Rails Jokes
34 rails jokes and hilarious rails puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rails that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Whether you're a software engineer, a code enthusiast, or a train aficionado, these Rails Jokes are bound to entertain you! Get some laughs with our collection of jokes about Ruby on Rails, cabooses, carriages, and the track!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Rails Short Jokes
Short rails jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rails humour may include short railroad jokes also.
- My girlfriend is slightly off the rails. I'm just hoping she doesn't untie herself in time.
- A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" "Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."
- United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business... ...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.
- Did you hear about the guy who fell into the endangered Mollusk exhibit? An aquarium employee ran up to the railing and shouted "I'll go get help, don't move a mussel!
- A discussion me and my wife just had *Me trying to place the curtain on its rails*
Me:I can't reach it, I need 10 more cm to do it!
Wife:*sigh*.. I know.. - Experts now bringing in Ozzy Osbourne to assess the Amtrak derailment in Washington As he is certified on going off the rails on a crazy train.
- My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course The aftermath was terrible.
- A man was just waiting for the train when a woman stops by and asks if she is on the right spot for the hospital. The man tells her that she isn't and that she should probably stand on the rails.
- Soviet Joke Petja sees Ivan Vasilievich sitting on a rail track. Being tired and wanting to sit he walks up to Ivan and says: Ivan Vasilievich, move over.
- In honor of the Kentucky Derby: Horse Racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money goodbye.
Share These Rails Jokes With Friends
Rails One Liners
Which rails one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rails? I can suggest the ones about rack and rust.
- My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails. Hopefully the train still gets her.
- Why don't lightsabers have picatinny rails? Jedi aren't allowed to have attachments.
- How about that train food? It's off the rails
- What language does robot Marco run on? Rubio on rails
- Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba? He didn't want to play second fidel
- A nearly dead baby is like building a new porch To finish it off it needs a good railing
- What was the train to Ireland called? The ginger rail
- I had a great experience with Amtrak... it was OFF THE RAILS
- A French man was transporting very rail snails... You could say it was precious escargot.
- What do you call a staircase with no railing in an old folks home? A stairway to heaven.
- Network Rail (Only people in the UK will get this)
- What type of video game do you play a coke head killer? An on rail shooter.
- High-Speed Rail in the US.
- What does Amtrak have in common with Tom Cruise? They both like to go off the rails
- What do blind trains read? Raile!
Hilarious Rails Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about rails you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rats jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rails pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
Computer Programmer and Mechanic Driving
A computer programmer and a mechanic were driving down a steep mountain slope. The brakes stop working. The car careens out of control and scrapes the guard rails. They make it safely to the bottom of the mountain and pull over. After recovering, the mechanic says, "The brakes must have gone out." The programmer says, "Lets turn the car off, back on, drive it up the mountain and see if it is repeatable."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to the pub...
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had s**... over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"
"I don't know. I never found her head."
2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".
Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wow. Those Spaniards are some die hard Ozzy fans..
..cause they really went off the rails on a crazy train.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woman is standing on the balcony rails
She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God d**... stop pushing me Carl!
(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)
The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...
... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call two gay guys riding the rails in an empty boxcar?
Hobosexuals
So this morning I mistook "Thomas & Friends" for "Fox & Friends"...
And I spent the whole hour wondering why the characters were off the rails.
Why are the rails on train tracks 4 feet and 8 ½ inches apart?
Because if they wasn't the train will fall right off the track.
