Raffle Ticket Jokes
17 raffle ticket jokes and hilarious raffle ticket puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about raffle ticket that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Raffle Ticket Short Jokes
Short raffle ticket jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The raffle ticket humour may include short raffle jokes also.
- What happens when you win a raffle twice that gave you five for the price of three on rugby tickets? You won two, three for five six nations tickets
- My friend has just got back from Africa and isn't feeling well He keeps buying raffle tickets. Im worried he has tombola...
- Prisoner A approaches Prisoner B... "Wanna buy a ticket for the Chief Wardens ball?"
"Nah. I don't dance."
"It's not a dance, it's a raffle". - I bought some raffle tickets from a local charity for a big fundraiser and won the early bird prize. It was a worm.
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Raffle Ticket One Liners
Which raffle ticket one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with raffle ticket? I can suggest the ones about lottery ticket and lottery.
- Just bought a raffle ticket, top prize a Mediterranean cruise. Last week's was a rollover
Raffle Ticket Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about raffle ticket you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lottery win jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make raffle ticket pranks.
When I was a boy my dad gave me money....
When I was a boy my dad gave my money to go downtown and pay the electric bill but instead I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a truck. I told my dad when I got home and he beat my a**... but the next morning in the driveway sat a new truck. We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from electric company there to turn the lights off.
....Dad beat my a**... again ....
When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill
But instead, I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck.
I told my dad when I got home and he beat my a**....
The next morning, however, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.
We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from the electric company there to turn off the lights.
So dad beat my a**... again
Young Chuck
One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works on Wall Street.
A Lebanese man in Texas
A clever Lebanese man moves to the Texas Republic. He wants to buy a mule, but when he goes to see the man he knows is selling one, he is told that the mule has died.
"No problem," says he. "I will give you two dollars for the dead mule."
A few weeks later the mule seller runs into the Lebanese man in town, looking quite prosperous. He asked him what had happened.
" I raffled off the mule. I charged one dollar a ticket, and sold 700 tickets."
"But weren't the winner upset that the mule was dead?"
"I gave him his money back"
A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart
A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
The brunette won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.
The blonde won 6th prize, a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the women met back at Wal-Mart. The blonde asked the brunette how she liked her prize, to which the brunette replied,
"Great, I love spaghetti!"
"How about you? How's the toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied the blonde.
"I think I'm gonna go back to paper."
A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250.
A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'
A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.'
A cheap camping supply store is having a huge sale...
And they are selling raffle tickets for various camping supply prizes. An old Chinese man comes and buys a raffle ticket, among many other customers. Finally, the announcer asks for the crowd to quiet down so that he can draw out the raffle ticket for first prize. He reads out the number, and the old Chinese man yells out that he has the ticket. The announcer brings him up on stage and asks his name. He then announces, "Mao is the winner of our discount tent!"
A wife comes home with a new Coach bag...
Her husband asks, "Where did you get that?"
"I won it in a raffle." she replies.
The next day she comes home with a new diamond bracelet. He asks her again, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
"I won it in a raffle." she says again. Later that evening, she asks her husband to run a bath for her. He obliges and runs about a half inch to an inch of water in the tub. She comes in and asks him why he didn't fill the tub up.
He says, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
Dead Donkey joke
One day Chuck got tired of investment banking and decided to become a farmer. He packed his things and bought a Texas ranch.
Eventually Chuck bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey following week.
When the day came, the farmer showed up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'Whattaya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'That's my business.'
A month later, the farmer bumped into Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I held a raffle. People could pay a dollar per ticket for a chance to win a free donkey. I sold five hundred tickets!'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain when they found out the donkey was dead?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his dollar."
A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for £250.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days. A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'
Joe replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've spent it already.'
Joe said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with it?
Joe said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't flog a dead horse!'
Joe said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'
Joe said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £5 apiece and made a profit of £2495.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Joe said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back.'
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace.
He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet.
Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat.
He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"
She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub.
She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub."
He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."