Rails Jokes
34 rails jokes and hilarious rails puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rails that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Whether you're a software engineer, a code enthusiast, or a train aficionado, these Rails Jokes are bound to entertain you! Get some laughs with our collection of jokes about Ruby on Rails, cabooses, carriages, and the track!
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Funniest Rails Short Jokes
Short rails jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rails humour may include short railroad jokes also.
- My girlfriend is slightly off the rails. I'm just hoping she doesn't untie herself in time.
- Wow. Those Spaniards are some die hard Ozzy fans.. ..cause they really went off the rails on a crazy train.
- A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" "Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."
- To whoever keeps stealing the stairs to my front porch: I will find you; steps are being taken. If you ever show up here again, you will get such a railing.
- I went to the DIY shop I went to the DIY shop and bought a curtain rail. The shop assistant asked if I was putting it up myself. I replied "no you dirty sod. I'm putting it up in the dining room"
- United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business... ...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.
- Did you hear about the guy who fell into the endangered Mollusk exhibit? An aquarium employee ran up to the railing and shouted "I'll go get help, don't move a mussel!
- Did you hear about the bottom who was hit by a train? He died doing what he loved; getting railed
- A discussion me and my wife just had *Me trying to place the curtain on its rails*
Me:I can't reach it, I need 10 more cm to do it!
Wife:*sigh*.. I know.. - Experts now bringing in Ozzy Osbourne to assess the Amtrak derailment in Washington As he is certified on going off the rails on a crazy train.
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Rails One Liners
Which rails one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rails? I can suggest the ones about rams and rack.
- My mother in law has gone a bit off the rails. Hopefully the train still gets her.
- Why don't lightsabers have picatinny rails? Jedi aren't allowed to have attachments.
- What do you call two gay guys riding the rails in an empty boxcar? Hobosexuals
- How about that train food? It's off the rails
- What language does robot Marco run on? Rubio on rails
- Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba? He didn't want to play second fidel
- A nearly dead baby is like building a new porch To finish it off it needs a good railing
- In what country do they not care what they're women look like? I'll-still-rail-ya
- My great grandfather died in Auschwitz Those guard towers needed better safety rails
- What was the train to Ireland called? The ginger rail
- I had a great experience with Amtrak... it was OFF THE RAILS
- A French man was transporting very rail snails... You could say it was precious escargot.
- What do you call a staircase with no railing in an old folks home? A stairway to heaven.
- Network Rail (Only people in the UK will get this)
- What type of video game do you play a coke head killer? An on rail shooter.
Hilarious Rails Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about rails you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rides jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rails pranks.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel
An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.
Computer Programmer and Mechanic Driving
A computer programmer and a mechanic were driving down a steep mountain slope. The brakes stop working. The car careens out of control and scrapes the guard rails. They make it safely to the bottom of the mountain and pull over. After recovering, the mechanic says, "The brakes must have gone out." The programmer says, "Lets turn the car off, back on, drive it up the mountain and see if it is repeatable."
A guy goes to the pub...
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had s**... over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"
"I don't know. I never found her head."
A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see...
The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."
The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."
The realist says: "I think I see a train!"
The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"
2016 is going off the rails with all the people getting offended. There are even some people who've decided it's racist to say "black paint".
Instead you're supposed to say something like "Shawn, would you please paint that fence?"
Woman is standing on the balcony rails
She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God d**... stop pushing me Carl!
(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)
The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...
... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.
My friend really went off the rails after he failed his statistics course
The aftermath was terrible.
A man was just waiting for the train when a woman stops by and asks if she is on the right spot for the hospital.
The man tells her that she isn't and that she should probably stand on the rails.
