Quicker Jokes

54 quicker jokes and hilarious quicker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quicker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Want to get your laughs faster? Learn to tell quicker jokes! These jokes go beyond being "sooner than expected" - they're faster than scooters! Get ready to upgrade your repertoire.

Funniest Quicker Short Jokes

Short quicker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quicker humour may include short faster jokes also.

  1. I removed the shell from my pet snail... because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish
  2. Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman? It takes too long to hollow out her head.
    (I got this one from my uncle)
  3. Studies have shown that half of the people in this country are slowly going crazy. The rest of us are doing it quicker.
  4. Paris Hilton recently did a signing for her new autobiography that lasted almost 4 hours. To be fair she was a bit quicker with the second book.
  5. My wife said she wanted a candlelit dinner.
    But I'm pretty sure it would cook quicker in the oven.
  6. I asked one of my students to use the word contagious in a sentence... He said: trump should have reacted quicker to the COVID-19 pandemic, but it took the contagious
  7. Relationships are like smartphones..... You look at your iPhone 7 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.
  8. Advice for dealing with all the Aaron Hernandez memes.... ...hang in there, it'll die quicker than you think.
  9. It's funny how 8 cups of water a day seems impossible... but 8 pints and 4 shots in 3 hours goes down quicker than a chubby kid on a see-saw!
  10. What's a prisoner's favourite piece of punctuation? Periods, exclamation marks, or question marks - whichever one ends the sentence quicker.

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Quicker One Liners

Which quicker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quicker? I can suggest the ones about quickest and faster speed.

  1. The David Cameron diet: You'll never lose your pounds quicker.
  2. Dele Alli joke This virus gunna have to be quicker than that to catch me.
  3. What spoils quicker than unrefridgerated meat? The Walking Dead's facebook page.
  4. An apple will wake you up quicker than a strong cup of coffee If it's thrown hard enough.
  5. What is a quicker way to transfer money than electronic banking? Marriage
  6. What do death and my priest have in common? I wish both of them would come quicker.
  7. The kitchen staff really helps to make the wife cook meals quicker...
  8. I found my girlfriend on Tinder. She should have closed the app quicker.
  9. My friend has a thing for sinking ships They go down quicker.
  10. My dog had to be neutered So that when we call him, he comes quicker...
  11. My name is Mr. Swiffer I'm the swiffer, quicker, pick her upper
  12. Q: What's a little quicker than a shark? A: The Little Mermaid on her period.
  13. Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.
  14. You ever notice how.... the colder a shower, the quicker you start dancing.
  15. Time goes by quicker when you have fun But one does not simply have fun

Quicker Than Jokes

Here is a list of funny quicker than jokes and even better quicker than puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had a snail when I was a kid The snail was moving very slowly so I thought if I took his shell off he might move a bit quicker.
    He ended up just being a bit sluggish.
  • My doctor told me to stop drinking heavy or else I'll die soon He's right! I'll die quicker if I drink lighter fluid!
  • Teacher to Student...? Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
    The student: I walk. You walk ....
    The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
    The student: I run. You run ...
  • Why do Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January? Cause eight reindeer and a sleigh are a lot quicker than 6 pigs and a stoneboat.
  • Democrats are quick to say their side is right but Republicans are even quicker. You might even say they're Russian it.
  • NEVER challenge a chinese man If he says he can do something in the blink of an eye, chances are he's gonna be quicker than you.
  • Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.
  • How do you make sure the God of Death wins a foot race? Start smoking. It leads to a quicker Death.
  • Beethoven found that having diarrhoea always helped him compose quicker By midday, he was already on his third movement.
  • I love my motorcycle - it's great for getting to the front of queues quicker. It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
Quicker joke

Quirky and Hilarious Quicker Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about quicker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quickly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quicker pranks.

Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?

Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?
Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?
Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?
Yes, Sensei.
That's the problem. You keep watching s**... s**... instead of practicing!

Computer diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.

Two drunk guys walking home from the pub

They come across a bus depot and decide it would be quicker to steal a bus and drive it home.
One of the guys manages to get one started and shouts on his mate to hop on.
His mate replies " that bus number doesn't go to ours mate, am looking for the number 22."

I was at a hospital, talking to some patients.

I tried to lighten the mood with a coronavirus joke. Barely anyone reacted at first, but eventually everyone got it. However, the Chinese guy got it right off the bat. Some people have called my joke tasteless, however. It really killed the mood. But I bet the British variation of this joke will spread much quicker!

Human thought

A teacher is teaching the kids that there is nothing quicker than a human thought. All of a sudden, one of the kids gets up and says that she is wrong, so the teacher asks, "What could be quicker, then?"
The kid then says, "Well, last night I overheard my parents having s**... as I was passing by the bedroom. After a short while I heard my dad say, 'Shit, I came quicker than I thought.'"

Quicker joke, NEVER challenge a chinese man