The Best 22 Rails Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rails jokes. There are some rails monorail jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rails train puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rails Jokes and Puns

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...

The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.

My girlfriend is slightly off the rails.

I'm just hoping she doesn't untie herself in time.

Rails joke, My girlfriend is slightly off the rails.

A guy goes to the pub...

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"

His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"

"I don't know. I never found her head."

A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see...

The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."

The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."

The realist says: "I think I see a train!"

The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"


2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".

Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"

My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails.

Hopefully the train still gets her.

Rails joke, My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails.

Wow. Those Spaniards are some die hard Ozzy fans..

..cause they really went off the rails on a crazy train.

Why don't lightsabers have picatinny rails?

Jedi aren't allowed to have attachments.

Woman is standing on the balcony rails

She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God dammit stop pushing me Carl!

(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)

A discussion me and my wife just had

*Me trying to place the curtain on its rails*

Me:I can't reach it, I need 10 more cm to do it!

Wife:*sigh*.. I know..

You can explore rails track reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rails rail dad jokes. There are also rails puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...

... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.

Experts now bringing in Ozzy Osbourne to assess the Amtrak derailment in Washington

As he is certified on going off the rails on a crazy train.

What do you call two gay guys riding the rails in an empty boxcar?

Hobosexuals

My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course

The aftermath was terrible.

How about that train food?

It's off the rails

Rails joke, How about that train food?

What language does robot Marco run on?

Rubio on rails

A man was just waiting for the train when a woman stops by and asks if she is on the right spot for the hospital.

The man tells her that she isn't and that she should probably stand on the rails.

Two blondes were walking down the railroad tracks.

The first blonde said "man, these steps are killing me!" The second one said "it's not the steps that are killing me, it's these low hand rails!"


So this morning I mistook "Thomas & Friends" for "Fox & Friends"...

And I spent the whole hour wondering why the characters were off the rails.

Why are the rails on train tracks 4 feet and 8 ½ inches apart?

Because if they wasn't the train will fall right off the track.

I have more in common with Thomas the train than most think

For one thing, we're both stuck on rails!

*Apparently I messed up on Thomas' correct title
Yes Thomas the tank engine.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rails railroad jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rails amtrak piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes