Raining Jokes
129 raining jokes and hilarious raining puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about raining that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a collection of hilarious jokes about the rain! These jokes will have you laughing so hard, it's almost like it's raining harder than a thunderstorm! From raining days to rainstorms, raindrops to umbrellas, these jokes will make any rainy day brighter!
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Funniest Raining Short Jokes
Short raining jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The raining humour may include short rainy jokes also.
- What's the difference between donald trump and a worm? One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
- I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rain down in Africa. - Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode. - I always wondered why you hear stories of vampires in Europe but never Africa. Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water, and they bless the rain down in Africa
- Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains? Because the sun just came out.
- A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_
His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_
He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_ - Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad. Maybe I should let her in.
- It's just started raining really hard and all my wife is doing is standing at the window looking sad... If it gets any stronger I'll have to let her in
- Every time it rains I find my wife standing at the window, looking kind of sad. Maybe I should let her inside.
- I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow" and he replied " yes it is, and don't call me Shirley"...turns out I left airplane mode on
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Raining One Liners
Which raining one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with raining? I can suggest the ones about pouring rain and rainy day.
- I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday, I beat the raining champion.
- What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi.
- I asked a tall guy "how's the weather up there" He spat on me and told me it's raining
- What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear
- When does soil get rich? When mother nature makes it rain.
- why is rain the best kind of music? because it has amazing drops.
- Why are there no vampires in africa? Because they blessed the rains down in africa.
- I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain but it hurt like hail.
- It's raining cats and dogs outside. Know how I can tell? I stepped in a poodle.
- When does it rain money? When there's change in the weather.
- Why doesn't Putin visit the Queen? He can't handle UK rain.
- I made this one up today…. What is Santa's favorite weather? It's rain, dear!
- Strippers in Houston must be doing great. Because they're making it rain.
- How do you know it's raining cats and dogs? When you walk outside and step in a poodle.
- Why don't ghosts go out in the rain? It dampens their spirits
Raining Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny raining day jokes and even better raining day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining.. Took me hours to finish my meal.
- I'm sick and tired of these millennial weathermen... In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.
- What do you call Tatooine rain on a hot day? Lukewarm Skywater
- It's been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it. He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I'm going to have to let him in.
- What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle? The weekend!
- I went on an "Authentic World War One Tour" the other day Three quarters of our party died, we didn't go anywhere and it rained the whole time.
10/10 - It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
- Thereʻs nothing ironic about rain on your wedding day. It's normal for a couple to have a bridal shower.
- What follows four days of rain in Seattle? Tuesday
- Why does a momma kangaroo hate the rain? Because on those days the kids have to play inside
Raining Sky Jokes
Here is a list of funny raining sky jokes and even better raining sky puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There are japanese car parts falling from the sky here It's raining datsun cogs
- My son asks me "Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?" and I reply, "Yes son, the sky is pretty blue."
- I had plans to go to the beach today, but the skies are cloudy and it is raining It's really irrigating.
- What's White & Gooey and Rains Down From the Sky? The coming of the Lord.
- My Jewish friend and I live in California where there were a lot of wildfires recently, and suddenly ashes started raining from the sky. He said, "oh look, a family reunion!"
- Old couple walking around the park... - Honey, tell me how much do you love me. \- Do you see all those clouds in the sky?
\- While yes, of course.
\- Let's go home, cuz it's going to rain. - Pennies and quarters rain from the sky It's climate change
- What do parliament and Ukrainian skies have in common? They're both raining bodies
- Why did the sky rain blood? Mother nature was on her period.
Raining So Hard Jokes
Here is a list of funny raining so hard jokes and even better raining so hard puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If the rain could just get a hard on... It would be hailing
- Asked my friend why she like the song it's raining men. "Is it because you like the ideas of men falling at you or them hitting the ground really hard"
"Neither, I like the idea of cleaning up" - I've got to stop m**... in the shower... Everytime it rains I get a hard on.
Humorous Raining Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about raining you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rain falls jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make raining pranks.
2 blondes in the rain...
2 blondes are leaving a bar when it starts pooring down rain. The first blonde realizes that she left the keys in the car and tries picking the lock. After a couple minutes of trying to open the door, the second blonde freaks out and says, "Hurry up! It's raining cats and dogs and the convertable top is down!"
