The Best 94 Queen Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Queen jokes. There are some queen royal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these queen throne puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Queen Jokes and Puns

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?

A receding heir line...

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

Queen joke, Chess is banned under Islam

Why did the Queen join the Navy after making herself breakfast in bed?

Because she was impressed by Her Service.

Getting married next week

I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.


What do you get if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip?

killed in a french tunnel.

An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar...

An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. "Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra, effendi," said the Egyptian, "only one hundred English pounds."

"No, thank you," said the Englishman. "It's far too expensive."

"How 'bout dis one, effendi?" said the street-trader, producing a small skull.

"Whose skull is that?"

"Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was little girl!"

Queen joke, An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar...

How does Queen Elizabeth win a game of poker?

She goes to the bathroom.

A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...

so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."

Have you heard about the Mormon drag queen?

She is Polly Glamorous

I once went to an open air Queen concert.

It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...

You can explore queen highness reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean queen yas dad jokes. There are also queen puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Men Will Be Men

Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ),
in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says : If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours....
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
"What's wrong ?" King asks.
.
.
.
.
Out of breath, his friend answers, "It is the wrong Key...!! "

I was walking down the street one day when I heard someone playing Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia on the didgeridoo.

That's Abba-rigonal

Did you hear some people are saying listening to Queen causes autism?

Apparently it's because of the unusually high Mercury content.

How would you tell if the Queen was stoned?

Her Highness will tell you

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely apeshit. So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

Queen joke, So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

A maid asks for a raise

A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.


What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins!

(Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

The Rock and Roll Hierarchy has fallen

The King has left the building, Queen has bit the dust, and now the doves cry for their Prince.

How do Australian bees please the queen bee?

They bee hive

How did Dairy Queen wind up pregnant?

Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper

The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died.

Talk about killing two birds with one's tone.

Did you hear about the scottish drag queen?

He wore pants.

Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject...

Someone called out "The Queen!"

"Ah", replied Wilde, "but the Queen is not a subject."

Fidel Castro is dead

Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

I was playing chess with my Australian friend

He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".

I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"

Confused he said, "mate, I know."

If Dairy Queen and Burger King had a baby, what do you call it?

Restaurants can't have sex you moron.

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself.

St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.

St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties

What do you call a gay milkman?

A dairy queen.

I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king"

"Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.

At the Bee Prom...

A young bee nervously flies around hoping to grab a dance with the queen bee. Finally he musters up the courage and talks to her. She looks at him and says "I'll dance with you if you get me some fruit punch"
Excited, the bee zooms to get the punch. He sees the line for nachos, the ice cream machine, the honey line, but after hours of searching he realizes...
There is no punch line

A queen asked a beardless knight...

A queen asked a beardless knight, "tell me true: have you fathered any children?" "In truth, my Queen, I have not." "I believe it," she replied, "for it's known to all that one can look at the hay to see if the pitchfork's any good."

"Tell me true," asked the knight, "have you any hair between your legs?" "In truth, young knight, I have not." "I believe it," he replied, "for it's known to all that when too many walk a road, the grass stops growing."

The queen of England farted and quickly looked for someone else to blame.

"Bidwell!" she shouted to a servant, "stop that this instant!"
"Of course, your majesty," he replied. "Which way did it go?"

A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle.

A Brit, Mexican, and a Texan are all on a carrier plane heading towards battle. The pilot over coms says

"There is to much wait on the plane, someone will have to jump off"

The Brit then goes to the exit of the plane and says,
"For the Queen!"
He then jumps off.

The pilot says
"We are still to heavy, one more person has to jump off"

So the Texan screams "REMEMBER THE ALAMO!"
Then trows the Mexican off.

Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant?

Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

Reasons are:

1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

What do you get when you cross the Queen and Prince Charles?

Killed in an automobile accident.

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

An American, a Brit, and a Canadian are in a plane ...

The pilot informs them that the plane is going down, there's no more parachutes, and they're going to have to jump anyway. The American yells for god and country! , and jumps out. The Brit yells for the Queen! , and jumps out. The Canadian yells for fun! , and jumps out.

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and The Queen?

Killed in a tunnel

I just got caught breaking two of my dad's favorite queen records

Now I want to break three

A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat.

- So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself?
- Yes.
- Me too?
- Of course.
- And how much do you think I would cost?
- 500 francs.
- What?! Only 500 francs?!
- Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.

The queen asked the visiting Indian Prime Minister, "I hear Indian politicians are notoriously corupt and wealthy"

"Quite so," he said, "but none so brazen as to wear their loot on their head".

Ig the Knight

Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!

To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.

Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."

Why is chess banned in islam?

Cause the queen moves freely

Did you hear Oral-B and Queen Latifah are making a toothbrush together?

