Quick Blonde Jokes

69 quick blonde jokes and hilarious quick blonde puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quick blonde that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Quick Blonde Short Jokes

Short quick blonde jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quick blonde humour may include short smart blonde jokes also.

A dead bird A blonde was walking with her father, when her father said "look! It's a dead bird! That's so sad!"
The blonde then quickly looked up in the sky and said "Where?"
Two blondes are walking down a street. Two blonds are walking down a street when one says to the other one "Oh look a dead bird!"
The other one quickly looks up and yells "WHERE?"
Two blondes are heading to Disney World, on their way there, they see a sign that says "Disney World Left"... ... They quickly head left and have a great vacation at Disney World.
A hot blonde falls down a cliff A man watching her quickly approaches and yells:
Noooooooooooooooooicce

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Cheerful Fun Quick Blonde Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about quick blonde you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean working blondes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quick blonde pranks.

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.

A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play t**...." With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."

There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit.

She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here." The blonde replied, "I can and I will." The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. "Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for economy." "You can't make me move." The copilot told the captain, who tried to talk her out of the seat but it didn't work. Finally, a man who had heard what had been going on told the attendant to let him have a go at getting the woman out of the seat because he was married to a blonde too, so he knew how to deal with her. After a quick chat with her, she moved. The shocked attendant asked him how he did it. The man replied, "I told her first class wasn't going to Detroit."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison.

They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them. The brunette is called up. She says, "Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away. Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says, "Ready, aim, earthquake!" Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away. Then it's the blonde's turn, who says, "Ready, aim, fire!"

A brunnette and a red haid were riding in the front of a pickup truck the blonde was in the back.

The truck crashed into the lake and the redhead and the brunnette made it to shore quickly but it took the blonde ten min.
They asked when she got there, "What took so long"?
The blonde replied, " I had to get the tailgate open".

A guy goes to a house of prostitution.

He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed.
She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.
He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.
He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there.
He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet.

The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second.
An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the breast s**..., the others were using their arms.

This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company.

He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?”
The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”

On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.

One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her.

He called his mother to share his good news with her.
He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee.
When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one.
He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.
She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead."
"How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired.
She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car.

The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too s**... to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."

A blonde woman looking to make extra cash goes into a rich neighborhood....

She comes across a house, knocks on the door and a man opens the door. I am looking for work and would do anything . The man looks at his porch and sees it needs some serious paint asks her to paint it for $100. She agrees. He shows her to the paints in his garage and she gets to work. About an hour later, the blonde comes back to the man and tells him she is all done. Confused that she is done so quickly, asks her: you realize the porch goes all the way around? To which she replies: Yes, it's all done. Impressed, the man hands her the $100 for her work. Just as she was about to leave, she says: oh by the way, that's a Ferrari not a porch.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...

(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all take their various hiding places in the factory just as the police kick down the door.
The police begin to search, and they hear a noise coming from an old crate. The redhead, who is hiding in the crate, hears them approach and quickly barks, "WOOF, WOOF". "Oh, it's just a stray dog," says an officer and continues the search. Nearby the police hear some rattling from within a pile of old manufacturing equipment. The brunette, who is amid the equipment, quickly does her best cat imitation, "MEOW, MEOW". "Nothing but an old cat," says one of the police as they continue the search.
At last, in the back of the factory, the police hear some rustling coming from a large burlap sack, which they surround and demand, "Who's in there? Come out!" The blonde, who is inside, having heard her fellow escapees successes thinks to herself for a moment and then says, "POOOOTAAAATOOOO."

Bus Stop Blonde

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again,
and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body?!
I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped
my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends."

Gambling with Blondes

There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told
her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play the game.
The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several minutes looking up everything he could on his laptop and then even placed numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?"
The blonde glanced at him with a smile on her face and handed him a $5 bill.

Dandruff in the Elevator

A blonde and a brunette get into an elevator and punch in two of the highest floors. They do not know each other, so they stay to themselves.
About halfway up to their respective floors, a balding gentleman enters the elevator with them, with some of the most atrocious dandruff either of the women had even seen gracing the shoulders of his suit. He didn't seem to notice, but they were practically revolted for the trip.
His floor came up quickly and as the door shut from his exit, the brunette looked up to the blond and commented That man needs to get some Head and Shoulders.
The blonde got really confused before asking,
Wait, how do you give shoulders?

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.
The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."
The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"
The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her b**... and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.
The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."
The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"
The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her b**... and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.
The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."
The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

First Class Blonde

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde b**... sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

An oldie but goodie

Three women, a redhead, brunette and blonde, find themselves stranded on a deserted island. While looking for supplies the redhead stumbled upon an old, well decorated bottle. After she brought it back to camp she and her friends began to clean it off when suddenly a genie sprang out of the bottle. In a deep, deliberate tone the genie said "You have awakened a genie! I have the power to grant any three wishes you desire. Because all three awakened me each of you get one wish!" The genie looked at the redhead who quickly shouted "I WISH TO GO HOME!" and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the brunette who couldn't say "I WISH TO GO HOME!" fast enough and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the blonde who had a tear in her eye and her head was hung low. "Why are you so sad" asked the genie, to which the blonde responded "I wish my friends were here."

New Secretary At Work

A blonde secretary was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee? the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me.
Oh good! the blonde sighed in relief. I'll have two regular, two black, and two decaf.

A blonde goes to Paris

A blonde was going on vacation to Paris and was going to fly there. She had ordered a seat in coach, but when the plane took off she went up and sat in first class.
The flight attendant went up to her and told her - very politely - that she had to move back down to coach. The blonde looked at her and said: "I'm blonde, I'm hot and I can sit where-ever I want!" The stewardess quickly went away.
Then another flight attendant came up and said that she had to move back down to coach. And again the blonde said "I'm blonde, I'm hot and I can sit where-ever I want!"
Now the two were in peril and were talking about what to do, when the pilot came back from his bathroom break. They told him what had happened, then nodded and said that he would take care of it. He then went into first class, walked up to the blonde's seat and said something to her. A second later the blonde got up, apologized and went down to coach again.
The flight attendants immediately asked him, what he had said to make her go back to coach. The pilot smiled and said: "I just told first class didn't go to Paris."

A trucker and a blonde.

A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

So there's this blonde...

and she's sick and tired of being stereotyped as the dumb blonde, so she decides to dye her hair and move to another city. After she died her hair brown, she packs up her things and leaves for the new city. Driving down a barren country road on the way there, she starts to get really hungry. With no restaurants in sight, she pulls in to the only home as far as the eye can see, a sheep farm. Thinking a sheep would make a tasty meal, she walks up to the house where the farmer is sitting on the front porch and asks him if she can guess how many sheep there are if she can have one. The farmer agrees. The woman has a knack for counting and adds up all the sheep really quickly and says "72". The farmer says "whelp, that's right, go grab your sheep and leave." The woman picks up her choice and starts walking back to her car, but before she gets in the farmer shouts after her "If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

A blonde, brunette, and a red head...

So a blonde, brunette,and a red head are each forced to kill their husbands and dispose of the corpse. They all kill their victim and have the responsibility of disposing of the body so they all throw the body in the trunks of their cars. Now, they each have to drive to the location where they can safely dispose of the body. The red head gets in her car and decides she'll drive in the left lane since that's the fast lane, so she can go fast, get to the location quickly, and dispose of the body. A cop pulls her over for going too fast, she gets a ticket but gets back on her way to get rid of the body, no problem. Brunette gets into her car decides she'll drive in the right lane since that's the lane with slower traffic, to not look suspicious. Cop pulls her over for driving too slow and impeding traffic, gives her a ticket but she continues on her way, no problem. Blonde gets into her car decides to drive in the HOV lane since she never sees anyone there it'll be a smooth ride to the location. Cop pulls her over for driving in the HOV lane with only person. Cop writes her a ticket for that, blonde reads the ticket and says "No, officer, I'm not the only person in the car I have my husband in the trunk.
Made it up myself not the best but I think it is OC

