The Best 34 Quicker Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Quicker jokes. There are some quicker sexier jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these quicker mile puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Quicker Jokes and Puns

Paris Hilton recently did a signing for her new autobiography that lasted almost 4 hours.

To be fair she was a bit quicker with the second book.

Computer diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.

2. Get a water softener.

3. Your dog has ringworm.

4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

5. Your daughter is using cocaine.

6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.

I removed the shell from my pet snail...

because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish

Quicker joke, I removed the shell from my pet snail...

NEVER challenge a chinese man

If he says he can do something in the blink of an eye, chances are he's gonna be quicker than you.

What spoils quicker than unrefridgerated meat?

The Walking Dead's facebook page.

Why do Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January?

Cause eight reindeer and a sleigh are a lot quicker than 6 pigs and a stoneboat.

Beethoven found that having diarrhoea always helped him compose quicker

By midday, he was already on his third movement.

Quicker joke, Beethoven found that having diarrhoea always helped him compose quicker

My friend has a thing for sinking ships

They go down quicker.

Q: What's a little quicker than a shark?

A: The Little Mermaid on her period.

Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?

It takes too long to hollow out her head.

(I got this one from my uncle)

The David Cameron diet:

You'll never lose your pounds quicker.

You can explore quicker scooters reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quicker quickly dad jokes. There are also quicker puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I found my girlfriend on Tinder.

She should have closed the app quicker.

Teacher to Student...?

Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...

Two drunk guys walking home from the pub

They come across a bus depot and decide it would be quicker to steal a bus and drive it home.
One of the guys manages to get one started and shouts on his mate to hop on.
His mate replies " that bus number doesn't go to ours mate, am looking for the number 22."

Advice for dealing with all the Aaron Hernandez memes....

...hang in there, it'll die quicker than you think.

What do death and my priest have in common?

I wish both of them would come quicker.

Quicker joke, What do death and my priest have in common?

My doctor told me to stop drinking heavy or else I'll die soon

He's right! I'll die quicker if I drink lighter fluid!

Relationships are like smartphones.....

You look at your iPhone 7 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.

The kitchen staff really helps to make the wife cook meals quicker...

Studies have shown that half of the people in this country are slowly going crazy.

The rest of us are doing it quicker.

An apple will wake you up quicker than a strong cup of coffee

If it's thrown hard enough.

It's funny how 8 cups of water a day seems impossible...

but 8 pints and 4 shots in 3 hours goes down quicker than a chubby kid on a see-saw!

Human thought

A teacher is teaching the kids that there is nothing quicker than a human thought. All of a sudden, one of the kids gets up and says that she is wrong, so the teacher asks, "What could be quicker, then?"

The kid then says, "Well, last night I overheard my parents having sex as I was passing by the bedroom. After a short while I heard my dad say, 'Shit, I came quicker than I thought.'"

Democrats are quick to say their side is right but Republicans are even quicker.

You might even say they're Russian it.

My dog had to be neutered

So that when we call him, he comes quicker...

I had a snail when I was a kid

The snail was moving very slowly so I thought if I took his shell off he might move a bit quicker.

He ended up just being a bit sluggish.

How do you make sure the God of Death wins a foot race?

Start smoking. It leads to a quicker Death.

Patience is a bit like a toilet-roll

the bigger the arsehole you're dealing with, the quicker it runs out.

What is a quicker way to transfer money than electronic banking?


I asked one of my students to use the word contagious in a sentence...

He said: trump should have reacted quicker to the COVID-19 pandemic, but it took the contagious

I was at a hospital, talking to some patients.

I tried to lighten the mood with a coronavirus joke. Barely anyone reacted at first, but eventually everyone got it. However, the Chinese guy got it right off the bat. Some people have called my joke tasteless, however. It really killed the mood. But I bet the British variation of this joke will spread much quicker!

What's a prisoner's favourite piece of punctuation?

Periods, exclamation marks, or question marks - whichever one ends the sentence quicker.

My wife said she wanted a candlelit dinner.

But I'm pretty sure it would cook quicker in the oven.

Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?

Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?


Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?


Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?

Yes, Sensei.

That's the problem. You keep watching stupid shit instead of practicing!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the quicker quickest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working quicker rarely piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes