Raise Jokes

Funniest Raise Short Jokes

Short raise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The raise humour may include short rise jokes also.

1. I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise.... My boss asked what companies?
   Gas, water and electricity.
2. A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
3. In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator". I guess we're just raised differently.
4. I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him... Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.
5. TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
6. At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot
7. Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
8. When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
9. Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day? He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.
10. The inventor of the USB died. They lowered his coffin, raised it back out, flipped it over, lowered it again, raised it back out, flipped it over again, then lowered him again.

Share These Raise Jokes With Friends

Raise One Liners

Which raise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with raise? I can suggest the ones about lift and increase.

1. I was raised as an only child which really annoyed my sister
2. How do you make an atheist? Raise a Catholic
3. someone adopt my gpa because i can't raise it myself
4. You know why the gates of heaven are always left open? Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!
5. Can anyone adopt my grades? I clearly can't raise them myself.
6. I should put my GPA up for adoption. There's no way I can raise it by myself.
7. I put my grades up for adoption Because I couldn't raise them anymore.
8. What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self raising.
9. Why did I leave my grades at the orphanage? I couldn't raise them
10. I don't understand how cemeteries can raise their prices and blame the cost of living
11. What's the difference between an elevator and my parents An elevator can raise a child
12. Why are vampires so obsessed with necks? Because they were raised by a neck romancer.
13. I finally got hired at the local adult store First day on the job I got a raise!
14. Feeling down? Try necromancy, it's sure to... raise your spirits.
15. Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers. They're always raising the steaks.

Raise Your Hand Jokes

Here is a list of funny raise your hand jokes and even better raise your hand puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My dad would swear and then say, "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand.
• I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear... "What's this for? he asked.
  I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."
• My mate's gambling is getting out of hand. He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.
  I thought, "I might have to raise him."
• Everyone who believes in Psychokinesis... raise my hand
• A boy is sitting in class learning about logarithms The teacher asks the class, "how do we change bases?"
  The boy excitedly raises his hand and says, "ask her nicely"
• All those with telekinetic powers raise my hand. Wow! I wasn't expecting that!
• "Alright kids, I just got off the phone. Now, raise your hands if your parents are still alive!" "Not so fast, Billy."
• So it's the first day of shop class... The teacher asks, "What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?" A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."
• Raising your hand is the worst way for voting Hands Down
• High school laffs In high school once our history teacher asked who bombed pearl harbor, a Japanese kid raised his hand and the teacher said; correct!

Raise The Bar Jokes

Here is a list of funny raise the bar jokes and even better raise the bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A nuclear physicist is drinking at Oktoberfest... He approaches the bar to and calls over a barman. The barman asks what he would like, and the physicist raises one finger and says,
  "Ein Stein".
• Man walks into a bar Bartender says sorry, the bar was too low. She raises the bar.
  Man walks into bar but now can't pay the bill. The bar was too high.
• Raising dogs A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm thinking about taking up raising dogs," the guy tells the bartender. "Great idea," the bartender replies. "I can give you a few pointers."
• In the window of a bar in Philadelphia Drop a bucket of Starbuck's Iced Coffee on your head to raise awareness of the rich city girls who have lost their ability to even.
• Someone put the Twix out of reach of everybody. So I thought to myself: "That's raising the bar a bit too high."
• When it comes to the limbo... I'm raising the bar!
• I saw a group of ghosts at the bar last night. They were raising they're spirits.
• A woman came up to me in a bar. She said, "You don't look too happy. Maybe I could cheer you up?"
  I raised my hand and said, "I'm married."
  "That explains the first bit, then," she replied.
• Its so hard to know where you're at when your boss is a powerlifter.... They just keep raising and lowering the bar
• Rick is sitting in his bar in Casablanca, enjoying the sublime beauty of geometry... He raises his glass and says, "Here's looking at Euclid."

Pay Raise Jokes

Here is a list of funny pay raise jokes and even better pay raise puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Pay me what I'm worth! I once asked my boss for a raise.
  He asked me how much I wanted.
  "Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
  He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law."
• I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket. I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.
• How did the bag of fertilizer help the vegetable farmer pay his mortgage? It raised his celery...
• "Boss, I just got married. Can I get a pay raise?" "Sorry, we don't compensate for accidents that happen outside of work."

Raise The Roof Jokes

Here is a list of funny raise the roof jokes and even better raise the roof puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
• What did the architect do at the nightclub? He raised the roof.
• Have you ever been to an Amish party? Those guys really raise the roof!
• I bought a dog from a construction worker today... ...I had a rough idea what it would've been like, but this dog raised the roof.
• Did you hear about the builder who could clap very loudly? They always got him to raise the roof.
• Raise the Roof Don't Shoot

Salary Raise Jokes

Here is a list of funny salary raise jokes and even better salary raise puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How to ask for a raise Employee: Sir, I really need a salary increment, 4 companies are after me.
  Boss: Which 4?
  Employee: Electricity, Gas, Cable, Credit Card.

Amusing Raise Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about raise you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boost jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make raise pranks.