A blonde wearing large headphones walks into a hair salon

and sits down in the barber's chair. She asks for a quick trim, and the barber gets to work.
After a minute or two, the barber needs to remove the headphones to continue, and tries asking the woman to take them off. She cannot hear him, so he gives up and takes them off without permission - no response, so he keeps trimming.
Two minutes later, the woman drops dead. Stunned, the barber phones the police, and before they arrive, he has a listen in one ear of the headphones...
"...breathe in, breathe out...breathe in, breathe out..."

Blonde tries to buy a TV.

A young blonde lady wants to buy a new Television. She walks into an electronics store, has a quick browse and picks the TV. She pulls the store clerk over and tells him she would like to buy that TV, he replies "Sorry, we do not serve blondes here".
The blonde is disgusted and offended, but she really wanted that TV. She goes home and dyes her hair brown and goes back to the store, she makes sure she finds a different clerk and attempts to buy the TV again, the clerk responds "Sorry, we do not serve blondes here".
The blonde, being extremely confused at this point, utters out "How do you know I am blonde? My hair is brown!"
To which the clerk replies, "because that's not a TV, it's a microwave".

A blonde and a shepherd.

A blonde, tired of people assuming she's s**..., goes to a salon and has her hair dyed brown. On her way home she sees a shepherd and his flock of sheep. She stops and asks, "if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde guesses, "237." He does some quick figures in his head, realizes she's right and tells her to grab one. As she comes back with her pick **he** asks, "if I guess what color your roots are, can I have my dog back?"
**

A blond, a redhead and a brunette rob a bank...

The cops are close behind them when they run into a shed. Inside are some empty potato sacks.
"Quick," the brunette says, "hide in there." They all climb into the sacks just as the cops come in.
The cop walks up to the sack with the brunette and kicks it. "Meow!" she says. The cop figures it's a cat and walks on to the sack with the redhead and kicks that one. "Woof, woof!" she says. The cop walks on to the third sack with the blond and kicks it.
"Po-Tay-Toe!" she shouts.

Three blondes stuck on a desert island.

When they find a magic lamp, after a quick rub out pops a genie.
"I shall grant you three wishes" he states.
The first blonde wished to be on a giant cruise ship.
With a click, she was gone.
The second blonde wished she was in a casino with millions to play with.
Click! She vanished.
The third blonde looked upset.
"Whats the matter" asked the genie.
"I dont want to be alone on this island, i wish my friends were back"

A blond woman goes around a rich neighbourhood looking for work...

A blond goes around a rich neighbourhood, looking for jobs to make some quick money. She goes up to one of the houses front doors, and asks the man who answered the door if he needs any painting done. He asks if she could paint his porch. She agrees, and tells him it will cost $50 do do. The man goes back inside, and tells his wife that the woman is painting his porch for $50. The wife, surprised resonds but the porch goes all around the entire house. $50 isn't near what we should be paying to get it painted." The man dismisses this, and 15 minutes later, the woman knocks on his door, saying she is done, and even did a second coat. The man, amazed, asks her how she got done so quickly, to which she responds its not *that* big. And by the way, it's not a Porsche, it a Ferrari"

Was wearing my Michigan shirt at the gym when an elderly man walked up to me...

A beautiful blonde woman visits the doctor for an annual checkup. The doctor looks her over from head to toe doing his routine tests on her. Standing there n**... still, the woman asks the doctor if she seems ok. The doctor looks at her and say, "Ma'am, you're perfectly healthy. The only thing I am concerned about is the giant "W" indented perfectly in the center of your chest."
The woman immediately responds, "Oh, my boyfriend is a college football player and he insists he wears his jersey during s**...."
The intrigued doctor asks, "Oh my, you're boyfriend plays for Wisconsin?!"
The blonde answers quickly, "No. Michigan."

