Race Car Jokes

112 race car jokes and hilarious race car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about race car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Race Car Short Jokes

Short race car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The race car humour may include short racing car jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend bet me I couldn't make a racing car out of spaghetti… You should've seen her face when I drove pasta
  2. My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed Jokes on him I sleep in a real car
  3. My cousin thinks he's cool because he sleeps in a race car bed. Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.
  4. Since professional piano players are called pianist then why aren't race car drivers called racest
  5. Why is someone who plays the piano called a pianist... ... but a person who drives race cars not called a racist?
  6. My Cousin always brags about getting to sleep in a race-car bed Joke's on him. I sleep in a real car!
  7. I realized I left my tuba in the car with the doors unlocked... I raced back as quick as I could and sure enough when I looked inside, there were two tubas.
  8. Three aboriginals in a car, who's the driver? The police.
    Also works with other minority races. Mileage may vary depending on audience.
  9. [Warning: Nerdy] Two self driving cars lost control on the freeway and crashed, killing 4. Experts say it was caused by a race condition.
  10. I recently bought a second hand car. It only had one previous owner, a little old lady, who only used it once a week, on a Sunday - when she took it drag racing.

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Race Car One Liners

Which race car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with race car? I can suggest the ones about car race and sports car.

  1. What do we want? Race car noises.
    When do we want them?
  2. A car made of French bread just raced past me. It was a Baguetti Veyron.
  3. Why did the car get disqualified from the neighborhood drag race? >!No spoilers!<
  4. What kind of car racing comes from Mexico? Formula Juan
  5. What do we want? racing car noises when do we want them neooooooww
  6. Why did the bicycle not enter the car race? It was too tired.
  7. Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past? It had a SPOILER on it.
  8. Why did the electric car finish the race early? It had a short circuit.
  9. Yo' Mama is like a race car: she burns through four rubbers a night.
  10. What did the spiritual race car driver say to his mother? I have good car, ma!
  11. Why did the race car driver have an upset stomach? He had "Indy"gestion
  12. What do race car drivers wear under their fire retardant suits? Speedos !
  13. Q: What's a race car's favorite thing to eat for lunch?
    A: Fast food!
  14. Here is something that's true All race car drivers are racists.
  15. If you spell race car backwards... You get what Honda owners wish they had.

Heartwarming Race Car Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about race car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean racecar driver jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make race car pranks.

Your mama's like a race car driver because she burns through a lot of rubber.

Q: What's a race car's favorite thing to eat for lunch?
A: Fast food!

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"d**...!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says: "Too late, d**...."

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage.
The penguin asks, "How long will it be?"
The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street.
When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?"
The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."

A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital.
The weather is terrible.
It's raining cats and dogs.
Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed.
"Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will c**... if he doesn't slow down!"
A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree.
He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid.
But it's to late.
The biker is already dead.
He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see.
The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!"
He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this.
He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket.
One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off.
The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news.
It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."

Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.

What's the difference between a velodrome and a palindrome?

For one, you have to use a bicycle. For the other, you can use a race car.

The pope was visiting New York

His visit in the states had lasted for days and he had become tired of being chauffeured around from one event to another the whole time.
"Tell you what. I really miss driving" he said to his driver and they agreed to swap seats so the pope would drive and the driver would sit in the back.
The pope had not driven a car for ages and the limousine had a powerful engine so he raced through the streets of New York running red lights and breaking the speed limit. This had to draw a lot of attention and soon he was pulled over by a traffic cop.
As the pope rolled down the window the cop could see that this was not an ordinary speeding case. He went back to his car to call his superiors on the radio.
"I've pulled someone over and I'm not sure what to do. I can tell it's a VIP but I'm not sure who it is"
"A VIP? Don't tell me it's the police commissioner again!"
"No. It's not him. It's someone more important."
"More important? Is it the mayor?"
"No. It's not him either. It's someone more important than the mayor"
"More important than the mayor? Are you telling me you've pulled over the president?"
"No. Not the president either. I's someone more important"
"More important? Who can be more important than the president?"
"I don't know! I just know he's so important that he's got the pope as his driver!"

Depressed race car mechanic.

Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'

A snail goes into a car dealership...

A snail goes into a car dealership and asks for a race car, but says he will only buy it if they paint a big S on it. The sales men is curious about this odd request, but they don't get this offer every day so he agrees.
A week later the snail crawls into the dealership to buy the car. He crawls up to the sales men and asks where the car is. The man takes the snail to the back to see his car.
The snail takes the car and is about to drive away when the sales men says to the snail, "I been thinking about this all day and all night, but I can't figure out why you want a big S on your car."
The snail replies," Because when I drive by people on the street I want them to say, Look at that S car go.

