Question Jokes
172 question jokes and hilarious question puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about question that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you enjoy question and answer jokes? Discover different types of question jokes and find out if you can answer them questioningly. Learn about the applicant who was so good at quiz-style questions. Read this article now to get some laughs.
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Funniest Question Short Jokes
Short question jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The question humour may include short answer jokes also.
- What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters. Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.
- I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
- I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions 1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate - My wife, to our therapist: He always misunderstands simple questions. Therapist, to me: What does she mean?
Me: It's a feminine pronoun, - A company owner was asked a question, How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking." - How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb? The real question is: who broke the lightbulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
- Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness? Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could - TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
- Poll: Have You Ever Watched Malcom in the Middle? [YES]
[NO]
[MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW]
[CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?] - My 9 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body... I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it.
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Question One Liners
Which question one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with question? I can suggest the ones about quiz and problem.
- How Long is a chinese name. It's not a question.
- On the perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice? So... Can I come inside?
- KID : What are condoms used for? DAD : To avoid such questions.
- What do you call a gay question? a query.
- I've been up all night questioning my sexuality. I just couldn't go straight to bed.
- What is my favorite rhetorical question?
- What is the most curious amphibian? I'll give you a hint: They axolotl questions.
- What do you call an inquisitive amphibian? One that axolotl questions
- Girlfriend: Are you cheating on me? Me: I don't get why you all ask the same question.
- Who's your daddy? A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.
- Question: If it's not funny, is it still a joke? Answer: In the case of Amy Schumer, yes.
- What's is the #1 question asked after Brexit? UK?
- I kept asking the aquarium owner about the walking fish. He said 'you axolotl questions!'
- Why was the pencil brought in for questioning Because they thought he was sketchy
- Magicians don't answer "how did you do that" because those are trick questions
Question Answer Jokes
Here is a list of funny question answer jokes and even better question answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to a halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken
- Don't you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves? Because I do
- If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions. That is all.
- Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
- A true work question I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
He answered, "I don't know."
I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning." - As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, "This is wrong." "Question 2 ?" I asked.
"No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs." - Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam? Because she literally can't even.
- The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home." One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"
"It was me, goodbye." - I went to a party dressed as an egg and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
It was the chicken. - A teacher asks a student.. Teacher: I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer fast. Got it?
Student: Yes teacher.
Teacher: What is 2+2?
Student: FAST!
One Question Jokes
Here is a list of funny one question jokes and even better one question puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombies and I have one question: Why were they all holding bags of candy?
- I like to do drugs in a Chipotle bathroom Because no one questions you if you spend 45 minutes in a Chipotle bathroom.
- Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.
What is it?
>!A last name.!< - I used to work as a bed salesman One day this guy came in and started climbing into the beds and asking really specific questions. Then it hit me, he was an undercover cop.
- How many people does it take to change a light bulb? Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse....
- How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat? One. It's a trick question.
- That one. "that one." says a booy.
"what do you mean?" says another boy.
"oh, i was just answering your question."
"what question?"
"i already told you." - I heard about the One Laptop Per Child program and I have questions. 1) Where do I get the laptop?
2) Where do I turn in the child? - Q & A Teacher: First one to answer the next question gets to leave early.
(Johnny immediately threw his bag out the window)
Teacher: Who threw that bag?
Johnny: I did! Bye guys! - My girlfriend always tells me that the one thing she won't tolerate is infidelity... She would leave, no questions ask, if I ever cheated on her. Thankfully, my wife is a little more lenient.
Thinking Question Jokes
Here is a list of funny thinking question jokes and even better thinking question puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb? Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high.
- So many people think drugs and alcohol are the answer. But drugs and alcohol are the question. Yes is the answer.
- An English test question asked us to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence. I wrote, "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- There's a question in the exam that said, "What is the past tense of 'think'?"
So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'. - The more I think about it the more Murphy's law makes sense. The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is indeed not to ask a question but to post the wrong answer.
