Races Jokes
119 races jokes and hilarious races puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about races that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the funniest jokes about horse races to make your day brighter. From jokes about all races to sprints and jockeys, these jokes will make you burst into laughter. Get ready for a hilarious horse racing experience!
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Funniest Races Short Jokes
Short races jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The races humour may include short racing jokes also.
- Why do the election results take so long? It's a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?
- Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races? Because he likes to come in a little behind.
- If you could exterminate any race what would you pick? Personally, I'd get rid of the 800m. It's too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.
- I told the cop, You can't write me a ticket. I have a marathon to run tomorrow. The cop said, Sir, that's not how you play the race card.
- My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I'm obsessed with horse Racing. I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....
- Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
- Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.
- Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have? The Trump card.
- Is it OK to hate certain races? Try as I might I just can't get myself to like the 200 meter dash.
- If I owned a race horse, I would name it My Face Just to hear the crowed chant "COME ON! COME ON MY FACE!"
"...and here comes My Face coming up from the rear!"
-Credit goes to my mother
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Races One Liners
Which races one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with races? I can suggest the ones about raced and race track.
- What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
- Is it wrong to hate a specific race Because I really hate marathons
- Two silk worms were in a race... It ended in a tie.
- Why do Paedophiles never win races? They like to come in a little behind...
- Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running
- Two silkworms had a race... They ended up in a tie.
- Is it bad to hate a certain race? Because I despise the 100 meter
- I'm not a racist. I treat every race equally Even the bad ones
- I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crimes
- I had a race with an Asian today It was a thai
- When is the best time for Muslims to run a race? Ramadan. They fast during Ramadan.
- One one was a racehorse One two was one too
One one won one race
One two won one too - My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire
- Two silkworms got into a race. They ended up in a tie.
- Why dont foot fetishists win races? Because they love the smell of defeat.
Horse Races Jokes
Here is a list of funny horse races jokes and even better horse races puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife and daughter are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing... "And they're off!"
- My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing She's at the gate... and she's off
- A new Zealand joke Why do New zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?
They saw what happened to the sheep - If horse racing is the "sport of kings" is drag racing the sport of queens?
- I want to get a race horse, and name it My Face. Just so I can hear people in the stands yell, Come on, My Face!!
- My favorite gambling event is horse racing, but I'm bad at it. No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster.
- I am very racist... ...horse races are far superior to all other races
- I lost all my money betting on horse races. Turns out they can run WAY faster than I can.
- Pregnant horses would be excellent in a race They have twice the horsepower
- At the race track and saw a 100-1 horse win a race. I couldn't believe it, what are the odds of that.
Wow All Races Jokes
Here is a list of funny wow all races jokes and even better wow all races puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My boss said he races boats So I said, Wow, you must be a fast swimmer!
- A man told his friend he won an iPhone in a race. The friend says "Oh, wow! How many people were in the race?"
and the man says "Just the policeman, the phone's owner and I." - . What did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in the race A. Wow, I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
- Dude 1: hey, nice phone! Dude 2: thanks! I won it in a race. Dude 1: really? Wow! Who'd you race against? Dude 2: the owner and the cops.
Share Hilarious Races Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about races you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean horse race jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make races pranks.
Snail Racing
My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish
I'm one of those people who thinks different races shouldn't mix
Which is why I don't participate in triathlons
Is it bad that I hate certain races...?
Because the hundred meter dash really irks me.
Adolf h**... banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...
...Because Marathons are the master race.
I met a guy recently who was a really good runner, but could only win races in wet weather.
They call him the Raining Champion.
What's the same about Mexican and Black people?
Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
Three aboriginals in a car, who's the driver?
The police.
Also works with other minority races. Mileage may vary depending on audience.
Is it wrong to be particular towards certain races?
I mean I hate triathlons because I'm bad at swimming, like black people.
They're giving Caitlyn Jenner ANOTHER TV show
Apparently, they have her competing in the Olympics again. It's going to be called "Drag Races".
I can't sleep in my bed anymore, my mind races thinking of all the s**... stuff I've done in the past.
s**... memory foam...
I went to the races yesterday.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it.
When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians to the Athenians, found out the long-distance races were going to be called Marathons, he was a little upset...
But he ran with it.
I can't handle the pressure of competitions.
Even in eating races I choke!
Its not surprising that Republicans lost two presidental races to Obama
In long races usually the guy from Kenya wins.
Racism exists among all races of the world
white people are just better at it, like most things.
Is it ok to hate a certain race?
I am fine with 5km races but marathons just do my head in.
Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike
I find certain races unattractive...
Marathons are one thing, but triathlons seem like too much trouble.
I have a s**... attraction and f**... for car races
I just love getting off to a good start
I hate it when people call me racist...
When I'm not. I hate all races equally.
I have a boat that beats all other boats in races...
... It's a champion ship.
Why did h**... always win foot races?
He was the fascist one.
I judge Usain Bolt based on his race
All of his races, actually.
Not sure why the left wants to punch n**...
You'd think they'd love a failed liberal arts student who blames all his problems on other races.
Why do pencil races take so long?
Because pencils are stationery.
Why are most races named after a simplified version of their skin color
It's not always black and white
Is it okay to hate certain races?
Because I hate the 10k, more of a 5k type of guy.
Why can't Priests win races?
They're always coming in a little behind.
Did you hear NASCAR and Formula One we're trying to make an Ultimate Showdown race but it got cancelled due to controversy?
Apparently NASCAR fans didn't want to mix the races....
Why do gazelles always lose races?
Cause they're running against cheetahs
I think there is nothing cooler than being a lone wolf.
except for at wolf picnics, when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.
Is it ok to hate certain races?
Because I can't stand doing 5ks.
Is it okay to hate certain races?
My friends want me to do a 10k but I don't really like running more than 5k at a time.
I realized why Scandanavians are the fastest runners in the world...
...all their races start near the Finnish line.
Did you hear about the biologist who grew a new bacteria that affected all races equally?
It was a PC culture.
Barry likes the number five.
He is the fifth child in his family, lives on the fifth house on Fifth Avenue, so much so that he sees 5 as his lucky number.
One day he went to the races, and saw a horse named Number Five. He went ahead and placed a huge bet, confident that it'll win him big money.
It finished fifth.
I am totally not a racist but...
Compared to all the others types of races, I think the 400 meter hurdles present the most barriers for track athletes.
Paedophiles are not allowed to win any races.
They always have to come in a little behind.
I always wondered 🤔
Why is a person who play the piano called a pianist but a person who races not called a racist?
Is it wrong to hate a particular race?
I love to run, but I hate running 10k races as they make me feel sick the next day.
I'm not racist I love all races
Except marathons I hate running
We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.
No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.
I like to imagine my fingers as the races of Middle Earth...
The thumb is the dwarf because it's stout
The pinkie is the hobbit because it's diminutive
The index is the elf because it's the most dexterous
The ring is the human because they were given the most rings
And the middle is the orc... because it's the rudest
We were discussing the races and dwarvs are my favorite. The reason?
They always appear to be down to earth.
I'm not racist, but some races are simply inherently more important than others.
For example, the presidential race is much more important than some 100m dash.
A guy bought a horse and named him 'My Face'.
He trained this horse and entered him into races.
When asked why he called it 'my face' he replied,
So when the girls are cheering on the horses they are screaming "Come on My face come on my face"
I love races that finish themselves
t**... wins
All races are not made equal
The 10k is twice as long as the 5k race
In his spare time my dad races pigeons
I don't know why, he never beats them.
I'm not a racist, I just believe that...
the Indy 500 is superior to all other races.
I explained to my son how batons are used in relay races, and he understood right away.
I gotta hand it to him.
What is green and races out of your nose at 200 MPH?
A Lambooghini!
I was in a bar the other day, when a girl asked me, What do you do? I responded, I race cars. Screeching with excitement, she shot back, Do you win many races!? I sighed...
No, the cars are much faster.
Is this a bad time to say that I really like certain races and absolutely hate others?
The hundred metres dash is my favourite. The marathon is awful.
Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.
But how will drivers know they've entered the last lap of the race? 🏳
My friend was angry when NASCAR banned the Confederate flag from the races
But he got angrier when I pointed out they still wave it on the final lap every race
Im against other races
Which is why I only watch NASCAR
Dont be racist
Be like me. I like all races even the bad ones
I firmly believe that all races are equal.
Which is why I'm no longer allowed to position the starting blocks at the Olympics.
If you enjoy nascar than your probably a racist, however, if you hate nascar than you are literally a racist.
Because you hate races
The other day I was organising snail races
They were moving really slow. Then I thought if I remove their shells then they would go faster, but if anything they were more sluggish
A father learns his daughter's virginity has been taken
He is infuriated. He races down to her boyfriends' house and pounds on the door demanding an explanation.
He opens the door and says "Don't worry. It won't happen again."
Recently I realized I hate certain races.
For example Motorcycle races are not fun anymore.
I know this is unpopular to say in this inclusive culture but there are some races I don't like
Especially the 800 m dash
We shouldn't mix races, it's immoral and honestly pretty g**....
That's why I hate triathlons.
I know I'm gonna get hate for saying this, but there are some races that I just don't like.
For instance, anything with an obstacle in it. Like if I'm running 10k, don't make me climb over a wall halfway through it.
My wife and I keep on collecting 5k race t-shirts, without actually participating in the races.
It's our running joke
Is your refrigerator running?
A man walks into a bar and is about to order a beer when he's interrupted by the bar phone ringing. The bartender answers. A voice asks, "Is your refrigerator running?" The bartender replies with a sigh. "Yes" The voice replies,"Good. Mine too. I'll see you at the refrigerator races tomorrow."
Why don't Natzis participate in triathlons?
Because they hate mixed races.
Even though we're progressing, we really need to get rid of certain races.
Such as the 800 meter dash.
Races between Myanmar and Laos
Are usually Thais
I just go into a fight with a friend. He thinks all races are equal, but I think some races are far superior....
Like the marathon. That takes a lot of stamina, and is a far superior race.
And if you thought this was going somewhere else... you need to take a good hard look at yourself!
Some people say that we need to accept all races, but I refuse!
Marathons are just awful!
The biologist
A biologist races into a bar in a celebratory mood. "I've done it!" he shouts to the bartender. "I've engineered immortal frogs!" "How's that?" asks the bartender. "I removed their vocal chords. They can't croak!"
Three racehorses were standing in a field.
One says, you know, I've won ten races in my life.
And I've won twenty races! Brags the second horse.
The third horse is much older then them both. He says, That's nothing! I've won fifty races!
Suddenly they all hear laughing, and they turn their heads to see a greyhound trotting through the field.
Amateurs! The dog laughs. I've been in a thousand races, and I've won all of them!
The horses are all shocked. As the dog strolls past them, they stare in silence. Then the old horse says, Holy s**...! a talking dog!
Although the World is more accepting, I refuse to accept some races.
Marathons are awful.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of red wine. The bartender's therapy dog leaps to his feet, races across the room, runs down the stairs to the wine cellar and within moments returns with a lovely bottle of cabernet savignon in his jaws which he drops gently at the bartender's feet. "Wow, that dog is amazing," the guy says. "What kind is it?" "Oh, he's nothing special," the bartender replies. "Just a bordeaux collie."