A motorcycle, a van, and a car bet against each other to see who would best whom in an endurance race.

The rules were set, and each vehicle was to drive 200 laps around a quarter mile track. Each vehicle agreed to this and the race began. After 10 laps, the motorcycle was in the lead against the car and the van by a large margin. Around 50 laps, he had started to loose ground against the car, and was only ahead of the van. 150 laps into the race, the motorcycle pulls into the pit stop and declares that he is quitting the race. When asked why, his only response was, "It's because I'm just two tired."

Inner city youths

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of a car in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the Mc Laren team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the inner city youths as most races could be won or lost in the pits.
the first race came along and the car came into the pits. The youths went to work but the Mc Laren team boss noticed a real problem.
Not only had the youths replaced all four wheels within 4 seconds, but within 10 seconds, they'd re-sprayed and re-numbered the car and sold it to the Ferrari Team!.

A hippy with a bicycle that has a broken chain walks on the side of a road.

A man in a Porsche pulls up next to him and offers him a ride. They try to fit the hippy's bike into the trunk of the man's Porche, but as it is a typical sports car, the trunk is too small for the bike. Then the man has an idea. He says to the hippy, "I have some rope in my trunk, you can tie it to your bike and I'll drive you along. If I'm going to fast, just honk the horn on your bike." The hippy agrees to go along with it and they ride a few miles down the rode. The man in the Porsche pulls up to a stop light next a man in a Lamborghini. They start revving their engine and a race is about to ensue. The light turns green and the man in the Porsche completely forgets about the hippy tied to his car and starts racing the Lamborghini. They're racing and start reaching 80, 90, 100 m.p.h. They pass a cop and when the cop calls the race in he says, "Dispatch you'll never believe what I just saw. I saw a Porsche and a Lamborghini racing down the road at 100 miles per hour, and a hippy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass them."

Divine Frog

A family is driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.The man says, "Please make my dog win the next dog race."The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfil his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.The man says, "Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area. The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.The frog turns to the man and says, "Could I please have another look at the dog?"

Canadian Blonde Joke.

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Paramount is making a movie about a pair of Chinese race car drivers...

It's called "Two Wongs Don't Make a Right"

Annual Snail Racing Day

It was annual snail racing day and so, all the snails elected Snail B to judge while Snails J, P and O help set up the course. All the other snails then got into their designated soapbox cars, which were painted with their letter.
Snail B yelled out four beeps, and on the last and higher pitched beep, all the snails started racing.
At one point of the race, Snail S's car hit a bump and flew off the track, with him in it. Snail S landed several feet away from his car, badly bruised, and called for help, but no one heard, for all his other snail friends were either racing or waiting at the finish line. After several tense moments, Snail S was picked up, but only to be cooked and eaten.
At the end of the race, Snail X came first, with Snail K second and Snail W third. After all the snails had crossed the finish line, everyone looked around and asked, "Where did the S car go?"

Penguin takes his car to the mechanic

On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, it's just ice cream--I swear!"

What do you call an Asian race car driver

Nobody knows

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

The title of this post is the joke.

Why Did the Snail Want to Paint the Letter "S" on his Race Car?

So, people could point and go "Look at that S-Car Go!"

Racing car drivers

The only profession where you are considered successful if you've had a checkered career.

Car Problems

On a really hot day, a penguin takes his car to a mechanic. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there, he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the mechanic.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach, he asks, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, I was just eating ice cream."

How does a woman know she's had s**... with a race car driver?

Rubber's Burnt.

What's the difference between a race car and a woman?

One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.

What kind of guys own race car beds?

The kind that like to finish first!

What do you call a zombie race car driver?

a Paul walker

These s**... cars with red and blue lights tried to race me.

Who do they think they are, the police?

A capitalist is a man with capital. What is a racing car owner called?


Did you hear about the m**... race car driver?

He always came first

What does a flower in a race car yell?

Petal to the nettle!

I have a s**... attraction and f**... for car races

I just love getting off to a good start

Who was the shitiest race car driver?

Ayrton Sennakot

Jeremy Clarkson beat Richard Hammond in the latest episode of the Grand Tour a race due to the downforce on the back of his car

Sorry, should've said it was a spoiler

What prize did the unsponsored race car driver win after placing first in the Indianapolis 500?

The Indypendant

The racing driver

The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.
With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.
"There's the problem," says the engineer. "Too much drag."

Yes i'm a race car driver

I drive a bus that has b**..., Americans, browns, Asians, others.

