The Best 53 Quickest Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Quickest jokes. There are some quickest friendliest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these quickest rapid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Quickest Jokes and Puns

What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?

The rib cage.

A man approached Bernard on the street..

Bernard was strollin' down the street when a man approached him asking "Which is the quickest way to reach the hospital?"

Bernard pushed him under a truck...

Which 2 Birthdays go by the quickest?

the twenty second ones and the thirty second ones

Quickest joke, Which 2 Birthdays go by the quickest?

Three Roads To Ruin

There are three roads to Ruin - Women, Gambling and Consultants.

Women are the nicest, Gambling is the quickest but Consultants are the surest!

What's the quickest path to becoming a general?

Working hard, and having a good pair of knee pads.


What's the quickest way to lose pounds?

The UK National Lottery!

What is the quickest way to a girls heart?

Threw her ribcage.

Quickest joke, What is the quickest way to a girls heart?

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."

Biologists have jokes too

Biologist: What's the quickest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?

Dan: I don't know.

Biologist: Pull down its genes. ^^^^get ^^^^it?

Graveyard shortcut

A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.

He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.

Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"

The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."

How does visiting Australia help a virgin's list of accomplishments?

It's the quickest way to Adelaide to it.

You can explore quickest cleverest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quickest slowest dad jokes. There are also quickest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the quickest way to a man's heart?

Through the fourth and fifth ribs

Competitions.

How did the Bread contest end? Stalemate.

What about the weed smoking contest? There were *joint* winners!

What about the competition to see who could locate Bangkok the quickest on a map? Was a Thai.

And that sketching contest? A draw.

I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting.

I turned off the WiFi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.

Quickest way to offend a Jew

you tell them Noweh!

What the quickest way to a mans heart?

Though his chest with a knife

Quickest joke, What the quickest way to a mans heart?

When people ask why I have a "Trump 2016" sticker on my car I say it's for safety.

When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.

I'm naming my new exercise regime 'Brexit'.

It's the quickest way to lose pounds.

What's the quickest way to kill 100 Mexicans?

Blow up their car.


Some say the quickest way to mans heart is food. As an experienced heart surgeon, I disagree...

It's sex.

What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House??

Put Monica Lewinsky in there.

She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now.

sweaty palms make for good handjobs

and that's the quickest way to turn an interview in your favor

Why can't Google maps hold down a solid relationship

Because it's always looking for the quickest possible route

What's the quickest way to get in touch with your inner self?

Single-ply toilet paper

Which "real"* months are the quickest? *February is fake news

The ones that get to 31st.

The quickest way to become a millionaire is to become a professional race car driver...

You just need to start off as a billionaire

My mother always said the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach

Lovely woman, TERRIBLE surgeon

why didn't the quickest sperm win the race to the womb?

It drowned in gastric acid.

The quickest way to a man's heart is mashing your forehead against his stomach repeatedly

What's the quickest way to stop someone from having a stroke?

"Stop Louis, or I'll call the cops"

What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch?

Tip him for the pizza.

Harley

The quickest way to turn gasoline into noise without the side effect of horsepower

Office Bj's

Quickest way to get a head.

Billy asks his mate Paddy what is quickest way from Dublin to Cork.

Paddy says: "Are you going on foot or in the car?"

Billy replies: "In the car."

"Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy.

So I rang the tourist office and asked:-

'What's the quickest way from the Holiday Inn to the museum?'
'Are you walking or driving?'
'Driving.'
'Well, that would be the quickest way.'

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital?

Stand in the middle of traffic.

Woman often ask me "whats the quickest way into a mans heart?"

I often find a big knife to the trick

What was the quickest game to die?

Diablo: Immortal

What's the quickest way to get a suicidal person off the edge of a ledge?

Push them

What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?

Here chest cavity.

An old lady once asked me what's the quickest way to get high

The next thing I knew I was being blackmailed with pictures of me riding a ferris wheel with an old lady

What's the quickest way to annoy a vegan?

Tell them that your favourite animals are beef and pork.

Quickest way to end a war...

Lose it

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions.....

An Englishman stops Paddy for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"

Paddy says "Are you on foot or in the car?"

The Englishman says "In the car."

Paddy replies "That's the quickest!"

What's the quickest way to turn a fox into a dog?

Marry it.

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

Telegram

Telephone

Tell a woman

Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.

My friend told me that he wasn't sure if he would be able to set the world record for the quickest time to get undressed from a t shirt

I replied 'don't worry, I'm sure you can pull it off!'

I hired a new cleaner, she was Eastern European.

Not being the quickest at her job, I was going to fire her. I confronted her about her pace and she apologized and informed me she was a Slovak.

The quickest way to lose faith in Humanity

Customer service jobs.

One Two Three Cat and Un Deux Trois Cat

There was once two cats: The English cat and The french Cat. The English cat was called One Two Three Cat, and the French was Un Deux Trois cat.

One day, they were walking through the neighbors gardens, when they came across a pool.

One Two Three Cat challenged Un Deux Trois cat to a race. Whoever could swim across the pool the quickest would win.

Who won?

One Two Three Cat, because Un Deux Trois Cat sank.

The Quickest Way

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

Paddy says, Are you on foot or in the car?

Billy says, In the car.

Paddy says, That's the quickest way.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

You can avoid the pesky ribcage that way.

What's the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities?

Riposte

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the quickest fastest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working quickest tac piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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