- The lady who birthed babies started questioning her career choice. I think she was going through a midwife crisis.
... - People told me girls wait their whole lives to hear a man say "I do" Apparently not if the question was "Do you think I put on weight?"
- Creationist have often made me question evolution But probably not in the way they think
- Doctor has a question. He asks if I'd like to be a kidney donor. I tell him "Doc, I'm all grown up now. I have adult knees, I don't think that'll work."
- I gave two pints of blood at the hospital. You would think they'd appreciate it but they just started asking me questions like...
Who's blood is this, and how did you get it?
Teachers Question Jokes
Here is a list of funny teachers question jokes and even better teachers question puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Teacher - how did our grandparents kill time without smartphones or internet ? Student- I've already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters !!
- Boy and girl in class asked the teacher a question.
"Can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl :
"See I told you not to worry!!!!" - My music teacher asked me a question. I said, "Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift." "Excuse me?" he replied, hesitantly. "I was asking if you knew 'sheet' music."
- Teacher : Why did you only fill in all the odd questions in the exam? Blonde : Because i can't even
- A teacher asked the students a question about bombs, which left them stumped... So, the teacher asked a new clear question.
- Security question: What was the last name of your first grade teacher? My first grade teacher hacking my bank account: I'm in
- Teacher: Question Everything. Me: Why?
- I was in class one day.. I was in class one day and my my teacher asked me a question
Teacher: can you give me the chemical formula for nitrogen monoxide?
Me: NO - Airplanes I wrote an essay once. It was about airplanes.
My Teacher asked wheres the answer to the question?
I said It Is In Plane Sight. - What is the unit of power? That's a statement not a question. My science teacher uses it quite a lot,so I thought I'd share
Question And Answer Jokes
Here is a list of funny question and answer jokes and even better question and answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- No matter how bad your personal situation is - alcohol is never the answer Alcohol is the question, and "yes" is the answer.
- Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we're made of atoms, we've never touched anything in our entire lives. So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.
- Answer: Christopher Walken Question: Whats something you'll never see at the Reeve household?
- 2 "black" questions that aren't racist. What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
What's black and screaming? Stevie Wonder answering the iron. - Ever hate those people that answer their own questions? I do.
- I once asked an Irishman "Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?" He said, "do we now?"
- *Zuckerberg sits in front of congress* "Mr Zuckerberg, we have several very serious questions and we demand answers"
"I have printed out all of your Internet histories"
"This meeting is over... - The new Russian AI application ChatKGB - it's asking all the questions, and you are obligated to answer them
- College Professors are like Dora The Explorer They ask a question, stares at the class for a few seconds, and then gives the answer.
- What's your biggest pet peeve? Mine is people who ask a question just so they can give their own answer to it.
Amusing & Witty Question Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about question you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean poll jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make question pranks.
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"
Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.
One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"
The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."
The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."
Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"
"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."
One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.
"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.
"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I looked her square in the eyes and said, "s**... isn't real, right? It's just u**..., right?"
"I meant any questions about the job." the interviewer sighed.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Small Head
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had s**... with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have s**... with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
«I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him busy in church for an hour after service for me?»
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike asks the minister all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a fatherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You should hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."
Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"
Yuri replied: "Yes."
"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."
Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"
Yuri replied: "No."
"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."
A Rabbi and his friend, a Catholic priest, were having a discussion
when the rabbi asked "Could you ever be promoted withing your church?"
The priest responded, "Well, one day, I hope to become a bishop."
The rabbi asked, "And then?"
The priest though for a second and responded, "Well, then I might become a cardinal."
The rabbi again asked, "And then?"
The priest again pondered the question before responding "Then I would become Pope!"
The rabbi, still unsatisfied, asked "And then?"
The priest, exasperated, cried "What else could I become? God Himself!?"