Super fast Nano

A tata nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds pas 150km/hour.
The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ," calling all stations: you won't believe this, I just saw a BMW and a Porsche racing past about 190km/hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to overtake."
(Nano is the cheapest car)



Two Slugs Go To the Races

Two slugs attend an automobile derby at which all of the drivers are snails. The two arrive in the middle of the race, and they quickly realize that while other races may have their cars numbered, this derby labels the vehicles with letters from A to Z. They're surprised by this, but quickly find that it makes identifying the cars much easier.
As they find their seats, they hear the growling of an engine off in the distance. Both turn to look just in time to see one of the snail motorists go whipping past them, far ahead of the competition. One slug turns to the other and says, "Look at that S car go!"

People who play the piano are pianists

People who do science are scientists
People who race cars are racists
Sorry for the formatting on mobile

There was a snail who took his brand new sports car into the body shop and got a custom paint job.

He asked for racing stripes, flames, lightning bolts…you name it.
But there was one thing about the paint job the body shop owner just couldn't understand.
The snail wanted a big S on the driver's and passenger's doors.
When asked about them the snail said:
When I drive by someone at high speed I want them to say 'Look at that S-car go.'

The quickest way to become a millionaire is to become a professional race car driver...

You just need to start off as a billionaire

What do you call a ginger race car driver?

Hot Wheels.

Wanna Race?

A Man Pulls Into a Gas Station in his Porsche, and a kid on a tricycle starts riding around him.
"Wanna race?" asks the kid.
"No thanks," laughs the guy and drives off.
When he gets on the highway, the kid suddenly zooms past him. "Wow!" the guy says and floors it. He catches up and the kid disappears behind him. A minute later the kid flies past again. Astonished, the guy pulls over, only to see the kid come zooming backward, then forward again, until finally he comes to a stop next to the car.
The man opens the door to find the kid on his tricycle, wheels smoking. The kid pants, "Thanks for stopping mister. My suspenders got caught in your door."

What is tired yet full of energy?

A race car

Jim had a pregnant wife who was soon to give birth.

One day, he's on his way home from work, when he gets the call that his wife has gone into labour. In a panic, he races to get to the hospital, but swerves his car and crashes into the ditch. When he wakes up, he finds himself in the hospital, with his brother Jack, an irascible practical joker, leaning over his bed.
Your wife's fine, and she gave birth to two healthy twins, a boy and a girl. The doctors needed names, so I had to name them."
Jim was wary. What'd you name them?
I named the girl Denise, Jack said.
That's a good name, Jim breathed out a sigh of relief. What'd you name the boy?

"Last chance. I am a race car. I am a Toyota. What am I? Phrase it right."

What is a palindrome?

What thrills a race car driver but scares a yelp business?

"POS. 1/5"

Elon Musk launched the falcon heavy hoping to start a space race...

Of course he wants a space race, he's the only one with a car up there

I am a race car driver

Am I racist?

Why didn't anyone ever trust the race car driver to take them anywhere?

He was too shifty.

What kind of pants to race-car drivers wear?

Cargo pants

Race car spelled backwards is still race car. Nascar spelled backwards

Is boooooooooring.

Why didn't the Trailer have any friends?

Because it was always pulling the race car.

Did you hear about the Entremetier who stole a Formula One race car?

He heard it was souped up.

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

What did the cat say in the race car?

Context: My 5 year old told me this today. I'm guessing he didn't make it up...

I didn't know if my girl liked car racing...

My friend told me to man up and NASCAR.

When buying a race car bed...

Always upgrade the tail pipe to a Fleshlight so when you hookup your hose, you only die a little.

A man wakes up the morning of his birthday on July 7th.

He looks at his watch '7:07'. Oh man, what are the odds that I wake up at 7:07 on 07/07 on the day of my birthday. Could be my lucky day!
He drives to the grocery store and starts freaking out as the total at the cash shows 77.77$. Oh my, this cannot be a coincidence .
He then drives back home and parks his car, only to realize his mileage is now at 77,777km. Ok this is it, it is my lucky day, I'm going to pick a horse and bet 7777$ on it in tonight's race. Easy money!
The horse finishes 7th.

Why are movies about rally car races so captivating?

There's a lot of suspension.

What is the best way to collect driftwood?

Find an i**... drift race.
All the bros standing around without cars will have wood.

Why should two racing car drivers never couple up?

Because they are both too worried about who finishes first.

A race car driver ran into a post when getting out of the pit.

He ended up in pole position.


A racecar backwards is still a racecar.
A racecar sideways is how accidents happen.

jokes about race car