queue Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious queue puns

The last four letters in "queue" are not silent

They're just waiting their turn


Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters

Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn


Queue is just Q followed by 4 silent letters...

... They're not silent. They're waiting for their turn.


I was at my bank today...

... there was a short queue. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"


They say a Queue is just a Q, followed by four silent letters

but really they are just waiting their turns.


The word queue does't have 4 silent letters...

They are just waiting their turn.

oh haha didN't realise this got so many upvotes thanks guys :D is there a way to edit the title for the spelling error?


There's a queue for the whore house. A guy walks up, fists flying...

... He punches up the fuckline.


There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...


If you're here for the yodeling.......

Form an orderly, orderly, orderly, orderly queue.


What's black and long?

The queue in KFC.

(Sorry please don't hurt me)


A man goes shopping...

...to the supermarket. At the cashier, there is a pretty long queue. In the queue next to him, a hot blonde smiles at him. The dude says:

"Hmm, do we know each other?"

"I'm not sure, but I think you might just be the father of one of my kids!"

The guy thinks about the only time he's been unfaithful and exclaims:

"Oh my god, are you the stripper I fucked on the pool table during my bachelor's party in front of all my friends while your co-workers spanked me with a stick and put a cucumber up my ass?"

The hot blonde answers:

"No... I'm your son's English teacher, sir..."


I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.

I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.

So I told them my name was Mocha.


A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...

...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?

She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?

No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher


Two men arguing

I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.

One guy pushed the other and said, "Four, nine."

The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five."

A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."


Past& Sees Her.

Susie is a prostitute who doesn't want her gran to know. One day Police raid the brothel & line up the girls outside.The gran walks past& sees her.Quick thinking Susie tells her its a queue for free oranges, so her gran joins the queue. When the Police get to gran, they're surprised& ask her 'how do u do it at your age?'she replies ,I take my teeth out, peel back the skin& suck 'em until they're dry.


Wrong queue !

This girl was a prostitute, but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and suck'em dry."


What has 3 teeth and 100 legs?

A meth queue.


A joke from India

Translated from Hindi:

There is a queue outside the bank where people are waiting to get in and exchange currency. One chap keeps cutting the queue and goes to the front. The rest of the people keep forcing him back.

This goes on 5-6 times. The guy finally gets pissed and says

'Keep standing in line you fuckwits, today I will not open the damn bank!




Premise for those unaware: India has recently scrapped 500 rupee and 1000 rupee notes, rendering 85% of the country's cash utterly useless. (Funnier than the joke, isn't it?!) So folks are queued up outside banks to exchange old notes for new currency.


What do you call the line for grilled veggies at a supermodel convention?

A barbie queue


Tried going to the obesity clinic before work today.

But the queue was enormous.


An eldery couple goes to heaven together

When they arrive, they notice there are two pearly gates for men.
Above the first gate is a sign that says:
"Please come here if you wore the breeches in your relationship!"

And above the second gate is a sign that says:
"Please come here when your wife told you what to do!"

There is a huge queue at the second gate, so the husband walks over to the first gate. When he tries to enter, the bouncer asks:
"Are you sure this is the proper gate for you?"

"I have no idea, my wife told me I should come here..."


A truck driver was on his route

and needed to take a dump, he stopped at a bar, found there was a queue in front of toilets. He waited for few minutes, but it was getting difficult for him to hold on to. So he moved from there searching a for a place and went upstairs, found an empty room, there was this hole in middle of the room, took the biggest dump of his life, and came downstairs.

He found the bar empty with few people left in the bar ducking under the tables, he didn't understand what was going and inquired the bartender, all that bartender said was:

"Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"


I did my good deed for the day

I was at the Walmart check-out and was behind an old lady in the queue.

Her bill came to $51.60 but when she counted out her change she only had just under $50.

She didn't want me to help her, bless her poor little soul, but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves.


My good deed for the day.

This morning at the Tesco check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under £50. I thought she was probably someone's Nan and I'd like to think someone would have helped my Nan out in that situation. She didn't want me to help her but I insisted and in no time at all, we had all her shopping back on the shelves...


A man walks into a small bank

There is no queue and a single teller who he approaches, a big smile on their face visible after a quick glance around:

"Hey, you know something? I like my banks how I like my ladies."

The teller rolls her eyes before asking "How?"

While pulling out a handgun, the man answered:



Something on our Sausages


I had to go to the corner shop to get some bread and ketchup as we ran out yesterday.

I went in got my medium warburtons loaf and the classic bottle of heinz beans and joined the queue.

When I was the second person to the counter the man in front of me put down some condoms

I then proceeded to put the ketchup directly behind the condoms

The man then looked at the condoms and ketchup and turned to look me in the eye

Then (I think it was just instinct) i said 'I see we both have something to put on our sausages

I laughed, he laughed, the cash lady laughed and the three women behind me laughed it was one of the greatest moments of my life!


Communist hell

A man winds up in hell and is confronted with two doors.

There's a long queue in front of one , so he walks up to the other and asks the attendant what's behind it. This is capitalist hell, says the doorman proudly, when you enter here, you are plunged into boiling oil, then flayed, then skinned alive in the kitchens.

How about the other door? asked the man. Thats communist hell, scoffs the doorman, it's awful. There's no electricity to heat the oil, no fuel for the flaying machines and the kitchen staff just sit around all day.


To everyone participating in the yodeling battle...

Please form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue


Those of you here for the yodelling lessons....

Please form an orderly orderly orderly queue


What do you get for opening the BEST Vietnamese soup joint in London?

A great big pho queue.


I walked past a toy store with a huge line outside.

I asked what was going on and someone mentioned a complimentary lunch, so I joined in.

Bit dissapointing though, turned out to be a free Barbie queue.


A lawyer is waiting in a long queue.

He feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders. He turns around. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor, I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?


What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted?

Deaf row


What do you call the line at a Vietnamese restaurant?

Pho queue


So I was standing in the toilet queue at my high school ball. I was wondering why there were also women waiting in the same line so I asked the guy in front of me.

"This is the punchline."


What are the most funny Queue jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Queue? Well, here are the best Queue dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Queue pick up lines to share with friends.

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