Queue Jokes

What are some Queue jokes?

Queue sounds like q followed by 4 silent letters, but…

They're just waiting their turn.

The last four letters in "queue" are not silent

They're just waiting their turn

Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters

Teacher: Queue is Just Q followed by 4 Silent letters
Me: They aren't Silent, They are waiting their turn

They say a Queue is just a Q, followed by four silent letters

but really they are just waiting their turns.

The word queue does't have 4 silent letters...

They are just waiting their turn.

EDIT
oh haha didN't realise this got so many upvotes thanks guys :D is there a way to edit the title for the spelling error?

There was a comedy club called "The Joke"...

...that had amazing popularity. It wasn't because of the humor the comedians on stage offered, but due to an extremely delicious fruit punch that the establishment sold. It was so popular that people would gather into a queue around the block just to try the stuff. After a while, however, people stopped coming because of the crowding, and the club went out of business. If only the Joke's punch line wasn't so long...

If you're here for the yodeling.......

Form an orderly, orderly, orderly, orderly queue.

What's black and long?

The queue in KFC.





(Sorry please don't hurt me)

I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.

I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.

So I told them my name was Mocha.

A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...

...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?

She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?

No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher

Two men arguing

I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.

One guy pushed the other and said, "Four, nine."

The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five."

A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."

Past& Sees Her.

Susie is a prostitute who doesn't want her gran to know. One day Police raid the brothel & line up the girls outside.The gran walks past& sees her.Quick thinking Susie tells her its a queue for free oranges, so her gran joins the queue. When the Police get to gran, they're surprised& ask her 'how do u do it at your age?'she replies ,I take my teeth out, peel back the skin& suck 'em until they're dry.

Wrong queue !

This girl was a prostitute, but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and suck'em dry."

What has 3 teeth and 100 legs?

A meth queue.

I was at my school disco..

Walking across the hall to get a drink. One of my classmates came up to me and said 'dude, your shoes are on smoking hot!'

I gave them a smile and kept walking to get a drink. Another classmate then approached me and said 'hey bro, you're on fire tonight!'

I gave them a wink and some goodbye guns and continued towards the queue of people waiting for a beverage.

It's at that point that the fire alarm and sprinklers go off and everybody is immediately evacuated from the disco.

Typical, I thought.

Just as I was about to get to the punch line.

What do you call the line for grilled veggies at a supermodel convention?

A barbie queue

Tried going to the obesity clinic before work today.

But the queue was enormous.

An eldery couple goes to heaven together

When they arrive, they notice there are two pearly gates for men.
Above the first gate is a sign that says:
"Please come here if you wore the breeches in your relationship!"

And above the second gate is a sign that says:
"Please come here when your wife told you what to do!"

There is a huge queue at the second gate, so the husband walks over to the first gate. When he tries to enter, the bouncer asks:
"Are you sure this is the proper gate for you?"

"I have no idea, my wife told me I should come here..."

I did my good deed for the day

I was at the Walmart check-out and was behind an old lady in the queue.

Her bill came to $51.60 but when she counted out her change she only had just under $50.

She didn't want me to help her, bless her poor little soul, but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves.

My good deed for the day.

This morning at the Tesco check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under £50. I thought she was probably someone's Nan and I'd like to think someone would have helped my Nan out in that situation. She didn't want me to help her but I insisted and in no time at all, we had all her shopping back on the shelves...

A man walks into a small bank

There is no queue and a single teller who he approaches, a big smile on their face visible after a quick glance around:

"Hey, you know something? I like my banks how I like my ladies."

The teller rolls her eyes before asking "How?"

While pulling out a handgun, the man answered:

"Insecure."

Something on our Sausages

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY

I had to go to the corner shop to get some bread and ketchup as we ran out yesterday.

I went in got my medium warburtons loaf and the classic bottle of heinz beans and joined the queue.

When I was the second person to the counter the man in front of me put down some condoms

I then proceeded to put the ketchup directly behind the condoms

The man then looked at the condoms and ketchup and turned to look me in the eye

Then (I think it was just instinct) i said 'I see we both have something to put on our sausages

I laughed, he laughed, the cash lady laughed and the three women behind me laughed it was one of the greatest moments of my life!

