Quote Jokes

Quote Jokes: Discover funny and inspirational quotes from popular comedians, authors, and celebrities. Quote jokes are a fun way to lighten the mood, whether you're looking for a senior quote, a bible quote, or just a short quote about love. Explore the vast selection and find something to inspire and motivate you!

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Best Short Quote Jokes

These are our top quote puns. Have fun with a good quote joke in English with simple quote humour.

  1. Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
    Trump 20:16
  2. "One mans trash is another mans treasure" is a great quote but, its not the best way to tell your kid that hes adopted.
  3. Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
    Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.
  4. In order to attract women I like to use this quote from shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
  5. My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride Unbelievable!
  6. A cannibal in a courtroom Representing himself, the cannibal was asked by the judge if he had anything to say.
    "If the quote "You are what you eat" is true then I am an innocent man."
  7. Want to know what the definition of insanity is? The definition of insanity is mindlessly repeating a quote that Einstein never said.
  8. My wife said she'd leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didn't believe her But then I saw her face
  9. My wife just left me, screaming, "ALL YOU EVER DO IS QUOTE elvis PRESLEY LYRICS TO ME!" I'm all shook up…
  10. My favorite quote. "Deep down, every human being just wants to be remembered." – *anonymous*
Quote joke, My favorite quote.

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these quote jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of quote puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Quote One Liners

Which quote dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quote?

  1. "Dead or alive, you're coming with me." Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…
  2. My grandfather always said, "Be envied, not envious." I wish I'd thought of that quote.
  4. As a wise man once said, "Don't quote me on this."
  5. What was that Spiderman quote again? With great reflexes, comes great response ability.
  6. I hate it when people quote the movie Joker I'd give my reason but you wouldn't get it
  7. To quote my late father... "Traffic is heavier than I expected."
  8. Inspirational quote of the day: You can't spell "success" without "succ".
  9. To quote all of Bill Cosby's victims: No.
  10. I used to be addicted to quoting Taylor Swift But I think I'm finally clean.
  11. My brother told me to stop quoting The Village People I said 'Young man.'
  12. A quote from the Father of Invention. Hi Invention, I'm Dad.
  13. What is a quote by Goku called? A Super Saiyan
  14. Yo mama so ugly, when we took her to the beautician, it took her 12 hours... for a quote!
  15. A wise teacher once told me... "Don't ever start anything with a quote!"

Inspirational Quote Jokes

Here is a list of funny inspirational quote jokes and even better inspirational quote puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Do you know what I hate? Inspirational quotes Because no matter what you read, only you can be the driving force behind your success.
  • My grandma once told me an inspiring quote about the ocean I can't remember exactly how it went. I just remember it being very deep
  • I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration. Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
    I have no Drive.
  • Most Contradictory Inspirational Quote Ever? "Follow Your Dreams."
    -Freddy Kreuger, 2016
  • Oscar Pistorius was a great man, with some inspirational quotes. My favourite is "If you've only taken one shot, don't say you've tried."
  • Funny Quotes Archives - Quotes Love Life Friendship Family & Inspirational

Bible Quote Jokes

Here is a list of funny bible quote jokes and even better bible quote puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you over hear a conversation and aren't sure if they're reading from the Bible or quoting Thanos.
  • Little known quotes from the Bible. Jesus Christ "So, you want me to be king of the Jews and cut the tip off my what ?" Lesser known Quote "But I don't like fish sandwiches".

Senior Quote Jokes

Here is a list of funny senior quote jokes and even better senior quote puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Future surgeon here and this is going to be my senior yearbook quote
    Dan Brady
    "I love the feeling when I can make people open up to me."
  • So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra..... Credits to my uncle, for making this his senior quote in highschool. Not sure if he thought of it or not.
  • Just thought of the best senior quote " "
    -Taylor Swift
  • My Senior Quote "Don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened."
    -Adolf h**...
Quote joke, My Senior Quote

Laughter Quote Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about quote to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make quote prank.

My grandfather always said, Be envied, not envious.

I'm so mad that I didn't come up with that quote.

If someone...

If someone is having second thoughts about booking a trip in native American territory, you could say they are having a reservation reservation reservation.
Good thing self posts don't grant negative karma >.>

"As long as you append my name to a quote,...

people would buy into it and take it seriously."
- Winston Churchill

"Hey Siri, what's your favorite 'Friends' quote?"

"I'm very bendy"

Humorous quote: "Well, my mother's name was Opal, her mother's name was Ruby, her mother's name was Pearl, her mother's name was Sapphire and my daughter's name will be...

Jane, because this is a tradition that needs to stop.

Poker is like s**...

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)

[Remembering] Today is the 10th anniversary of the passing of Mitch Hedberg

Share some of your favorite Hedberg lines! Personally, I quote these ones the most:
"I have not slept for ten days because that would be too long."
"I used to do drugs. I still do. But I used to, too!"

Actual quote from a kid visiting from China

Q: Do you like it hear in America?
K: Yes.
Q: Why?
K: Because the sky here is blue.

I phoned my insurance agent earlier and asked him for a quote.

He said " I have nothing to declare but my genius. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".
I replied "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".

Regarding the SCOTUS approval of gay marriage, Iowa representative Steve King has just said (and this is a real quote) "you could marry your your lawnmower with this decision".

Marrying your lawnmower is fine, but when it comes time to leave, writing that John Deere letter is the toughest part.

I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.

The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.

I would share a joke that my friend in prison sent me in a letter...

But I don't like to quote out of con text.

What do you guys think of this quote I came up with?

"Good artists copy, great artists steal."

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says "are you feeling all right?" The horse replies,"I don't think I am," *p**...* the horse disappears. This is of course a joke referencing the famous quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained this ahead of time but I didn't want to put *Descartes* before the horse.

My wife likes to quote Soundgarden during s**....

"Won't you come"

If you had to describe your s**... life with a famous historical quote

Mine would be 'I did not have s**... relations with that woman' - Bill Clinton

An actual quote by President George Bush

"The problem with the french is that they don't have a word for entrepreneurs"

I love Honest Abe. Do you want to hear my favourite quote from him?

"My head hurts."

"If you work hard, you can break barriers."

- Kim Kardashian West (genuine quote)

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf h**..., 1945

Me and my friends loudly quote Zootopia to the point that it annoys people.

Don't expect us to apologize for it.

Flying is like throwing yourself at the ground...

...and miss.
Quote by Douglas Adams.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...

Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

My favorite Caesar quote.

"Pizza! Pizza!"

Which Donald Trump quote is both racist and misogynistic at the same time?

No Juan has more respect for women than I do.

What do you call a quote with inhuman like abilities?

A Super Saying

Mark Twain Quote

"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."

Describe your s**... life with a SpingeBob quote.

"Are ya ready Kids?"

You have to wonder about a country where the bombs

... are smarter than the high school graduates. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the maps.
(quote by
Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame)

I was kicked out of NASA today.

Apparently; "To Bed Bath and Beyond!" is not an appropriate quote to say during launch.

"Come with me if you want to live."

Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…

Have you walked 500 miles?

Have you walked 500 miles?
Have you been asked to walk 500 more?
You may be entitled to compensation!!!
For your free no obligation quote call the Pro-Claimers now!!

What's a baby boomers favorite Pirates of the Caribbean quote?

Take what you can, give nothing back!

Our local police station has had the toilets stolen and the Police Chief has put out a press release. ...

Quote... At this time the detectives have nothing to go on....

If you're ever losing an argument, randomly quote a statistic

People will believe you 80% of the time.

Books written by criminals are so hard to reference

Everytime you quote it, it's out of context

Best quote of the Super Bowl?

My Ball
-Zach Ertz

Be the change you want to see.

Disclaimer : Above quote is not for blind people as they can't see.

I went up to a man and asked him to describe his s**... life in one spongebob quote

He responded with Are you ready kids?

My favorite quote is: "Kill it with fire"...

Shouldn't have wrote that on my resume when I applied for a fireman.

Wise Words

"I fear the day people are going to quote me for things i didn't say" - Albert Einstein

Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

I had an idea for a Writing Prompt where there is an insane asylum full of people who think they are part of a Monty Python skit and quote the lines endlessly.

Someone told me that's called 'college'.

I just learn the first word I spoke was Quote .

I have to ensure that on my death bed, my finals words are End Quote .

Asked a landscape gardener for a quote

They said they couldn't help me as my garden was portrait

Balanced diet...

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
—Alex Levine
(Both a quote and a chuckle.)

An artist's struggle.

A guy wants a large self-portrait comissioned. When he is given a quote, he gets angry about having to pay for it. The artist replies I guess you don't get the big picture .

Case of water - $3.99

Case of Apples - $20.99
Case of Oranges - $25.99
Bag of chips - $2.50
Cigarettes - $8.99
Box of candles - $4.50
Frozen pizzas - $6.50
Asking for a quote of these items - Price List

A quote from the guy who invented the stationary exercise bike...

"My life is going nowhere."

I´ve just done a quote for painting dr who´s TARDIS.

$50 for the outside, $400 for the inside.

Can drinking bleach really kill you? We asked our listeners to try it out and none of them called back to tell me they're dead so I think not

One of my fav quote from C&H

Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars is a good quote

Unless you're an astronaut.

My girlfriend said she would break up with me if I said another s**...-Doo quote.

My last words to her were Alright, let's split up gang.

A random quote written in gents toilet

You future is in your hand
Imagine the quote written in ladies toilet
Do not play with your future....

This just in. Words said by the very first old wise man have been discovered.

Quote: What's going on here?

I will never forget a quote by Mark Zuckerberg that is often misattributed to Voltaire:

While I disapprove of what you say, I will defend to the death my right to make money off of it

It is important to remember that we are all the same on the inside

quote from Jack the Ripper

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Satan?

Satan can quote scripture.

The ideal quote to have on your tombstone during these hard times.

" bUT thE eCOnoMy"

Albert Einstein once famously said...

"Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

Quote joke, Albert Einstein once famously said...

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these quote jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.