Rain Jokes
138 rain jokes and hilarious rain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Rain Short Jokes
Short rain jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rain humour may include short snow jokes also.
- I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.
They bless the rains down in Africa. - A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_
His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_
He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_ - Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad. Maybe I should let her in.
- It's just started raining really hard and all my wife is doing is standing at the window looking sad... If it gets any stronger I'll have to let her in
- I was eating soup one day outside my favorite restaurant and it started raining.. Took me hours to finish my meal.
- My wife and kids always look through the window all sad and angry when it rains Maybe I should let them in
- Why don't Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore? April showers bring Mayflowers.
- A plane full of Japanese car parts just exploded in mid-air Apparently it's raining Datsun cogs
- My son lost a youth baseball game because of heavy rain... ...he received a precipitation trophy
- I went to an outdoor restaurant last night Total disaster. Poured with rain. Took me 2 hours to finish my soup.
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Rain One Liners
Which rain one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rain? I can suggest the ones about humidity and drizzle.
- I won gold at a weather forecasting event yesterday, I beat the raining champion.
- What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi.
- What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear
- When does soil get rich? When mother nature makes it rain.
- why is rain the best kind of music? because it has amazing drops.
- I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain but it hurt like hail.
- It's raining cats and dogs outside. Know how I can tell? I stepped in a poodle.
- When does it rain money? When there's change in the weather.
- I made this one up today…. What is Santa's favorite weather? It's rain, dear!
- Strippers in Houston must be doing great. Because they're making it rain.
- Why don't ghosts go out in the rain? It dampens their spirits
- What do you call Tatooine rain on a hot day? Lukewarm Skywater
- WHY DO COWS LIE DOWN IN THE RAIN? TO KEEP EACH UDDER DRY.
- What reward does a light rain get? A precipitation trophy!
- What's the difference between rain and a shower? Consent
Too Much Rain Jokes
Here is a list of funny too much rain jokes and even better too much rain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't think there is much of an argument against climate change anymore. Apparently it's raining doctors in Russia.
- Old couple walking around the park... - Honey, tell me how much do you love me. \- Do you see all those clouds in the sky?
\- While yes, of course.
\- Let's go home, cuz it's going to rain. - Hurricane Michael is forecasted to dump 6 inches of rain on my town, and I have no desire to see that much rain... BUT I'm really excited to see what 6 inches actually looks like.
- No matter how much it rains in Seattle, ... ...it's always worse on Mt Rainier.
- California is getting so much rain right now... ...that even Caitlyn Jenner is getting wet.
- It's been raining so much, I have begun the construction on my Ark. If you need any help I Noah guy.
- Why do girls like the rain so much? It makes them wet.
Rain Drop Jokes
Here is a list of funny rain drop jokes and even better rain drop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a pair of twins, Ivan and Oliver Peterson. They both became doctors. Not medical doctors, but doctors in meteorology.
They study the rain. You know,
Dr.I.P.
Dr.O.P. - My girlfriend thought we could stay dry if we ran between the rain drops. I told her she's deluginal.
- Rain drop, drop top.... Mariah Carey's career ended before the ball dropped.
- What happens when the temperature drops during a torrential rain? The weather goes straight to hail.
- Rain drop, drop top Spongebob still waiting at the bus stop
- When raining, Chuck Norris doesn't need an umbrella , he can dodge the rain drops.
Pouring Rain Jokes
Here is a list of funny pouring rain jokes and even better pouring rain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- On a rainy day every one was enjoying the rain but only PETA wasn't Because it was pouring cats & dogs
- Rain is pouring from the ground! Maybe I overreacted... It's just sprinkling...
Rain Falls Jokes
Here is a list of funny rain falls jokes and even better rain falls puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There are japanese car parts falling from the sky here It's raining datsun cogs
- What do rain and reign have in common? Before they end, both fall and cause a huge mess.
- I hate flying air Iberia After all.. the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane.
- Uber Ark Driver Needed in Florida Panhandle area Just got a call from a friend on the Florida coast where a lot of rain is falling. He told me an Uber Ark driver position is available.
- Rain fall The weatherman reported a major storm that was going to cause major flooding was headed our way.
He was partially right, it just mist. - Asked my friend why she like the song it's raining men. "Is it because you like the ideas of men falling at you or them hitting the ground really hard"
"Neither, I like the idea of cleaning up" - Rain and Rome are close friends They both like to fall
Cheeky Rain Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about rain you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wind jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rain pranks.
3 little kids, Leafy, Rainy and Bricky.
They were asking their mother about their names.
