The Best 31 Railway Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Railway jokes. There are some railway caboose jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these railway amtrak puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Railway Jokes and Puns

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.

The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel

The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel

The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford

It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."

To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

Railway joke, An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

When i was young my mom used to put food on the spoon.. and sing "train is coming, train is coming"...

I'd always eat cause i knew if i didn't, she wouldn't untie me from the railway line.

A guy goes to the pub...

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"

His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"

"I don't know. I never found her head."


A group of railway trespassers got hit and killed...

They won't trespass again now that they've been trained.

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.

Railway joke, My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

At the train station...

Lady: Excuse me Sir, is this my train?

Conductor: No Ma'am, it belongs to the Railway Station Company.

Lady: Don't be funny. What I'm trying to ask is if I can take this train to Busan.

Conductor: No Ma'am, it's too heavy.

Emergency Services

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.

It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."

Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....

Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.

It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."

To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

My mates works on the railway.

He does maintenance or maybe engineering....
Something along those lines anyway.

You can explore railway train reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean railway platform dad jokes. There are also railway puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico?

A loco-motive.

how do people improve the railway system?

With a training.

I was thinking of becoming a railway conductor...

Then I thought of all the training.

The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.

An Estonian stands by a railway track.

Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.

The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?

Not too long.

He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.

After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?

Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.

A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge.

It was a loco motive.

Railway joke, A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one

Railway Rescue

The other day I rescued a woman who was tied to a railway track. After I untied her we made love. We tried everything except oral 'cause i couldn't find her head.ο»Ώ

Reading between the lines can be quite dangerous

Especially if you are at a railway station

10 pins were crossing a railway track. Suddenly they saw a train approaching them. 9 pins were able to cross. But the 10th pin couldn't make it and the train went over it. But nothing happened to that pin. Why?

Because it was a safety pin!


Why couldn't they execute the railway worker with the electric chair?

He was too good a conductor

A lorry carrying a load of tortoises crashed though a railway crossing into a train full of terrapins .

What a turtle disaster .

The optimist sees the light in the tunnel, The pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel, The realist sees the train in the tunnel,

The traindriver sees 3 idiots on the railway.

What is a spiced railway station called?

Gare da Mom

Irish Return Ticket

An Irishman walks into a railway station and presents himself at the ticket counter.
I'd like a return ticket, he says.
Where to?
To here! says the Irishman.

Today I saw a boy running with a ticket on his hand at railway station..

Next thing I remember he was lying on the ground and ticket says 9 3/4 Hogwarts.
He missed april fools day

How do engineers measure the distance between Railway spikes?

The Phineas Gauge

There is no COO in a railway company

There is only CHOO

What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite?

FuniculΓ 

How is standing on a railway track like playing music?

Most likely neither will get you a successful career.

Why do railways have TTEs

Because they have to give birth

So I joined the CIA other day and they asked me to go undercover in the countries transport services before wiping my knowledge of it all...

I became a railway sleeper.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the railway conductor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working railway rail piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes