Raise Your Hand Jokes
39 raise your hand jokes and hilarious raise your hand puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about raise your hand that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Raise Your Hand Short Jokes
Short raise your hand jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The raise your hand humour may include short hold hands jokes also.
- My dad would swear and then say, "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand.
- Why did the French give the statue of liberty to America? They had no use for a statue with only one hand raised
- I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear... "What's this for? he asked.
I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you." - A teacher asks her students to use the word dandelion on a sentence A boy raises his hand and says, the cheetah is faster dandelion.
- My mate's gambling is getting out of hand. He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.
I thought, "I might have to raise him." - A boy is sitting in class learning about logarithms The teacher asks the class, "how do we change bases?"
The boy excitedly raises his hand and says, "ask her nicely" - A man enters a party and says "Is anybody here named Jeff?" Jeff raised his hand and said "Yes."
Geoff raised his hand and said "Yeos." - "Alright kids, I just got off the phone. Now, raise your hands if your parents are still alive!" "Not so fast, Billy."
- So it's the first day of shop class... The teacher asks, "What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
- High school laffs In high school once our history teacher asked who bombed pearl harbor, a Japanese kid raised his hand and the teacher said; correct!
Share These Raise Your Hand Jokes With Friends
Raise Your Hand One Liners
Which raise your hand one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with raise your hand? I can suggest the ones about helping hand and hand gestures.
- Everyone who believes in Psychokinesis... raise my hand
- Anyone who believes in telekinesis... ...raise my hand
- Who here believes in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
- All those with telekinetic powers raise my hand. Wow! I wasn't expecting that!
- Does anyone here believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
- All those who believe in telekinesis.... .....raise my hand .
- If you are telekinetic, raise my hand.
- If you believe in telekinetics Raise my hand
- Raising your hand is the worst way for voting Hands Down
- How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
- Those who believe in telekinetics Raise my hand
- If they are any telekinetics in the room Please raise my hand
- Ace King for a friend Is it a good hand for a pre-flop raise?
- A photon both raises his hand and shouts "Goodbye!" It's a wave and a parting call.
- Raise your hand if you're voting for Hillary Now slap yourself.
Raise Your Hand Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about raise your hand you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean catch these hands jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make raise your hand pranks.
A 4th grade '49ers fan in Dallas
The scene is a 4th grade classroom in Dallas, Texas. The teacher asks for a show of hands:
"Hey kids, how many of you are Dallas Cowboys fans?"
Everyone in the class raises their hand, except for little Suzy. The teacher says:
"Little Suzy, I notice you didn't raise your hand. Why is that?" Little Suzy responds:
"Because I'm a 49ers fan!"
"A 49ers fan?," the teacher asks incredulously, "Why on Earth are you a 49ers fan?"
"Because my Mommy is a 49ers fan, my Daddy is a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan."
The teacher doesn't like Suzy's answer:
"Little Suzy, that's no kind of logic. What if your Daddy was a drug dealer and your Mommy was a p**...?"
Suzy doesn't blink an eye:
"Well then I'd be a Raiders fan!"
49ers Fan
On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a m**..., what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'
Raise your hand if you've been caught m**... on a zoom call.
Maybe you should have raised the other hand.
A sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said...
" I have a nice eaaasy job for the laziest man here, put up your hand if you are the leaziest "
24 men raised their hands. And the sergeant asked the other man :
" Why didn't you raise your hand ?"
the man replied : " Too much trouble raising the hand, Serg ! "
A professor in a Logic class says "Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent' means, then raise your hand."
A student raises her hand.
The Professor says "Ah, yes. You know what it is?"
The student says "No, why would you think so?"
Officer: I have an easy job for the laziest man here.
Officer: I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.
Out of the 25 recruits, 24 raised their hands.
Officer: why didn't you raise your hand?
The One: Too much trouble raising the hand, Sir.
Raise your hand if you're wearing underwears or p**... with holes in them...
For those smug individuals that did not raise their hand, I'm curious how you inserted your legs in them if they have no holes? Unless you're wrapping a handkerchief.
Chief invigilator:"Your exam will begin in a moment.
If you need anything, please raise your hand."
Me: *raises hand
Invigilator: Yes.
Me: I need some *anything*, if that's not an issue.
If you believe every citizen should own a gun raise your hand,
and if you don't, raise both hands and give me your wallet.
There's one thing you won't hear at an OCD conference...
Raise your hand if
"Alright class, raise your hands if you're an introvert".
No one raised their hands.
Raise your hands if you are single and going to be single 2018 too.
A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of c**......
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the c**... staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the c**... thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave me c**... in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up... so she took them home and ate them herself.
Don't blame me...
One day 100 people in Heaven were sent to the presence of God. He asked them this question
"Who among you are dominated by your wives? Raise your hands and stand at the left" He asked.
So 99 of the men raised their hands and put them down. Then, they proceeded to stand at the left of Heaven's court.
God saw one man still standing on the right side and spoke to the man.
"Well done! Good and faithful servant. You have not followed the ways of the evil world. You have not yielded to your mate. Come and share My happiness." He said
The man was bewildered and then finally said to God.
"I don't know what I did to get here. She just told me to."
"OK class, raise your hand if you know what 'compliant' means."
"No," I replied.
If you have opinion about my life, please raise your hand.
Now put it over your mounth.
Roses are red...
Our flag is too Raise your hand to the sky And gas all the jews
At a conference for the arcane and supernatural...
The speaker is interested in the supernatural experiences that the audience members may have been through. "Raise your hand if you have ever seen a ghost" About 80% of the audience raises their hand. "Great" says the speaker "now keep your hand raised if you have spoken to a ghost" Half of them lower their hands. "Ok this is good, now has anyone here had any actual physical contact with a ghost"? Only about ten people still have their hands raised, the excitement of the speaker is palpable "Now, has anyone here ever made love to a ghost"? All hands go down, except for o**... right up the back of the auditorium. "WOW that is amazing sir, please could you come up on to the stage". The man slowly makes his way to the stage, slightly nervous about the attention he is getting. "Sir could you please tell us what that experience was like, to make love to a ghost"? The man edges closer to the microphone and says "ghost? I'm sorry I thought you said GOAT"!
A lawyer boarded an airplane
in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell c**... and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in Sarasota Florida, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the c**... in Baltimore , please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.
Liars
A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, Next Sunday, I'm going to preach on the subject of Liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17.
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17. If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand. Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.
Smiling, the preacher said, You are the very people I want to talk to. Mark only has 16 Chapters.
Raise your hands...
...if you have ever had your arms torn off by a wookie.
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen c**... and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the c**... in New Orleans, please raise your hand."
Not one hand went up...so she took them home and ate them.