Quickest Jokes
67 quickest jokes and hilarious quickest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quickest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Quickest Short Jokes
Short quickest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quickest humour may include short fastest jokes also.
- I've just discovered the quickest way to call a family meeting. I turned off the wifi router and simply waited in the room where it's located.
- When people ask why I have a "Trump 2016" sticker on my car I say it's for safety. When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.
- My mother always said the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach Lovely woman, TERRIBLE surgeon
- The quickest way for a dad to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
- So I rang the tourist office and asked:- 'What's the quickest way from the Holiday Inn to the museum?'
'Are you walking or driving?'
'Driving.'
'Well, that would be the quickest way.' - What's the quickest way to become a millionaire in the stock market? Invest a billion dollars.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. You can avoid the pesky ribcage that way.
- What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip). Telegram
Telephone
Tell a woman
Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle. - The quickest way to become a millionaire is to become a professional race car driver... You just need to start off as a billionaire
- Three Roads To Ruin There are three roads to Ruin - Women, Gambling and Consultants.
Women are the nicest, Gambling is the quickest but Consultants are the surest!
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Quickest One Liners
Which quickest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quickest? I can suggest the ones about quicker and shortest.
- What's the quickest way to kill a circus? Go straight for the Juggler....
- What's the quickest way to get in touch with your inner self? Single-ply toilet paper
- What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch? Tip him for the pizza.
- What's the quickest way to earn karma using your sword-fighting abilities? Riposte
- What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? The rib cage.
- I'm naming my new exercise regime 'Brexit'. It's the quickest way to lose pounds.
- Office Bj's Quickest way to get a head.
- What's the quickest way to a man's heart? Through the fourth and fifth ribs
- Harley The quickest way to turn gasoline into noise without the side effect of horsepower
- What's the quickest way to kill 100 Mexicans? Blow up their car.
- What's the quickest way to turn a fox into a dog? Marry it.
- The quickest way to lose faith in Humanity Customer service jobs.
- Quickest way to end a war... Lose it
- What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? Here chest cavity.
- What's the quickest way to get a suicidal person off the edge of a ledge? Push them
Howlingly Hilarious Quickest Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about quickest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quick and easy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quickest pranks.
If you believe that the quickest way to a man's heart is the stomach, you know that you are aiming a little too high.
A man approached Bernard on the street..
Bernard was strollin' down the street when a man approached him asking "Which is the quickest way to reach the hospital?"
Bernard pushed him under a truck...
Which 2 Birthdays go by the quickest?
the twenty second ones and the thirty second ones
What's the quickest way to lose pounds?
The UK National Lottery!
What is the quickest way to a girls heart?
Threw her ribcage.
Billy stops p**... in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
p**... says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
p**... says, "That's the quickest way."
Biologists have jokes too
Biologist: What's the quickest way to determine the s**... of a chromosome?
Dan: I don't know.
Biologist: Pull down its genes. ^^^^get ^^^^it?
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
Competitions.
How did the Bread contest end? Stalemate.
What about the w**... smoking contest? There were *joint* winners!
What about the competition to see who could locate Bangkok the quickest on a map? Was a Thai.
And that sketching contest? A draw.
What the quickest way to a mans heart?
Though his chest with a knife
Some say the quickest way to mans heart is food. As an experienced heart surgeon, I disagree...
It's s**....
What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House??
Put Monica Lewinsky in there.
She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now.
sweaty palms make for good h**...
and that's the quickest way to turn an interview in your favor
Why can't Google maps hold down a solid relationship
Because it's always looking for the quickest possible route
Which "real"* months are the quickest? *February is fake news
The ones that get to 31st.
why didn't the quickest s**... win the race to the w**...?
It drowned in gastric acid.
The quickest way to a man's heart is mashing your forehead against his stomach repeatedly
What's the quickest way to stop someone from having a s**...?
"Stop Louis, or I'll call the cops"
Billy asks his mate p**... what is quickest way from Dublin to Cork.
p**... says: "Are you going on foot or in the car?"
Billy replies: "In the car."
"Well that's the quickest way," says p**....
What was the quickest game to die?
Diablo: Immortal
An old lady once asked me what's the quickest way to get high
The next thing I knew I was being blackmailed with pictures of me riding a ferris wheel with an old lady
An Englishman stops p**... for directions.....
An Englishman stops p**... for directions... "Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?"
p**... says "Are you on foot or in the car?"
The Englishman says "In the car."
p**... replies "That's the quickest!"
My friend told me that he wasn't sure if he would be able to set the world record for the quickest time to get undressed from a t shirt
I replied 'don't worry, I'm sure you can pull it off!'
I hired a new cleaner, she was Eastern European.
Not being the quickest at her job, I was going to fire her. I confronted her about her pace and she apologized and informed me she was a Slovak.
One Two Three Cat and Un Deux t**... Cat
There was once two cats: The English cat and The french Cat. The English cat was called One Two Three Cat, and the French was Un Deux t**... cat.
One day, they were walking through the neighbors gardens, when they came across a pool.
One Two Three Cat challenged Un Deux t**... cat to a race. Whoever could swim across the pool the quickest would win.
Who won?
One Two Three Cat, because Un Deux t**... Cat sank.
The Quickest Way
Billy stops p**... in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
p**... says, Are you on foot or in the car?
Billy says, In the car.
p**... says, That's the quickest way.
For my Cake day I would like to share my biologist wife's favorite joke.
Two girls are giving relationship advice to their friend.
The confectioner says:
"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach." And offers to help the girl bake a cake.
The doctor says:
"That is actually false, the quickest way to a man's heart is through the fourth and fifth ribs."
