Raccoon Jokes

38 raccoon jokes and hilarious raccoon puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about raccoon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of the best raccoon jokes! From silly one-liners to hilarious puns, we've got jokes for every sense of humor.

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jokes about raccoon

Best Short Raccoon Jokes

Short raccoon puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The raccoon humour may include short squirrel jokes also.

  1. A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger."
  2. A vulture is boarding a plane with a dead raccoon under each wing, when the gate attendant stops him and says, "I'm sorry, sir..." "...but you're only allowed *one* carrion."
  3. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
  4. What did the stewardess say when the vulture tried to board the plane with two dead raccoons? "Sorry, only one carrion per passenger."
  5. A vulture carried two dead raccoons onto an airplane. The flight attendant looked at him and said, "Sorry sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
  6. My girlfriend is one of the worst cooks in the world Just last night the raccoons offered me money to chip in for a lock on my garbage bin!
  7. The British are very strange people. They call pants 'trousers', shopping carts 'trolleys' and 6.7 raccoons in a human suit 'Prince Phillip'.
  8. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons tries to board an airplane... and the flight attendant says, "I'm sorry, sir. You're only allowed one carrion."
  9. Who would win at scrabble between a Squirrel and a Raccoon? The Squirrel, it has a Q in it!
  10. What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller? What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?
    Rascal Flatts.
Raccoon joke, What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about raccoon can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of raccoon puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Raccoon One Liners

Which raccoon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with raccoon? I can suggest the ones about rodent and rabbit hare.

  1. How do you confuse a gay person? Raccoon.
  2. Raccoons are the animal of 2020 They always wash their hands and wear a mask
  3. What do you call a team of superpowered coyotes, raccoons, and vultures? The Scavengers.
  4. Why aren't raccoons afraid of the rain? Because they're made out of hats.
  5. "Raccoons"? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?
  6. What is black, breaks into people's homes and kills people A RacCoon
  7. I got a really clever joke! What did the Owl say to the Awl?
    I'm actually a raccoon.
  8. Why did the elephant cross the road? To show the raccoon it's possible.
  9. What does raccoon say to a lion king Raccoon say raccoon a matama
    Thank u my son
  10. Pingu was originally supposed to be Rocket Raccoon's bodyguard. "I am noot."

Dead Raccoon Jokes

Here is a list of funny dead raccoon jokes and even better dead raccoon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane... but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra.
  • A vulture boards a plane... ...carrying with him two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."
  • What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight? I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion
  • Whats the difference between a lawyer and a raccoon? when found dead on the side of the road, the raccoon has skid marks in from of it.

Rocket Raccoon Jokes

Here is a list of funny rocket raccoon jokes and even better rocket raccoon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did Rocket Raccoon say after getting stabbed in the back by the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy? Et tu, Groote?
  • How would rocket raccoon react if groot joined forces with Thanos in Infinity War? "et tu Groot?"

Bad Raccoon Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad raccoon jokes and even better bad raccoon puns that will make you laugh with friends.

    h**... h**... HEE HEE

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Raccoon Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about raccoon you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean porcupine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make raccoon prank.

My favorite blond joke of all time...

So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.

Three blondes are on a walk

While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.
The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.
The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.
The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.
Then the train hit them.

A man goes to the doctor

The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news"
The man replies "Give me the good news first, doc."
The doctor says "The good news is we currently have that raccoon in our supply closet. The bad news is you ruined the punchline by asking for the good news first."

Had a raccoon problem in my crawlspace and nothing worked to get rid of them. My neighbor told me to put lutefisk down there and that the rotting odor would keep them away....

A week later a Norwegian family moved in.

A vulture tries to get on an airplane

A vulture tries to get on an airplane with a raccoon under each wing.
The pilot stops him saying, "Sorry, you're only allowed one carry-on."

Wife: Why is you back all scratched up?

*Flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone* Me: I'm having an affair.

Me: uh oh someone's under the mistletoe!

Raccoon I've cornered in the garage: [Hisses aggressively]

Why did the raccoon take a culinary class?

because he was sick of eating trash.

Why does the raccoon have two pairs of pants while he is golfing?

To be safe in case he gets a hole in one.

What's the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a wet raccoon?

A wet raccoon doesn't have 4 billion f**...' dollars in the bank

Raccoon joke, What's the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a wet raccoon?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these raccoon jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.