To everyone participating in the yodeling battle...

Please form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue

Those of you here for the yodelling lessons....

Please form an orderly orderly orderly queue

At a party, I went to get a fruit cocktail and had to queue behind Elvis, Sasquatch and a Pterodactyl, and I thought to myself…

This is a really weird punchline.

What do you get for opening the BEST Vietnamese soup joint in London?

A great big pho queue.

I walked past a toy store with a huge line outside.

I asked what was going on and someone mentioned a complimentary lunch, so I joined in.

Bit dissapointing though, turned out to be a free Barbie queue.

If you're ever feeling useless

Remember the ueue in queue .

What do you call the line at a Vietnamese restaurant?

Pho queue

What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted?

Deaf row

So I was standing in the toilet queue at my high school ball. I was wondering why there were also women waiting in the same line so I asked the guy in front of me.

"This is the punchline."

I was walking past Toys R Us today, when I noticed a really long line outside...

I asked a worker, "What's everyone here for?"

He said, "That's the Barbie queue."

Then, like an fool, I stood in it for forty five minutes waiting for a burger...

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn't get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

What do you call a line up of dolls?

A Barbie Queue

The four letters in the word queue aren't silent.

They're just at the back of the Q.

Loads of people are lining up to buy my vampire teeth.

Fang queue.

How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?

Pop, Lock & Drop It

A man walks into a joke store...

There are three lines.

He joins one and slowly moves up the queue.

He sees all three lines head towards a big sign that says: "The End of the Joke"

He sees the guy at the end of the first line get given a tonne of cash and he runs out laughing.

He sees the guy at the end of the second line given a knee-trembling BJ by a gorgeous woman , and he runs out laughing.

He arrives at the end of his own line and is smashed in the face by a huge bouncer. Sitting on the floor, rubbing his jaw he says: 'Oh I get it. That line's the pay-off, and that line's the climax so this must be the punch line".

To pronounce the word, Queue ,you only have to pronounce the letter Q because....

...All the other letter are waiting in line

So, I was waiting in line for Pho, and my buddy called me asking where I was.

For some reason, he was offended when I said "Pho Queue."

Went shopping this afternoon.

Good deed done today.
This afternoon at the Morrisons check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all her change and she only had just under £50. I thought she was probably someone's Nan and I'd like to think someone would have helped my Nan out when she was alive.
She didn't want me to help her but I insisted...................and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves...
Have a great Christmas! :)

What do you call a row of dolls burning on a grill?

Barbie Queue.

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

Did you hear about the queue at the boxing machine?

That was the punch line.

What do you call a queue of boxers?

A punchline.

I was waiting in line for soup at my favorite Vietnamese food truck...

When this guy pushes in front to place his order.

I'm like, "Dude, pho queue."

If I got a lot of boxers to queue up behind each other

I'd have a punchline

Did you hear the one about Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis, George Foreman and Floyd Mayweather Jr in queue at the bank?

Punchline

Woman stand in queue in Soviet Union for seven hours

When she go in - shop empty.
Woman: Oh - You have no fish?
Comrade shopkeeper: No, here is no meat. No fish - next door!

Having to wait in line for Vietnamese soup...

...it's a long Pho Queue.

Superbowl Commercial Concept

*Queue dark, stormy night*


"There comes a time when we must all step up for equality"


*Flash of civil rights marches, gay pride parades and protests in the middle east*


"A time when we cannot accept bigotry and hatred"


*Rain pours on multi-ethnic protesters linked arm in arm*


"A time to proclaim that an era of love and understanding is here"


*People celebrating good news outside the Supreme Court*


"Arm and Hammer Baking Soda, the choice of a new tomorrow"

If you want some Vietnamese soup but there is a really long line

It's basically a big pho queue

What do you say when somebody cuts in front of you in line for Vietnamese noodles?

Hey, pho queue, dude

The word Queue

Why are the letters "ueue" in Queue silent?

Q had its turn, the others are just waiting in line.

There were three ants in a queue. The first ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". The second ant said "there's one ant behind me". The third ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". How is this possible ?

The 3rd ant lied.

A long queue of people waiting to be hit in the face

This is the punch line

I applied to a citizen of Finland

In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said. "Nice guys, Finnish last".

