ragged Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious ragged puns

I saw a raggedy little boy on the street and asked him if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

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Wine Taster!

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A retired Marine A-4 pilot drunk and with a ragged dirty look came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink.

The old pilot tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."

"That's correct", said the boss. "Another glass, please."

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."

"Absolutely correct. A third glass."

"It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive," calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it, "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

7 was a slob of a boyfriend. He was always coming home bedraggled and ragged, snot dripping from his nose and crusty beer drippings left on the corners of his mouth.
But it got worse, and worse. When he was sober, he was mean to 6. Always telling her to get my dinner and Don't you give me no fuckin' lip, bitch! And when he was drunk, he was meaner than the day is long. He would slap 6 and push her around all careless-like between giving her orders, and if she ever spoke up -- and she *never* spoke up -- but if she did he wouldn'ta thought twice to give 6 a black eye. Now all this in mind, she was mighty fearful of 7, but not enough to leave him. But 7 just got drunker and drunker and drunker. And 6 got more and more afraid of him. She didn't leave him.

Then eventually 6 was found dead in a ditch. Her head was caved in with a baseball bat. 7 went to prison

6 was afraid of 7.

Was.

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The wine taster

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. "It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"

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THE WINE TASTER

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said, It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass...
This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.
"Correct."
A third glass...
"It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."

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Healing Kiss

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting.

The girl looks like she's having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What's wrong honey?"

She replies. "My head hurts."

Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it better now?"

"Yes," she says.

Then he asks, "Does it hurt somewhere else?"

"Here," she replies, pointing to her lips. So the boyfriend kisses her lips.

"Is it better now?"

"Much better."

"Anywhere else?"

She replies by pointing to her neck. So the boyfriend kisses her neck.

Annoyed at the pitiful public display, the elderly man asks the young man, "Excuse me, do you do hemorrhoids?"

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A raggedy old nun was walking home ....

.... from the convent one evening, when an old man jumped out of the bushes and had his way with her.

The man laughed and said: "What will you tell the Holy Father NOW, Sister?"

And the nun replied: "I can't lie to the Lord! I must say I was walking home from the convent when a man jumped out from the bushes, attacked me and had his way with me TWICE...... Unless you're too tired?"

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A drunk applies for a job...

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with ragged – dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away! They tested him

They gave him a glass with a drink – he tried it and said, it's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. That's correct said the boss.

Another glass. it's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels correct

Now, the director was astonished – amazed

He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it ! it's of a blonde -26 years old- pregnant ! Probably third month now – and if you don't give me the job, i'll tell who the father is !

He got the job!

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The World's Most Hardcore Biker

The world's most hardcore biker walks in to a bar while he's riding his bike across the country. He's wearing his ratty jeans, combat boots and his ragged leather vest showing off all his less than legal achievements. As he walks in, all eyes in the building fall upon him, his very stride exuding machismo and danger.

He spots a dead, stuffed gator at the end of the bar and swaggers up to it. He eyes it for a moment and whips out his cock, stuffs it in the gator's mouth, and slams down as hard as he can on it's head, making the jaw and teeth bite down on his fully erect member.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHER-FUCKERS THINKS YOU CAN DO THIS SHIT!?" he shouts to the awe stricken bar, then takes a long, hard pull from a bottle of cheap bourbon.

A small, dainty man in daisy dukes saunters up to the biker, places his well groomed hand upon his shoulder and whispers softly in to his ear

"I can sweety, but you gotta promise not to hit my head so hard."

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Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the Toy Box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, saying "Lie to me!"

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Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"

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The rain was pouring . . .

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy-looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.

'Fishing,' the old man said simply.

'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub. As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, 'And how many have you caught?'

'You're the eighth one today,' the old man answered.

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There was a bum on a bride one night...

When he saw this attractive young lady standing in the ledge about to jump. Going up to her he asked,
"excuse me ma'am, but what are you doing up there?"
"my life is a mess and I don't want to deal with it anymore" she responded. So the bum thought for a second and asked,
"well if you don't mind, would you make an old bums night and sleep with me?"
Looking over at the ragged, stinky and old bum the young woman was disgusted and refused.
"thats alright" said the bum.
"I'll just wait until after you jump."

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Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?

She sat on Pinocchio's face and made him lie to her.

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My married friends say their "honey-do" lists run them ragged.

Thankfully I've already told the girlfriend I cantaloupe.

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How did Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy spice up their sex life?

By trying button stuff.

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Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toybox?

She wouldn't stop sitting on Pinocchio's face shouting "lie to me! Lie to me!"

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Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming "LIE TO ME"!

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Why don't Raggedy Ann & Andy have any children?

Cotton balls

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Why was Raggedy Ann kicked out of the toybox?

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me."

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What are the most funny Ragged jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ragged? Well, here are the best Ragged dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ragged pick up lines to share with friends.

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