The Best 35 Quit Smoking Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Quit Smoking jokes. There are some quit smoking cigar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these quit smoking tobacco puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Quit Smoking Jokes and Puns

Wanna know how I quit smoking?

I decided to smoke only after sex.

A man always smoked two cigarettes at a time

When people asked him why, he answered: i'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother in jail.

One day he was smoking only one, so people gladly asked "is your brother out of jail?"
He answered: "no, I quit"

A man noticed that his friend only smoked two cigarettes at a time.

He asked him about it and his friend said: "one for me and one on my imprisoned brother's behalf. He told me to smoke for him too"

Years later, the man saw his friend smoking only one cigarette, he told him: "I'm guessing good news! Your brother finished his sentence?"

His friend said: "No, I quit smoking"

Quit Smoking joke, A man noticed that his friend only smoked two cigarettes at a time.

"One cigarette each time you have sex" was the doctor's prescription.

That's how I quit smoking.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I've ever done.

I've quit hundreds of times.

A cigarette after sex...

That's how I quit smoking.

I heard that quitting smoking is one of the most empowering things you can do in life

I didn't want to miss out, so I took up smoking.

Quit Smoking joke, I heard that quitting smoking is one of the most empowering things you can do in life

Quitting smoking is easy

I've done it over 15 times

I have read so many things about the impact of smoking and drinking alcohol

I think I will quit reading soon.

How did you quit smoking?

Decided to smoke only after sex

A man is smoking two cigarettes at a park

Another man walks up to him and asks, "Why are you smoking two cigarettes?"

He replies: "I'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother, he is in a no-smoking prison."

Satisfied with the answer, the man walks away.

A few days pass and he sees the same man at the park, but he's only smoking one cigarette.

Excited, he goes up to the man and asks, "Did your brother get out of prison? You are only smoking one cigarette."

He replies: "No, I quit smoking."

You can explore quit smoking smoker reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quit smoking quiet smoke dad jokes. There are also quit smoking puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I quit smoking for good

Now I smoke for evil.

I figured I could never quit smoking, so I decided to at least stay healthy in other ways. Every time I had a smoke I would do 10 push-ups.

I'm still out of shape, but I haven't touched a cigarette in months...

I'm proud to say I've been clean for one year.

But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.

I don't understand why people say it's hard to quit smoking

I have done it twenty times a day for years now.

My wife finally quit smoking today.

Who knew a body could burn for so long?

Quit Smoking joke, My wife finally quit smoking today.

Quitting smoking isn't that hard.

I do it every week!

I used to smoke marijuana everyday but recently I had to quit and take a break because my friends we're telling me that I was getting WAY too paranoid.

Well, I mean, they weren't telling me, but I Know they were thinking it.

Two dudes are smoking pot

One tells another:

-Dude, I think this pot is making me stupid, I should quit.

Second guy responds:

-No, dude it's the other way round, you're becoming smarter and realising that you're an idiot.

The joke is originally in Georgian, this is a translation.

I've been smoking weed for most of my life, and today I quit cold turkey.

I'll make do with the much cheaper chicken cold cuts and put the extra money towards buying more weed.

I saw a guy smoking two cigarettes today

I was walking down the street and saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, I asked him about it and he said that his friend recently went to jail and that he swore upon his life to always smoke on his behalf as long as he is in jail.

A month later I walk by the same street and spot the same guy, but this time he only had one cigarette in his mouth.
I asked him if his friend got out of jail to which he responded "Nah man, I quit smoking"

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

It's actually really easy to quit smoking.

I've done it plenty of times.

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.

I invented an item that helps you stop smoking, drinking, and gambling.

It is quite the de-vice.

Why did the fish quit smoking?

He didn't want to get hooked

2 out of 15

MY friend Sophie said to me recently:

"Did you know 2 out of 15 families live next door to a paedophile?"

I replied in shock:

"oh that's actually quite worrying... That isn't the case with me though; I live next to two smoking hot 10 year old's"

What's the best way to help your girlfriend quit smoking?

Slow down and use some lube.

I quit smoking cold turkey

Now I just eat it like everybody else

Now that I have quit smoking i see more and more each day how its like an old relationship...

You smell her perfume, see her out with another man
and all you can think of is the good times and
not how she took part of your life away.

Smoking joke

Girlfriend: How many ciggerates do you smoke per day?

Boyfriend: 5 packs, give or take

Girlfriend: If you quit smoking, you could even buy a car in a year.

Boyfriend: you smoke?

Girlfriend: God, no.

Boyfriend: Where is your car?

My moods really stabilized since I quit smoking weed.

Now I'm just depressed ALL the time.

100% effective method on quitting smoking

1. Start quitting
2. Quit starting

TIL ~10,000 people quit smoking every year

By dying.

I'll ^show ^^myself ^^^out

What do you call a Pokemon who is trying to quit smoking?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the quit smoking smokin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working quit smoking arlene piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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