Quarterback Jokes

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of quarterback jokes. From Tom Brady to Peyton Manning, we've got jokes about all your favorite QBs.

Silly Quarterback Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.


He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.


Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.


"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

Sometimes, like a quarterback, you have to make tough calls.

You want to make a play with the tight end but have to end up throwing to the wide receiver.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

If you s**... for money, you go to jail.

Unless you move to dallas, then you become an NFL quarterback.

jokes about quarterback

Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser?

Because he missed a split-end on a curl.

I was going to be a quarterback for Halloween at work...

...but my boss said we couldn't be anything offensive.

What's the aim of a Jewish football match?

Getting the quarterback.

Quarterback joke, What's the aim of a Jewish football match?

Why did the football coach ask for a refund?

He wanted to get his quarterback.

Why is a NFL Draft better than a vending machine?

You get a Quarterback.

Why did the coach go to Aldi?

To get his quarterback.

What do you get when you mix an insurance company with an NFL quarterback?

An Aflacco

You can explore quarterback touchdown reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quarterback player dad jokes. There are also quarterback puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

The Atlanta quarterback should become a baseball pitcher...

He's great at throwing.

How does a quarterback discipline his kids?

Intentional Grounding

What do you call a footballer with only 6 vertebrae?


Why is going to a football game cheaper than going to a concert?

With the concert, you get to see Nickelback but with the football game, you get to see your quarterback.

Why did the football coach break into the vending machine?

To get his quarterback.

Quarterback joke, Why did the football coach break into the vending machine?

What do you call a white guy who is being chased by 11 black guys?

A quarterback

Why did jews play football?

To get the quarterback!

How did the Catholic priest make one team lose the Superbowl?

He told the quarterback to do 20 hail Marys.

How many Quarterbacks does it take to win the National Championship?

Tua them.

What did the quarterback say to the mountain?

Rush more.

What did the Mexican quarterback get arrested for?


What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarterback!

What does Tom Brady have to do if Giselle gets angry?


The Cleveland Browns gave me change for a vending machine and I still haven't repaid them...

They are really persistent about getting their quarterback

Midget quarterback

Sorry- that's a little offensive.

Quarterback joke, Midget quarterback

What kind of house does a quarterback live in?


My girlfriend was faithful to the end

Unfortunately, I was the quarterback

Why is Jameis Winston a better reciever than quarterback?

Because he always catches assault charges

I wonder how often the defensive line in football makes fun of the other team's quarterback

Or maybe that's just too offencive

I tried to stuff a football into the coin slot on the vending machine...

It just gave me my quarterback.

Did you hear about the football coach who accidentally deposited $100.25 instead of $100 at the bank?

He went to go get his quarterback.

What do aldi and the nfl draft have in common?

They're both places you can get a quarterback

Who's your favorite backup quarterback?

I think his name is Justin Case

Tom Brady is 5 times better than Nickelback

He's a quarterback

You hear about the quarterback who switched teams after being sacked 8 times??

The grass was greener on the other side of defense.

What do you call a person missing 75% of their spine?

A quarterback

What do you call a person with only 25% of their spine?

A quarterback

What do you call a Mexican quarterback?

El Passo.

Yo mama jokes thread

What are some of the best "Yo mama" jokes of recent times?

I'll go first: Yo mama's so s**..., she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Bill Belichick was in my store earlier and whilst I was serving him he said listen, I need a quarterback. Think you could do that for me son?

I said wow, really?! You want me to play in the NFL?

He said No m**..., this drink costs 75c and I gave you a dollar

Do you know the Football player whose missing 75% of his spine?

He's the Quarterback.

(My 2nd joke attempt X\_X)

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the quarterback game puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working quarterback quarterback sack piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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