Overheard in a Subway the other day...

The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said "Footlong?"

He answered, "Look lady, you're very attractive, but I'm not bending it in half for anybody"

A man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, he sees two lines.

The first line has a sign that says "Henpecked Husbands." The line is full of an endless queue of men that stretches far out of site.

The sign above the second line says, "Non-Henpecked Husbands." This line is empty, aside from a single scrawny man who was just entering it.

The recently deceased man approaches the single occupant of the second line and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me," he says, "but can I ask why you're the only man in this line?"

The man in the line frowns defensively and says, "My wife told me to stand here."

I was once in a queue with John Miles and Miles Davis

It didn't take long, but it went on for Miles and Miles.

A man was at a boxing convention ...

He walked around for a while and managed to see some screenings of his favourite boxing matches of history. He also managed to win a new pair of gloves in a raffle. However, he still couldn't find what he was looking for, the one thing he had been waiting for all this time. After hours of searching he stumbled across a queue of people. He asked one of the people in the queue, "Hey, what's this queue for?" The man in the queue replied, "this is the queue to take a shot at Floyd Mayweather." The man was ecstatic. He had finally found it. He explained to the man in the queue, "I'm so happy I found this. I've been searching ages for this punchline."

Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the S&M club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.

"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.
"Then...what are you here for?"
With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."

[OC] What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen?

Ugh.... Pho queue...

The Vietnamese place on my street has soup so popular they make you stand in a line to get it.

It's a big pho queue.

Read this jokkkk

So I was at a festival with a load of stalls. I was busy deciding what to spend my only £1 on when I spotted something which really caught my eye 'Get punched by Chuck Norris for just 95p'. I'd struck gold! So, I headed over to this stall expecting a large queue. However, the only person there was Chuck himself. Astounded, I asked "Why is no one else in line to get punched by a living legend?" to which he replied "I don't know, but I guess you could say that there's no punch line."


Get absolutely rickrolled.

What do you call a line for Vietnamese soup?

Pho queue.

If there was a hooker named Barbie ...

And she was really good at her job, would the line outside her apartment be called the Barbie queue?

What do you call a bunch of Vietnamese people standing in line to buy lunch?

Pho queue.

What do you call the queue to Alcatraz?

Alkaline

I told my psychologist I thought I was turning into snooker ball

She sent me to the end of the queue

"What line should we wait in for food?"

"Pho queue"

What do British people call a line of customers waiting for Pho?

Pho queue

There's always a queue for piercings at Pirate Bill's tattoo parlour. Great value.

He's a buccaneer

Vietnamese waiters are rude

I went to a busy Vietnamese noodle soup restaurant.

The waiter asked me to join the line.

I ask him "whaat... ?"

He pointed to the line and told me "pho queue"

There was a lady in the queue carrying 6 lucozades on her head...

She had to walk over 10 aisles a day to get it

A man tried to attend a boxing competition but he couldn't find out where to queue

there is no punch line

I went to the gym the other day to check out their new 10 meter barbells

When I got there, the queue was going all the way out the door.

I decided to go home instead, it wasn't worth the long weight.

If a stack is first in last out and a queue is first in first out, what is a circular queue?

First in never out.

You Know What My Father Used To Always Say?

Nothing because he was never around.

Queue sad audience "awwww"

I went to the world drinks fair last week.

I went to the World Drinks fair last week, and I got there a bit early.


The supervisor was dashing around everywhere trying to help get booths, tables and queue ropes set up, and I saw someone come up and say a few words to him. I watched this man break down in front of me. He crumpled to the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. As a good citizen of the earth, I had to try to console him, so I went up and asked him if he was going to be okay. What did he reply?

[answer in comments]

*This is OC so I'm editing the delivery to try and make it roll off better, I'd appreciate feedback. This joke and a few less original ones are gonna get me a girlfriend this new years.*

I started directing the queue with 'stop' and 'go' signs..

But was arrested for human trafficking.

A Canadian saw a man push into a long queue

He told him to que back.

If you're waiting in line for Vietnamese soup

Are you in a pho queue?

What do you call a bunch of gay people waiting in line?

An LGBT Queue.

How to make Queue jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Queue to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Queue? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Queue pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes