The Best 47 Rand Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rand jokes. There are some rand ritchie jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rand zim puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rand Jokes and Puns

This came to me randomly today; not sure if old, or OC...

How does Hannibal Lecter like his eggs?


"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others." ― Ayn Rand

Obviously He's never been a cotton plantation slave owner.

Random Sampling

Two men are at a bar. One of them is a pollster. They are arguing about surveys based on random samples.

Finally, the pollster says: If you don't believe in random sampling, the next time you have a blood test, tell the doctor to take it all.

Rand joke, Random Sampling

Random Guy at Chipotle

A random guy at Chipotle said "give me a high five" and afterwards said "you should wash that hand"...not sure whether to laugh or not.

Ann Rand died...

and went to heaven. While walking about she saw her doppelganger. Rushing over to Saint Peter, she exclaimed "I have a twin!"

"No," said Peter. "That's God. He just **thinks** he is Ann Rand."

Former eye doctor Rand Paul decided to run for president in 2016

Of all people, you would have thought he'd have 2020 vision

3 guys just arrived to heaven and...

3 guys just arrived to heaven and then Jesus proceeds to call by their names:

- "Rand" kiss my hand!

- "Pete" kiss my feet!

Then Jesus: Rick!? Why are you running?

Rand joke, 3 guys just arrived to heaven and...

A random woman asked for my cellphone.

She stole my wallet too.

What do Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and Ayn Rand have in common?

They are all dead.

I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP

I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.

I keep having random dreams of one night stands...

They just come and go...

You can explore rand currency reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rand cents dad jokes. There are also rand puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I did a random survey/poll on the street

and according to 98% of people, "Leave me alone"!

Two random variables were talking in a bar

They thought they were being discrete but I heard them continuously.

Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me.

I hate when people PatrΓ³nize me

A random stranger laughed at how I was lactose intolerant

How dairy

What did Ayn Rand write after finally getting slipped a mickey by bloodthristy commies?

Atlas Drugged

I'll show myself out

Rand joke, What did Ayn Rand write after finally getting slipped a mickey by bloodthristy commies?

We had random drug testing at work today.

The pcp was my favourite.

Ayn Rand, Ron Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar.

The bartender serves them drinks made with tainted alcohol because there are no regulations, they all die.

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who failed to deliver a knockout - seems like both men let their professions down badly...

A random joke i made up

What do you call Pennywise when he works on Computers?

An I.T.

If Danny Rand learned Chinese at the monastery...

Does that make him a K'un-Lun Linguist?

A random stranger throw some cheese at me today

How dairy.

What's a random & informal document ?

Nunes memorandum

Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts.

The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.

I've randomly started associating with bike fetishists lately, and I'm not sure why.

Maybe I'm just sporadic. These things come in cycles.

Random person: I'm the best designated driver...

Me: hold my beer

This random brown dude on fb is insisting that i show him my husband

I told him that i cannot show Bob because he is outta town.

The Beach Boys found some South African money on the floor.



"Get a rand."

"I get a rand."

A random guy threw a soda can at my brother

I was worried he would be injured but luckily it was a soft drink

Random guy: "Do you know who you're talking to!?"

Random guy: "I was in the top 100% of my class!"

Sometimes I go around to random Microsoft computers and delete the default browser...

Just to take the edge off

What's the difference between George Orwell and Ayn Rand?

People went to George Orwell's funeral to mourn him. People went to Ayn Rand's funeral to make sure it was her.

Random Joke

My friend told me the rp was on hold

I asked him if we were going to put it down

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan Walk Into a Bar

They have a few drinks and then die from methanol poisoning due to a lack of government regulation.

Some random guy told me that if I gave him my Epic username and password, he'd get me 1,337,420 vbucks.

I did, and for some reason I can't log on to my account. Can anyone help me?

What did Rand al'Thor say when his name was written in the Death Note?

Light, ya got me!

Random dirty joke

Girl 1: Hey, that's a nice bike. When you get her?

Girl 2: Her? Did you just assume my bike's gender?

Girl 1: Well I find it hard to believe any guy lets you ride them willingly.

I like to randomly throw things at ballerinas.

Keeps them on their toes.

Did you hear that Rand McNally is trying to increase product sales by hiding evidence of a flat Earth?

Yes. It's a global conspiracy.

Random people have started following me on Instagram

I guess I am a fermi influencer now. Soon I will be a micro influencer. Mega influencer seems a little far fetched.

A random quote written in gents toilet

You future is in your hand



Imagine the quote written in ladies toilet



Do not play with your future....

What did randy Newman's wife say when she was caught cheating with his friend?

You got a friend in me

Random thought

Pregnant horses can run faster, coz they have two horse power.

I keep randomly shouting out "Brocolli" and "Cauliflower".

I think I might have Florets.

Random person asks the genie saying i wish i didn't exist

-Random person asks the genie saying: i wish i didn't exist
-genie: *poof* granted
-person : nothng changed
-genie : Look agan

I was having random bouts of diarrhea...

Couldn't figure out what the hell was causing it.

Then I started keeping track. I realized it was only happening when I would wear those polo shirts with the little alligator stitched on them.

Turns out I'm Lacoste intolerant.

random pandemic question

According to history class, they organized wild orgies in the Middle Ages after the victory over the Plague. Is there anything planned yet? I ask for a friend.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rand title jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rand fitzjohn piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes