Quits Jokes
35 quits jokes and hilarious quits puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quits that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Quits Short Jokes
Short quits jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quits humour may include short quitting jokes also.
- My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it. I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.
- It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
- I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy. I just handed in my too weak notice.
- A Covid test nurse asked me if I've had a sudden loss of taste. I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."
- I'm kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer Yeah, I gave 'em my too weak notice
- So I heard that the hacker "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda... Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!
- I quit my new job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver. I looked at it and thought, This isn't for me.
- I just heard that the Swedish prime minister quit after just a few hours And I thought I was the only one who couldn't put together a swedish cabinet.
- Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
- My friend came by today, he looked visibly upset. He said he just slept with his third cousin. I told him if it upsets you so much, quit counting them.
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Quits One Liners
Which quits one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quits? I can suggest the ones about quiet quitting and quitting job.
- I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great, I love being my own boss.
- Today I quit drinking for good now I only drink for evil
- I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory...... I just couldn't concentrate.
- Just quit my job at the helium factory. I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice.
- My friend just quit his job at BMW. He gave no indication he was leaving.
- Somebody stole my mood ring I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
- I had to quit my vegetarian diet Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
- Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils.
- Why did the triangle player quit the orchestra? It was just one ting after another
- Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done. I've quit hundreds of times.
- I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers I had to quit cold turkey
- I rely on hotels so much I've actually become quite Inn-dependent
- My wife asked me to please quit singing Wonderwall in the shower I said maybe.
- I love my girlfriend Arial. I'm quite font of her.
- My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.
Hilarious Quits Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about quits you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quitting work jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quits pranks.
Budum dum c**...
If a drummer quits band, but comes back later, would there be repercussions?
Lebron James is going to be in Space Jam 2
It's going to be really weird when Lebron quits the Tune Squad and joins up with the Monstars midway through the movie
someone tried to tell stan lee this joke during his panel at comic con this week end
what do you call spiderman when he quits the daily bugal and starts working as a valet?
peter PARKER.
What does a r**... do after she bangs her second cousin?
She quits counting.
Give a man a fish...
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to google, he quits asking d**... questions.
Two blondes were passengers on a four-engine plane...
Suddenly, one of the engines quit and the pilot announced that the plane would now be fifteen minutes late.
A short time later, another engine quit. The pilot announced they would be thirty minutes late.
Then the third engine quit and the pilot announced that they would be one hour late.
At this point, the one blonde said to the other, "Boy, if the fourth engine quits we could be up here all day!"
A doorman quits his job.
He just couldn't handle it anymore.
I had to call it quits
I tried adopting a puppy, but it was so hard, I had to call it quits.
Anyways, so this is my puppy, Quits.
I watched a movie called "The Adjustment," about a Chiropractor who quits, goes back to school and becomes an famous Orthopedic Spine Surgeon. I didn't really like it.
Too much backstory.
Genie quits working after a severe disagreement with master.
He rubbed her the wrong way.
Might be their last one...
At school one day the teacher said to one of her students "So Johnny, I hear your mom is pregnant."
"Yep," said Johnny, "And I know what they are going to name it."
"Really," said the teacher, "what are they going to name it?"
"Well," he said, "If it's a girl, they are going to name it Charlene, and if it's a boy like me they are going to call it Quits."
What do you call a T-800 that quits it's day job to help local businesses rid themselves of insects and rodents?
An Ex-Terminator
A prominent art collector quits the Cabinet immediately after his confirmation
He had stumbled into the wrong auction
How does a Jedi exit a computer program?
He Force quits.
It's a great feeling when your phone learns that you swear ...
and eventually quits ducking up your words.
What do you call it when a woman quits her job at the age of 45 to help women deliver babies?
A Midwife Cwisis
What do you call it when The Penguin quits his life of crime to become a wine aficionado?
Danny DenVino
Did you hear about the movie where Peter Dinklage quits his electrician job to pursue a career in music?
It's called "Semi-Conductor".
Adolf h**... walks into a bar.....
The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he'd like his top-notch bourbon on the house. No thanks, h**... replies. I'll just take a screwdriver. One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home.
The next night, h**... returned to the bar, but this time takes up the owner's offer on the bourbon. Even the best v**... can make a man sick if he's had too many, says the owner. It wasn't the v**..., h**... replies. It's the juice.
Go to Las Vegas
There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.''
He ignores the voice. Later in the day, he hears the voice again. ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.''
Again, he ignores the voice. Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and move to Las Vegas.''
He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas. As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, ''Go to Caesar's Palace.''
He goes to Caesar's Palace and the voice says, ''Make your way to the roulette tables.''
He goes to the roulette tables and the voice says, ''Put all your money on red 23.''
He puts all his money on red 23. The dealer spins the wheel. It comes up black 17.
The voice says, '**...!''