Last week, my friends and I went to a t**... bar...
...but we had to leave right away because it started raining.
my favorite joke I heard in school
Rudolph was a child adopted from Russia. One day Rudolph and his brother are arguing if it is raining or snowing outside. Rudolph says it raining and his brother says its snowing. They decide to ask their mother what she thinks. Their mother says its raining. When his brother asked why she agreed with Rudolph she said "Because Rudolph the red knows rain dear."
Regular Russia, not the Soviet one
Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.
SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM
Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."
What did the Goat living in Manama say when it starting raining?
"BAAAHH RAIN!"
Why do owls not mate when it's raining?
Toowet Towoo
We had a outage at my place this morning...
We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.
Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette
It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a c**... out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"
The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"
it's raining and my gf has been staring at the window for about an hour..
i should probably let her in.
I met a guy recently who was a really good runner, but could only win races in wet weather.
They call him the Raining Champion.
What do you wear when it's raining homophobia?
A straight jacket.
A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
The man says, "I think it's raining."
His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"
Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.
"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."
What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs!
Got this from a joke book my niece got for Christmas. Most of them were groaners but this one actually made me laugh!
Husband and wife are arguing...
The husband thinks it's raining
His wife says, "No honey, that's snow"
So they ask Rudolph, their soviet friend what he thinks.
He says, "That is rain, comrade."
The husband says, "See! Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Two elderly ladies are smoking outside...
It stared raining and one of the ladies pulls out a c**..., cuts the end off and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms.
When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the cashier for a pack of condoms. He looks at her in disgust as he can't believe someone of her age would be having s**.... He asks what kind she would like anyways as he doesn't want to lose his job.
She replys "honey, it doesn't matter what kind as long as it fits a camel"
I was planning on taking my little girls to the start of summer village fair today, but its raining, windy and cold so we decided not to go.
May weather won.
A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation
The husband says "ah, it's raining"
The wife replies "no it's snowing"
"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,
"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"
"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off
"see?" says the husband,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
What does Barbie say when the drought finally ends?
It's raining Ken, hallelujah....
A man gets on a train to go to Scotland for business...
When he arrives, it's raining. He stays for three whole weeks and the rain never stops. When he finally returns to the train station, he see's a young boy. He goes up to him and says "Excuse me, does it ever stop raining here?" The boy replies "I'm not sure, I'm only 5 years old."
How do you know when it is raining cats and dogs?
There are poodles everywhere!
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Adolf h**... once asked the Germans if it was raining in their place
The Germans replied "No, it's hail h**..."
Best joke I've ever made
*I open the door to leave the house*
Me: It's raining outside?
Mom: Yeah, and it's chilly; you might want a jacket.
Me: It's raining chili?!
What did they name the Chinese remake of "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"?
It's Raining Cats and Dogs
Since it started raining all my girlfriend has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse I'm thinking about letting her in.
A Russian Couple
A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the s**... window...
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...
I went to a t**... bar last night
I was having a great time, until it started raining.
You shouldn't make racist jokes about Asians who cant drive when its raining
Its a slippery slope
Zorro went up to his lover and left his horse
Under the window so he could jump right on, in case her husband returned.
So he is making love and suddenly hears knock on the door. He quickly grabs his clothes and jumps thought the window.
Woman opens the door and there is Zorro's horse and he goes:
"hey, tell him that it's raining outside and I will be waiting in the hall"
I lent a hot girl my umbrella while it was raining
That takes the amount of girls I've made wet to -1
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."
"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Rudolf
So a man and his wife were walking downtown when suddenly it started to precipitate
"It's raining" said the man
"No dear... it's definitely snowing" said the wife
Just then, the local communist, Rudolf, walks by
"It's raining" he says without blinking an eye
"See?" said the man
"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear"
I was with my wife in Russia when it starts to drizzle
So I say to my wife "It's raining" she quickly responds (looking to start a fight) "Actually, I think it's snowing".
This goes back and forth for a few minutes when I notice my buddy Officer Rudolf of the communist national guard. I go over to him and ask, "Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
He glances over and replies, "raining, ofcourse".
I turn back to my wife and triumphantly announce, "See, Rudolf the red knows rain dear!"
