Rails Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...

The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.

My girlfriend is slightly off the rails.

I'm just hoping she doesn't untie herself in time.

A guy goes to the pub...

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"

His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"

"I don't know. I never found her head."

A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see...

The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."

The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."

The realist says: "I think I see a train!"

The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"

2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".

Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"

My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails.

Hopefully the train still gets her.

Wow. Those Spaniards are some die hard Ozzy fans..

..cause they really went off the rails on a crazy train.

A discussion me and my wife just had

*Me trying to place the curtain on its rails*

Me:I can't reach it, I need 10 more cm to do it!

Wife:*sigh*.. I know..

The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...

... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.

Experts now bringing in Ozzy Osbourne to assess the Amtrak derailment in Washington

As he is certified on going off the rails on a crazy train.

My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course

The aftermath was terrible.

How about that train food?

It's off the rails

What language does robot Marco run on?

Rubio on rails

What do you call two gay guys riding the rails in an empty boxcar?


A man was just waiting for the train when a woman stops by and asks if she is on the right spot for the hospital.

The man tells her that she isn't and that she should probably stand on the rails.

Two blondes were walking down the railroad tracks.

The first blonde said "man, these steps are killing me!" The second one said "it's not the steps that are killing me, it's these low hand rails!"

What are the funniest rails jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Rails? Well, here are the best Rails puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Rails pick up lines to share with friends.


Joko Jokes