Following is our collection of **funny Quarter jokes**. There are some quarter trimester jokes no one knows (*to tell your friends*) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these **quarter dollar puns** funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one orders a quarter, and the fourth one orders one eighth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says,"you guys should know your limits."

...I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.

...is at a soda machine outside a gas station. A man walks up to her because he sees she has her arms full of soda cans. She put in another quarter, and yet another soda pops out. Another quarter, another can. He finally asked her, "Why do you keep putting money into the machine? I think you have enough." She replied, "I can't help it. I keep winning!"

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.

I took my six year old son to his first football game over the weekend. On our way out I asked him what he thought of the game.

"It was exciting," my son said. "But I don't understand why they fighting so much over twenty-five cents."

"What do you mean?" I asked my son a little confused myself.

"Well," he started to say, "everyone kept yelling 'get the quarter back!'"

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, etc. The bartender pours two beers and says, "Hey, you guys ought to know your limits."

- Why did the Jews wonder in the desert for 40 years? Because somebody dropped a quarter.

- What do you call a black guy with a new bike? A thief.

- Why doesn't Mexico have an oplymics team? Because America already has all of their good runners, swimmers,and climbers.

It's a ten cent stamp, but if you wanna lick it, it's a quarter.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth?

A rake

What do you call 10 Ethiopians carrying a canoe over their heads?

A comb

What do you call an Ethiopian with a club foot?

A gulf club.

Two of my favorites are:

1. "If I had a dollar for every existentialist moment I've ever had...Does money even matter?" - Can't remember the comedian.

2. "If I had a quarter every time a hobo asked me for spare change, I'd still say no" - Bo Burnham

You can explore quarter dime reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean quarter pennies dad jokes. There are also quarter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

To get the quarter back.

A Jewish kid asks his father for 20$. The father responds, "10$, what on earth do you need 5$ for, I'd be happy with 1$, here's a quarter."

Two old people sitting on a park bench. First guy says "hey I just got this new hearing aid. It's great! It's super comfortable, you can't even see it when I'm wearing it and it only cost me $160!"

"Wow, what kind is it?" Asks the other.

"About a quarter to one."

The first one orders a beer, the second one orders a half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and this trend continues on for some time. After a while, the bartender gets fed up and hands them 2 beers, shakes his head and says, "You mathematicians just don't know your limits."

The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer."

The bartender pulls out just two beers.

The mathematicians ask, "That's all you're giving us?"

The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."

Quarter Pound Town.

The first mathematician orders a pint. The second orders half a pint. The third orders a quarter, the fourth orders an eighth, and the fifth orders a sixteenth. The sixth mathematician is about to speak up when the bartender interrupts him and puts two pints on the bar, saying "You guys don't know your limits."

It sounds like a broad curriculum to me.

English is second language.... excuse grammar

My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well

I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny

First asks for a beer, second asks for half a beer, third asks for a quarter of a beer...

Barmen says "Got it, no need to continue" and proceeds to ring up two beers.

At work, my coworker complained of ear pain. He asked me to look for a bump, so I looked.

Then, I said, "oh I know what's causing the pain!" He asked what it was, and I pulled a quarter from his ear..

I should be ashamed.

...but my boss said we couldn't be anything offensive.

When it's down to it's last quarter.

The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"

The first asks for a pint of beer. The second, half a pint, the third an quarter and so on. The barman pours 2 pints of beer and says "know your limits".

"Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"

But you can't do that anymore because there's too many surveillance cameras.

I still wouldn't give him any

...the first one orders a beer.

The second one orders half a beer.

The third one orders a quarter of a beer.

The bartender stops them and pours two full beers.

The infinite hoard is outraged and demands more, to which the bartender responds "C'mon, guys. Know your limits".

The redhead tries to swim home and makes a quarter of the way there, then drowns. The brunette gets a third of the way there, then drowns. The blonde gets halfway there, then gets tired, turns around and swims back.

...and his wife is livid.

You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!

"No," slurs the mathematician...

I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

First one says give me half a pint. Second one says a quarter, third says an eighth. The bartender puts down one pint and says, you people need to know your limits.

Now I have $999,999.75.

The first mathematician asks for a beer.

The second asks for a half a beer.

The third asks for a quarter of a beer and so on with the consecutive mathematicians having half the amount of beer as the mathematician before him.

