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Rains Pours Jokes

20 rains pours jokes and hilarious rains pours puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rains pours that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Rains Pours Short Jokes

Short rains pours jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rains pours humour may include short rains jokes also.

  1. I went to an outdoor restaurant last night Total disaster. Poured with rain. Took me 2 hours to finish my soup.
  2. On a rainy day every one was enjoying the rain but only PETA wasn't Because it was pouring cats & dogs

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Rains Pours One Liners

Which rains pours one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rains pours? I can suggest the ones about pouring rain and rain falls.

  1. Rain is pouring from the ground! Maybe I overreacted... It's just sprinkling...

Silly & Ridiculous Rains Pours Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about rains pours you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pours jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rains pours pranks.

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he asked the old man, "and how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth", the old man answered.

Help! I need a push!

A man and his wife were awoken at 3am by a pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you!" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

God Loves Drunks Too

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.

Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?
Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"
the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH

Rudolph the Red

There once was a young Viking named Rudolph the Red and his wife Freydis. Freydis decided to have a walk with her husband, but when she told him of her plans he took one look at the sky grunted and said it was going to rain. Freydis was confused a there were no clouds in the sky. Later on in the day when it was pouring down rain she asked her husband how he knew which he replied with Ruldolph the Red knows rain dear.

So a s**... house painter gets a contract to paint a rectory.

Being the swindler cheapskate he is, he stirs water into the paint to save a buck. The painter hastily slaps the paint onto the rectory, and right as he applies the last s**..., the weather, which had been perfectly clear and sunny, instantly went dark, and a torrential rain poured down. The cheap paint instantly washes away with the deluge, and the painter, furious with the turn of luck falls to his knees and shakes his fists to the sky.
"WHY GOD, WHY?" He shouts.
An earthshaking voice booms in response **"REPAINT, REPAINT: THIN NO MORE"**

Scary Story

It seemed like an average Tuesday night. The roads were quiet outside, and rain was beginning to pour down hard. Things were going pretty slowly until a friend of mine burst through the door, but there was something off about him. There he stood, motionless in the dark, his piercing stare not leaving me. After a moment or two, he began to slowly peel his own skin off. Blood dripped slowly from his lips, and I had to ask him with the most courage I could muster:

"Dude, do you need to borrow some ChapStick?"

Superbowl Commercial Concept

*Queue dark, stormy night*
"There comes a time when we must all step up for equality"
*Flash of civil rights marches, gay pride parades and protests in the middle east*
"A time when we cannot accept bigotry and hatred"
*Rain pours on multi-ethnic protesters linked arm in arm*
"A time to proclaim that an era of love and understanding is here"
*People celebrating good news outside the Supreme Court*
"Arm and Hammer Baking Soda, the choice of a new tomorrow"

A man walks Into a bar and orders a beer

He gets his drink and adds a little something to it and this macho guy comes in grabs his drink and slams it down. The man begins crying immediatly tears pouring down, he just seems so distraught.
The macho man tells him he is sorry offers to buy him another drink. The man goes
"it's not that today is the worst day of my life, I woke up and my car wouldn't start so I walked to work. When I got there my boss fired me for being late. So I walked all the way home in the pouring rain and when I got there I caught my wife with another man in our bed. I walked to the closes bar sat down poured poison into my drink and you drank that!"

God loves drunks too

A man is woken up at 3am to the sound of loud knocking at his door. He opens the door and finds a completely soaked man standing in the rain.
"Please help give me a push?" he asks with a drunken slur.
"No," replies the man and slams the door in his face.
"Who was that?" asks his wife as he climbs into bed.
"Some drunk guy asking for a push."
"Don't you remember 2 months ago when we needed a push? God loves drunks too. You should help him out."
The man sighs, gets dressed and walks into the pouring rain. "Hello? Are you still there?"
"Yes!"
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes, please!"
"Where are you? I can't see you in the dark."
"I'm over here, on the swing."

There once lived a man named Olf...

...and because he was also drunk and red-face, they called him Olf the Red. One day, he looked out the window and saw that it was about to rain, so he said to his wife, "Honey, I think it's about to rain". To which his wife responded, "Are you sure?" Olf looked at the black skies and pouring droplets and said, "Yes, I'm sure." His wife replied, "Oh, you know how you easily mistaken things when you're drunk." And so Olf snapped, "Rude, Olf the Red knows rain, dear."

The rain was pouring . . .

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy-looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'
'You're the eighth one today,' the old man answered.

Can you give me a push?

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing.

Pushy Drunk

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.
"Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out."
"Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies.

A joke my grandma told me at our last family reunion.

Liz and Mary are working hard at their desks. Liz stands up and invites Mary to go outside for a cigarette. They go outside only to find it's pouring rain so badly it would be impossible to smoke. However, Mary pulls a c**... out of her purse and puts it around her cigarette and proceeds to smoke. Liz, completely astonished, thought it was the most fantastic idea ever. So, after work, she goes to a pharmacy and asks for some condoms. The clerk says, "What size?" The lady responds, "Big enough to fit a camel."

A girl runs under a church awning to escape the rain.

A priest at the door greets her. "Are you all right, my dear?"
"Oh yes, I'm fine!" she exclaims. "It's just absolutely pouring rain!"
Suddenly, the sky opens up, and water begins to cascade down as if pouring from an enormous faucet.
"*Wow!*" the girl shouts. "Now it's *really* raining cats and dogs!"
All at once, the rain stops, and felines and canines begin pelting the ground from above!
"This is the devil's work!" cries the priest. "Quickly! Pray to God that this may stop!!"
Panicked, the girl falls to her knees and begins to pray.
"Hail Mary, full ofaaaAAAAAAUUGGHH!!"