Racing Jokes

• Short Racing Jokes
• Racing One Liners
• Racing Car Jokes
• Car Racing Jokes
• Racing Horse Jokes
• Horse Racing Jokes
• Racing Pigeon Jokes
• More Racing Jokes

Funniest Racing Short Jokes

Short racing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The racing humour may include short races jokes also.

1. Why do the election results take so long? It's a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?
2. Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races? Because he likes to come in a little behind.
3. If you could exterminate any race what would you pick? Personally, I'd get rid of the 800m. It's too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.
4. I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
5. My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I'm obsessed with horse Racing. I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....
6. Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
7. Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.
8. Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have? The Trump card.
9. Is it OK to hate certain races? Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.
10. If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"
    "...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"
    -Credit goes to my mother
    -

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Racing One Liners

Which racing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with racing? I can suggest the ones about car race and race track.

1. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
2. Is it wrong to hate a specific race Because I really hate marathons
3. Two silk worms were in a race... It ended in a tie.
4. Why do Paedophiles never win races? They like to come in a little behind...
5. Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running
6. Two silkworms had a race... They ended up in a tie.
7. Is it bad to hate a certain race? Because I despise the 100 meter
8. I'm not a racist. I treat every race equally Even the bad ones
9. I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crimes
10. I had a race with an Asian today It was a thai
11. When is the best time for Muslims to run a race? Ramadan. They fast during Ramadan.
12. One one was a racehorse One two was one too
    One one won one race
    One two won one too
13. My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire
14. Two silkworms got into a race. They ended up in a tie.
15. Why dont foot fetishists win races? Because they love the smell of defeat.

Racing Car Jokes

Here is a list of funny racing car jokes and even better racing car puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My girlfriend bet me I couldn't make a racing car out of spaghetti… You should've seen her face when I drove pasta
• My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed Jokes on him I sleep in a real car
• What do we want? Race car noises.
  When do we want them?
  Neoooooooooooooooooooooow
• My cousin thinks he's cool because he sleeps in a race car bed. Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.
• A car made of French bread just raced past me. It was a Baguetti Veyron.
• Why did the car get disqualified from the neighborhood drag race? >!No spoilers!<
• Since professional piano players are called pianist then why aren't race car drivers called racest
• Why is someone who plays the piano called a pianist... ... but a person who drives race cars not called a racist?
• What kind of car racing comes from Mexico? Formula Juan
• What do we want? racing car noises when do we want them neooooooww

Car Racing Jokes

Here is a list of funny car racing jokes and even better car racing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My Cousin always brags about getting to sleep in a race-car bed Joke's on him. I sleep in a real car!
• Why did the bicycle not enter the car race? It was too tired.
• Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past? It had a SPOILER on it.
• I realized I left my tuba in the car with the doors unlocked... I raced back as quick as I could and sure enough when I looked inside, there were two tubas.
• Why did the electric car finish the race early? It had a short circuit.
• Yo' Mama is like a race car: she burns through four rubbers a night.
• Three aboriginals in a car, who's the driver? The police.
  Also works with other minority races. Mileage may vary depending on audience.
• What did the spiritual race car driver say to his mother? I have good car, ma!
• [Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4. Experts say it was caused by a race condition.
• Why did the race car driver have an upset stomach? He had "Indy"gestion

Racing Horse Jokes

Here is a list of funny racing horse jokes and even better racing horse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My wife and daughter are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing... "And they're off!"
• My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing She's at the gate... and she's off
• A new Zealand joke Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
  They saw what happened to the sheep
• If horse racing is the "sport of kings" is drag racing the sport of queens?
• I want to get a race horse, and name it My Face. Just so I can hear people in the stands yell, Come on, My Face!!
• My favorite gambling event is horse racing, but I'm bad at it. No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster.
• I am very racist... ...horse races are far superior to all other races
• I lost all my money betting on horse races. Turns out they can run WAY faster than I can.
• Pregnant horses would be excellent in a race They have twice the horsepower
• At the race track and saw a 100-1 horse win a race. I couldn't believe it, what are the odds of that.

Horse Racing Jokes

Here is a list of funny horse racing jokes and even better horse racing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Race Horse Joke/tongue twister One-one was a race horse.
  Two-two was one too.
  One-one won one race.
  Two-two won one too.
• I tried horse racing once, but I fell at the first fence. I might have done better if I had a horse
• 1 1 was a race horse 2 2 was 1 2
  1 1 1 1 race
  2 2 1 1 2
• I was absolutely devastated when my horse died. I had a lot of money riding on that race.
• How did the sea horse win the race? He scalloped.
• My Dad's favorite sports are horse racing, bike racing, and women... ... basically anything where you can put a leg over something and ride it.
• Did you hear about the race between the horses with broken legs? It was lame.
• Why don't gelding horses like to race? Because every time they go to the starting gate they're reminded "They're Off!".
• What's the best way to fix a horse race? Evolution.
• What's green and laughs at you while riding away? A Leprechaun on a race horse!

Racing Pigeon Jokes

Here is a list of funny racing pigeon jokes and even better racing pigeon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• In his spare time my dad races pigeons I don't know why, he never beats them.
• My grandad used to race pigeons... He could never keep up with them though.
• My grandad used to race pigeons...

Heartwarming Racing Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about racing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean horse race jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make racing pranks.