It's called clean-ya-teefah!

Sometime in the Middle Ages

Queen: come to bed

King: not until i have a name for my soldiers

Queen: k night

King: babe ur a genius

(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)

Trump meets the Queen

So Donald asks the Queen how you get to be king or a duke or other Royalty.

Queen:' Look Donald, an Emperor rules an Empire, a king rules a kingdom, a prince ruled a principality, a duke rules a duchy and so on'
Donald:' I rule the USA, what does that make me'
Queen: that's a country, that makes you a ....

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?

He is an expert at hiding nuts.

Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?

The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper

There was a...

...Englishman, a Frenchman, an Indian, a Mexican, and a Texan in the Airborne. The Englishman yells, Long live the Queen! and jumps out. The Frenchman yells, Viva la France! and jumps out. The Indian yells, Geronimo! and jumps out. The Texan then yells, Remember the Alamo! and pushes the Mexican out.

The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.

The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, Is that a scone, or a meringue?

The waiter replies: Naw, yer quite right, that's a scone.

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?

Murdered in a tunnel in Paris

Boris Johnson coronavirus joke

For those sending around vile jokes about the Prime Minister in ICU... please remember the words of The Queen last night:

I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge. Show some class.

Why do you die if you listen to too much Queen

It has a very high mercury content.

Chess joke



How come the english never lose at chess?

Because >!the queen never dies!<



Why are americans bad at chess?

Because >!they lost two towers!<

One of life's most soul crushing moments occurs every time that a song comes on the radio .....

And you think you are about to hear Under Pressure by Queen only to find out it's Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

Why is England the wettest country?

Because the queen has reigned there for years

I accidentally broke two of my dad's Queen CDs.

Now I want to break three.

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.

Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a hell-hole, so it's a local call."

in the UK when you turn 100 you get a letter from the queen

and when you're 13 you get a text from prince Andrew

What is a welfare queen?

You live in government housing, five kids by three baby mamas, and the IRS after you

Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi

My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:

Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.

Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.

Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"

What did 007 say about the Queens legs

God Shave the Queen

Why do the British always win at chess?

Because their Queen never dies.

Why can't a British person ever lose a chess game?

Their Queen never dies.

An Indian King became jealous that the Queen was caring about their infant son more than him, So he poisoned her nipples in her sleep to kill the baby.

The next day the Minister died of poisoning.

Why don't brittish people lose in chess?

Because their queen doesn't die.

Dairy Queen should have had a Harry Potter promotion.

You're a blizzard Dairy.

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.

After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM

If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened

Noble gases should have no reaction

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?

Murdered in a tunnel in France

Chester was really happy, he was about to meet the Queen.

He had been a physics prodigy hailing from a small town in England, and had just been selected to be Knighted by the Queen of England.

After the ceremony, his best friend remarked to him:
"Man, Chester, you Knighted!"

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.

He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:

"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."

Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

A british person plays chess with an american,

The british person always wins. Why?


Their queen never dies.

What happens when the Queen farts?

Nothing.
As noble gases do not react.

A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split.

The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."

Britain checkmated the world this week with..

Queen to G7

What do you call a gay cow?

Dairy Queen

a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar

it was queen and they were playing their first gig

Over 100 Coronavirus cases have been reported on the British Navy's flagship HMS Queen Elizabeth.

Other ships in the fleet have been told to keep their distance as it's a carrier.

The Queen was riding in an open carriage with the American Ambassador when one of the horses let out an enormous fart.

The Queen turns to the Ambassador and says "My goodness, I do apologise"

"That's OK Ma'am, I thought it was the horse"

Why does the queen have much more mobility than the king in chess?

Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

Did you know that Brian May, the guitarist from British rockband Queen, has a PhD on Astrophysics?

Yeah, he started his schooling before Queen formed, and achieved his PhD in 2007. One of his dissertations is heavily criticized by the science community though, and it's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.

You see, he thinks that 'Fat Bottomed Girls make the Rockin World go round.'

Why are fire trucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people, and eight plus four is twelve. Twelve inches is a foot, and a foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler, but queen Elizabeth is also a ship, and ships sail the seas, and seas have fish, and fish have fins, and the Fins fought the Russians, Russians are red, and fire trucks are always russhing around

Why did the general contractor insist on hiring a drag queen to install the house's front door?

Because a drag queen always knows how to make an entrance.

I saw Queen play in Eastern Europe around the early 1900s

I believe it was under Prussia

The Queen takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a horse carriage through London.

Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.

Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry! apologizes the embarrassed Queen.

Oh don't worry about it" the Pope replied "If you hadn't said anything, I'd have just thought it was one of the horses!"

Why are british people good at chess?

Because their queen can't die.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the queen nobles jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working queen regal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes