Quick Irish Jokes
17 quick irish jokes and hilarious quick irish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quick irish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Quick Irish Short Jokes
Short quick irish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quick irish humour may include short old irish jokes also.
- I'm going to teach you how to speak Irish in the spirit of diversity. Say, "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.
Bonus: for Australian say, "Good eye might." - An Irish elocution lesson Say the following words together quickly:
Whale. Oil. Beef. Hooked.
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Quick Irish One Liners
Which quick irish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quick irish? I can suggest the ones about irish man and irish people.
- I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
- How to speak Irish:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked
Say them all quickly.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Quick Irish Jokes
What funny jokes about quick irish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean catholic irish jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quick irish pranks.
Job Fatality in Ireland
An Irish woman is making supper when she hears a knock on the cottage door. It's the priest and he has his hat in his hand, looking solemnly at the ground.
She's says "oh no, it's bad news isn't it father!"
"Yes, tis" says the priest.
"About my husband?? is he dead, father?" She gasps.
"There was a terrible accident at the brewery, he fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned"
"Was it a quick death, father?"
"Truth be told, he got out 3 times to pee"
I've just invented a new drink.
It's has Irish whiskey, German schnapps, French cognac, English beer, and American bourbon.
I call it the Titonic.
While it sounds strange, add ice and it goes down quickly.
A perfect robbery
Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"
An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...
...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.
The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees realize that they'll be caught if they keep on running, and decide to take cover by climbing up separate trees.
The dogs start circling the tree, and jumping up and down around the trunk on the very tree the American has climbed. The guards shout "Come down or we'll shoot!" Thinking quickly, he quickly calls down "who! who!" The German guards say to each other "Das ist eine owl", and call the dogs off.
The dogs follow the trail to the second tree, and the guards call up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Brit calls down "CAW! CAW!!!" The guards say "Ahh. Das ist eine crow".
The guards follow the dogs to the third tree where the Irishman had climbed. Again they called up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Irishman thought for a moment and then called down "Moo! Moo!"
***NOT MINE: ** Shamelessly stolen from an Irish joke book I had as a kid. Yes, I am Irish.*
An English man, Irish man and Scottish man...
Are on a plane and the pilot comes out and issues everyone a challange, "if you can guess where we are by sticking your hand out of the window ill give you 50 grand" the Scottish man quickly jumps up and sticks his hand out of the window "we are in Dundee" he guessed, the pilot shakes his head. Then the Irish man trys "we are in Dublin" he guesses, again the pilot shakes his head, then the English man steps up, "we are in Liverpool" he says, shocked the pilot answers "Yes! Thats right, but how did you know?" The English man replies "because my watch has been stolen"
My Irish mom always told jokes about wee p**.... This one was always my fave.
There was an Englishman, a Scot and wee p**... from Ireland all stranded on an island. They found a genie lamp and they rubbed it and a genie appeared and said they had three wishes. They quickly decided they would each get one. The Englishman wished to be back home with his family. *p**...* he was gone. The Scot made the same wish. *p**...* he was gone. It was p**...'s turn and he thought long and hard about what to wish for. And then it came to him: "Ach, I'm awful lonely...I wish I had me friends back"...
The Irish brothel
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman, "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside.
The second Irishman says "Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and s**... hats!"
They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi, when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died."
Two Irish brothers are applying for Work Visas to Australia.
The first brother enters his interview, quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother I'm in!"
The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview.
So Mr... Patrick O'Malley , the interviewer begins. What skills can you bring to Australia?
Patrick explains: Well, I'm a turf cutter. The best there is! My father was a turf cutter. His father was a turf cutter...
That's a shame , interrupts the interviewer. They don't really need turf cutters in Australia. There's just not that much turf.
But you let me brother in!
That's because your brother is a pilot. Pilots are high in demand.
Patrick cries: But if I don't *cut it*, he can't *pile it*!
Two Irish brothers are applying for working Visas to Australia.
The first brother enters his interview, and quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother I'm in!
The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview.
So Mr... Patrick O'Malley , the interviewer begins. What can you bring to Australia's economy . Patrick explains: Well, I'm a turf cutter. The best there is! My father was a turf cutter. His father was a turf cutter...
That's a shame , interrupts the interviewer. They don't really need turf cutters in Australia. There's just not that much turf.
But you let me brother in!
That's because your brother is a pilot. Pilots are in high demand.
Patrick cries: But if I don't cut it, he can't pile it!
Patty O'Mally
So Patty O'Mally is running late to an extremely important meeting in downtown Dublin. He has been driving around and around for blocks and can not find a parking space. He is feeling panicky and anxious. Finally in desperation, he cries out to the Lord in Heaven, "Dear God! Please help me find a parking space so I can getto this meeting on time, please please help me! If you help me, I will do anything, in fact I promise to always go to church every Sunday and I swear to quit drinking Irish whiskey for the rest of me days." As he finished his devout prayer, lo and behold, a parking space opens up. Patty quickly takes the spot and shouts to Heaven, "Never mind Lord, I found a space!"
An old one my late grandmother used to tell
In a Catholic school English classroom, a nun was giving the lesson.
"Today, children, we'll be talking about rhyme. Does anyone have a rhyme they'd like to share?"
Several little hands shot up. The nun pointed to the smallest girl, Sally, in the front.
"Hey, d**..., d**...,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon."
"Very good, Sally." said the nun. "Who else?" She called on a little boy, Jack.
"It has my name in it!
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.
Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe."
"Wonderful rhyme, Jack!" replied the nun. Now, in the back of the class sat Michael. Michael came from a loud Irish family and was known as a troublemaker. The nun had tried to pick the other students before him, but he was beginning to make a commotion so she sighed and called out "yes, Michael."
"I've got a rhyme for you, Sister" he said.
"Mary came from Boston, Mass. and went into the water up to her knees."
"Michael," began the nun, "that doesn't rhyme."
"Oh, I know Sister. But wait until the tide comes in."