An elderly man walked up to me today when I was wearing my Michigan sweatshirt. Without even saying hello, he started telling me...

So a guys asks a blonde…

if he can do her from behind. She obviously says no. The guy then says he will be very quick and offers her 100$. All she has to do is pick up the money while he drops it on the floor. She tells him she has to ask her boyfriend. She tells her boyfriend about the offer and he tells her to make it 200$ instated. "He won't even have time to unzip before you pick it up". The next day the blonde accepts the offer and bends down to pick up the money. Later the same day the blonde comes home limping. "What happened honey?" asks the boyfriend. "It was all in coins" she replied.

as i get to the soda machine...

... I find a blonde already there. She puts in some change, makes a selection, and the soda pops out at the bottom of the machine. She then puts in more change, makes a selection, and again, another soda appears.
This goes on for several minutes and I finally ask if I could step in and get a soda really quickly.
The blonde looks up and glares at me. "Are you kidding? Not while I'm winning!"

A brunette, a redhead head, and a blonde are running from the cops...

The girls quickly turn a corner and see three empty barrels, so they each jump into a different one.
Once the cops turn the corner, they see the barrels and they are suspicious about them so they kick the one with the brunette in it.
"Woof! Woof!" says the brunette.
"Just a dog in there" says one cop, so they move to the next one.
They approach the barrel with the brunette inside, and give it a jolt.
"Meow! Meow!" says the redhead
"Just a cat in there" says one cop, so they move on to the next one.
The approach the barrel with the blonde in there and shake it a bit.
"Corn! Corn!" says the blonde.

A blonde woman is looking for work....

So she decides to ask around her neighborhood if anybody needs any work done.
She stops at one mans house and asks
"Excuse me sir, I was wondering if you had any work that you need done around your house"
The man says
"Sure, I need my porch painted"
"Oh great!" The woman says, and she goes to get the supplies while the man goes back inside.
2 hours later, the woman knocks on the door again.
"That was fast" the man says
"Im a quick worker" the woman says, "By the way, thats a Ferarri, not a Porch"

Blonde Joke 2.0

There was a game show featuring 2 contestants: a blonde mother and a blonde daughter.
The game show revolves around the fact that the daughter must be able to answer the question, with only 1 attempt.
The host then asks the daughter.
"What is 2 x 7?"
The daughter quickly replies;
"12!"
The host looks at both the mother and daughter and yells
"INCORRECT, SO SORRY!"
The mother then quickly shots
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE, GIVE MY DAUGHTER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The host then agrees (to stop the staggering from the mother) and then re asks the daughter the same question!
The daughter then finally answers:
"14"
And before the host can congratulate the daughter, the mother shouts
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE, PLEASE GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE"

Blonde flying to Houston, TX

A blonde hops on a flight to Houston, TX. She sees first class sits down and thinks, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." So the flight is about to take off and the flight attendant comes by and asks for the ladies ticket. "Mam, your ticket is for coach. You need to go back to your seat because this is first class seating." The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." Puzzled the flight attendant goes to the pilot and says "We have a problem, this blonde lady in first class wont go back to coach where her ticket is." The pilot then says, "My wife is blonde, let me take care of this." Pilot walks up to the blonde and says "Mam, May I see your ticket?" Blonde hands him the ticket.
Quickly the pilot says to the blonde, "You might want to go back to coach, first class isn't flying to Houston." She quickly gets up and goes to coach.

Hostage Escape

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!"

My blonde friend called me the other day...

Hey, can you come over real quick? I have a puzzle and I can't figure out how to put it together. I have all the pieces spread out on the table and I don't know where to start. All the pieces look the same to me!
What's the picture on the box? I asked
It's a tiger, I think.
So I went to her place, and she opens the door, tears in her eyes, and a look of frustration on her face.
I walk to her kitchen, look at the table, turn around and tell her: Hey, why don't we have some tea? Then I'll help you clean up the corn flakes.