The bartender says: "I'll just pour you 2 beers, you gotta know your limits!"

Don't need to ask her every quarter of an hour.

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a quarter. The wife decided to make a wish, too but she leaned over too far, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.

The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.

Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.

But to me it's a lot.

..and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.

You're late! she yells. You said you'd be home by 11:45!

Actually, the mathematician replies calmly, I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

The first says, I'll have a beer. The second says, I'll have half a beer. The third says, I'll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.

You stick a quarter to the ceiling

A quarter pounder w/cheese.

A quarter pounder.

The first mathematician orders a pint of beer. The second mathematician orders a half. The third, a quarter pint. There is an infinite line up of Mathematicians.

The bartender fills up two pints and slides it over to the Mathematicians.

Now I have $2,999,999.75.

The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m and his wife is livid.

You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!

"No," slurs the mathematician I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.

I'd have $0.50 and a bunch of counterfeits

It used to cost a quarter but I guess that's inflation for you.

He will give you back 75 cents and say he wasn't sure about what happened to the fourth quarter.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter pint. The bartender interrupts them, You guys need to learn your limits. Two pints, coming right up!

The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, "You guys need to know your limits."

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

Those were the proudest 25 cents I ever donated.

I'm not sure what I would do with the remaining 19,999,999.75

A man flicked a quarter at him, and hit him. When the man asked for his $2 for hitting him the homeless guy replied, "you didn't hit john. This here is David".

One quarter." answered little Johnny.

You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

A mathematician comes home at 3:00 AM and gets a good shouting at from his wife

"You said you'd be home at 11:45, this is so unlike you!

The mathematician calmly responds,"No dear I said I'd be back home at a quarter *of* twelve."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one asks for a pint. The second asks for half a pint. The third asks for a quarter pint. and so on.

The bartender stops them and pours 2 pints and says "Know your limits"

He whispers to the usher "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat and I'll give you a handsome tip". The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers "The wife did it".

The first one orders a beer.

The second one orders half a beer.

The third one orders a quarter of a beer.

The fourth one orders an eighth of a beer.

At this point, the bartender has enough, poors the mathematicians two beers and says: "There you go, split them yourselves."

The first orders a pint. The second orders a half, the third a quarter and so on. The bartender pours 2 pints and says, Figure it out yourselves.

A farmer is in the outhouse, and when he pulls up his pants, a quarter rolls out of his pocket and falls down the hole. He swears and pulls out his wallet and throws down a $5 bill. Later as he's telling his wife about the ordeal, she asks, Wait, why'd you throw in the $5 bill? He replied, Well I wasn't about to go down there for a quarter!

Not sure what I'd do with the other $999,999.75

Now I have $2,999,999.75.

Why do I always have to pay you to be good?Why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"

Now I have $2,999,999.75

I nicknamed it Big Mac but it's really more of a Quarter Pounder.

Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.

Paddy and Mick, have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.

The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and Mick takes his gun and shoots a man.

"What are you doing Mick" said Paddy, "It's only a quarter to eight!"

"That was wee Jimmy, I know where he lives, he would never have made it home in time."

There's the story of an old lady selling pretzels for 25 cents on a corner in New York. Every day a young man passes her at lunchtime and drops a quarter in the cup but doesn't take a pretzel. She never says a word. He does this for three years, until one day he drops the quarter in her cup and she finally speaks. They're 35 cents now.

1. How do mathematician's scold their children?

* If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times …

2. A mathematician wanders back home at 3 A.M. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife. "You're late!" she yells. "You said you'd be home by 11:45!" "Actually," the mathematician replies, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."

3. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I now have $999999.75 left.

The first orders a mug, the second a half, the third a quarter, and so on. The bartender pours them 2 whole mugs and says, "sort it out yourselves."

The first orders a pint of beer. The second half a pint, the third a quarter ad infinitum. The bartender just pours two pints and says "sort it out yourselves."

His wife has been waiting for him and says angrily, "You're late. You said you'd be home at 11:45!"

"Actually," the mathematician replies, "I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

Dad: "Thanks. Call me if there's any change."

The mathematician responds, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of 8."

And that's why they brought out 50 Cent at halftime.

A wish.

I had to say no because I don't trade bitcoins

Nickel-less

Some people blame inflation, but personally, I blame the security cameras.

Now I have $9,999,999.75!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the quarter revenue jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working quarter roll of quarters piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.