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Quarterback Jokes

55 quarterback jokes and hilarious quarterback puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about quarterback that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of quarterback jokes. From Tom Brady to Peyton Manning, we've got jokes about all your favorite QBs.

Funniest Quarterback Short Jokes

Short quarterback jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The quarterback humour may include short football player jokes also.

  1. Do you know the football player whose missing 75% of his spine? He's the Quarterback.

    (My 2nd joke attempt X\_X)
  2. I was going to be a quarterback for Halloween at work... ...but my boss said we couldn't be anything offensive.
  3. How many Quarterbacks does it take to win the National Championship? Tua them.
  4. Why do black quarterbacks run the ball so often? Their dads were never around to play catch with them!
  5. You hear about the quarterback who switched teams after being sacked 8 times?? The grass was greener on the other side of defense.
  6. How does a quarterback discipline his kids? Intentional Grounding
  7. Sometimes, like a quarterback, you have to make tough calls. You want to make a play with the tight end but have to end up throwing to the wide receiver.
  8. Why did the coach go back to the bank? To get his quarterback!
  9. What did the Mexican quarterback get arrested for? Tres-passing
  10. What do you call a footballer with only 6 vertebrae? Quarterback.

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Quarterback One Liners

Which quarterback one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with quarterback? I can suggest the ones about quarter end and head coach.

  1. What's the aim of a Jewish football match? Getting the quarterback.
  2. What do you call a person missing 75% of their spine? A quarterback
  3. What do you call a Mexican quarterback? El Passo.
  4. Midget quarterback Sorry- that's a little offensive.
  5. Tom Brady is 5 times better than nickelback He's a quarterback
  6. Why did jews play football? To get the quarterback!
  7. What does Tom Brady have to do if Giselle gets angry? Quarterback
  8. Why did the football coach ask for a refund? He wanted to get his quarterback.
  9. What do you call a person with only 25% of their spine? A quarterback
  10. What do you call a white guy who is being chased by 11 black guys? A quarterback
  11. Why did the football coach break into the vending machine? To get his quarterback.
  12. Who's your favorite backup quarterback? I think his name is Justin Case
  13. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? I want my quarterback!
  14. Why did the football player go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
  15. My girlfriend was faithful to the end Unfortunately, I was the quarterback

Nfl Quarterback Jokes

Here is a list of funny nfl quarterback jokes and even better nfl quarterback puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is a NFL Draft better than a vending machine? You get a Quarterback.
  • What do aldi and the nfl draft have in common? They're both places you can get a quarterback
  • What do you get when you mix an insurance company with an NFL quarterback? An Aflacco
  • Rush Limbaugh wanted to buy an NFL team. His spectacle for him to see black people hit each other while the white quarterback is being protected. Reminds him of the America he loves.
  • If you s**... for money, you go to jail. Unless you move to dallas, then you become an NFL quarterback.

Quarterback Sack Jokes

Here is a list of funny quarterback sack jokes and even better quarterback sack puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why don't the British play American football? All of the Quarterbacks got sacked.
Quarterback joke, Why don't the British play American football?

Silly Quarterback Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about quarterback you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pitcher jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make quarterback pranks.

Last year a guy took his blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Bill Belichick was in my store earlier and whilst I was serving him he said listen, I need a quarterback. Think you could do that for me son?

I said wow, really?! You want me to play in the NFL?
He said No m**..., this drink costs 75c and I gave you a dollar

So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

Johnny was in class one day...

and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have s**... with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."

Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Yo mama jokes thread

What are some of the best "Yo mama" jokes of recent times?
I'll go first: Yo mama's so s**..., she thought a quarterback was a refund.

An offensive joke

A quarterback, a running back, a fullback, a wide receiver, a tight end, a left tackle, a left guard, a center, a right tackle, a right guard, a striker, an attacking midfielder, a left wing skater, a center, a right wing skater, a point guard, a shooting guard, a small forward and a designated hitter all walk into a bar

Yo momma's so s**..., she thought a quarterback was a charity.

Quarterback joke, What do you call a footballer with only 6 vertebrae?

jokes about quarterback