Finally proves all blondes aren't dumb

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely n**...." With that she strips n**... from her neck down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs new clothes!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. Then hollers... "YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"

3 ladies at work (yes it's yet another Blonde joke)

Three ladies all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they'd all leave a few minutes after her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy happy happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.
"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

3 buddies go on a ski trip

After a long 18 hour drive, they get to mountain and they are exhusted. So they quickly rent a cabin and rush in to get to bed. When they get inside they realize that there is only one bed, and quickly agree to share it because they just want to sleep.
When they woke up they all felt refreshed and the guy on the far right said, "I just had the best w**... ever, I was with this hot blonde that would just not stop. "
The guy on the far left, to his surprise said, "wow, I also had a w**..., I saw the girl of my dreams and we were going at it too!"
The guy in the centre confused said, "you guys are lucky, all i dreamt of was skiing and for some reason my hands are sticky"

Three blondes are out on a hike...

when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train

Two men are staring at a pole.

After a while a blonde woman walks up to them and asks them what they are looking at.
One of them says, " We are trying to determine the height of the pole."
So the blonde quickly opens her purse, removes a spanner, unscrews the bolts and lays the pole flat on the ground. She then pulls out a measuring tape, measures the distance between the two ends, tells it to the two men and walks away.
After hearing this one man tells the other, "What an idiot! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were cruising around in a pickup truck

As they were crossing a bridge, they lost control of the truck and it plunged into the river below. The redhead quickly opened her door and swam to the surface. The brunette's door was stuck, but she was able to roll down the window and also swam to the surface. The blonde unfortunately drowned - she couldn't get the tailgate down.

A blonde was recently hired at our office.

A blonde was recently hired at our office.
Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, Hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief.
"Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf.

The blonde girl panicked when she got stuck inside her car as her doors wouldn't open.

She quickly dialed 911 and cried, "I'm in the Orlando Mall parking lot, my doors won't open and its getting to be a hot day!"
The dispatcher sent a squad car and soon the police were searching about the parking lot looking for her car.
The operator asked, "The officer wants to know what kind of car you are stuck in."
The blonde replied, "It's a convertible."
The operator said, "I'd imagine there are many convertibles in that lot, which one are you?"
Exasperated, the blonde shouted, "The one with the top down!"

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign up behind the liquor display that says-

"Cheeseburger - $2
Chicken Sandwich - $3
h**... - $10"
The man immediately looks around, and sees a smoking hot blonde bartender serving some drinks to a group of guys across the way. As she returns behind the bar the man leans over and quietly asks " Um excuse me, are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes, yes I am" she said
The man quickly points to the kitchen and says "Go wash your hands I want a cheeseburger"

Two blondes are at a bar celebrating

as soon as the drinks arrive, they give a quick toast, exclaiming **21** then turn up their glasses. The bartender thought this was odd, considering they both looked to be close to 30. Time passes, another round ordered, and other celebratory cheers stating **21**. The bartender again ignored them and moved on. On the third occasion with the same celebration, the bartender decided to ask what the big occasion was. Was it 21 years as friends? 21 some sort of big number for work? 21 months married? What. One blonde was all too happy to explain that it was none of those. She went on to say "we just finished one of those puzzles that said 7-10 years and it only took us 21 days."

Police chase

So a blonde, brunette, and redhead have just robbed a bank and are running from the cops, and they decide to ditch their car and hide in a barn.
The redhead hides behind a horse
The brunette behind a cow
And the blonde behind a rather large sack of potatoes.
As the cops come in, they investigate the stalls and first come to the horse stall
The redhead makes a neighhhhhh and the cops move one
They get to the cow stall, where the brunette goes moooooo
And when they get to the blondes stall, she has to think quick in order to save the group, so she simply replies poooootaaaaaatoooooo

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are being chased by police.

As they are running, they get cornered by the police with their guns trained on the trio. The brunette, thinking quickly, points behind the police and screams "Look, a tornado!". So the police look. While they are distracted, the brunette escapes. The redhead, seeing an opportunity, shouts "Look, a tsunami!". So the police look. While they are distracted, the redhead escapes. The blonde, seeing it work for her friends, shouts "Fire!". So the police fire.

