Quiet Kid Jokes

39 quiet kid jokes and hilarious quiet kid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quiet kid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Quiet Kid Short Jokes

Short quiet kid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quiet kid humour may include short friendly kid jokes also.

  1. Last week my house was on fire. The kids were screaming. My wife told them, 'be quiet or you'll wake your father!'
    I tell ya I get no respect.
  2. A teacher is quizzing her class Teacher: you use forest for?
    Students: getting wood
    Teacher: fertile lands for?
    Students: growing food
    Teacher: sea for?
    Quiet kid: explosions
  3. I have no idea how those quiet kids in school are doing now I haven't heard from them at all
  4. I remember this one time in high school I pulled out my MP3 player and people started making fun off me for not having a smart phone At least the quiet kid was there with a MP5
  5. Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state* *hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips* My kids: Can we have some?
  6. How do you get the quiet kid to talk? You turn off the lights. You'll be surprised at how good they are at imitating gunshots.
  7. A Jewish father and son were fleeing from Germany to America After a while, the kid asks "Dad, are we there yet?", and the old man answers "Quiet and keep swimming!"
  8. Parenting is filled with wonder. Like wondering why your 4 years old raced into the kitchen and quietly grabbed a handful of napkins.

Share These Quiet Kid Jokes With Friends

Quiet Kid One Liners

Which quiet kid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quiet kid? I can suggest the ones about fun kid and bad kid.

  1. I am opening a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet" A kid meal is £250
  2. Most people know how to use the mp3 and mp4 formats... But quiet kids only know about mp5
  3. When I was a kid, people would ask me why I was so quiet I didn't respond.
  4. The carbon monoxide detector is really annoying. But hey, at least the kids are quiet.
  5. What does a j**... have in common with a quiet kid? Shooting up

Quiet Kid Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about quiet kid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smart kid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quiet kid pranks.

A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.

The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?
The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?

Kid going to his first day of school, he looks worried, his dad asks him "What's wrong?"

Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for?"
"Until you're 18" says the father.
The kid nods, and thinks about this quietly.
=== =====
When they get to the front gates of the school, the kid says "Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I'm 18, won't you?"

Vladimir Putin visits a school...

He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mother Russia of course!", says the boy. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". "You, great president!", replies the girl. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!".

p**... has s**... for the first time

After finding out p**... had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.
"It was amazing," p**... gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."
"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.
"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," p**... replied.

There is a husband and a wife that, over their marriage, have eight kids.

One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.
The husband goes to his wife and asks her, "Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?"
The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, "So who is Billy's father?"

A teacher asked her kindergartens...

Who the most important person in history is and whoever gets it right gets 5 dollars, one of the kids yells, "Abe Lincoln." The teacher smiles and shakes her head no, another kid yells, "George Washington." Again, the teacher shakes her head. The class becomes quiet as they all begin to think before one of the children goes, "jesus!" The teacher responds."That's right! But wait, aren't you jewish?" To which the child goes, "well, the correct answer is Moses, but business is business."

Little kid in sunday school

the teacher is asking the 5 year olds questions, and asks one specific question to little Suzie; "And why is it important for us to be quiet when we're listening to the sermon, Suzie?" To which she replied, "because the old people are sleeping."

An albino child in an African tribe...

This puts the tribe's chief in a fury and immediatly summons the white m**... that was sent by the Church in his village.
Chief: "Explain the white kid, white man!"
Priest: "Well, you see, a white child amongst your black tribe is... like the black lamb that was recently born in your herd of white sheep, they..."
Chief, interrupting: "If... if you keep quiet about the black lamb, I'll keep quiet about the child."

A kid asks his mother about his cousins...

"Mommy, why is my cousin named Rose?"
The mother replied, "Because your aunt loves roses."
The boy replies, "What about my other cousin, Daisy?"
"Your aunt also loved daisies." The mother added calmly.
"So why is my name-"
The mother interjects, "Be quiet and eat your dinner, Dickie!"

After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, "

You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?" 
Little Johnny offers, "Miss, it's so we wouldn't wake all those people sleeping."

Johny was offered a nickel or a dime...

Johny was bullied by all the other second grade students. Every day, they would offer him either a dime or a nickel. Every time, he took the nickel. The kids would all laugh at him every time he took the nickel. One day a kid asked him why he always took the nickel, even though the dime was worth more. He quietly responded, "If I take the dime, they will stop offering me the money. I've made $20 already!"

