Queen Elizabeth Jokes
31 queen elizabeth jokes and hilarious queen elizabeth puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about queen elizabeth that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Queen Elizabeth jokes are always funny and entertaining. If you are looking for a good laugh, then check out these jokes about the Queen.
Funniest Queen Elizabeth Short Jokes
Short queen elizabeth jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The queen elizabeth humour may include short elizabeth queen jokes also.
- If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.
- Queen Elizabeth II may have made it to 96 before she died... But Princess Diana made it to 120
- King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did. Because the Queen could go any distance but the king can only move one space at a time.
- King Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
- In the UK most people complain about the bad weather... In the UK most people complain about the bad weather, but Queen Elizabeth managed to get through 70 years and 214 days of continuous reign.
- What happens if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip? You die in a car accident in Paris.
- Over 100 Coronavirus cases have been reported on the British Navy's flagship HMS Queen Elizabeth. Other ships in the fleet have been told to keep their distance as it's a carrier.
- what's the difference between queen Elizabeth and Paul walker Paul walker made it to 100 before he died.
- I mailed my maths homework to Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Queen Elizabeth II ...it said to give my answers to 3 significant figures.
- What did renowned Little Shop of Horrors fan, Queen Elizabeth, say to Patrick Stewart at his knighting ceremony? Kneel, Patrick Stewart.
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Queen Elizabeth One Liners
Which queen elizabeth one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with queen elizabeth? I can suggest the ones about queen of england and queen england.
- How does Queen Elizabeth win a game of poker? She goes to the bathroom.
- Why did Queen Elizabeth I suffocate to death? Because she had no heir.
Unearthly Funniest Queen Elizabeth Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about queen elizabeth you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elizabeth name jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make queen elizabeth pranks.
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So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...
... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Queen Elizabeth arrives to Heaven ...
St Peter lets her in and gives her a tour around the heavenly garden.
-Here are all your family members, previous pets and people of historical significance during your reign.
Liz looks around this multitude of people who wave at her, smiling. Suddenly she stops and calls St.Peter aside.
-What the F***?, Diana has a bigger halo than me!! I reigned for decades, saw my country trough wars and depressions and wars again, gave god, freedom and peace to nations all around the world, surely I deserve a bigger halo than her!!
-Your Majesty, that is a steering wheel...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to h**....
Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.
Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a h**...-hole, so it's a local call."
So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity
He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.
Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"
The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"
Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?"
The Queen - "No Vladimir, you need a prince to have a Principality"
Putin - "Then I'm at a loss, what should Russia be"
The Queen - "I think you are quite suited to be a Country, wouldn't you agree"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Queen Elizabeth and dolly parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a d**... bottle and douches herself.
St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.
St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.
Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.
"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."
"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.
"Oh that?" says God, realizing Eve is pointing at Queen Elizabeth. "I don't know, that was there when I got here."
^Just ^a ^joke ^I ^heard ^a ^long ^time ^ago, ^which ^felt ^relevant ^today. ^RIP
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Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi
My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:
Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses f**....
Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.
Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"
Why are fire trucks red?
Because they have eight wheels and four people, and eight plus four is twelve. Twelve inches is a foot, and a foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler, but queen Elizabeth is also a ship, and ships sail the seas, and seas have fish, and fish have fins, and the Fins fought the Russians, Russians are red, and fire trucks are always russhing around
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Duchess kate middleton asks Queen Elizabeth whats the secret for a long life?
Elizabeth : Whatever you do,Kate, just dont leave William for a p**...
Queen Elizabeth and Sir David Attenborough...
Queen Elizabeth and Sir David Attenborough are walking through the gardens at Buckingham Palace, when they come across a sundial in the shade of a tree.
The Queen: Maybe we could move it...
Attenborough: Depends whether you want to know the time or not.
The Queen: Best leave it be then, as a joke. The best jokes are timeless, after all.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Queen Elizabeth dies there will be two days of mourning.
One for the f**... and one for the coronation.
The president of America, the president of Russia, and the Queen of England are playing cards.
Elizabeth the Second lays a full house and sips daintily upon a cup of tea. A Russian agent puts a finger to his ear momentarily and approaches the table with a sleek briefcase, which Putin opens to reveal a marvelous hand. Donald then smiles and shows five trump cards.
my black friend just got denied an interview for a job. they told him straight up they wouldn't hire a black man.
I said in disbelief, "which company was that? we must report them!"
he replied, "It was an audition for the role of Queen Elizabeth"
I just read a post about Queen Elizabeth II, and something struck me as odd...
After spending 65 years on the throne, I suppose she's the most constipated ruler ever.
I went to go see some drag queens tonight.
In the end, they couldn't get Elizabeth off the floor, but it was sure fun to watch them try.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Queen Elizabeth doesn't have one. The Pope has one, yet he does not use it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's is big, and Brad Pitt's is small. What am I talking about?
A last name, you pervs.
A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth.
The queen said today she hopes this serves as a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver.
