The Best 81 Rabbit Jokes
This article is full of hilarious rabbit jokes that are sure to put a smile on your face.
Top 10 Funniest Rabbit Jokes and Puns
Three statisticians are hunting when they see a rabbit.
The first one shoots and misses him on the left.
The second shoots and misses him on the right.
The third one shouts, "We've hit it!"
Two rabbits are eating carrots
...from farmer Brown's field. One turns to the other and says, "This carrot is pithy." The other rabbit says, "I guess so. I just pithed on it."
My favorite blond joke of all time...
So two blondes were analyzing some tracks. The first one insisted they were rabbit prints, while the second blond was certain they were made by a raccoon. Back and forth they argued, rabbit tracks, raccoon tracks, rabbit tracks. Then they got hit by a train.
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
Witty Answer from a Four Year Old
Mom just informed me that I said this when I was little. The original punch line is "Make a sound like a carrot".
MOM: "How do you catch a rabbit?"
ME: "Have someone throw one at you."
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest
The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.
MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics
The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."
Two Blondes are out on a hike....
....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
What's the difference between a rabbit on a treadmill and a rabbit with a carrot stuck up its nose?
One is a fit bunny and the other is a bit funny
Three blondes are walking through the woods...
They come across a pair of tracks.
The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"
"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"
The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"
Then the train hit them...
This is my favorite clean joke by far.
Smart pills
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''
''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.
So he ate them and said, ''These taste like crap.''
''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''
A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.
Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."
Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"
You can explore rabbit arm reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rabbit handicap dad jokes. There are also rabbit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
On earth: A magician puts his hand in his hat.
In the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. It is time. The rabit council must choose another sacrifice.
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?
One. It's a trick question.
The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...
The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.
The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."
The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...
Three statisticians go out hunting together...
After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"
A classic from my grandfather.
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.
A blind rabbit and a blind slug
A blind rabbit and a blind slug are moving through the woods until the two of them bump into each other.
The slug reaches out, touches the rabbit, and says "You're soft and fluffy. You must be a rabbit."
The rabbit reaches out, touches the slug, and says "You're cold and slimy. You must be a politician."
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?
Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"
Children are so unappreciative these days.
I bought my daughter a rabbit.
She just keeps complaining about how it "doesn't count if it's roadkill".
Had a rabbit that would come by every morning. I'd leave a bit of food for him. But he stopped coming one day.
Now he's just some bunny that I used to know.
A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...
And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"
If I ever start to go bald
I'll get a rabbit tattooed onto my head..
From a distance it would look like a hare
What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat?
You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.
Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit
A guy applies for a job at the L.A.P.D.
The inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen! Just one more thing: take this gun and shoot 6 black men and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" the man replies.
"Good attitude, you've got the job!"
I dyed my hair...
I mean, I killed my rabbit.
A priest and a rabbit walk into a bar
The bartender says "I think someone has made a typo here."
how do you catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.
I went to the pet store today and stole a rabbit.
Then I made a run for it.
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
What do you get if you crossbreed a rabbit with an insect?
Bugs Bunny
I almost hit a rabbit on my way home last night.
Missed him by a hare.
"For your final police recruit evaluation,"
"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".
The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"
The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the force, son!"
A boy came to a restaurant with his dad
Waiter: What would you like to order?
Dad: I'll have the rabbit stew.
Waiter: Ok. Only if you promise not to say ''Waiter, there's a hare in my stew'' after I bring it to you
Dad:
Waiter:
Dad: I'll have the chicken
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
A Priest a rabbit and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit,what'll you have?
The rabbit says" I don't know I'm only here because of auto correct".
A monk, priest, and rabbit walk into a blood bank...
The rabbit turns to the other two and says, I think I'm a type-O.
When googling Gary Oldman, be very careful....
....I forgot the 'r' and went down a rabbit hole I wasn't prepared for.
The CIA, KGB and MI6 decide to have a contest.
Each is given the task to find a rabbit
realeased in the woods.
The CIA uses spyplanes and satellites and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.
The MI6 deploys recon and search teams and finds it in 3 hours.
The KGB return after 1 hour with a badly beaten bear who cries out "I am the rabbit and I surrender".
You have 50 rabbits, and you give 10 away, how many do you have?
76
A priest, an atheist, and a rabbit walk into a blood donor tent
The rabbit says "I might be a type O"
What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit Farts
What do you call a rabbit that's raised indoors?
An in-grown hare!:)
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit What can I get you to drink .
The rabbit says I have no idea, I'm only here because of autocorrect .
3 months ago, Senator McConnell took my rabbit.
Mitch better have my bunny.
A priest a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood clinic
The Priest says: I'm a type A
The Minister says: I'm a type B
The Rabbit says: I think I'm a typo.
A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."
A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood
The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O"
I had this new kind of meat the other day. It was Himalayan rabbit.
The only issue is, I found Himalayan on the road.
Elton John got a treadmill for his pet rabbit
It's a little fit bunny
What did the rabbit use to propose to his girlfriend?
A 24-carrot ring
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: What's your blood group?
The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to a blood donation clinic.
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic.
The nursed asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.
My friend and I got into a conversation about Furries.
In the end we ended up deep in a rabbit hole.
MI6, CIA and KGB are competing against each other...
Last competition. The mission is to find a bear in a 10000 sq/km forest
MI6 goes first. Using dogs and 1000 agents they have found a bear in 12 hours.
CIA goes next. Using satellites and heatvisors they found a bear in 6 hours
KGB goes last. Two agents enters a forest and came out of it in 5 minutes. One of them is holding a rabbit by his ears.
Judges- And?
One KGB agent hits a rabbit.
Rabbit - ok ok i confess i'm a bear!!!
Why was her name Jessica Rabbit?
Because of the RED HARE!
Elton John found a baby rabbit at the gym the other day.
It's a little fit bunny...
What's the difference between a clown and an athletic rabbit?
One is a little bit funny and the other is a little fit bunny
An atheist a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar.
And the rabbit says: Guys, I'm pretty sure I'm a typo.
Elton John bought his pet rabbit to the gym...
"It's a little fit bunny...."
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "what'll ya have?" The rabbit replies,
"I dunno... I'm just here because of autocorrect."
What do you call a king's rabbit?
The hare to the throne
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk in to a blood donation clinic
The nurse asked the rabbit, What's your blood type?
I'm probably a type-O said the rabbit.
If I had a dollar for every time I saw that rabbit typo joke reposted here
I'd be a millionhare
What's a flying rabbit have on its back?
An eagle
Oldest cake joke
A rabbit visits a bakery and asks if they make carrot cake.
The baker says they don't, so the rabbit buys a key lime pie.
This repeats several days until the baker is sick of it and decides to try making one.
The next time the rabbit enters, the baker proudly tells that they do have a carrot cake now.
The rabbit says: sorry, I'll have to take my business somewhere else: I'm highly alergic and can't risk cross-contamination.
A priest, a lawyer, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank...
... and the nurse asks, "what types are you?"
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank..
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type o."
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood donor center.
The rabbit says: "I think I'm a type O."
A new mutant is trying to join the X-Men.
To join, he must complete an interview with Professor X.
"What's your superpower?" asks Professor X.
"I can pull a rabbit out of my hat!" says the young man. He takes off his hat, and pulls out a fluffy white rabbit.
Professor X gets up, walks over, and examines the rabbit carefully. It's an ordinary bunny.
"That's not a superpower, that's just a stupid magic trick!" says Professor X. "Stop wasting my time!"
"Ah, but that's not my real power!" says the man. "My real power is curing disabilities!"
There's a guy in my neighbourhood who I used to think was really weird. I'd always see him out walking his rabbit. The rabbit was always in a different outfit. One day a frock. One day a skirt. One day a suit-jacket combo. Then it multiplied into a flock of rabbits, all wearing really niche clothes.
Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I approached him and asked "excuse me sir, I can't help but notice your entourage of dapper rabbits. Can I ask what you do?"
He replied "Oh I'm a hare stylist."
A rabbit, an imam, and a priest walk into a blood test centre.
A nurse approaches the rabbit and asks, Do you know what blood type you are? The rabbit responds with: I think I might be a Type-O.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk in to deliver blood.
The priest says- I'm a type A
The minister says- I'm a type B
The rabbit says- I think I'm a typo
Did you hear about the rabbit with the one floppy ear?
He had ear-rectile dysfunction
A bear and a rabbit
A bear and a rabbit are taking shits in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur? The rabbit says no . So the bear picks him up and wipes his ass with him!
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit go to donate blood at their local bloodbank.
When the arrive they are asked what bloodtypes they have.
The priest thinks and says I believe I am a type A positive
The minister says I'm quite certain I'm a type B negative
The rabbit tugs on his beard and thoughtfully says I think I'm a type O
A bald magician pulled a rabbit out of a hat. Then he put the rabbit right on top of his head and gently lowered the hat down over the rabbit until the rabbit was completely covered. After a couple seconds of wearing the hat, the magician quickly lifted the hat back up, and presto!
there wasn't a hare on his head
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit are in a car wreck
They are rushed to the hospital where it becomes clear that the priest and the pastor will need blood to survive. The priest has blood type A, while the pastor has type B. By the grace of God they are saved, as type Os can donate to both.
3 blondes are walking in the woods.
3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs,
"Caitlyn you dumb bitch those are bear tracks!"
The third blonde chimes in,
"Oh my god no you're both wrong those are rabbit tracks."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Bear and Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest, and the bear turned to the rabbit and said, we eat a lot of the same things, I'm curious, does shit stick to your fur? The rabbit replied, the one good thing about being so fluffy is shit never sticks to my fur. With that the bear promptly picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with him.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rabbit lioness puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working rabbit pellets piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.