The rabbi quietly responded "One of our boys made it"
A boy asks his dad a question
A boy asks his dad "Why do they say gardeners have green thumbs,when their thumbs are not green?"
The dad replies,"It's just a saying son,It's like when somebody is caught stealing,they say they have been caught 'red handed',even though their hands is black."
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.
They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.
The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".
Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.
A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:
cop: name?
Otto: Otto
cop: address?
Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin
cop: Occupation?
Otto: no, just visiting...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl was about to jump off a cliff...
A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have s**... with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about s**....
Just this morning she said "is that the best you can do?".
Quick question...
How much of this "No More Tears" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...
The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"
The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."
"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"
"Yep. What's your third question?"
A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
OMG!!! I was sitting in the Nordstrom bathroom stall
And had just sat down when a voice in the next stall over said Hi! How are
You?? . Embarrased, I said I'm fine? . The voice continued So what are you up to?? I said Just sitting here like you! Then the voice says Can I come over?? Thoroughly annoyed and somewhat alarmed at this point I said sorry I'm kind of busy right now! .
Suddenly the voice says loudly Sorry I'm going to have to call you back - there's some idiot next to me answering all my questions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...
A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, j**...?"
What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?
"What were you doing the night between November and May?"
Two women are talking in Heaven
One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustion." The other woman replied "maybe if you had checked the freezer we would both be alive."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lenin in Warsaw
A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, n**..., having mad s**... with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.
Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.
First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin?
The director answers: In Warsaw.
The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,
The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.
I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.
Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,
there is a stairway to heaven.
A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.
While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"
When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.
Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, dear?"
At this his wife turns around angrily and says, "For the third time, sausages!"
A husband asks his wife...
Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
Wife: Honey, of course I would.
Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?
Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.
Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?
Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?
Husband: I just sprained my wrist...
I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections
\*Professor grading my test\*
Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.
How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb?
Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.
How many seconds in a year joke
a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in
Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."
The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...
Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn't think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, I think we should get married!
Wait, his girlfriend said, taken aback, are you serious?
I think I am, he said.
You're proposing to me here on the couch? she asked.
Yes, I guess I am, he said.
That's not much of a proposal, the girlfriend said. I think you can do better.
I thought so, too, the young man said. But your sister already said no.
I covered all my weapons in glue.
I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: Do you remember t**...?
Interviewer: I meant do you have any questions about the job...
A gangster asks his son how his exam went
"They questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing, dad."
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 72-year-old mother just informed me that she's going to her first s**... party and doesn't know what to bring.
After some delicate questioning, gender reveal, mom. It's called gender reveal .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the m**... of her husband.
They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking s**... questions like...
"Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English
It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.
Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...
The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.
Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.
Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.
Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?
"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.
Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.
He replies: "Fake noose."
A woman is walking home with her three daughters.
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"
"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose".
The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.
"Well darling, when we were bringing *you* home from the hospital, a *lily* petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."
The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg".
"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents found an s**... magazine under my brother's bed...
My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".
Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant;
in India they didn't know what 'honest' meant;
in Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant;
in China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant;
in the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant;
in South America they didn't know what 'please' meant;
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."
Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
A blonde calls out to a man on the street: Excuse me, what time is it now?
It is 4:35.
That is strange.
What is?
Every time I ask this question, different people give me different answers.
A muslim woman is getting arrested
The police officer handcuffs her
You have the right to remain silent he says.
She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.
Why, you see, I'm just happy to finally have a right!
What mom loves...
Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?
Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers!
Son: Mom, what do you love?
Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!
Jesus's favorite gun
My uncle is a member of the NRA. He came over for the Christmas dinner wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. I noticed his shirt and complimented it.
He then took his jacket off and showed me the back. On it, Jesus was holding a PK in one hand and an AK-47 on the other. Above it was text that reads "What would Jesus shoot?" That question was a no brainer. I answered "a nail gun."
I don't know why he got mad. Jesus was a carpenter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I missed a question on my biology exam today.
The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.
Chicken and an egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
