 minutes later, the prostitute returns to the bar with disheveled hair, her makeup is messed up, she's missing a shoe, and is still panting like she just had mind-blowingly good sex. Upon seeing her, the bartender inquires if she's OK, and then further into what happened since she just went out with the intention of giving a handjob.

She looks up at the bartender and says, "Well, we went out there and into the back of his car. I put one hand around his dick...and then the other hand around his dick... and then I lent him 80$."

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You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer?

He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast.

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Ever wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?

Ever wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?

Miss Snow White was a randy cow,

And desperate for a fuck.

So off she went into the woods,

To try and get some luck!

She'd almost given up looking,

When she saw some chimney smoke.

Then stumbled on a cottage,

And went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.

And she'd just removed her pants,

When seven Dwarves came marching in,

With a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless,

And thought she was in heaven!

Originally after one good shag,

But now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command,

"My fanny need a lick!"

And when one dwarf moved forward,

She said "Oi-you'd better drop you pick!"

So down he went onto all fours,

And said "I ain't licking that!"

"Not there, that me arse-hole,

You DOPEY little brat!"

The next dwarf started blushing,

"Do we have to do it here?"

Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL!

Unless you're fucking queer!"

So reluctantly he whipped it out,

To prove he was no fool.

And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"

As she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,

'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.

And due to his impatience,

He couldn't raise a stiff.

"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",

So he did as he was told.

And as soon as he was hard enough,

He shot his fucking load.

The next dwarf got a blow job,

And she took him in quite easy.

But she just avoided brain-damage,

Whe he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarves left, she turned and said,

"You're next, I want your knob!"

But no sooner had he entered her,

Than he was sleeping on the job.

"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"

She wanted more from him.

And he woke with such excitement,

That he filled her hairy quim.

The next dwarf rammed his up her,

And shagged her fanny raw.

And dazed Snow White then whimpered,

"That should be against the law!"

He made poor Snow White tremble,

He was so big and thick.

"No wonder you're so HAPPY,

With that fucking great big dick."

With one dwarf still remaining,

But feeling rather sore,

She said "You'll have to use your tongue,

My clit can't take no more.!"

And so he put his tongue to work,

Where others had put their cocks.

And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,

She named the last one DOC.

Now Snow White couldn't do much,

With all that cum inside her quim,

So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,

And filled it to the brim.

So there's the truth about the dwarves,

And how they got their names,

By satisfying miss Snow White,

And joining in her games.

There's one more thing you need to know,

And that's what happened to that cup?

Well think of what you're drinking...

When you next buy 7-UP!!



-DISCLAIMER-

As much as I'd love to say I wrote this, I didn't.

Someone sent this masterpiece to me and I'm just passing it along.

If the original author is out there, let me thank you for this!

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Two dogs at the vet

One a poodle the other a great dane start chatting. Great dane asks the poodle why he's at the vet, poodle replies that he was feeling a bit frisky that morning and seeing the family cat decided to jump on it and give it a good humping. Now his owner has brought him here to be castrated. And why are you here the poodle askes the great dane?
Well I too was feeling randy this morning and seeing my owner come naked out of the shower I decided to jump on her and give her a good shagging. Oh replies the poodle so you're here to be castrated as well. No, replies the great dane I'm here to have my nails trimmed.

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Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of Randy Savage.

The Slim Gym

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WALKS INTO A BAR... RANDY PANDA

A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.

"For what?"

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."

The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary.

It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

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Jack and jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. Jack had a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jills real name was Randy.

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Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

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NSFW Jack and Jill

went up the hill so Jack could taste Jill's candy, Jack was shocked by a giant cock cause Jill's real name was Randy.

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could eat her candy.
Instead he got a shock and a mouth full of cock 'cause Jill's real name is Randy.

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What's Macho Man Randy Savage's favourite capital city?

Skopje!!

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The chicken says..

The chicken says, "Cluck!"

The dog goes, "Woof!"

The cat goes, "Meow!"

The cow goes, "Get yer FUCKIN SHIT TOGETHER RANDY!"

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Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy...

He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex.

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My buddy was dating twins...

I asked him how he could tell them apart, and he replied, "That's easy. Candy has really big tits and Randy has a mustache."

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Little Johnny wanted to know what magic was

So he asked his mother "mommy, what's magic?"
"Dear, I'm far too busy, ask your brother" she replied.

So Johnny went and asked his older brother Dave. "Hey Dave, what's magic?"
"None of your business, ask someone else!" Dave snapped.

So little Johnny was left to ask his odd Uncle Randy. "Uncle Randy, what is magic? Mommy and Dave won't tell me?"
"Oh boy," Uncle Randy started. "Magic is easier shown than explained. Drop your pants and undies and turn around."

Trusting Uncle Randy, little Johnny dropped his trousers and underpants and spun around. Uncle Randy walked up behind Johnny and asked "Well, little Johnny, do you feel my thumb in your butt?"

"Yes..." Johnny whimpered quietly.

Uncle Randy waves his thumbs in Johnny's face and goes "Iiiiit's maaaaaaagic!"

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill used to be Randy.

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Jack and Jill

Went up the hill so he could taste her candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, cause Jill's real name is Randy.

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I was mangled by a bear I encountered in the woods.

His name was Randy. Nice guy. We are going out for drinks on Friday.

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Why did the girl break up with the Objectivist?

He was just too randy all the time.

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What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

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Statistically, 1 in 5 of The Jackson's are Randy.

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What were Macho Man Randy Savage's last words?

"OOHhhh NOOOOooooo"

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What are the most funny Randy jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Randy? Well, here are the best Randy dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Randy pick up lines to share with friends.

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