Quickie Jokes
42 quickie jokes and hilarious quickie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quickie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Hilarious Quickie Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What is a good quickie joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afternoon s**...
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having s**...!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
(A quickie) What's an audiologists' biggest dilemma?
Free concert.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife didn't want their young son Timmy to know they were having a q**......
...so they told him to go out on the balcony and give them a blow-by-blow account of the neighborhood comings and goings.
so Timmy goes out and begins reciting, "The Johnsons got a new car, there's a police car over at the Shaws' place, Jason Mitchell is sneaking out of his house, and the Ledfords are having s**...."
The parents are shocked. "Timmy!" the mom cried, "how on Earth do you know they're having s**...?"
Timmy rolls his eyes and replies, "Their kid's out on the balcony too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An afternoon q**...
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson knew that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. As his parents put their plan into operation, he began his commentary:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt Brown is riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason Smith is on his skate board!"
"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper are having noontime s**...!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony eating a Popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple wants to have a q**......
...but their son is in the house. So they tell him to go out on the balcony and tell them what's going on in the neighborhood while they do their thing. He proceeds to the balcony and begins reporting what he sees.
"Looks like the Jeffersons got a new dog." he said.
"Oh! And the Alans are moving out." he exclaimed.
"Look at that. Looks like the Johnsons are having s**...."
The couple stops dead.
"How do you know the Johnsons are making love?" said the boys father.
After a short pause he replies,
"Becase their kid is out on the balcony."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Clever 8-year olds
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**..." with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced...
"The Coopers are having s**...!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out...
"How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The q**...
Bob and Jen decided to have a little Sunday afternoon q**... but had to figure out what to do with their 10-year-old son since they lived in a small apartment. They cleverly thought to send him out on the balcony and have him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple wants to have s**... but their son is in the house.
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**... " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having s**....
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having s**...?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afternoon s**... when you have kids......
Afternoon s**...
Love what kids come up with...they know so much they are not
given credit for.
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "q**... with
their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on
the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all
the neighborhood activities...
- "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he
shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation:
- "An ambulance just drove by!"
- "Looks like the Anderson s have company," he called out.
- "Matt's riding a new bike!"
- "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
- "Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced...
- "The Coopers are having s**...."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're
having s**...?"
Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a
Popsicle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked the waitress if she wanted a good tip and a q**....
She said: Just the tip.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton is on Air Force One when the Flight Attendant approaches with the lunch menu...
Bill looks at the menu briefly, and then looks up and down at the attendant before giving her a wink. He leans over and says "Well, I sure could go for a q**... right about now."
The Attendant is flattered on some level but quickly starts flushing red at the t**... of being about to learn just how far she'd go to keep her job. Al Gore is sitting right across from Bill reading his own menu, and immediately recognizes what's going on. He glances at Bill and leans over to attendant, and says
"I'm sorry, I believe the President would like to order a *quiche*".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a great insult comic. Want a q**...?
Cmon you won't feel a zing!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sunday Afternoon q**... :D
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt is riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend asked me if I fancied a q**... earlier..
"Its pronounced 'quiche'", I told her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill,Marla and innocent son
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed.
"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife called me at work today.
"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a q**...?"
"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So my wife and I had some time left before we went out for dinner
She asks me: "Do you want to have s**... before we go?", I answered: "Sure, do you want a q**... or the full two minutes?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill is out campaigning with Hillary...
they stop for lunch in a small diner and when Bill orders, he says, "I'll have a q**...."
The waitress giggles and Hillary glares, but says nothing.
The next day, at lunch in a diner, Bill orders: "I'll have a q**...."
Same response.
The third day, Bill ordering lunch says, "I'll have a q**...."
Not able to take the humiliation any more, Hillary slaps his arm and says, "d**... Bill! It's pronounced 'quiche!'"
^(Note: I like the Trump jokes, and the recent Bill joke, but I thought this old joke fit Bill better.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brad and Stephanie decided..
..that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon q**... with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and ask him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s**...."
Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled dad asked. "Their son Charlie is standing out on the balcony too," replied the boy.
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Quickie One Liners
Which quickie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quickie? I can suggest the ones about quick and easy and quick easy.
- (A quickie) What's an audiologists' biggest dilemma? Free concert.
- I don't call it a q**...... I call it secs
- What is the definition of a Yankee? Same as a q**... but you do it yourself.
- Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest d**... runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"
- Husband and wife Husband: "Fancy a q**...."
Wife: "As opposed to what ?" - I asked my wife if she wanted to do a q**... She asked "As opposed to what?"
- I asked the waitress if she wanted a good tip and a q**.... She said: Just the tip.
- What do you call a q**... with yourself? AFAP.
- I'm a great insult comic. Want a q**...? Cmon you won't feel a zing!
