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Railway Jokes

44 railway jokes and hilarious railway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about railway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the best railway jokes out there! From jokes about railway station experiences to ones related to being a railway worker or buying a railway ticket, plus railway shayari and fun facts about model railways, railroads and locomotives, get ready to laugh away at these hilarious train-themed jokes.

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Funniest Railway Short Jokes

Short railway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The railway humour may include short railroad train jokes also.

  1. When i was young my mom used to put food on the spoon.. and sing "train is coming, train is coming"... I'd always eat cause i knew if i didn't, she wouldn't untie me from the railway line.
  2. A group of railway trespassers got hit and killed... They won't trespass again now that they've been trained.
  3. My mates works on the railway. He does maintenance or maybe engineering....
    Something along those lines anyway.
  4. i have been chasing a criminal who murders at railway stations i think i am on the right track
  5. A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge. It was a loco motive.
  6. I wanted to be an engineer for Canadian pacific railways... But they said they couldn't train me.
  7. Reading between the lines can be quite dangerous Especially if you are at a railway station
  8. Why couldn't they execute the railway worker with the electric chair? He was too good a conductor
  9. A lorry carrying a load of tortoises crashed though a railway crossing into a train full of terrapins . What a turtle disaster .
  10. The optimist sees the light in the tunnel, The pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel, The realist sees the train in the tunnel, The traindriver sees 3 idiots on the railway.

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Railway One Liners

Which railway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with railway? I can suggest the ones about railroad tracks and train tracks.

  1. What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico? A loco-motive.
  2. She thinks I’m a fascist?! I don’t control the railways or the flow of commerce!
  3. how do people improve the railway system? With a training.
  4. I was thinking of becoming a railway conductor... Then I thought of all the training.
  5. Why is a blonde like a railway track? She gets laid all over the country.
  6. Which is the longest toilet in the world? Indian Railways
  7. What is a spiced railway station called? Gare da Mom
  8. How do engineers measure the distance between Railway spikes? The Phineas Gauge
  9. There is no COO in a railway company There is only CHOO
  10. What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite? Funiculà
  11. Why do railways have TTEs Because they have to give birth

Railway Tracks Jokes

Here is a list of funny railway tracks jokes and even better railway tracks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How is standing on a railway track like playing music? Most likely neither will get you a successful career.
  • Railway Rescue The other day I rescued a woman who was tied to a railway track. After I untied her we made love. We tried everything except o**... 'cause i couldn't find her head.

Railway Station Jokes

Here is a list of funny railway station jokes and even better railway station puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Irish Return Ticket An Irishman walks into a railway station and presents himself at the ticket counter.
    I'd like a return ticket, he says.
    Where to?
    To here! says the Irishman.
  • Today I saw a boy running with a ticket on his hand at railway station.. Next thing I remember he was lying on the ground and ticket says 9 3/4 Hogwarts.
    He missed april fools day
Railway joke, Today I saw a boy running with a ticket on his hand at railway station..

Railway joke, Today I saw a boy running with a ticket on his hand at railway station..

Amusing & Witty Railway Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about railway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make railway pranks.

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon

When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.

The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford
It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

A man is sitting on a train with a baby, who is very ugly.

In fact, the baby is so ugly that a nearby passenger says,
What a hideous baby.
I've never been so insulted in my whole life, the man says, and
hurries to the train conductor to complain.
I'm so sorry, sir, the train conductor says, when the man tells her
he was insulted so terribly. I apologise on behalf of the railway
company.
Please allow me to move you to the first-class cabin, where you
can enjoy a free glass of champagne and I will try to find some cheese for your pet rat.

A guy goes to the pub...

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had s**... over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"
"I don't know. I never found her head."

My dad gave up his job of being a late night radio DJ.

He took up a new job as a railway construction worker. Talk about a career change, but I guess he just couldn't give up his love for laying tracks.

At the train station...

Lady: Excuse me Sir, is this my train?
Conductor: No Ma'am, it belongs to the Railway Station Company.
Lady: Don't be funny. What I'm trying to ask is if I can take this train to Busan.
Conductor: No Ma'am, it's too heavy.

Emergency Services

An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been fired, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her dismissal.
It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating: "I am depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently, "Keep calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response.....

Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.
It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

The famous joke from eastern europe. Depicting a stereotypic slooow estonian character.

An Estonian stands by a railway track.
Another Estonian passes by on a handcar, pushing the pump up and down.
The first one asks: Is it a long way to Tallinn?
Not too long.
He gets on the car and joins pushing the pump up and down.
After two hours of silent pumping the first Estonian asks again: Is it a long way still to Tallinn?
Now, it is very long way to Tallinn.

10 pins were crossing a railway track. Suddenly they saw a train approaching them. 9 pins were able to cross. But the 10th pin couldn't make it and the train went over it. But nothing happened to that pin. Why?

Because it was a safety pin!

Railway joke, How do engineers measure the distance between Railway spikes?