Leafy asked:
— Mama, why is my name Leafy?
The Mother answered:
— Cause when you were born a Leaf fell on your head
Then Rainy asked:
— Mama, why is my name Rainy?
— Because when your were born, the water from the rain fell on your head
Then Bricky Asked:
SANMAM,,, EHYWY DISIIS HJHHTMHMGM AMENMA BFIJCKCY¿
Help! I need a push!
A man and his wife were awoken at 3am by a pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you!" asks the husband
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
God Loves Drunks Too
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
my favorite joke I heard in school
Rudolph was a child adopted from Russia. One day Rudolph and his brother are arguing if it is raining or snowing outside. Rudolph says it raining and his brother says its snowing. They decide to ask their mother what she thinks. Their mother says its raining. When his brother asked why she agreed with Rudolph she said "Because Rudolph the red knows rain dear."
Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.
Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?
Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"
the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH
What kind of bear likes the rain?
A drizzley bear.
What did the Goat living in Manama say when it starting raining?
"BAAAHH RAIN!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a Jewish dilemma?
Free bacon.
Let the downvotes rain down on me.
Three old-timers sitting on a bench...
The first sighs heavily, and says, "Looks like rain."
After an hour, the second says, "Hmmm, not sure."
After another hour the third gets up painfully and says, "If you two are going to argue, then I'm off."
Did you know that Native Americans were really good strippers?
Every time they danced, they made it rain.
My water stopped working for a bit today.
My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!"
After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 nuns were smoking when it started to rain...
The first nun takes out a c**... and cuts off the end and slides it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
The second nun notices that it is keeping the first nuns cigarette dry and asks "where'd you get that?"
"From the Pharmacy" replied the first nun.
So the second nun heads down to the pharmacy and asks the clerk for a pack of condoms.
"What size do you need" asked the clerk.
The nun replied - "Large enough to fit a Camel"
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
GRANDPA'S CONDOMS
An old man finds a c**... in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.
"It's a c**...," replies the grandson, sheepishly.
"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."
Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a c**....
"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.
"Big enough to fit a Camel."
I hate Sharknado, it is SO unrealistic.
Rain? In California? Did they even pretend to research for this movie?
A man gets on a train to go to Scotland for business...
When he arrives, it's raining. He stays for three whole weeks and the rain never stops. When he finally returns to the train station, he see's a young boy. He goes up to him and says "Excuse me, does it ever stop raining here?" The boy replies "I'm not sure, I'm only 5 years old."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I can use dollar bills to make it rain, are dollar coins golden showers?
How do rainbow laugh?
Hue hue hue
What does your mom and a rain forest have in common?
If you look deep enough in the bush, you might find a cockatoo.
(works best when looks like it's gonna rain) "I hope the rain keeps up..."
...so it don't come down!"
my great grandfather used to say that all the time. Not sure if anyone here would care but its almost funny
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a rain f**....
It really gets me wet.
Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?
Because they rain supreme.
Always leave the top down in a convertible, even in the rain
Worst case scenario, you get to use the car pool lane.
Why did the kid only water half the lawn?
Because there was a 50% chance of rain
It was a rainy day, she had just left him and was walking back home...
"Nobody will find him there"
She thought as she walked.
When i was 5 i thought the rain was god peeing
How silly childish ideas can be...thinking god exists
Husband and wife debate
A man and his wife are walking down the street when the wife turns to her husband and says honey, I think it's snowing the man looks back at her and says no it's raining.
To settle the debate between the two they ask the friendly redcoat standing at the end of the street. The redcoat, Rudolph tells them that it is in fact raining.
The husband turns to his wife and says see, Rudolph the red knows rain dear.
A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.
Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside. Never, he snarled, Never, never, never say we're out of anything- say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway? The clerk said, Rain!
My half Native American friend Les tried to teach me to rain dance, but we could only ever muster a light mist...
I guess I'm just going to have to make dew with Les.
I love summer in Ireland
The rain gets warmer.
There's an old Native American man that sits in a teepee along the road I take to work.
Every morning for a while now I stop in and ask him what the weather will be that day. Rain, snow, sun, clouds. He's always right.
Well yesterday I stopped in just like normal and asked what the weather was going to be like.
"Got no clue", he said.
I was shocked. "What's different about today that you don't know?"
He just shook his head sadly. "Radio broke."
What is Irish and sits out in the rain?
Patty O'Furniture
A Viking is arguing with his wife
"It's definitely hail" says Gertha
"No, it's rain!" Says Rudolf
"No, it's round and hard, it's hail!" She retorts.
Getting very flustered now, Rudolf shouts "Look! Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"
My family and I were at a friend's house for a barbecue when it started to rain.
Our son commented, "The rain is wet."
My friend laughed and said, "Wow, talk about stating the obvious!"
"He's always doing that," my wife said. "I don't know who he gets it from..." she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, "He gets it from me."
Two blondes are locked out of their car...
The first blonde is trying to unlock the car using a coat hanger. The second says to the first "hurry up! It looks like it's going to rain and the top's down!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Dad, why did you name me Rain?"
Dad: "Because rain was the first thing that fell on you"
Rain: "Oh, I never knew that. Is that why my sister is named Snow as well?"
Dad: "Yes, you are absolutely right"
*a baby cries in the corner*
Dad: Shut up Brick!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are native Americans such good strippers?
Every time they dance they make it rain.
There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick
Rain asked his mom, Why is my name 'Rain'?
Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.
Then Snow asked his mom, Why is my name 'Snow'?
Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.
Then Brick asked his mom, NYANYANYANYA
My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...
I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.
Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.
Rudolph the Red
There once was a young Viking named Rudolph the Red and his wife Freydis. Freydis decided to have a walk with her husband, but when she told him of her plans he took one look at the sky grunted and said it was going to rain. Freydis was confused a there were no clouds in the sky. Later on in the day when it was pouring down rain she asked her husband how he knew which he replied with Ruldolph the Red knows rain dear.
Don't ask me!
A tourist visiting Seattle is sick of rain and asks a boy - Does it ever stop raining here?
Boy - How do I know? I am only eight.
Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...
He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"
The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".
Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"
...
...
"It's horrible."
"Agree."
It's been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.
He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I'm going to have to let him in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are walking in the rain
A speeding car splashes them with water before disappearing.
o**... says to the other, You know if this was Paris, they would stop, take you to their house, take your wet clothes, offer you drinks, and let you spend the night.
No way! says the other guy.
Yes way, says the first guy. It happened to my wife.
I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.
This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father and a mother have three children. One day the first child comes up and says...
"Father. Mother. Why is my name Rose?"
And the Father says, "When you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." The child nods and goes away the second oldest then starts wondering about her name so she goes up to her father.
"Father why is my name Raina?"
"Because when you were born a rain drop fell on your head."
Then the third child comes up. "Ruuuuhhhhh hahdiehakidonw"
"SHUT UP, BRICK!!!!!"
I've just been scammed by a Nigerian Prince
His version of Purple Rain was abysmal.
Two swallows are talking:
"It will rain."
"How do you know?"
"Humans stare at us."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...
There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.
The width of a milk jug is 5.5"
Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches
93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,6**...,6**...,6**... Feet
Divided by 5280
1,475,694,444 Miles
Divided by 93,000,000 miles to get Astronomical Units
You get 15.8 AU's.
You're so fat, that even though Florence is dropping 17 trillion gallons of rain, It's still not enough to get to Uranus.
What do you call a calf in the rain?
*A moist cowlette!*
I'm really worried about my wife and this weather
Ever since it started snowing, she's seemed really depressed. We've had strong, cold winds blowing lately, and freezing rain forming layers of ice over the snow. All she does is stand frozen at the window, staring, and I think she might be depressed.
If this keeps up I might need to let her inside.
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
Its raining
"Come inside , it's raining" Mom shouted to little Tim.
Tim replies "It's raining outsite as well."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(My grandpa who passed away last year, famous joke) Why should you always keep your tools out of the rain?
Because nobody likes a rusty h**...
If you like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain...
getting drunk in the shower would save a lot of time.
Pretty ironic they used to sacrifice virgins to call down rain
Considering they're known for having the longest dry spells.
I tried to rain on your parade...
...but I mist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too s**... to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
What did Mrs. Claus said when Santa Claus asked how is the weather?
"It looks like rain dear!"
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he asked the old man, "and how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth", the old man answered.
It was stormy weather outside, so I was really surprised to hear the doorbell ring.
The doorbell camera revealed it was my mother in law, completely soaked from the rain, and shivering in the icy wind. Concerned she might catch a cold, I hollered:
Please, don't just stand there!
Go home!
————————————
Disclaimer:
I really appreciate my mother in law. This is a joke (which I like to tell her once in a while). In-laws deserve to be treated with respect, just like real human beings.
What did God say to Saint Peter, when giving him control of the weather?
You have free rain!
(had this idea in the shower, so it's technically a shower thought?)
Why are rainbows always happy?
Because they just got out of prism.
My girlfriend said that once we get married I can stop wearing condoms!!
Guess you don't need an umbrella if it's never gonna rain...