Pigmy kids bragging

Most kids brag about how tall their fathers are, but pigmy kids brag about how small their fathers are.
One day three kids are playing when one says, "My dad's only 3'1"."
2nd kid says, "That's nothing. My dad's 2'11"."
The 3rd kid was quiet so they asked, How tall is your dad?
He said, "My dad is dead. He fell off a ladder picking strawberries."

A Teacher taught a very hyperactive class

The class had students from many parts of the world. One day the teacher was late and when she came to the class, it was pure chaos in there. Americans were constantly quarrelling, Australians were standing on their head, Italians were making pasta. But the Spanish kid was surprisingly quiet and was in his seat.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position

After a long night at the pub I knocked on the door quietly so I wouldn't wake the kids. I stood there and hoped that my wife was awake, then when there was no sign of her I shouted "Let me in!"

A man opened the door, and said, "Sir, please step away from my taxi."

Marriage Anniversaries

A couple on their tenth anniversary went to a restaurant because they liked the wine list.
On the twentieth, they went because it was good for the kids.
On their thirtieth, they went because it was quiet.
On their fortieth, they went because it was wheelchair accessible.
On the fiftieth, they went because they had never been and had heard it was good.

My Mommy, the Dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children in her class what their mothers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, So when the teacher gently prodded him about his mother, He replied, "Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a club and takes off all her clothes in front of men, and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this bold statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to quietly ask him, "Is that really true about your mother, dear?"
Nope," the boy said, "She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that In front of the other kids."

Triplet Trouble

A pregnant woman was shot three times in the stomach during the war. After the war, she gave birth to three beautiful sons. The years went by, and the kids became teenagers. One day, the first son comes to his mother and says:
"Mom, mom! I was peeing, and a bullet came out of me!" he says "That's fine, you had an accident when you were a baby." she explains.
A couple of days later, the second son comes screaming:
"Mommy! I was peeing and I peed a bullet!" he sobs "It's okay, that happened to your brother, too. Nothing to worry about." she comforts him.
The next week, the third son comes slowly walking to his mom, his face completely red, and says:
"Hey, mom... remember how bullets came out of my brothers last week?" he asks quietly "Yes, it's completely normal." she replies with a smile "Yeah, well, I was m**... and I shot grandma."

A priest walks up to his church's janitor

He then says that he has a problem - his stomach is very upset, and he has been running to the restroom all day. His problem is that the widow Mrs. Idoux is about to show up for her weekly confession, as she does every Friday at exactly 3:00. He asks the janitor to stand in for him at her confession, because Mrs. Idoux always has the same confession, carnal thoughts about a specific man. The priest says that he always gives Mrs. Idoux 10 Hail Marys and sends her on her way. The Janitor agrees, it is obvious the Priest would not ask such a thing were it unnecessary.
The Janitor steps in, and a couple minutes later, the widow Mrs. Idoux steps in to the confession booth. Mrs. Idoux says "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have caved into my carnal thoughts and performed o**... s**... on a man who is not my husband." The Janitor, realizing he cannot give the same penance for carnal thoughts as o**... s**..., so he quietly steps out of the booth, calls an altar boy over, and asks "Hey, kid - what does the priest give for o**... s**...?", to which the boy replies "A coke and a snickers bar, why do you ask?"

Kids Today

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby,' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though,' the mother confides.

'Oh, so sad dear,' says the other.

'And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.'

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born.'
'He's a martyr too,' says the mother quietly.

'Oh, gracious me . . . , ' says the other.

'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18,' she whispers.

'Yes,' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school.'

'He's a martyr also,' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .

'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

Three men are sitting at a bar

Three men were sitting at a bar talking about their lives. They get to talking about there kids and how great they are.
The first man brags " My son is the greatest! He is CEO of a big company. He makes so much money that he just bought two new sports cars, one for himself and the other for his lover."
The second father, trying to show up the first, says "Oh Yeah? Well my boy created a huge internet company and makes millions he just bought two mansions, one for himself and the other for HIS lover".
The third guy is sitting quietly drinking his beer. The other two guys look at him and ask what about his son? Does he make a lot of money?
The third guy says " Nah, My son doesn't make millions or anything like that. He's a male e**.... Although, his two best clients did just buy him a new car and a new mansion."

Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy.
Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about",
Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch".
Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?"
Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having s**... over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room".
The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch.
This gives Little Johnny a good idea.
Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed.
Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!"
His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"