As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

A blonde hooks up with a guy at a bar having met earlier on Tinder.

Straight away, she starts flirting with him, subtly at first, but it quickly escalates.
"I don't usually get much response to my profile, why'd you pick me?" asks the guy.
"Well, in all honesty, I mostly use Tinder for s**...", claims the blonde, "You're cute and I like what you wrote in your profile about being a unique".
"Um... I'm a e**..."

A blond American woman travels to Australia...

To meet her boyfriend. They go out on a date and he decides to take her out to a restaurant.
They have a good time and are finished eating, so the guy calls for the bill.
The woman suddenly says "Wait -- when did we start a game of chess? And how did you win so quickly?"

A blonde's house is on fire...

so she calls 911 on her cell.
Blonde:"Come quick my house is on fire!"
911 op: "Ma'am I don't see you address coming up how do we get there?"
Blonde: "Well duh, a big red truck!"

I was at the supermarket, looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful b**... blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...

I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs...

A blonde was walking down the street with headphones in

A friend of hers stops her, and tries to talk to her
The blonde just stares at them, keeping the headphones in her ears, so the friend removes them for her and the blonde stops breathing
The friend quickly puts the earbuds back in and she starts breathing again
The friend tries it again, and the blonde stops breathing
The friend takes out only one ear bud, and sticks it in their ear and hears,
Breathe in, breathe out, breath in...

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...

A Blonde in a Fire

One day a blonde woman is in her house and she smells smoke then her fire detector goes off. She quick runs to the phone to dial 911. She explains to the dispatcher her situation. The dispatcher asked her how do we get there? The blonde replies in a big red truck, duh.

The old man and the elevator.

An old man from the country takes his family to town for the first time. They're at the mall and the mall has an elevator. Him and his son are watching this thing in amazement as they never saw one before and was not sure what it was. An older lady at least 80 with Gray hair in rollers and a walking cane walks into the elevator. A few minutes later a beautiful 25 year old blonde with huge t**... walks out. The old man says to his son "Quick go get your mama".

A Blonde woman moves into a brand new neighbourhood,

The following evening her house catches fire and starts burning quickly, she quickly calls emergency services and gets put through to the fire department,
Blonde: Hello my house is burning down, you must come quickly.
Fire Chief: Ok no problem tell us where you live.
Blonde: It's a new house outside of town, on a new development.
Fire Chief: we don't seem to have your address on our systems, tell us how to get there.
Blonde: Hellllloooooooooo in your fkn red truck !

An alcoholic sees a blonde nurse

An alcoholic walks into a nurses office. The blonde nurse asks "What seems to be the problem?". So the alcoholic says "I've been having a rough, scratchy feeling in my t**... lately". She asks "Well that do you mostly eat and drink?". He replies "Mostly scotch". The alcoholic sees the nurses' eyes widen in shock and judgement, and in a reflex of dismissal he adds "On the rocks though". Her mood quickly shifts from shock to anger and says "WELL THERES' YOUR PROBLEM! STOP DRINKING ROCKS, s**...!".

As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:

"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"
"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."

A man hires a blonde to paint his porch.

He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage.
About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she's finished.
"Wow" he says, "that was quick. Did you have enough paint?"
"Yup, enough for 2 coats!" she replies.
The man thanks and pays her. As she's leaving she turns around and says "By the way, it's not a porch. It's a Ferrari."
Disclaimer: I did not make up this joke although I wish I had.

Three Blondes on a Hike

3 Blondes were walking on a hike just outside of their town when one of them stops abruptly and lets out a gasp! The other two quickly look.
Blonde one- look at those Bear tracks!
Blonde two- those aren't Bear tracks. Those are Moose tracks
Blonde three- those aren't Bear or Moose tracks...more like Wolf tracks
Before they can argue any further a Train hits them.