raced Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious raced puns

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"


A priest has a heart attack and is rushed to hospital

When he wakes up, he is being raced through the corridors on a gurney. Disoriented, he asks, "am I in heaven?"

"No, replies the nurse. "We're just taking a shortcut through the children's ward."


A lady had just stepped under the shower when she heardher doorbell ring...

Figuring whoever it was could wait, she chose to ignore the bells. After 30 seconds, the bell was again pressed followed by a man inquiring "Is anybody home? Its the blind man from town."

Annoyed, the lady quickly dried off and without bothering to clothe herself raced down the stairs.

As she opened the door with nothing on but the radio, she was greeted by a shocked by smiling man.

"Nice tits.... where do you want the blinds?"


A car made of French bread just raced past me.

It was a Baguetti Veyron.


New Trainset

Johnny loved his new train set. His mother could leave him for hours at a time while she did things around the house without him to bother her.

One day, while she was cooking dinner, she over heard Johnny. Everytime the train would pass the station, she would hear him say "All those that want to get off, get the fuck off, All of you that want to get on, get the fuck on."

Highly disturbed by this, she raced into the room where Johnny was playing. "Young man", she said "march up to your room and think about what I've told you about that kind of language."

So up to his room he goes.

Two hours later, he comes back down and sits down by his train set. The train goes around a couple of times and he proceeds to say "All those who want to get off, get the fuck off, all those who want to get on, get the fuck on, all those who are pissed off about the two hour delay, talk to the bitch in the kitchen.


Its not a repost

My friend and I came up with a joke and raced to see who could post it first. I just lost by 2 months.


Funny Story

As the coals from our barbecue burned down...
... our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block.

All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.

They glared at us with looks of disgust.

Suddenly, we realized why.........we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them...


What did one river say to the other river as they raced down a hill and suddenly hit a dead end?



I realized I left my tuba in the car with the doors unlocked...

I raced back as quick as I could and sure enough when I looked inside, there were two tubas.


I heard the last two kids rescued raced eachother to the end of the cave...

Rescuers reported the race ended in a Thai.


The Windsurfer And The Two Fishermen

Two fishermen were sitting by a lake. Suddenly, a windsurfer raced past them and made a huge backflip, but failed the landing horribly. When he didn't surface the two fishermen sailed towards his floating surfboard. They threw their nets in and pulled him up and saw to their horror that he was completely lifeless. Straight away one of the fishermen started to give him mouth-to-mouth. After 5 seconds he yelled:

"GOD DAMN IT, his breath is absolutely *horrible!"*

"Well it's the freaking wrong guy we got here", the other fisherman said, "This one is wearing iceskates!"


The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey.

"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"

"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."


Two cats raced across a river; one was named one two three, and the other was named un deux trois

One two three cat won because un deux trois quatre cinq


How can you tell if someone has raced in a marathon?

Don't worry... they'll tell ya!


I looked at the guy next to me, then straight ahead, then back at the guy. It was on, we were ready to go as soon as the lights changed. Then...

They went red and we raced across the road.


What are the most funny Raced jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Raced? Well, here are the best Raced dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Raced pick up lines to share with friends.


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