The Best 75 Raisin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Raisin jokes. There are some raisin oatmeal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these raisin walnuts puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Raisin Jokes and Puns

Whats an amish person's favorite kind of raisin?

A barn raisin.

I'm gonna start telling people the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It's all about "raisin" awareness

Why did Mr. Grape leave Mrs. Grape?

He was tired of raisin kids.

Raisin joke, Why did Mr. Grape leave Mrs. Grape?

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

What did the grape say when she let her kids play in the sun to long?

I hate raisin kids!


I Enjoyed Your Joke, soue13, I've Also Come Up With One. At Age 25..

Did you guys hear about the dried grape at the party last night?

He was really RAISIN the roof!

How did the man drown in a bowl of muesli?

A strong raisin pulled him under.

(source: my mother, who never could remember jokes)

Raisin joke, How did the man drown in a bowl of muesli?

What's Hodor's job?

Raisin Bran

What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in leaves?

Raisin bran

I asked a grape about parenthood

But it didn't know much about baby raisin.

Do you like raisin cookies?..

Then why don't you adopt one?!

You can explore raisin statutory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean raisin seedless dad jokes. There are also raisin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why are grapes so fun to go clubbing with?

Because they're always raisin the roof.

Would you like to hear a joke about dried grapes?

It's not that good, don't go raisin your expectations.

What is a zombie's favorite cereal?

Raisin brain.

Oatmeal raisin cookies are the child molesters of the cookies world,

they should have to let everyone within a 2 mile radius who they really are.

Hey, should we try out these grapes?

I don't see a raisin why not

Raisin joke, Hey, should we try out these grapes?

What did the religious pear say to the grape that lost his wife?

"Everything happens for a raisin"

Raising kids can be hard

Some of them are really fat.

What did the grapes say to their parents after they put them into a nursing home?

Thanks for raisin us


I've got 40 raisins in my savings account

...oh no wait, that's my currant account.

What do you get when you dry out a Stark?

Raisin Bran

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

What do you call that same fly without legs?

A raisin.

Did you hear about the raisin that slept with another raisin's wife?

No? You're obviously not up to date with currant affairs.

Grapes are so predictable at poker

Eventually, they all end up raisin

I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out...

But I just couldn't raisin with her.

I'll see myself out.

Why did the raisin go to the police?

Because, he was a grape victim.

"Raising a family is hard," he said.

"Not if they're buried close enough together," replied the Necromancer.

What's Ned Stark's favorite cereal?

Raisin Bran

What is Hodor's favorite cereal?

Raisin Bran.

I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect...

...but they fried me for no raisin.

Why are oatmeal cookies better?

No raisin

I just heard a dried up grape won the lottery, got a supermodel girlfriend and won a brand new car.

I guess everything happens for a raisin.

My purpose in life is to pay back those grapes I owe.

It's my raisin debt.

Why did the raisin go to jail

Someone called grape.

Did you hear about the price of grapes?

There raisin.

I was reared by a grape.

It was tough at first, but once it shriveled up, it was a breeze raisin me.

Raising your hand is the worst way for voting

Hands Down

President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry

He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating

"I would like to make raisins Grape again"

I can no longer justify the cookies price from local bakery

Because he keeps raisin it up

What do you call a fly without wings?

A raisin!

What question does employee grape ask of employer grape?

"Can I get me a raisin?"

If you leave a grape out in the sun, it'll shrivel and dry up...

Just raisin awareness

Why did the grape cross the road?

No raisin.

TIL that grapes can kill dogs

I'm just raisin awareness

If Bran dies and a white walker brings him back...

Is he Raisin Bran?

No way Jose! Another? I can Harvey believe it. Irma find somewhere safer to live.

The local chicken shack changed its name in honor of the occasion. They're now Raisin HurriCanes.

What happens when you rehydrate a raisin before it's ready?

Statutory Grape.

What is the first step to make Raisin Bran?

Raisin' Bran

Raising children is hard as a trans parent

They see right through me

So I was trying to convince my friend to try Raisin Bran cereal

He told me there were flaws in my raisining

Two young boys went to a bread store...

Two young boys went to a bread store. One boy asks the pretty clerk if he could get some raisin bread, she climbs up a ladder to grab the boy a loaf of raisin bread. While she's up on the ladder, the boy notices that the clerk wasn't wearing underwear. The boy whispers and points this out to the other boy. While up on the ladder the clerk asks the other boy if his is raisin too. To which he says, No Ma'am, mine's just quivering.

I don't know whether the raisin or sultana came first

I'm not interested in currant affairs.

You know the problem with grapes these days?

People just aren't raisin them right

What did the raisin say to the grape?

Is it just me, or is it cold in here?

What is the meaning of life for a debt collector who hunts grape farmers?

Raisin debt

Jesus must be grape...

Cause now he's a raisin.

I was reading an article about the health benefits of eating dehydrated grapes.

It was just raisin awareness.

What did the bottle of wine say to the grape?

It was great raisin you.

What was Maester Luwin's favorite cereal?

Raisin Bran

Why do grapes make great parents?

Because they're always *raisin* the kids.

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!

Why can't you play poker with dry fruits?

It drives people nuts when you're raisin the stakes.

Did you hear about the cereal for impotent men?

It's called Nuttin' Raisin Honey

Why was the raisin in jail?

He was a Grapist

A grape falls off a vine and dries...

Everything happens for a raisin.

How do you make sure that your grape ages well?

You need to be raisin it right!

Raising a family is hard.

It's a lot easier if you're a necromancer and they're buried close together.

A man goes to a restaurant

And notices that there's a fly in his soup. He flags down a waiter and exclaims excuse me sir, there's a fly in my soup!

The waiter looks and responds well I'll be damned, the chef said he ran out making raisin bread!

Raising my fist to the sky, I roared, "It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up!"

"Sir, that's not how field sobriety tests work." the cop replied.

My friend travels from town to town giving seminars on the health benefits of eating dried grapes.

He is just out there, raisin awareness.

How are raisins made

grapes eat two popeyes biscuits no drink

I was telling my children about the health benefits of eating dried fruits recently

It's really all about raisin awareness.

Why did grape prices go up?

There was a raisin demand.

I firmly disagree with putting fruit in cake

There's just no good raisin for it

I've started to spread the word about the benefits of dried grapes

I'm just raisin awareness

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the raisin grape jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working raisin cheerios piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes