Quicker Than Jokes
55 quicker than jokes and hilarious quicker than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quicker than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Quicker Than Short Jokes
Short quicker than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quicker than humour may include short faster than jokes also.
- Studies have shown that half of the people in this country are slowly going crazy. The rest of us are doing it quicker.
- Paris Hilton recently did a signing for her new autobiography that lasted almost 4 hours. To be fair she was a bit quicker with the second book.
- My wife said she wanted a candlelit dinner.
But I'm pretty sure it would cook quicker in the oven. - Relationships are like smartphones..... You look at your iPhone 7 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.
- Advice for dealing with all the Aaron Hernandez memes.... ...hang in there, it'll die quicker than you think.
- It's funny how 8 cups of water a day seems impossible... but 8 pints and 4 shots in 3 hours goes down quicker than a chubby kid on a see-saw!
- Teacher to Student...? Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ... - Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.
- Beethoven found that having diarrhoea always helped him compose quicker By midday, he was already on his third movement.
- I love my motorcycle - it's great for getting to the front of queues quicker. It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
Share These Quicker Than Jokes With Friends
Quicker Than One Liners
Which quicker than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quicker than? I can suggest the ones about quicker and slower than.
- The David Cameron diet: You'll never lose your pounds quicker.
- Dele Alli joke This virus gunna have to be quicker than that to catch me.
- What spoils quicker than unrefridgerated meat? The Walking Dead's facebook page.
- An apple will wake you up quicker than a strong cup of coffee If it's thrown hard enough.
- What is a quicker way to transfer money than electronic banking? Marriage
- The kitchen staff really helps to make the wife cook meals quicker...
- I found my girlfriend on Tinder. She should have closed the app quicker.
- My friend has a thing for sinking ships They go down quicker.
- My dog had to be neutered So that when we call him, he comes quicker...
- My name is Mr. Swiffer I'm the swiffer, quicker, pick her upper
- Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.
- You ever notice how.... the colder a shower, the quicker you start dancing.
- Time goes by quicker when you have fun But one does not simply have fun
- What do death and my priest have in common? I wish both of them would come quicker.
Uproarious Quicker Than Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about quicker than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coming faster than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quicker than pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On top of a hill area, there are three draculas bragging about their powers to each other.
The first one, points at a large house in the village underneath them, and quickly fly towards it. In about five minutes, he's back with a hint of blood dripping from his lip. Proudly, he says that all the humans living in that house died from his attack. The second dracula laughs as he's pointing to a small village area. After that, the second dracula jumps and flies in a quicker manner than the first one, in not more than a minute, he's already back with his mouth covered in blood. He says that all the people in the village that he pointed at died from his quick and brutal attack. The first dracula felt beaten, while the third one didn't say anything, but he gave one cold stare to a direction with small city lights at the end of it. Without any word, he flashed into that direction, and in more of a shock, he's back in around five seconds of time with face all covered in blood. Both previous draculas are surprised, and asked him if had he slaughtered the people in that small city. The third dracula shouts, "Did you two see that electrical pole in front of us?" they replied, "Of course we did, why?" still shouting, the third dracula says, "g**..., I didn't!"
A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.
The engineer went in first and was asked, "What is 2+2?"
The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, "4."
Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question.
With little thought he replied, "4.0"
Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question.
The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, "What do you want it to be?"
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Help me finish a joke?
I don't even know if this is the right place for this, but I'll try it and see what happens...
This sounds ridiculous, but here goes. In a dream last night, I told a joke. I don't exactly remember all of it, and woke up towards the end. But I like the setup. Please take a look at the part that I'm able to remember and add your own interpretation. Feel free to change anything you need in order to make the joke better.
Also, if there's a better place for me to post this, please let me know.
Here's what I remember...
Three ducks are out swimming, heading "somewhere", when they come across a magic lamp. The first duck rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The first duck asks the genie for a quicker way to reach "somewhere". With a clap of the genie's hands, a rowboat appears in the lake.
The ducks row for a while, but they get tired. The second duck rubs the lamp, and again, the genie pops out. The second duck says the boat is nice, but asks for a quicker way to get "somewhere". Again, the genie claps his hands, and an outboard motor appears at the back of the rowboat. They fire up the motor and get moving.
That's what I remember telling in the dream. I'm just curious what you all can come up with based on that. Change whatever you like, but would appreciate if we could keep the ducks, the genie, and the rowboat please. Thanks for reading.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Computer diagnosis
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Sensuous Wife!
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Pound 20 all crumpled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a s**... little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 b**... of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note. He took the crumpled twenty pound note from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Pound 50 all crumpled up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another s**... little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer p**...... and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. He took the crumpled fifty pound note, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen Pound 50,000 all crumpled up?"
"No way!" he said, while obviously becoming even more a**... and excited.
"Well go look in the garage," she said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Crumpled
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen
Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a s**... little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 b**... of
her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft,
silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another s**... little smile, pulled up her skirt, and
seductively reached into her tight, sheer p**...... and pulled out a
crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing
quicker with anticipation.
"Now," as she dropped her p**... "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?"
He said "No!, trying to hide his arousal.
She said ...... "Check the garage."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of blondes walk into a bar
They immediately start to set up what looks like a big celebration; they order numerous pitchers of beer, then push tables together, one of them even hangs a big banner over it. As they're celebrating, the bartender notices that the banner says **"51 DAYS!"**
Curious, he walks over to the celebrating group, and notices something even odder; a children's jigsaw puzzle with about 20 pieces at most, completed and sitting in a beautiful frame. He taps one of the blondes on the shoulder.
"Excuse me," he says, "But what is the big celebration for?"
With a big grin on her face, she points down at the puzzle.
"We're celebrating our success! See that puzzle? It said "2-4 Years" on the box, but we did it way quicker than that, only 51 days!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lets talk.
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old g**... an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?
It takes too long to hollow out her head.
(I got this one from my uncle)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My doctor told me to stop drinking heavy or else I'll die soon
He's right! I'll die quicker if I drink lighter fluid!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Human thought
A teacher is teaching the kids that there is nothing quicker than a human thought. All of a sudden, one of the kids gets up and says that she is wrong, so the teacher asks, "What could be quicker, then?"
The kid then says, "Well, last night I overheard my parents having s**... as I was passing by the bedroom. After a short while I heard my dad say, 'Shit, I came quicker than I thought.'"
A young girl is walking home from school one day when a car pulls up along side her.
The window goes down and the driver says to her
"Hey sweetie, I'll gove you a dollar if you get in the car with me..."
The girl doesn't say anything, she just walks a little faster.
The driver says
"Alright, I'll give you ten dollars if you get in the car with me..."
Again, the girl says nothing, she just walkes a bit quicker still.
The driver then says
"I'll give you one hundred dollars if you get in the car with me..."
At this the girl stops, turns to the driver and shouts
"YOU BOUGHT THE FORD DAD, YOU RIDE IN IT!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Patience is a bit like a toilet-roll
the bigger the a**... you're dealing with, the quicker it runs out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Boys cutting through the yard
A group of boys are running back home after dark and decided to cut through the neighborhood's back yards to get home quicker. As the boys run along, one of them stops at a window and yells to the others.
"Guys, come here!"
The other boys run to their friend to see he is staring at a lady getting undressed through the window.
After a few moments of watching, one boy quickly runs off. His friends run after him and once they catch up to him, they find him crying.
"What's wrong?" Asks one of his friends.
The boy replies through tears, "My mom said if I ever looked at a n**... girl I would turn to stone.... And I felt something get hard!"
I was at a hospital, talking to some patients.
I tried to lighten the mood with a coronavirus joke. Barely anyone reacted at first, but eventually everyone got it. However, the Chinese guy got it right off the bat. Some people have called my joke tasteless, however. It really killed the mood. But I bet the British variation of this joke will spread much quicker!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?
Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?
Yes.
Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?
Yes.
Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?
Yes, Sensei.
That's the problem. You keep watching s**... s**... instead of practicing!
