Raccoon Jokes
30 raccoon jokes and hilarious raccoon puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about raccoon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of the best raccoon jokes! From silly one-liners to hilarious puns, we've got jokes for every sense of humor.
Funniest Raccoon Short Jokes
Short raccoon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The raccoon humour may include short squirrel jokes also.
- A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, "I'm sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger."
- My girlfriend is one of the worst cooks in the world Just last night the raccoons offered me money to chip in for a lock on my garbage bin!
- Who would win at scrabble between a Squirrel and a Raccoon? The Squirrel, it has a Q in it!
- What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller? What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?
Rascal Flatts. - So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane... but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra.
- Wife: Why is you back all scratched up? *Flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone* Me: I'm having an affair.
- What did Rocket Raccoon say after getting stabbed in the back by the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy? Et tu, Groote?
- What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight? I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion
- Whats the difference between a lawyer and a raccoon? when found dead on the side of the road, the raccoon has skid marks in from of it.
- Me: uh oh someone's under the mistletoe! Raccoon I've cornered in the garage: [Hisses aggressively]
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Raccoon One Liners
Which raccoon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with raccoon? I can suggest the ones about rodent and rabbit hare.
- Raccoons are the animal of 2020 They always wash their hands and wear a mask
- Why aren't raccoons afraid of the rain? Because they're made out of hats.
- "Raccoons"? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?
- I got a really clever joke! What did the Owl say to the Awl?
I'm actually a raccoon. - Why did the elephant cross the road? To show the raccoon it's possible.
- What does raccoon say to a lion king Raccoon say raccoon a matama
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Thank u my son - Pingu was originally supposed to be Rocket Raccoon's bodyguard. "I am noot."
- How do you confuse a gay person? Raccoon.
Rocket Raccoon Jokes
Here is a list of funny rocket raccoon jokes and even better rocket raccoon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How would rocket raccoon react if groot joined forces with Thanos in Infinity War? "et tu Groot?"
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Raccoon Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about raccoon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean porcupine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make raccoon pranks.
My favorite blond joke of all time...
So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.
Three blondes are on a walk
While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.
The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.
The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.
The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.
Then the train hit them.
A man goes to the doctor
The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news"
The man replies "Give me the good news first, doc."
The doctor says "The good news is we currently have that raccoon in our supply closet. The bad news is you ruined the punchline by asking for the good news first."
Had a raccoon problem in my crawlspace and nothing worked to get rid of them. My neighbor told me to put lutefisk down there and that the rotting odor would keep them away....
A week later a Norwegian family moved in.
Why did the raccoon take a culinary class?
because he was sick of eating trash.
BAPBADAPADABAPBADAPADA
Why does the raccoon have two pairs of pants while he is golfing?
To be safe in case he gets a hole in one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
WHAT DO YOU CALL RACCOON WHO ATTEMPT TO MATE WITH GARBAGE BAG
THIS IS VERY BAD. TO THIS RACOON YOU MUST SAY "DO NOT PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD."
h**... h**... HEE HEE
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a wet raccoon?
A wet raccoon doesn't have 4 billion f**...' dollars in the bank
