Railroad Train Jokes
37 railroad train jokes and hilarious railroad train puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about railroad train that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Railroad Train Short Jokes
Short railroad train jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The railroad train humour may include short steam train jokes also.
- If I apply for a job at a railroad... Will they expect me to know the job or will they train me?
- I just heard that my ex got a job with the railroad. At least now she'll be paid when she pulls a train.
- Why don't women get hit by trains? There is no railroad tracks between the living room and the kitchen.
- Did you hear about that guy who ran a marathon on railroad tracks? He trained a lot, but got distracted.
- The pessimist sees a tunnel The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a train.
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks. - Who sang at the f**... of those who died in a railroads arson? Adele.
Some one set fire to the train
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Railroad Train One Liners
Which railroad train one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with railroad train? I can suggest the ones about train ride and train set.
- If I get a job at a railroad... Will they train me?
- Lets play railroad I'll be the train and ur the tunnel
- Why does the school bus driver stop at all railroad crossings? He was trained.
- How did the railroad cross the mountain? He had to train...
- What's the worst part about being a railroad conductor? The training.
- What can you do when your dog is hit by a railroad? You can train it
- A Peanut was walking on a railroad. He didn't hear the train coming. Peanut Butter
- Amazon lost my train railroad I bought recently they said they lost track of the package
- Tried to have s**... on a railroad track, but the train came first.
Railroad Train Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about railroad train you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean train tracks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make railroad train pranks.
A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.
A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.
The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."
The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so I laid down on the railroad track. The train did not come. Wanted to hang myself - the rope teared. Wanted to shot myself - I ran out of ammo.
From my remaining money I brought a beer, tipped some poison into it, and now you drank it."
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
A reporter goes to a distant town in Alaska.
First he goes by train and then he has to ride a dog sled for several hours to get there. Upon arriving, he asks the town mayor:
"Have you considered building a train station closer to the town?"
"We have," answers the mayor, "but we eventually decided that the train station should be closer to the railroad."
Tunnel
Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.
So this guy finds a magic lamp...
This guy finds a magic lamp. Obviously, a Genie comes out of it.
*The Genie: You can make 1 wish, it can be anything. What do you desire?
*The guy: Well, I'd like to have a railroad that connects New York City and Moscow.
*The Genie: That... might be a liitle too much. Is there anything else you would like?
*The Guy: Well, if that's the case, I'd like to be able to understand Women
* The Genie: Did you want express trains as well?
Switch Operator
This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."
A brunette is jumping on railroad tracks...
Saying 65, 65, 65
A blonde goes up to her and asks her what she's doing. She replies Jumping on these tracks and counting, want to join me?
She agrees, and follows the brunette in jumping and saying 65.
A train comes by, and the brunette jumps out of the way at the last second, the blonde dies.
The brunette goes back to jumping and saying 66, 66, 66
There once was a dog who like to walk the railroad tracks
One day he was a little too close as a train came by and it clipped off the end of his tail. Wondering where it went, he peered over the tracks and the train took his head clean off.
The moral of the story, never risk your head for a little bit of tail.
Burt and Marcus
Burt's worked on the railroad for several years as a laborer but all the constant layoffs have got him looking into moving up in the business and he applies for a job working on the actual train. He gets called in for an interview and it's going ok when they get to the final question. The interviewer says "Burt, you are on Train A and it's traveling west at 75 mph but on the same track is Train B traveling east at 85 mph. There is no way for Train A to stop or slow down. What would you do?" Burt hems and haws for a few minutes and then tells the interviewer "Well, I reckon I'd call my brother Marcus."
"Call your brother? Why"
"Well, Marcus ain't never seen no big train wreck before."
Two hungry hobos
Two hobos were walking along the railroad tracks bemoaning how long it had been since either one had eaten. They come across a racoon that had been half squished by a train, and one exclaims "Our luck has changed, we can split it!"
The second hobo demurred, "No thanks, I'm going to wait for a hot meal."
"Hot meal? You're nuts, I'm chowing down on this here rail kill," and proceeds scoop up and devour what was left of the racoon.
About 20 minutes later, the first hobo's stomach began to churn and rumble. "Oh, I think I'm going to be sick...."
The second one rubs his hands in delight, "Alright alright alright, here comes my hot meal!"
A blonde walks to some railroad tracks.
When she gets there she sees a brunette jumping on and off the tracks. The brunette is jumping on and saying, "42," then jumping back off.
The blonde walks up to the brunette and asks her what she is doing. The brunette just keeps jumping and saying "42."
The blonde watches for a few seconds and she decides to give it a try, now the brunette and blonde are both jumping and saying "42."
A train starts coming down the tracks, the brunette walks away, the blonde keeps jumping and saying "42."
The train comes and the blonde goes splat.
Once the train passes the brunette goes back to the tracks and starts jumping on and off of them saying "43."
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad...
...and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track".
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there" answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then" Tom continued "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box".
"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case" Tom argued "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalised?" "Oh well" said Tom "In that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train c**...!"
So a brunette is walking back and forth across railroad tracks...
...and ever time she crosses she says, "42! 42! 42!"
A blonde happens upon her and is perplexed by what she is seeing. After watching her a while, the blonde determines that it looks like fun, and joins the brunette on the tracks saying, "42! 42! 42!"
Soon the Five O'clock Express comes rumbling down the line. The brunette jumps off the tracks and the train hits the blonde.
The brunette patiently waits for the train to pass, but once it does she starts crossing the tracks again saying, "43! 43! 43!"