The Best 20 Rail Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rail jokes. There are some rail platform jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rail narrow puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rail Jokes and Puns

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...

The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."

After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde visit a magical bridge.

The sign reads "Magical bridge: Jump off the bridge and shout out what you want to land in and so it shall be."

The brunette goes first, she climbs on the rail, jumps off and yells "Pillows!" She lands safe and sound in a pile of pillows.

The redhead jumps next. " Hundred dollar bills!" She yells and lands in a huge pile of money.

The blonde goes last. She climbs up, jumps off and gets scared. She yells "Oh shiiiiiiiit!"

What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico?

A loco-motive.

Rail joke, What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico?

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

"Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."

Why did the railroad thief get caught?

He forgot to cover his tracks!


I went to the DIY shop

I went to the DIY shop and bought a curtain rail. The shop assistant asked if I was putting it up myself. I replied "no you dirty sod. I'm putting it up in the dining room"

United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...

...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

Rail joke, United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...

Railway Rescue

The other day I rescued a woman who was tied to a railway track. After I untied her we made love. We tried everything except oral 'cause i couldn't find her head.

I have this weird problem where I can't understand metaphors, unless they are also ladder-related puns.

My psychologist keeps is trying to find some Holy Rail of a solution, but I'm pretty content to continue to sweep it under the rung.

Two bums

Two bums are walking down the rail road tracks.

Bum#1 turns to the other and says: "just last week I was walking down these same tracks, and I found a bottle of whiskey. I stayed drunk for a week, it was the best week ever!"

Bum#2 listening intently replies: "that's nothing man, I was walking down these same tracks last week and I found a lady, we had sex over and over, it was the best week ever!"

Bum#1 asked: "did she give good head?"

Bum#2 replied: "no, I never found her head"

I just got done playing Tony Hawk's Pro Masturbator 2. If you're not familiar with that game it's where you pretend you are Tony,

while grinding away on a gnarly rail bro.

You can explore rail railroad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rail railway dad jokes. There are also rail puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Soviet Joke

Petja sees Ivan Vasilievich sitting on a rail track. Being tired and wanting to sit he walks up to Ivan and says: Ivan Vasilievich, move over.

Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba?

He didn't want to play second fidel

It's so rewarding... tell children at the station that the entry to Hogwart's Rail is just a matter of speed...

How did the railroad cross the mountain?

He had to train...

In honor of the Kentucky Derby:

Horse Racing is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money goodbye.

Rail joke, In honor of the Kentucky Derby:

What's wrong with Andrew Jackson?

He had an Underground Rail Road too, called the Trail of Tears.

Why are the rails on train tracks 4 feet and 8 ½ inches apart?

Because if they wasn't the train will fall right off the track.

Why do railways have TTEs

Because they have to give birth

Jimmy Savile was such a hypocrite...

advertising British Rail trains when all the time he was riding Virgins.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rail muddy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rail amtrak piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes