Railroad Tracks Jokes
35 railroad tracks jokes and hilarious railroad tracks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about railroad tracks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Railroad Tracks Short Jokes
Short railroad tracks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The railroad tracks humour may include short railway tracks jokes also.
- So right now I'm walking down the railroad tracks with my new Bose noise canceling headpho So right now I'm walking down the railroad tracks with my new Bose noise canceling headpho
- Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A: They've both been laid all over America. - Two blondes are walking down the railroad tracks. "Man, all these stairs are killing me," said one.
The other replies, "Forget the stairs, it's these darned low handrails." - Did you hear about that guy who ran a marathon on railroad tracks? He trained a lot, but got distracted.
- 2 drinks... Two drunks walking along the railroad tracks ...
#1 : dude, this is the longest stairway ...
#2 : yeah, but that doesn't bug me as bad as these low hand-rails - The pessimist sees a tunnel The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a train.
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks. - What do you get when you cross an alligator with a railroad track? Three pieces of alligator.
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Railroad Tracks One Liners
Which railroad tracks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with railroad tracks? I can suggest the ones about train tracks and railroad train.
- Why did the young railroad engineer fall on the tracks? He was undertrained
- Why did the railroad thief get caught? He forgot to cover his tracks!
im^dead^inside - Amazon lost my train railroad I bought recently they said they lost track of the package
- why was the man fishing on the railroad tracks? He wanted to catch a Great Northern.
- If you have the word 'railroad track'... ...how many r's are in it?
- Tried to have s**... on a railroad track, but the train came first.
Humorous Railroad Tracks Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about railroad tracks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make railroad tracks pranks.
A blond and a redhead
(sorry if this is a repost or anything, just a funny joke I remember hearing a while back)
A blond notices a redhead doing jumping jacks beside a railroad track. For a while, the blond watches and notices the redhead keeps repeating the number 88 after each jumping jack. Shrugging this off, the blond decides to join the redhead and starts doing jumping jacks next to her. After a while a train comes by and hits the blond. The redhead stops and looks to where the blond was just standing, then starts her jumping jacks again. "89, 89, 89...."
Two men were out camping in the mountains...
They had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south. Then tonight we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and found a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we made love in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was much better than mine. Was she pretty?" "I don't know," says the second friend eating his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man sits down at his neighborhood bar...
the bartender said "you look very happy today." The man responded that he so happy since he met a woman. The man explained that he met her a week ago while walking along the railroad tracks on the way home from the bar. "Since the moment we met, she hasn't left my side" the man explains. The bartender asked "did you have s**... with her?" The man responds "oh yeah, 3 times a day." The bartender then asked "did you eat her out? The man replies, "oh yeah, she loves it!" The bartender then asked if he got head? The man replied, "no, I couldn't find that."
So a brunette is walking back and forth across railroad tracks...
...and ever time she crosses she says, "42! 42! 42!"
A blonde happens upon her and is perplexed by what she is seeing. After watching her a while, the blonde determines that it looks like fun, and joins the brunette on the tracks saying, "42! 42! 42!"
Soon the Five O'clock Express comes rumbling down the line. The brunette jumps off the tracks and the train hits the blonde.
The brunette patiently waits for the train to pass, but once it does she starts crossing the tracks again saying, "43! 43! 43!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad...
...and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track".
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there" answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then" Tom continued "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box".
"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case" Tom argued "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalised?" "Oh well" said Tom "In that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train c**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There once was a dog who like to walk the railroad tracks
One day he was a little too close as a train came by and it clipped off the end of his tail. Wondering where it went, he peered over the tracks and the train took his head clean off.
The moral of the story, never risk your head for a little bit of tail.
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tunnel
Pesimist only sees the darkness in the tunnel.
Optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees that that light is in fact a train.
The train conductor sees 3 fools on the railroad track.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found girl lying on railroad tracks. I untied her, took her into bushes and we had great s**.... No head, though.
I never found it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy narrates of his incredible tale to a friend
"I came across this beautiful woman. She was tied to the railroad tracks. I freed her and we made passionate love. Her body was smoking hot!"
"How was the face?" his friend asked.
"Oh I didn't find the head."
A blonde walks to some railroad tracks.
When she gets there she sees a brunette jumping on and off the tracks. The brunette is jumping on and saying, "42," then jumping back off.
The blonde walks up to the brunette and asks her what she is doing. The brunette just keeps jumping and saying "42."
The blonde watches for a few seconds and she decides to give it a try, now the brunette and blonde are both jumping and saying "42."
A train starts coming down the tracks, the brunette walks away, the blonde keeps jumping and saying "42."
The train comes and the blonde goes splat.
Once the train passes the brunette goes back to the tracks and starts jumping on and off of them saying "43."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hungry hobos
Two hobos were walking along the railroad tracks bemoaning how long it had been since either one had eaten. They come across a racoon that had been half squished by a train, and one exclaims "Our luck has changed, we can split it!"
The second hobo demurred, "No thanks, I'm going to wait for a hot meal."
"Hot meal? You're nuts, I'm chowing down on this here rail kill," and proceeds scoop up and devour what was left of the racoon.
About 20 minutes later, the first hobo's stomach began to churn and rumble. "Oh, I think I'm going to be sick...."
The second one rubs his hands in delight, "Alright alright alright, here comes my hot meal!"
Burt and Marcus
Burt's worked on the railroad for several years as a laborer but all the constant layoffs have got him looking into moving up in the business and he applies for a job working on the actual train. He gets called in for an interview and it's going ok when they get to the final question. The interviewer says "Burt, you are on Train A and it's traveling west at 75 mph but on the same track is Train B traveling east at 85 mph. There is no way for Train A to stop or slow down. What would you do?" Burt hems and haws for a few minutes and then tells the interviewer "Well, I reckon I'd call my brother Marcus."
"Call your brother? Why"
"Well, Marcus ain't never seen no big train wreck before."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hobos...
were walking down a set of railroad tracks one hot afternoon when they walk up on a dead animal. The first hobo says " alright! something to eat, I haven't eaten in days. Are you going to join me? There is plenty to go around" the second hobo politely declines.
After the first hobo has his fill they continue on their journey down the tracks, when all of the sudden the first hobo stops and says " i'm not feeling so hot." and proceeds to v**.... The second hobo's eyes light up and he say with authentic excitement "now that's what I was waiting for, a nice hot meal."
Switch Operator
This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two women left a bar after a night of drinking
On their way home they began following a set of railroad tracks.
After several minutes following the tracks, one woman said "This is the LONGEST flight of stairs i've ever climbed in my life!"
The second said "it's not the stairs that bug me, it's these d**... low railings!"