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Quickie Jokes

55 quickie jokes and hilarious quickie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quickie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Quickie Short Jokes

Short quickie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quickie humour may include short quick fire jokes also.

  1. My wife called me at work today. "Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a q**...?"
    "Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."
  2. I asked the waitress for a q**... and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."
  3. When I told the waitress I'd have a quiche, she slapped me... Apparently it's pronounced "keesh" and not "q**..."
  4. My girlfriend asked me if I fancied a q**... earlier.. "Its pronounced 'quiche'", I told her.
  5. So my wife and I had some time left before we went out for dinner She asks me: "Do you want to have s**... before we go?", I answered: "Sure, do you want a q**... or the full two minutes?"
  6. A wife asks her husband would he like to come home at lunchtime. Would you like a q**...?
    Husband: It's pronounced Quiche, and yes I would.
  7. A guy went to a restaurant and asked the waitress for a q**... She replied, "it's pronounced quiche"
  8. My wife told me to hurry home for a q**.... Turns out she has trouble pronouncing the word quiche.
  9. A guy sits down at a restaurant and asks the waitress for a q**...... The waitress is visibly displeased... The woman next to the guy replies that "It's pronounced 'quiche' [keesh]".
  10. I'm a great insult comic. Want a q**...? Cmon you won't feel a zing!

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Quickie One Liners

Which quickie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quickie? I can suggest the ones about quick and easy and quick easy.

  1. (A quickie) What's an audiologists' biggest dilemma? Free concert.
  2. I don't call it a q**...... I call it secs
  3. *On phone* Wife: Fancy coming home for a q**...? Husband: It's pronounced "quiche"
  4. What is the definition of a Yankee? Same as a q**... but you do it yourself.
  5. What's a Yankee? It's like a q**... except you do it yourself.
  6. Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest d**... runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"
  7. What's the definition of a Yankee? It's like a q**..., but you do it to yourself.
  8. What's a Yankee? The same as a q**..., only you do it yourself.
  9. Husband and wife Husband: "Fancy a q**...."
    Wife: "As opposed to what ?"
  10. I asked my wife if she wanted to do a q**... She asked "As opposed to what?"
  11. What is a yankee? It's a q**... but by yourself.
  12. I asked the waitress if she wanted a good tip and a q**.... She said: Just the tip.
  13. Wife: Do you fancy coming home at lunchtime for a q**.... Me: It's pronounced Quiche.
  14. What is a Yankee? Kind of like a q**... but you do it yourself.
  15. What do you call a q**... with yourself? AFAP.

Quickie joke, What do you call a q**... with yourself?

Hilarious Quickie Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about quickie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quick good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quickie pranks.

A man and his wife didn't want their young son Timmy to know they were having a q**......

...so they told him to go out on the balcony and give them a blow-by-blow account of the neighborhood comings and goings.
so Timmy goes out and begins reciting, "The Johnsons got a new car, there's a police car over at the Shaws' place, Jason Mitchell is sneaking out of his house, and the Ledfords are having s**...."
The parents are shocked. "Timmy!" the mom cried, "how on Earth do you know they're having s**...?"
Timmy rolls his eyes and replies, "Their kid's out on the balcony too."

Clever 8-year olds

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced...
"The Coopers are having s**...!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out...
"How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

A q**...!

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

A man in a restaurant says to the waitress...

..."Hi can I have a q**...?"
The waitress gives him a dirty look and walks off. She later approaches the table and the man asks: "Can I please have a q**...?" The waitress responds: "Sir, If you ask me that one more time, I'm going to have to call my manager over." and walks off again.
The man looks completely bemused, so the lady at the table next to his turns and says: "I think it's pronounced 'kee-sh'."

Bill Clinton is on Air Force One when the Flight Attendant approaches with the lunch menu...

Bill looks at the menu briefly, and then looks up and down at the attendant before giving her a wink. He leans over and says "Well, I sure could go for a q**... right about now."
The Attendant is flattered on some level but quickly starts flushing red at the t**... of being about to learn just how far she'd go to keep her job. Al Gore is sitting right across from Bill reading his own menu, and immediately recognizes what's going on. He glances at Bill and leans over to attendant, and says
"I'm sorry, I believe the President would like to order a *quiche*".

Sunday Afternoon q**... :D

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...

He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."

Bill,Marla and innocent son

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed.
"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go out to lunch, The waitress comes up to take their order, Bill Clinton says "I'll take the q**... darlin". The waitress gets very upset over this and says "I've been a big supporter of you and voted for and this is the thanks I get" and storms off. Al Gore turns to Bill and says "I think it's pronounced quiche"

Bill is out campaigning with Hillary...

they stop for lunch in a small diner and when Bill orders, he says, "I'll have a q**...."
The waitress giggles and Hillary glares, but says nothing.
The next day, at lunch in a diner, Bill orders: "I'll have a q**...."
Same response.
The third day, Bill ordering lunch says, "I'll have a q**...."
Not able to take the humiliation any more, Hillary slaps his arm and says, "d**... Bill! It's pronounced 'quiche!'"
^(Note: I like the Trump jokes, and the recent Bill joke, but I thought this old joke fit Bill better.)

Brad and Stephanie decided..

..that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and ask him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled dad asked. "Their son Charlie is standing out on the balcony too," replied the boy.

A priest was confronted by a p**....

"Do want a q**... for ten bucks?"
Not knowing what it was, he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him. So he asked a nun, "what's a q**...?"
The nun replied "Ten bucks same as in town."

Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner

After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.
Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a q**... please."
"A q**...?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."
Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it is pronounced 'Quiche'..."

Donald Trump and Mike Pence were having breakfast at the White House

The waitress asks Pence what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" Trump replies with his trademark lecherous leer, "How about a q**... this morning?"
"Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims. "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in office for a year! ''
As the waitress storms away, Pence leans over to Trump and whispers... "Mr President, It's pronounced 'quiche'."

An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.

How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .

A man and woman go out to a fancy restaurant

When they walk in, they see the host is an attractive young man. The woman walks up to him and says "I'm interested in a q**...." The young host is flustered and quickly finds them a table. Just as they sit down, the server walks up to take their order. Again, the woman says "I'm interested in a q**...." The server is also flustered, quickly takes their drink orders and leaves. When he returns with the drinks, he's accompanied by the manager. Once more, the woman says to them both "I'm interested in a q**...." The manager is stunned, but before he can say anything, the woman turns to her date and says, "See? I told you it was pronounced quiche!"

A guy is sitting a table in a restaurant when the waitress comes over.....

Hello sir, what would you like to order?
I'll have a q**... please sweetheart...
Okay sir i'll ask again, what would you like to order?
I really want a q**..., please, you know? Tart...
With that the waitress slaps the guy and storms off.
One of the other customers leans over and says 'excuse me mate, it's pronounced 'Quiche'

What is a q**...?

A Father was returning to the church from a meeting he had in the city when a street walker approached him and said ... hey father $25 for a q**...! The father blessed her and continued on his way. Once back at the church he pull a nun aside and asked ... sister, what is a q**...? ... The sister replied ... $25 just like it is downtown!

Quickie joke, What is a q**...?

jokes about quickie