What does a ghost wear when it's raining?
boooooooooooooots
Husband and wife debate
A man and his wife are walking down the street when the wife turns to her husband and says honey, I think it's snowing the man looks back at her and says no it's raining.
To settle the debate between the two they ask the friendly redcoat standing at the end of the street. The redcoat, Rudolph tells them that it is in fact raining.
The husband turns to his wife and says see, Rudolph the red knows rain dear.
TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
Who the f**...'s going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?
A pizza man is delivering my pizza
I hear a knock on the door, so I say
"Who is it?"
The pizza guy replies
"The pizza delivery man"
I respond
"The pizza delivery man who?"
The pizza guy responds
"Come on kid! I have your pizza, and it's raining out here. Get the pizza already!"
I reply
"That's the best you got? You really need to work on your delivery"
A married couple was standing outside...
A married couple was standing outside when they noticed some slight precipitation.
"I feel rain" said the man.
"No, it must be snow" said the woman.
"Let's ask communist officer Rudolf" said the man.
They asked him, and he told them it was raining, and the man said, "See? Rudolf the red knows rain, dear."
Mr. Trump told his servant to water the plant outside the house
The servant said, "But sir, it's raining outside"
Mr. Trump replied, "Can't you use the umbrella?"
A priest and a man are sitting on a bench.
Man : forgive me father, for i have sinned.
Priest : What have you done my son?
M : Everytime it rains i r**... someone. A month ago it was raining and i r**... my aunt.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : a week ago it was raining again and i r**... my neighbour.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : just yesterday i r**... my daughter.
*The priest runs into the church and locks the door.*
M : father, what are you doing?
P : It's starting to rain.
What happens when it's raining cats and dogs?
You have to look out for poodles.
What's worse than raining buckets?
Hailing taxis
*It's raining penny's and quarters*
Me:w**... is this
Climate:Change
Don't ask me!
A tourist visiting Seattle is sick of rain and asks a boy - Does it ever stop raining here?
Boy - How do I know? I am only eight.
So, Julius Ceaser was afraid of storms but one night he had to go out.
A big storm was brewing, he ordered one of his minders to go out and report the weather to him. Upon his return he was asked " so was it raining?" To which his minder reported " all hail Ceaser"!!
What do you call it when it's raining n**...?
A heilstorm
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks
Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!
On my way to work, someone asked me how's the weather up there?
So I spit on them and said it's raining.
If god is bowling when its thundering...
If God is bowling when it's thundering and the angels are crying when it's raining, then what's going on up there when it's snowing...
If Jesus can walk on water
Does he fly when it's raining
A man got home from his walk and his wife said: Thank god you got home safe it's raining cats and dogs!!!
The man: It's not raining that bad I didn't even step in any poodles
Its raining
"Come inside , it's raining" Mom shouted to little Tim.
Tim replies "It's raining outsite as well."
Why are the people who flew from Spain always dry, even if it was raining there?
Because the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plane.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.
I think it's raining. says the man.
No, it's snowing. replies the woman.
How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right! exclaims the man. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?
Definitely raining. Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
I've just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
And I'm thinking,
"Who the f**...'s going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?"
Ruined a brand new pair of shoes.
It's raining cats and dogs out and I stepped in a poodle.
Why must you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs?
You might step in a poodle.
John leaves the tent where he is with his girlfriend in the campsite late in the evening.
- John, where you go?
- I'm going to pee outside. Be right back!
Two minutes later when he sits next to his girlfriend:
- John! It's raining?
- Nah! Just a lil bit windy!
why is england so wet?
because the monarchy have been raining there for years
A couple of tourists are taking a tour of Moscow.
As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says I think it's raining. No, it is definitely snowing. Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says let's not bicker, let's ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially snowing or raining. They walked up to their tour guide, and ask Comrade Rudolph, would you kindly tell us if it is snowing or raining? It is raining of course! He replies. The husband turns to the wife and says See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!
I heard that by law you have to turn on your lights when it's raining in Sweden
How the h**... am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?!
Man it was really raining cats and dogs today.
Sure hope I don't step in a poodle.
What do you call a hockey player in a wheat field when it's raining?
Grayne Wetzky
It might never stop raining in England
Yet german weather will be always Wetter.
What is worse than when it's raining cats and dogs?
Hailing h**....