The Best 34 Queen Elizabeth Jokes

Queen Elizabeth jokes are always funny and entertaining. If you are looking for a good laugh, then check out these jokes about the Queen.

Top 10 Funniest Queen Elizabeth Jokes and Puns

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely apeshit. So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.

Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a hell-hole, so it's a local call."

So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity

He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.

Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"

The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"

Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?"

The Queen - "No Vladimir, you need a prince to have a Principality"

Putin - "Then I'm at a loss, what should Russia be"

The Queen - "I think you are quite suited to be a Country, wouldn't you agree"

jokes about queen elizabeth

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself.

St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.

St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.


What do you get if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip?

killed in a french tunnel.

Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi

My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:

Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.

Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.

Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"

Over 100 Coronavirus cases have been reported on the British Navy's flagship HMS Queen Elizabeth.

Other ships in the fleet have been told to keep their distance as it's a carrier.

If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened

Noble gases should have no reaction

How does Queen Elizabeth win a game of poker?

She goes to the bathroom.

Why are fire trucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people, and eight plus four is twelve. Twelve inches is a foot, and a foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler, but queen Elizabeth is also a ship, and ships sail the seas, and seas have fish, and fish have fins, and the Fins fought the Russians, Russians are red, and fire trucks are always russhing around

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Queen Elizabeth may have lived to be 102,

but Diana got up to 120 when she died.

Do you know why firetrucks are red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 people.

4+8=12

There are 12 inches in a ruler

Queen Elizabeth is a ruler

There was a ship named Queen Elizabeth

Ships sail on seas

Seas have fish

Fish have fins

People from Finland are Finns

Finland and Russia border each other

Russians are red

Firetrucks are always Russian around

When Queen Elizabeth dies there will be two days of mourning.

One for the funeral and one for the coronation.

Duchess Kate Middleton asks Queen Elizabeth whats the secret for a long life?

Elizabeth : Whatever you do,Kate, just dont leave William for a Paki

Queen Elizabeth and Sir David Attenborough...

Queen Elizabeth and Sir David Attenborough are walking through the gardens at Buckingham Palace, when they come across a sundial in the shade of a tree.

The Queen: Maybe we could move it...
Attenborough: Depends whether you want to know the time or not.
The Queen: Best leave it be then, as a joke. The best jokes are timeless, after all.

Queen Elizabeth may have died at 102 years old

but Princess Diana got to 120 when she died.

I mailed my maths homework to Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Queen Elizabeth II

...it said to give my answers to 3 significant figures.

Why Are Firetrucks Red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 men.

4 + 8 = 12

There are 12 inches in a ruler.

Queen Elizabeth was a ruler.

There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas.

Fish live in the seas.

Fish have fins.

People from Finland are called Fins.

Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago.

Russia has red on its flag.

And that's why they're red.

Cause they're always *russian* around.


Why are firetrucks red?

Because they have eight wheels and four people on them, and four plus eight makes twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and the ship sailed the seas, and there were fish in the seas, and fish have fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and fire trucks are always Russian" around.

The president of America, the president of Russia, and the Queen of England are playing cards.

Elizabeth the Second lays a full house and sips daintily upon a cup of tea. A Russian agent puts a finger to his ear momentarily and approaches the table with a sleek briefcase, which Putin opens to reveal a marvelous hand. Donald then smiles and shows five trump cards.

Why does Queen Elizabeth's toilet do so well in poker games?

Because it's got a royal flush.

Donald Trump is visiting Queen Elizabeth.

Mr Trump turns to Queen Elizabeth and says "I want to be a King."

Liz says "Ahh but you do not have a kingdom."

Don says "What about a prince?"

Liz says "Ahh but you do not have a principality."

Don says "A duke then?"

Liz says "Ahh but you do not have a duchy."

Don asks "Well what can I be?"

Liz says "Well I think a country suits you well."

What did renowned Little Shop of Horrors fan, Queen Elizabeth, say to Patrick Stewart at his knighting ceremony?

Kneel, Patrick Stewart.

I just read a post about Queen Elizabeth II, and something struck me as odd...

After spending 65 years on the throne, I suppose she's the most constipated ruler ever.

my black friend just got denied an interview for a job. they told him straight up they wouldn't hire a black man.

I said in disbelief, "which company was that? we must report them!"

he replied, "It was an audition for the role of Queen Elizabeth"

What do you get when you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip?

You get killed in a car accident.

I went to go see some drag queens tonight.

In the end, they couldn't get Elizabeth off the floor, but it was sure fun to watch them try.

Why does noone laugh when Queen Elizabeth farts?

Coz noble gases have no reactions.


Why does Queen Elizabeth play poker on the toilet?

So she always gets a Royal Flush.

The Queen Elizabeth doesn't have one. The Pope has one, yet he does not use it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's is big, and Brad Pitt's is small. What am I talking about?

A last name, you pervs.

A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth.

The queen said today she hopes this serves as a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a wrong way to polish sterling silver.

Why does no one react when Queen Elizabeth farts?

Because noble gases got no reactions.

Why did Queen Elizabeth I suffocate to death?

Because she had no heir.


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the queen elizabeth queen england jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working queen elizabeth reigning piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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